Home.
It was a word Ai had no use for, for she never knew "home". Orphaned at a young age and adopted by the Tea House; hundreds of women became her mother, for moments, for days, never forever. She was raised in these glass walls, on these marble floors she learnt how to walk, how to dance, how to seduce with her gait. Within these rooms, she had learnt how to talk, how to recite poetry, how to sing like the skylark. Everything she was, was because of this place, the Tea House; it defined her and it was, as much as she could not understand the term, home.
She even had her own room here, her own fountain room, her own balcony. Was any of it…hers? Did anything really belong to her? Clothes, jewelry, books that she had been given all disappeared when they had served their purpose; she never wore the same dress twice, nor the same gems and she never needed to read a book twice. As a commodity herself, as an object of value, to be exchanged and sold, how could she ever own anything?
The young courtesan sat now, on her swing that hung in her balcony. Knees drawn up to her chest, dressed in a simple white nightshirt that came to just above her knees with plain silver anklets tied to her feet for she could not be without them. She had not worn a veil on her head in days; what was the need? No makeup, which was unusual practice considering that at the palace she had had to wear it every day.
But she was not at the palace, she was back, alone and silent, on her swing, letting the breeze of Sunagakure gently rock her back and forth in the light of the sunrise.
The heat of the desert was filling the air around her but it felt so far away. Ever since leaving the palace, everything she experienced seemed distant; conversations sounded like the last echo in a valley, colour faded and surrendered to monochrome, emotions, once a deep ocean of swirling chaos, now felt like the irritating drip of a tap in a nearby room.
Miko, her friend, along with other girls of the Tea House, had come to her room yesterday evening and, in an attempt to alleviate her melancholy, they had steamed her hair with fragrance of the jasmine flower. She could smell it now, the blossom jasmine on the wind and she frowned with remembrance; the dancers had sat Ai at her ancient, glass dressing table and ran a brush through her long silken hair. They had talked and sang around her as she remained quiet, staring into nothingness. She had not even noticed Miko kiss her head and say goodnight, or the other girls giggle and ask her how Gaara was as a lover.
At the thought of him, Ai shut her eyes tightly; she wanted to be rid of him. That wretched, wretched, boy! He had a hold on her like none she had ever known; Ai could think of nothing but the beauty of his face, the caress of his voice, the lick of heat that flickered inside of her when they had kissed.
"No!" She shouted, held her legs tight to her chest and buried her face into her knees. "Leave me alone." She whispered as she rocked, "leave me alone."
Days without him were long, they had passed with moonless nights and she had survived through them on heavy sighs. What had happened that night, the night she kissed the Kazekage, had exhausted and terrified her. The girl was put through severe emotional and physical stress, more than her sensei had anticipated and so, in what Megumi thought was an act of kindness, she had forbidden Ai from entering the palace and from seeing the Kazekage again.
Megumi had no idea what was going on inside the girl's head for even Ai could not understand it. She tore at Gaara when he was around her, like a child pinching and pulling at the hair of another, she teased him and complained about him and challenged him. So why on Earth had Ai taken their separation with such vivacious heartbreak? One moment Ai was screaming not to be in the same room as the young Kazekage and the next moment she was screaming at those who pulled them apart.
Teacher and student had not spoken in days because of this. Because of what happened that night.
~Flashback: The moments following Ai being escorted out of the sickbay~
The ninja let go of Ai once she was out of the room and, without thinking, she tried to re-enter but Megumi grabbed her arm, she turned to her teacher.
"I have to tell them that the Kazekage did not cause me any harm-"
"Do not forget yourself, Ai." Megumi commanded and spoke louder when Ai opened her mouth to retaliate; "you are first and foremost a courtesan of the Tea House; do not treat shinobi as though they are your kin." Megumi knew Ai held nothing but disdain for authority that was grounded simply in tradition; the regulations put in place by the treatise between the courtesans and the shinobi were meaningless to her. Like a sea of endless commands and rules; Ai felt swallowed by her ties to the courtesans; she lowered her gaze to the floor and began breathing heavily. "Ai?" Megumi spoke with all the authority an elder courtesan had. Slowly, Ai raised her head to face her teacher.
