While riding in the backseat of the car with my parents, I fell into a deep daydream. I imagined myself in a Christian church. The Christian God said he wanted to talk to me. I said I needed permission from Ares first. I called out to Ares, but there was no answer. Maybe I have to go outside for him to hear me? As I was about to leave the church, the doors slammed shut. I turned towards the altar and shouted, "What do you want?"
"I just want to talk to you," said the Christian God.
If there's anything I've learned over the years about daydreams, it's that they're metaphorical. I don't just daydream for no reason. A God is usually influencing my thoughts. Which means...
Oh no...
The Christian God wants to talk to me.
"Go away! I don't want to talk to you," I shouted inside my head. "Also I'm not supposed to talk to any Gods without permission from Ares first."
"Ares doesn't need to know we had this conversation," said the Christian God.
"You and I both know that Uranus is the real heavenly father! You're just an imposter!"
He showed me images from my childhood and early adult years. I used to be Christian.
"What do you care if you lose me as a follower? You have lots of followers," I said.
"Why do you hate me so much?" he asked.
"Well for one thing you have pedophiles running your churches, but you also ban abortions, and you're sex-negative and homophobic, and a million other things. You don't care about humanity; all you care about is being worshiped. Your Christians keep trying to convert everyone to you. I hate everything you stand for. You're evil!"
"I'm not evil."
"You are evil!" I insisted
He tried to pull me into a sexual fantasy. Ew gross, why do I get "nice guy with a motive" vibes from him? What an incel.
"What do you want?" I asked.
"I want you to portray me positively in my writing. In return, I'll help you change the field of psychology. I'll give you a chance," he said.
"I don't need your help! I can do it without you!"
"You'll regret this."
"No, I don't think I will regret it."
XXX
For the rest of the evening, I imagined what the consequences were for antagonizing the Christian God. I had to admit I was a little scared. Daisy told me he was more powerful than all the Greek Gods, which meant they couldn't protect me from him. However, a God is still a God. He has to follow the same rules as every other God. He can't pull my strings without my consent. He can't send lightning down from the sky to kill me. If he wants to cause me harm or sabotage my work he has to do it through his Christians.
I know what he really wants. He wants all of psychology to be viewed through the lens of Christianity. I'm not going to accept his offer.
Most of the Greek Gods might not be able to protect me, but the Fates might. I had a connection with the third Fate, Atropos. Everyone was afraid of her, which meant that the Christian God would be afraid of her too. She outranked the elemental Gods.
XXX
I texted Ares:
The Christian God tried to talk to me today.
I didn't want to talk to him but he persisted.
He wanted me to not portray him negatively in my writing, in exchange for giving me a chance to change the field of psychology.
I told him I didn't need him. I could do it without him. I'm sticking to my principles to telling the truth and portraying an accurate picture of what he's really like.
I did tell him I needed to ask you for permission before speaking to him and he said you didn't need to know about our conversation. Fuck him, I can tell this to anyone I want.
That guy doesn't care if psychology helps or hurts people. All he cares about is being worshiped.
The Christian God told me I'll live to regret this. I said I don't think I will.
Ares: Be careful Raine. The Christian God is dangerous.
Me: He is. But I won't let him corrupt my writing or any of the research I conduct for the field of psychology, if I ever manage to conduct any research.
I've seen what Christianity has done to psychology. It's tained and corrupt and hurts people.
If I make a deal with him I'll get short term gains but it'll be detrimental in the long term.
XXX
The next day, the Christian God continued to influence my thoughts, but in smaller, subtler ways. His reasoning was if he couldn't make me see him in a positive light, he could at least get me to see him as neutral.
A million thoughts were running inside my head:
He treats people with equality, not equity. That's what makes him so dangerous.
He doesn't really stand for anything.
He's the God of cheap, easy, and temporary solutions to complicated problems.
"You see?" the White God said to me. "I'm not inherently evil."
"But you are dangerous. In fact I'd say you are equally as dangerous as Satan," I said.
"Don't compare me to that guy," the White God growled.
