Bora came back to her senses, her vulnerability lingering like a shadow. She broke off the hug with Su Ki, her eyes avoiding his concerned gaze. The sound of her mother's surprised gasp and In-Ah's sympathetic murmur filled the silence.
cry. In-Ah's eyes locked onto Lee Ahn, her expression a mix of understanding and pity. "She must be under a lot of pressure from you, Lee Ahn," she thought to herself. Lee Ahn's eyes dropped, her heart heavy with guilt. In-Ah was familiar with Lee Ahn ever since their high school days, she knew how Lee Ahn's parents raised her - she had to be at the top of the list of everything she did and that has also reflected in her life through Bora. In-Ah looked at Bora in pity.
In-Ah's eyes were fixated on Lee Ahn. Yes, she was a perfectionist, but she wasn't heartless. Lee Ahn's heart sank when she saw Bora break down in tears. Tears started to fill up her eyes, she wanted to intervene, but Su Ki had already leaped to Bora.
"Bora, gwaenchana (are you alright)?" Su Ki demanded, his hands still grasping her shoulders. His touch sent a shiver down her spine, and she quickly shrugged him off.
Bora was back to her normal self, just that split second of vulnerability made her feel embarrassed and weak, she always kept a straight face and took on things head-on. "I'm fine," she replied, her voice laced with a hint of embarrassment. Her eyes scanned the room, searching for Kenji, but he was nowhere to be found.
Su Ki's confusion was palpable, "She acts like she's bipolar - one minute she's showing me affection, and the next, she's acting twisted." Bora's voice cut through his thoughts, her tone laced with frustration, "where's Kenji?"
"Kenji left already, just right after he saw you tear down." Bora's heart became heavy with guilt after hearing what In-Ah said. Bora's heart sank, her mind racing with thoughts of Kenji's past and his aversion to tears. She remembered his words, "I hate seeing people cry, it reminds me of the pain I felt when I lost my mom."
"He must have felt like it was his fault," Bora said in a low tone. Su Ki, who was dumbfounded by her words, quickly tried to hold onto her again, but this time was met with repulsion.
"Who are you talking about?" Su Ki questioned.
"Amudo (nobody)," Bora replied, "Jalja (Goodnight)," she said, her eyes avoiding his. She turned and climbed the stairs, her heart heavy with guilt and embarrassment.
The sound of her bedroom door closing echoed through the hallway. The soft hum of the bathwater filling the tub caught Bora's attention, and she was lost in her thoughts, just watching the water flow. Bora sank into the warm water, her eyes closed, her mind replaying the events of the evening, "Shibal (gosh)! Why did it have to be Su Ki of all people?....why did I cry?....why couldn't I hold my emotions?.....why did I even overreact? She spent almost one hour in the bathtub asking herself a lot of "whys".
The knock on the door broke the silence, and Bora's eyes snapped open. She quickly lay down on her bed, covering herself with the duvet, pretending to be asleep.
The door creaked open, and Lee Ahn's gentle voice filled the room, "Bora, it's me, I'm coming in." Bora kept her eyes shut, her breathing steady, as her mother sat down beside her.
The room was filled with the sweet scent of paintings, and Lee Ahn's eyes wandered, taking in the vibrant colors and bold brushstrokes. "Wow, I haven't entered this room since we came back, it looks beautiful," she said, her voice filled with genuine admiration.
Bora remained still, her eyes hidden behind her eyelids, as her mother stroked her hair. "I know you're awake, Bora, the lights are still on," Lee Ahn said, her voice soft.
But Bora remained silent, her heart heavy with emotions, her mind racing with thoughts of Kenji, Su Ki, her own vulnerability and how her mother was planning how she lived her own life. The silence hung in the air like a challenge, waiting to be broken.
Lee Ahn's eyes scanned her daughter's face, searching for any sign of response. But Bora's expression remained serene, her eyes shut tight. Lee Ahn's hand continued to stroke her hair, her touch gentle and soothing.
"Bora, I know you're struggling," Lee Ahn said, her voice barely above a whisper. "I know I've been pushing you hard, but it's only because I want the best for you. You have so much potential, and I don't want to see it go to waste."
Bora's eyes flickered open, her gaze meeting her mother's. For a moment, they just stared at each other, the tension between them constant.
"Potential?" Bora repeated, her voice laced with sarcasm. "You mean like how I'm supposed to be the perfect daughter, the perfect student, the perfect everything?"
Lee Ahn's eyes dropped, her face flushing with guilt. "Bora, I didn't mean it like that. I just want you to be happy and successful."
Bora's laughter was bitter. "Happy and successful? You call this happy and successful? Being constantly pushed and prodded, never being good enough? That's not happiness, Mother. That's a prison."
