We walked into a room that I assumed was mine during my stay here. I looked at Tyler and let out a sigh.
Things were moving fast again. The past five years were at a steady pace, nothing too surprising, but now things are back to moving at a very fast pace, and I'm worried I won't be able to keep up. It felt like I had just started to find my footing, my research progressing steadily, and my life, although not perfect, had a semblance of routine and predictability. The chaos of the past seemed to be a distant memory, but now, it was all rushing back with a force that left me breathless.
The sudden appearance of my mother, the unexpected journey to the Alden mansion, the looming presence of my newly discovered siblings—each new development was a whirlwind, spinning my life out of control. My thoughts raced, struggling to process everything. I had been living in a bubble, focused on my research and the quiet existence I had carved out for myself, and now that bubble had burst, leaving me exposed to a storm of emotions and uncertainties.
The fear of not being able to keep up gnawed at me. I remembered the times when everything was unpredictable, when every day brought new challenges and dangers. The scars of those days were still fresh, hidden under the surface but never truly gone. I had learned to live with a steady rhythm, a pace that allowed me to manage my fears and anxieties. But now, with everything changing so quickly, that rhythm was shattered.
I worried about the unknowns that lay ahead. Meeting my siblings, facing the family I barely knew, dealing with the pressures and expectations that came with my mother's return—each of these thoughts piled on top of the other, creating a heavy weight on my chest. I feared disappointing my mother, failing in my research, and most of all, I feared the shadows of my past catching up to me.
I took a deep breath, trying to calm my racing heart. Tyler sensed my distress and nudged me gently, his presence a small comfort amidst the chaos. I looked into his eyes, drawing strength from the bond we shared. No matter how fast things were moving, I reminded myself that I had faced worse and survived. This was just another storm, and like all storms, it would eventually pass.
But for now, I had to brace myself and keep moving, one step at a time, even if it felt like the ground beneath me was constantly shifting. I had to hold on to the small certainties, like my research and Tyler's companionship, and trust that I could navigate through this tempest, no matter how overwhelming it seemed.
"My lady, let me help you out of that dress," Blair offered. She must still see me as a kid. I nodded and let her do what she wanted to do; it's not like I can say no.
I took a bath and changed. It was nice to not be traveling; the past two weeks were stressful for me, especially now that the Large Worms have started growing.
I lay on the bed to catch my breath. I knew I needed a few days' bed rest after the long trip, but I didn't know how to explain why. I still haven't told anyone that I have Large Worms; they all think I'm studying it because of some childhood passion. I just couldn't bring myself to tell them, and I was worried they'd get angry that I didn't tell them sooner.
"I'll let you rest," Blair said and walked out. Tyler climbed the bed and lay next to me. I put my head on his body and closed my eyes.
…
I opened my eyes slowly and looked around. It was a bit dark, but I could see light was slowly entering the room.
"It's morning already?" I asked myself as I got out of bed. I helped myself to a bath and got dressed. My plans for the day were to eat, do some review on my research, and rest.
The door opened, and Blair walked in. She looked at me with a shocked expression, then her gaze softened as she approached me.
"You're awake already?" she asked, and I nodded. She took the brush I was using to brush my hair and helped me brush it. "I'll bring breakfast for you, then we'll go on a tour around the house," she said, and I nodded. And my plans have changed, again.
…
I walked around the mansion, looking at everything that Blair pointed out. She stopped once in a while to tell me the history behind anything that caught her eyes.
"Since you'll be staying here for a while, you need to remember the layout of the house," she instructed, and I nodded. I already knew most of the places, but I don't think I need to know everywhere. I don't intend to leave my room unless I'm called.
We walked around a while, then she stopped and turned. I just followed after her, confused.
"Madame's children are coming this way. I don't want you to meet them yet," she said, and I nodded. Mother's children, I don't want to meet them either. I don't want siblings, but it's not like I have a choice.
She dropped me in my room and left. I just stood there facing the door. I wish I could just lock myself in my room forever.
"Ty, I have siblings again. I'm scared," I said, turning to look at Tyler. He just stared at me. I don't know if he understands what I just said.
I walked to my table where I dropped most of my books and picked up one. I opened it and went through it. I had more important priorities than being scared.
I looked at the note and sighed. Everything was ready, but I was missing one ingredient that would serve as a catalyst to bring out the efficiency of the drug, but I just couldn't find the ingredient.
I opened my worn-out book of good catalysts and went through it. I tried everything, even the rare ingredients, but none of them gave the exact reaction I needed. Some of them were close, but I couldn't risk close.
"Should I try poison again?" I thought aloud as I looked at it.
I was on a timer; the moment the time was up, I wouldn't be able to treat myself again, so there wasn't time for too much contemplation, and I couldn't rush either.
I hugged my head and looked down. I needed to find a way out, but nothing was working.
I stood up and walked outside to the balcony. The view outside was different from the one in the West. There were other buildings in the distance that were part of the estate but a good distance away, probably for other relatives.
Looking at it got me wondering about what Mother wants to tell me. The Alden family has a lot of history, and it makes me wonder why Mother wanted to hide it from me. Will she tell me why she adopted me even though she has children? I don't want to know. What if it's not good?
Will there be a point in telling me? What if I never find a cure and I die? What if Mother needed me for something and I end up being useless? What if…
My head was flooded with what-ifs; there was no way to answer those questions. I was reaching the end of my line, and there was no hope of a solution.