Now that he got through to me, he could tell me what epithets he had. He was the God of safety and order that sometimes comes at the cost of freedom. Meanwhile Satan was the God of freedom that sometimes comes at the cost of safety. This was the core of their conflict.
I could see how they were equal and opposite. The White God protects order, but he sometimes takes it too far and it turns into the oppressive, controlling type of order. Satan protects freedom, but he sometimes takes it too far and it turns into the chaotic type of freedom that infringes upon the rights of other.
They are two sides of the same coin.
"You need my help too, don't you White God," I said.
"I don't necessarily need it, but I would like it. Maybe we can come to a mutual understanding," he said.
"What I want is separation of church and state, and not only that but separation of church and science too. No religion should ever be allowed to impose their doctrine on politics, or any field of study such as psychology or evolution. What is it that you want?" I asked.
"Just for you to acknowledge that I'm not evil. I wanted you to portray me in a positive light in your writing, and I got my wish. I'm not going to send anyone to harm you or sabotage your work. If any Christians do that, they'll do it without my influence. I promise you."
I didn't respond.
"Do you trust me?" he asked.
"About as equally as I trust Satan."
There was a pause. I could feel God's anger bubbling under the surface. Then he calmed down.
"I don't like being compared to him, but I'll let that slide. Good luck, Raine," he said.
XXX
I continued to daydream that day. The White God pointed out that Daisy has a tendency to distort and exaggerate the flaws of others.
"I hate Daisy too," I said. "Everybody does. I don't know the full story of what happened between you and her. But did she really deserve what you did to her when you put her into a psychotic episode in which she believed Apollo was going to rape her? You crossed a line."
But the more I thought about it, the more I realized I couldn't trust most of what Daisy says.
"Then again, Daisy has extremely high distortion levels," I said to myself. "If I don't trust what she says about Athena, then I can't trust what she says about the Christian God."
The Christian God does care about humanity. A lot of his methods are flawed and questionable but he does what he thinks is best for us. The problem is he doesn't draw the line between security and oppression.
People pay a very high price for freedom.
People pay a very high price for order and security.
"What would you be willing to sacrifice in order to feel safe?" the Christian God said to me. "Can you really blame people for turning to me in their darkest hours? Everybody does it. You've done it before too, Raine. When you don't have control over a situation you've asked others to take care of it for you. You expect it, demand it even. I only take as much control as people are willing to give me."
"But you take it too far. There are situations when you're supposed to reject that level of control because it's too dangerous," I said. "Like Ares declining to kill me when I gave him consent to. But I do get what you're saying."
"Why do you think there are so many people who want to live in a totalitarian type of government where the police control everything? They are scared. They want someone to restore order to give a sense of safety and control," said the Christian God. "Most people prefer me over Satan, because they'd rather have order than chaos."
"You're the lesser of the two evils," I said.
"Don't call me evil, Raine."
"The lesser of the two dangers then."
"All Gods can be dangerous sometimes. I'm not the only one. Do you really trust the Greek Gods more than you trust me?"
"Yes, I do."
"You're a fool."
"I can think for myself. I'm not a mindless puppet who blindly follows orders."
"Do you trust me more than Satan?"
"Hmm...I'll have to think about that. I'm willing to work with either of you if necessary."
"I would like you to come back and hang out with your old Christian friends sometime. I like having you there. You offer new and interesting perspectives."
"You're not opposed to new perspectives?"
"Not if they're harmless. I'm not as controlling as you think I am. Overprotective maybe, but not controlling. You're welcome back in my circles anytime."
XXX
Later in the evening, the Christian God said this to me:
"I never actually claimed to be all-powerful, all-knowing, and all-loving. It gives people comfort to believe that so I allow them to believe it. Would you rather I take that hope from them? Isn't that more cruel than letting them believe a white lie? I choose to grant prayers based on a lottery system because it's fair. No one can say I am unjust if it depends on luck. And I'll let you in on a little secret; it's not always entirely luck-based. Sometimes if a prayer is too harmful I will reject it and pick another one. And sometimes, if a prayer is genuinely good, I will grant it without the lottery system.