The words hung in the air, and for a moment, Lee Ahn didn't know how to respond. She had always thought she was doing what was best for Bora, but now she was beginning to realize that her daughter felt suffocated by her expectations.
"Bora, I..." Lee Ahn started, but her daughter cut her off.
"Just leave me alone, Mother. Just leave me alone and let me figure out my own life for once."
The silence that followed was deafening, and Lee Ahn knew that she had to respect her daughter's wishes, "you're right, I should allow you to explore even if it's just a little," Lee Ahn sighed, she knew that her daughter was far from ready to take hold of her life, "...but on one condition - if you misuse it, you must do as I say. She stood up, her eyes filling with tears, and quietly left the room.
As the door closed behind her, Bora let out a sigh of relief. She knew she had hurt her mother's feelings, but she couldn't help it. She was tired of being controlled and manipulated, tired of being the perfect daughter.
She threw off the duvet and got out of bed, her mind racing with thoughts of rebellion and independence. She knew it wouldn't be easy, but she was determined to take control of her own life, no matter what it took.
Bora began to pace around her room, her mind racing with thoughts of freedom and self-discovery. She felt like she was suffocating under her mother's expectations, like she was living a life that wasn't hers. She needed a way out, a way to break free from the chains that bound her.
As she paced, her eyes landed on her paintings, her art. That was her escape, her passion. She had always loved to paint, to express herself through colors and brushstrokes. But her mother had never approved and had always pushed her towards more "practical" pursuits.
But now, Bora realized that her art was her key to freedom. She could use it to express herself, to show the world who she really was. She didn't need her mother's approval, she just needed to be true to herself.
With newfound determination, Bora sat down at her easel and began to paint. She went into her art studio, which is a room inside her room, and took out a canvas. The silk touch of the canvas gave satisfaction to Bora's heart, and the smell of paints and colors made her mind travel into dimensions of art she didn't even know existed within her.
She continued making strokes on the canvas, her canvas unwilling to make anything of itself. She remembered a saying from somewhere she couldn't remember, it always helped her while she was in Paris and anytime she wanted to paint but had nothing to paint - "It all starts off as rubbish, nonsense. Just wait, the canvas knows your emotions and will see to it to bring them out for you.
Gradually, the colors flowed from her brush like a river, vibrant hues and bold brushstrokes made the painting come alive. Making trees and mountains from the mist green colors and a purple skyline like she saw during her last evening in Paris. She lost herself in the process and forgot about her mother and her expectations.
As the night wore on, Bora created something beautiful, something that was truly hers. She stepped back from the canvas, her eyes shining with tears.
"I did it," she whispered to herself. "I'm finally free."
The next morning, Bora headed back to her dorm room in Jukheon and showed her painting to her roommates - On Dam and Jo Jo, her heart pounding in her chest. She was nervous, but she knew she had to share her art with someone.
Jo Jo's eyes widened as she took in the colors and the emotions. Her eyes sparkled with excitement. "Bora, this is amazing," she said, her voice full of genuine admiration. "You're so talented."
Bora's heart swelled with pride. "Thanks," she said, her voice barely above a whisper. "It means a lot to me."
Jo Jo looked at her, her eyes serious. "Bora, what's wrong?"
" I know your mother can be tough sometimes. But you have to remember that she loves you, she just wants the best for you." On Dam said, her tone filled with genuine concern.
"Eottheoge (how did you know)?" Bora asked.
"Su Ki called me around quarter to eleven last night and told me that you were feeling down, and I should call you, which I did, but you didn't pick up. I called Su Ki back and asked what happened, and he told me."
"What did he tell you?" Bora asked, her speech short.
"What I needed to know. Bora, Eoma (your mother) is trying, you're her only child, she just wants what is best for you."
Bora nodded, her eyes filling with tears. "I know, On Dam. But sometimes, the best thing for me is to just be myself, to follow my own path. You're lucky, your parents aren't like mine, especially our mothers. They're different."
On Dam smiled, his eyes crinkling at the corners. "I get it, Bora. And I'm here for you, no matter what." Her voice was laced with assurance.
Jo Jo, who was lost in her conversation, snapped back to the moment, "Where are we going to hand this painting? It's for sure going to add to the beauty of our room."
"There," On Dam pointed at a space in the wall. She looked back at Bora and felt a surge of energy run through her veins, "she's going through a lot," On Dam said to herself. She walked towards Bora and abruptly drew her in for a tight hug, Jo Jo didn't want to be left out, so she joined the hug.
The three talked and jested into the night, their laughter subsequently erupting like a troubled volcano. Bora felt a surge of gratitude towards her friends.
But as much as she was trying to subdue the feeling, she wondered if she was truly free from her mother's expectations.