"We have been chatting with Ell and I love her, the late-night calls, I get to know her more." I find myself telling Will. We were hanging out at our local bar stop drinking beer.
"Late-night calls, huh!"
"Get me straight I'm not in love with her, not lust, but I just love her," I continue not knowing where this conversation was headed. I needed to put it out there and maybe I would find the answers am looking for to questions I don't know yet, a different perspective.
"The way you love me?" I knew this fool could have answered anything and I got exasperated
"No, yes, no, probably? No; but a different kind of?" this was difficult, even though I didn't know my own emotions or feelings.
"Give him a break." Isa joins us. Finally voice of reason. Will was having fun at my expense.
"What?" He says as he tries to snake his hand around Isa's waist, Isa slaps his hand away and sits down on the empty chair.
I didn't know she was joining us, this is a bonus. The good thing is that the couple isn't; I couldn't take any more of Vicky's grilling every time. Her say being; 'give me the tea,' she doesn't get the notice that I am not serving any. Am not Will who parades all his conquest and lays everything out, besides there was nothing to tell.
"What you are feeling is affection towards her," Isa says softly.
"Yeah, you could say that."
There was something else that attracted me to her, and I couldn't put a finger on it. Lately, I've come to appreciate our late-night calls more. It's during these calls that I feel like I'm getting to know her better, and I'm really enjoying the connection we're building. What I feel about coming to B may not fit into traditional definitions of romantic love or lust, it is different; unique, and special in its own way, and I find myself wanting to explore more of that.
"Is that what you feeling, affection?" Will mocks.
"Maybe."
"My say is, why don't you have sex and be done with it, the girl worships you."
"We are past that stage."
I don't think she would want to have sex with me after our first encounter. I bet she feels embarrassed or something is withholding her back. We didn't really have a conversation about the whole night. We just talked to hash things out and that was that. We didn't dwell on it and that was the last time we talked about it. None of us brought it up again after that, despite having numerous productive conversations.
"Dude, you didn't perform."
"What is this clown saying?" and that erupted a burst of laughter out of Will, he was enjoying himself too much
"No, we aren't going to talk about my manhood, and what I can and can't do."
"That's it then, you didn't fit right."
"She passed out for Christ's sake!"
"She has seen better, or else she couldn't, and maybe she pretended to fall asleep. Girls do that. I am I right, Isa?"
Isa ignored him. The amount of liquor in our systems that night and mixing a bunch of unknown party flavors can leave a person disoriented. I had my inhibitions; I couldn't just lay with her. I didn't want to jump her bones, as I normally do to girls so pretty. I did withhold myself; the urge to have a piece of her, taste her; I could have done that so easily that night, she was serving herself on a platter, and with Vicky's help, the deal could have been sealed.
"I don't want to just sleep with her."
"What do you want with her?"
"I don't know what I want with her, from her."
"There you got my answer, try to get her to sleep with you, and, bang! you get your answer after that."
"Are you sexually frustrated?" Isa asked Will.
The question was rhetorical, we both know Will gets laid more than the power couple.
"When last did you get laid?" he asks me instead.
"Will, please fuck off."
"We are trying to find a solution here," he says with glee.
"To Rick's problem, I have provided an easy way out, and you guys can't see it."
I couldn't explain the feelings am experiencing, and maybe Will was right. Reaping the band-aid off and dealing with the consequences later on; they may be dire but maybe I would have found my answer.
"What of the other girl?" Isa asks.
"What girl?" Will asks, he probably doesn't remember.
"The girl you were eying."
"I eye a lot of ladies, in fact; my eyes are just meant for them."
"What was her name?"
"Ell."
"Oh! The beautiful Ell. How is she? How are the two of you doing? Did you hit it off? Will inquires.
"Well, Ell is cool for me."
"She hasn't replied yet?" Isa was astonished.
"She probably gave a wrong number, my man."
"Nah, I doubt it."
"You sure."
I am certain she didn't give a false number. She called me from her phone to confirm the number, how could it be wrong? And that's what has been troubling me. I didn't ask for her number; she gave it to me, so why go Awol or ignore me?
"After some research, I found out she is a media personnel," I say slowly, defeated.
"An influencer?"
"Nah, she works for 'The National Radio.'
"Oh yeah!"
"Yeah, and she hosts her own podcast show; she has millions of followers.
"Damn!" that was Isa, she sees my point.
I feel I have no chance to come to her; even though we did vibe, I guess she is used to vibing with people as part of her job that she finds it easy. I was such a fool.
"Man. This is it, Bev is your girl. Forget about the big shot and concentrate on someone who shows you affection and with whom you're in the same league."
"Is that your take, I can't be with Ell?"
"The people she rolls out with, dude, stop lying to yourself and giving yourself a headache for nothing. Lay back and take a ride with Ell."
"She is fun and fine." I say lost in thought.
"Yeah." Isa and Will both respond.
"By the way, if she was not into you, she could be mine."
"We know," we both say, " we know Will," Isa adds up.
"Well, text the girl and invite her over, top being a pussy and tap that pussy!" That made us laugh.
As the evening was winding up, I had not come to a decision yet, but I had resolved the matter of over-texting Ell. I was giving my energy and concentration on B and seeing where that goes.