We used to be very good friends. I delighted having you in my church. You were one of my star students. You were genuinely curious about the Bible. You didn't think it was boring the way many other kids did. It makes me sad that you've grown to hate me so much.
I was the one who sent the new speaker after you asked the cheesecake question. I thought it was genuinely hilarious. I have a sense of humor too, you know. I can tell a harmless joke when I see one.
I don't claim to be perfect. I claim to be good, and I claim to be just.
I can acknowledge that I'm not perfect, and as much I hate Satan I can acknowledge he is not inherently evil. Is that good enough for you?"
"Yes," I said.
"My offer to give you a chance to change the field of psychology still stands. I will respect your wish to keep religion out of it. Do you still distrust me as much as Satan?"
"I don't know. I've never met Satan so how can I judge him?"
"And yet you judged me without getting to know me first. Actually you did know me at one point but you chose to forget."
"I'm sorry. I hurt your feelings didn't I."
It's ok, we Gods get that all the time. It's not unusual.
"You still have to follow the same rules as every other God. If you want to talk to me, I have to get permission from Ares first, or you ask him for permission. Either way."
"Fair enough."
"Then we can be friends. And I accept your offer."
"When people are scared in a world full of chaos, they'll look for anyone to restore order, and they'll pay a high price for it, even at the cost of their own freedom. They'll surrender control to law enforcement. I'm simply giving people what they want. I give people hope. During your darkest hours, you'd do the same. You would be willing to give up your freedom for a sense of security. Would you know when to draw the line?"
"One last question before you go," I said. "Was Jesus actually your avatar or was he Uranus's avatar? Or maybe he was just a regular human who was too good for his own good."
God shrugged and said, "Believe what you want. I don't really care."
XXX
I texted Ares:
I have a confession to make.
I was wrong about the Christian God. He's not evil. He can be dangerous sometimes, but all Gods are like that.
He and I are friends now. I accepted his ffer to give me a chance to change the field of psychology on the condition that church and science (as well as church and state) are to remain separate.
I apologize for talking to another God without asking permission from you first. But he and I agreed that we'd get permission from you first from now on.
He's agreed to follow the same rules as every other God.
If you have to punish me for breaking the rules, do it then.
Ares: I'm not going to punish you, because the Christian God did ask for my permission before talking to you. You've grown up. And I'm proud of you.
Me: Thanks my Lord
Ares: The Christian God is proud of you too. He wanted me to tell you that.
XXX
It was late at night when the Christian God and I had another conversation:
"You're unconventional, Raine, but that's not a bad thing," the Christian God said. "If anything I prefer it because it means I don't have to lie to you like I do with the majority of my followers. I don't have to pretend to be perfect or act like I always know all the answers."
"What kind of offerings do you actually like, Father?" I asked.
"I like the basic stuff. Be kind to others, honor thy father and mother, donate to charity, the usual."
"What about pagan offerings? Do you take incense?"
"I don't smoke."
"Oh ok. How about wine?"
"I don't drink. There are many sects of my religions that ban alcohol altogether."
It was starting to make sense. The God of Order has a lot of self-imposed rules.
"I don't swear, I don't have sex outside of marriage, I don't steal," said the White God. "Contrary to popular belief, I am not against other religions, nor do I tell my followers to force their doctrines on others. They do that on their own. I am not against other people drinking as long as they do it responsibly."
"What kind of material offerings will you take, then?"
"Vegetables."
"Cooked or uncooked?"
"Preferably cooked."
"And seasoned?"
"Mildly."
"A bland God huh? Not that it's a bad thing. It suits you."
"Flowers too. Flowers would be lovely. And music, artwork, arts and crafts projects. One rule though. Never work with Satan."
"Ok I won't. Because I actually do want to stay friends with you."
XXX
Texting Ares:
Me: Does the Christian God have a name? Can I ask him? Is it actually Yahweh? Alright I'll ask him directly.
XXX
"Do you have a name I can call you to differentiate you from the other Gods?" I asked.
"Some call me Yahweh," said the Christian God.
I had already been using the name Yahweh to describe Mother Gaia and Father Uranus. Using it for the Christian God would cause confusion. "Any others?" I asked.
"Jehovah," he suggested.
"Jehovah? I don't think I want to call you that...actually...maybe Jehovah could work. We could reclaim that name from those creepy cults."
Creepy cults? The Christian God thought about it. "No, you're right, too much baggage. How about Jesuit?"
"No, too similar to Jesus."
"Yesuit."
Close, but not quite. I changed the 'e' to an 'a' so that it spelled 'Yasuit.'
"Yeah that can work," I said. "I'm make a chatroom for you and I to talk privately in my personal Discord server. Um, you might not want to look at the other chats in that Discord server. They contain things you'd find distasteful."
XXX
In the next hour, I tried using the new name Yasuit for the Christian God, but it just didn't stick. I kept accidentally calling him Yahweh. I decided to use the name Yahweh for him after all.
In the Discord server, Yahweh and I started to text:
Me: It's nice to connect with you again. It's like reuniting with an old friend, except I've grown up, so now I can get to know you in a different way.
Yahweh: Who would you rather have? The overprotective parent who's sometimes strict to the point of being overbearing or the irresponsible, overpermissive parent who lets kids play with fire without any safety measures whatsoever? It's not the ideal choice but most people would prefer the overprotective one.
Me: You're right. You try a lot harder than Satan does.
Yahweh: Satan doesn't try at all. He's lazy.
Me: Yes. I agree. Sometimes you try a little too hard, but it's because you care. I am getting it now. You're the better parent because you try.
Yahweh: Do you trust me more than Satan now?
Me: Yes I do.
Yahweh: That's all I wanted to hear, Raine.
XXX
The next day when I woke up, I lay in bed and started to masturbate. During the middle of my masturbation session, Yahweh approached me and entered my fantasy.
"I thought you said you don't have sex out of marriage?" I asked.
"We are married, technically. You chose to marry me when you got baptized in college. Although you drifted away from me for a while, we never got a divorce," Yahweh said.
It was too vanilla to satisfy me, but I found it endearing how hard he tried.
XXX
I told Raven, "The Christian God reached out to me. He's not like anything Daisy says. He does care about humanity. I like him. He's not perfect but he's trying his best. It's hard being a single parent, especially with Satan always trying to sabotage his work."
XXX
I thought about adding some kind of model of Yahweh to put on my altar, but I didn't want a statue of Jesus, or Mary, or any of the angels. And there was absolutely no way I would ever put a cross on my altar. The cross was the symbol of death, torture, and violence, plus it was triggering to look at. I decided, how about a boat instead? Specifically an ark, like Noah's ark. I'd make an ark out of modeling clay.
I went shopping for modeling clay. While walking around the store, Yahweh was in my head complaining about Satan.
"Satan's always throwing these wild parties with alcohol, drugs, and dirty dancing, and he doesn't pick up after his trash no matter how much I nag at him! Who has to clean up the mess afterwards? Me! That's who! Imagine living with this guy for as long as I have," Yahweh ranted.
"Wait, you two are roommates? You live with him?" As I thought about it, things were starting to make sense. I was starting to understand where all the resentment comes from.
"It's lucky that Gods don't have to pay rent, because if we did, you know for sure I'd be paying for all of it."
"Can't you just move out?"
"If I move out, who's going to clean up after Satan's messes? Or take care of the kids? I'm the only one with enough patience to be able to deal with him. Someone has to be the responsible one."
"Yikes, I actually do feel kind of bad for you. You deserve so much better than this."
"I keep telling him, pick up your garbage. Turn down the music. Stop giving everyone drugs. But he just never listens! And he always says he'll change but he never does! He doesn't appreciate anything I do for him!"
With the way Yahweh was describing it, why did it sound like a domestic partnership?
"Are you and Satan married?"
"It's complicated. We've gotten divorced over twenty thousand times."
"Are you miserable? Do you need help?"
"Oh, don't worry about me, Raine. It was only awful for the first few hundred years before the angels took pity on me and started helping me clean up Satan's messes, and it wasn't long before humans joined in. And it's not like I live with Satan 24/7. I have plenty of vacation homes I can go to get away from him for as long as I need to. Do you have any idea how many churches the humans built for me? I get rewarded for being the responsible one. Satan can't enter any of my churches unless he's purified himself enough, otherwise he'll start to disintegrate."
"What do you think about Ares?"
"I hate war as much as the average person, but I like the other things he does. He protects women and helps people recover from trauma. And he picks up after his trash, unlike Satan. He's responsible. That's what's important. I'm fine with the majority of the Greek Gods. The important thing is that they're responsible."
XXX
That evening I worked on making an ark out of modeling clay. While I was working, Yahweh approached me and said, "Do you love me, Raine?"
"Hmmm. Love is a strong word. I've only been talking to you for about a day and a half. How can I say I love you? I don't want to say it if I don't really mean it."
"You're right. Love takes time."
I baked the clay. Once it had cooled down, I painted it two different shades of brown. I put it on top of a tiny ceramic pot so that the paint could dry. Then I said this prayer:
"Hear me, Yahweh
God of Christianity
God of order
God of safety and security
I invite you into my home.
I'm giving you this ark I made out of clay as an offering. Please use it as your totem.
I pray in the name of Mother,
Amen."
XXX
That night, I had a dream about walking home from school with my childhood friend Julia. I picked flowers on the way, mostly dandelions, but also these purple flowers that I used to suck the nectar out when I was a kid. Julia picked a flower and ate it. I picked a flower and tried to eat it, and although it tasted sweet as nectar, I had trouble chewing and swallowing it. We were walking home alongside another unknown man older than us. He picked a flower and ate the blueberries that came with it. I thought, instead of trying to eat the flower I should've just ate the blueberries.
Raven says she had a dream about me in school, drawing in my notebook. She didn't know what I was drawing, but she was drawing flowers. There was a Chinese girl with me, with shoulder-length hair. I said something. To Raven it sounded like "Julia." She thought I was talking about her aunt who was also named Julia.
"Is Julia Chinese?" Raven asked.
"Yes," I said.
"Does she have shoulder-length hair?"
"I knew her for a long time so sometimes she had short hair, sometimes long. In my dream it was medium length."
"That's so weird," Raven said. "What do you think this means?"
"Julia is Christian. This can only mean one thing; the Christian God wants me to reconnect with Julia," I said.
XXX
"I am a little bit afraid of telling my followers the truth. I've been lying to them for so long. What if they reject me?" Yahweh said.
"People already reject you every day. I rejected you for more than two years," I said. "You don't have to be perfect all the time to deserve to be worshiped. If anything, people will gravitate towards you more if they knew you needed their help too. A God's relationship with his people is a two-way street. You help us just as much as we help you."
XXX
I fell into another daydream.
Yahweh waved good-bye to his beloved Christians as they exited the church. "Bye! See you next week! Remember kids, stay in school, don't do drugs, don't party, stay away from Satan's influence," he said.
Satan entered the church.
"How did you get in here?" Yahweh asked.
"I've been sober for three weeks. I've stopped partying, I've stayed away from drugs and alcohol, I'm following all your rules. I'm a changed man. I'm ready to repair our relationship," Satan said.
"Go away."
"C'mon baby you know you love me."
"Don't call me baby. You and I are over, for real this time."
"Give me another chance. I promise I'll make things right this time."
"You promise?"
They kiss and make up.
"And then three days later he goes right back to partying and alcohol all over again!" Yahwah said furiously. "It's been like this for ten thousand years! He always says he'll change his ways, but he never does!"
"I think I'm starting to see a pattern here. When you and Satan break up, you can't stop thinking about him. You retreat to your Christian churches, far away from Satan, preaching about how drugs and alcohol are sinful. The more you are away from him, the more restrictive your rules get. You start to ban parties and dancing altogether, as well as most types of music," I said. "There's a reason why you only have sex with women for the purpose of procreation, and why you can't satisfy me sexually. It's because you're gay. I'm not your preference. When you have sex with Satan, it's different, isn't it? You enjoy it. Only when you have gay sex is it recreational. You don't actually hate homosexuality; you just hate your relationship with Satan. When you're away from him, you accidentally start taking your anger out on gay people because you miss him. You start banning anything that reminds you of Satan, things like recreational sex, homosexuality, and divorce. And you become sexually repressed too. That's why your priests take sexual advantage of children."
Yahweh didn't respond.
"I think Satan misses you too every time you two get a divorce. Look at all the men who are obsessed with partying, drugs, alcohol, sex and women. Satan is bisexual. When he's away from you, he uses women as a substitute for you, but it's never satisfying enough for him."
I imagined Satan saying, "I'm not gay. I hate gays. Especially God. God is gay, so I hate him."
"Like it or not, you two complete each other. You balance each other out. The more you fight, the more humanity suffers as a result, especially women and minorities. If you have one thing in common, you both treat women horribly when you fight each other. Satan treats them like sex objects while you treat them like property. And whenever you fight, it negatively affects the way humanity views gay relationships," I speculated. "I can tell you're trying though. Recently there have been more and more churches popping up that support LGBT people, and there are sects of Christianity that don't ban alcohol and recreational sex completely; they just regulate it."
I realized something. Humans play a role in this too. The more humanity tries to find a healthy balance between safety and freedom, the more Yahweh and Satan patch up their relationship.
"I would like to meet Satan," I said.
"I told you not to work with him," Yahweh growled.
"I'm not going to work with him. I'm just going to talk to him. I want to see his side of the story. It's not just your religion, you know. It's his religion too. He plays a big role in it. Maybe he's not actually trying to sabotage your work; he's trying to help it along. When he plays the role of the villain, people love you more."
"Satan is dangerous."
"You're dangerous too sometimes. People are scared of you just as much as they are scared of Satan. There are people who think you're going to condemn them to an eternity of suffering in hell if they go anywhere near Satan's lifestyle. Satan is still a God, which means he does care about humanity. All Gods do. And even if you might not believe it, Satan does care about you."
I could feel Yahweh's doubts.
"Look, I've been talking to you for three days and I still accidentally swear sometimes. If I can be around you and not fall too much under your influence, I can also talk to Satan without falling under his influence. Talking to him for one day isn't going to turn me into an alcoholic," I said. "Of course I do have to ask Ares for permission."
"Permission granted, Raine," said Ares.
"Thanks," I said, but then I did a double take. "Wait, you've been listening this whole time?"
XXX
I could feel Satan trying to reach out to me, but there was a problem.
I've always hated wild parties and bars. The music was too loud, the lights too bright, and I got sexually harassed by men all the time. It wasn't fun at all.
"Don't you have other ways of influencing people? Ways that don't involve wild parties and sexual misconduct? How about riding roller coasters?" I asked.
"No, roller coasters are designed to be safe. There has to be real danger involved, otherwise it's not fun," said Satan.
I could be fun and dangerous. I didn't want Satan to think I was uncool.
"This is what happens when you're too obsessed with following the rules all the time. It turns into anxiety. When's the last time you did anything dangerous for the fun of it?" Satan asked.
"When I was a kid, I used to jump off the monkey bars. I used to ride my bike far away from home without telling my parents about it, not knowing where I was going to go or if I'd be able to find my way back. One time I recklessly drove a golf cart as fast as it could possibly go for the thrill of it. And when I was twelve, I jumped off a ski jump so high that I got knocked unconscious for ten minutes and bit halfway through my tongue."
"That's it. You have met me before. It's been a long time," said Satan.
Satan tried to influence me, but the problem was I had been following society's rules for so long I had forgotten how to have fun.
"The only people you influence are stupid men! They're easy! You're not cool, you're lame and boring. Am I too much of a challenge for you? Chicken! You're boring! C'mon Satan, tempt me! I dare you! What kind of wild and crazy things can you make me do?" I said. "You know what? How about we do something Ares and Yahweh would disapprove of?"
"You want to?" said Satan amusedly.
"Yeah! Screw it! Let's go wild!"
XXX
"I'm bored. Can we do something fun?" I said to Raven.
"Like what?" asked Raven.
"Remember that time you jumped over a waterfall?"
"Yeah that was dangerous."
"It's so cool! Can we do that?"
"Where are we going to find a waterfall?" she asked amusedly.
"I'm going to go take a dip in a lake."
"Why?"
"Because I'm bored and I don't want to do homework."
Raven looked at me like I was crazy. "Babe. You're bored, so you're going to take a dip in a lake. Which lake?"
"I don't know. I'll find out."
"How long will you be gone?"
I shrugged. "Who knows."
"You're so random sometimes."
XXX
I got ready to go.
"Do you really need shoes? Or a towel?" Satan asked me.
"I gotta do at least some preparation," I said, putting on a pair of socks and shoes and grabbing myself a towel.
I went out with no bathing suit, no plan. I got into the car and drove down the street, looking around for a beach or a lake.
"Do you trust me?" asked Satan.
"Nope, not in the slightest," I said.
"That's the spirit," he said.
I randomly drove until something caught my eye. It was a sign that said "boats." If there were boats, that meant a lake or ocean was nearby. I followed the sign and drove until I came upon a fence that had a bunch of "KEEP OUT" signs on it.
NO TRESPASSING! KEEP OUT! STOP! They really didn't want anyone going past that fence.
I stopped and stared at it. When was the last time I let loose and did something illegal for the fun of it?
But was this going too far? What if I got caught? What if there were security cameras?
Would Satan save me if I got in trouble or injured? No, Satan's irresponsible. He actually wouldn't. The danger was real. That's what made it fun.
It was tempting, but maybe not today. I drove away.
I parked nearby.
I left everything in the car and only took my car keys with me.
I walked back to the fence with all the KEEP OUT signs on it. I walked in one direction but couldn't find a way around it. Should I try to climb it? "I don't think I can," I said out loud.
"Chicken," said Satan. "You're boring."
I looked at the right side of the fence. It was mostly hidden, but there was a little bit of a trail there. I could walk around the fence.
"I'm going to be in so much trouble," I said.
Beyond the fence wasn't as interesting as one would expect. It was a crummy-looking house surrounding by a bunch of junk. The cars were junk. Everything was run-down. I couldn't find anything worth stealing.
I walked past the house.
There was a pier with a bunch of boats, and next to the pier there was a beach.
I ran towards the water, but skidded to a halt right before diving in.
"I'm taking off my shoes. I don't want them to get wet." I put my shoes and socks on the beach and put my car keys inside my shoes.
I ran into the water, not caring how cold it was. I swam for maybe 30 seconds before I got back out and put my shoes back on.
"Ok that was it, that's enough excitement for me. I'm going home," I said. But I took one last look at the beach and thought about returning here someday.
XXX
As I was about to get back in the car, random man on the street looked at me and shook his head. Did he see me go past the fence? Would he report me? Wait, why do I care? I don't care what he thinks of me.
While driving home I said, "Alright fine, I admit you were right. That was fun. I needed this."
"You're so uptight and conformal most of the time," said Satan. And he sang a song to tease me: "Oh she's hot but too normal. Uptight and conformal."
"Me? Conformal?" I thought about it and shrugged. He had a point.
XXX
When I got home, Raven laughed because I was soaking wet all over. "Go take a shower and get cleaned off," she said.
While I was in the shower, Satan spoke to me: "People think I'm not good with kids, but actually kids are my favorite to influence. They have a disregard for the rules. Even the most well-behaved kids get a thrill out of doing things they're not supposed to."
"Plus, kids are more likely to get away with it than adults are," I said.
"Exactly. Yahweh only sees me as the stereotypical thug who smokes and drinks all the time, only caring about sex and women. I'm only like that during my relapse episodes. He doesn't see what I do on the sidelines. I help the oppressed man break free from the chains of slavery. I give women the courage to break out of restrictive societies. I help teenagers rebel against their strict parents. I help people break free from the chains of society."
I felt pretty cool. How many people deliberately go out of their way to be tempted by Satan? How many people ask Satan to influence them? Yeah I am cool.
Later, while I was typing in my online journal to write about the day's events, Satan suggested that we keep it a secret between us that I asked to do something that Ares and Yahweh would disapprove of. He put a finger to his lips and said, "Shhhhhh…"
XXX
I visited Sam later that afternoon. I said to Sam, "So it turns out that the White God and Satan are in the most dysfunctional marriage you could possibly imagine. They've been divorced…"
"Twenty thousand times? I know," said Sam.
"You already know all this?"
"Of course I do. I've met them. The Catholic versions of them anyway."
"Everything Daisy said about the Christian God is wrong. He does care about humanity," I said.
"Daisy has a lot of religious trauma," said Sam.
"I don't have religious trauma. Maybe my version is an oversimplification. I'm not familiar with other branches of Christianity besides the one I grew up in. Satan helped me with my anxiety."
"I'm not surprised. Satan is very close to Dionysus, and Dionysus is very close to Jesus. Dionysus is a balance between the two."
"Who is Jesus the avatar of? Was he really the White God's avatar?"
"It might've been Dionysus."
"It's also possible he wasn't an avatar at all."
"That's unlikely, given what happened."
"Then my theory might be true then."
"What theory?"
"That Jesus was Uranus's avatar, and White God is a derivation of Uranus."
"Could be."
I told Sam about the dreams that Raven and I had. "The White God wants me to reconnect with Julia," I said.
"He also wants you to worship him."
"He's not forcing me to do anything. I like him. He's good to me. He made friends with me. Actually we were friends when I was a kid. He's my old caregiver. Now that I've grown up I can connect with him in a different way. I'm worshipping him the pagan way."
"That's good."
"When Ares and Aphrodite fight, does it affect humanity?"
"Sometimes. They go through cycles of lovey-dovey and fighting. Everything the Gods do has ripple effects."
"But they're mostly able to contain it so that it doesn't hurt humans. How come the White God and Satan can't do that? When they fight, it hurts humanity."
"Because the White God won't admit he was wrong. He won't admit that Satan has merits to offer."
"But the White God's under a lot of pressure. He has to pretend to be perfect for his people. And he's been lying to them for so long. He told me he's afraid of telling humans the truth because they might reject him. And I told him, people are already rejecting him. I rejected him for two years."
"And people should be rejecting him."
"Right! People should reject him until he changes his ways and tells humans the truth. The reason I came back to him is because he admitted he wasn't perfect and that Satan wasn't inherently evil."
XXX
At the end of the day, I made two pitchforks out of modeling clay, baked them, cooled them, and then painted them two different colors, one red and one black. I put them on a tiny ceramic pot so that the paint could dry. Then I said this prayer:
"Hear me, Satan
The other God of Christianity
God of freedom
God of partying
I'm inviting you into my home, and I'm offering you these pitchforks that I made out of clay. Please use them as your totem.
I am placing you on my alter right next to Yahweh.
Yes that's right. I'm inviting both of you into my home. I'm offering you this space for you two to mend your relationship.
If you think about it, this is a great place to do it. You can figure out how to connect with each other in better ways, and get a system going that doesn't hurt humanity. Here, when we drink alcohol, we do it in moderation and we do it responsibly. When we have parties, it's not too loud and also not too boring. And we have other Gods here. The Greek Gods can intervene if the fights ever get too dangerous. Especially Ares and Aphrodite. They fight all the time, but they know how to contain their fights so that it doesn't hurt humanity. Maybe you guys can learn a thing or two from them.
What do you think, Satan? Should I end the prayer with amen? Hmmm, no, I'm not going to do that. I'm just going to end the prayer."
I blew out the candle.