Her usually serene and delicate face was screwed up in frustration and her eyes flashed red. She opened her mouth to speak but as she glanced around she saw the way everyone outside the room was looking at her. They had eyebrows raised, looks of panic and worry; they were looking at her as though she were mad. "Take a moment, my dear." Megumi spoke softly and put a hand on Ai's shoulder. Ai, still frustrated, looked back at the older woman in alarm; why had she suddenly changed her tone? "Close your eyes, take a breath." Her teacher instructed and Ai rolled her eyes; Megumi's old trick for making her calm down. Her sensei would often employ this tactic when Ai was a child and began to throw tantrums. It usually worked but as a result, Ai's childhood temper was soon replaced by a bad habit of talking back.
In spite of her indignation, Ai complied begrudgingly, if only to make the stares stop. As her eyes closed, she could already feel herself calming down; the anger of being parted from him began to ebb away and her breathing became shallower. "Come, girls." She heard Megumi say and Ai stood in line with her fellow dancers and began to walk with them.
Their anklets tinkled in unison as they walked, in line, in perfect time, like an army, through the palace. There were whispers and giggles spinning around Ai but she could not hear them nor respond to them, her mind was alive with thoughts of him and the demon and the tension she had created between courtesan and shinobi; she knew she was to pay a dear price for what she had done. Ai had stepped into a world unknown with blind faith that they would see nothing wrong in her actions. She saw no sense in what anyone older than her did; she was trying to protect the Kazekage! And instead they treated her as though she were nothing.
Such was the life of a courtesan. Such was her life.
"Leave us." Ai, who had been so lost in her thoughts, looked up suddenly to find that Megumi had brought them all into what looked like a library; oil lamps offered dim light to see the rows of books and scrolls that littered desks. The other girls around Ai, including her friend Miko, disappeared as quickly as shadows drowned in candlelight. A strong wind howled in the distance, shaking the shutters of the windows in the library, the oil lamps flickered and glittered as Ai glanced around the room in a haze of tired confusion, waiting for the inevitable scolding.
Megumi took a few steps to the middle of the room and turned to her student. "Before I ask you to inform me of what happened on the shore, I will warn you, Ai; do not forget the value you owe to the Tea House. Do not forget that you are a courtesan. If you wish to be a whore, I will happily find you a brothel to retreat to." Startled, Ai shook her head and took a step forwards.
"A whore?" She tilted her head in confusion; "I haven't even slept with him-"
"Haven't?" Megumi interrupted as Ai stood, completely dumfounded about what was happening here. "Apostrophes are reserved for the lay-man, Ai." Her teacher spat out the words as though they were venom. "Punctuation that breaks up prose is the language of whores." Ai actually smiled at hearing this; a sick smile of utter disbelief.
"Apostrophes?!" Ai breathed. "The Kazekage is in pain because of me." She pointed to the door, back in the direction of the hospital and shook her head; why were elders so shamelessly petty? "Gaara is hurting. And yet you wish to give me a lesson in punctuation?" The two women stood opposite each other, the bond they had taken years to nurture was now bending, ready to snap, for they could not understand one another. Both were blinded; the elder by power, societal recognition and culture whilst Ai…well, even she was not sure what it was that had a hold on her. Upon hearing her speak, Megumi almost retreated into herself; she lowered her voice and raised an eyebrow. In a whisper, she voiced a fear:
"What is he to you besides financial and social stability?" As Megumi spoke, Ai grew tired of her old fashioned attitude and stood to her full height.
"He is a human being!" She cried.
"Ai!" Megumi stopped her student with a single utterance of her name as the harsh winds of the desert shattered against the windows. "Fish in dark waters can have no relationship with birds in bright skies." Megumi stood forwards, glittering in silver and diamonds. Ai did not back down, her eyes shone with tears of frustration.
"And yet our planet has some relation to stars, men have some relation to Gods!"
"That is not how women of the Tea House are raised!"
"Then perhaps it is time for revolt!" And with the last word, Ai ran from her teacher for the second time that night; she turned on her heel, pushed the doors of the library open and ran out into the palace.
Ai ran to the palace entrance and looked around for some means of escape. She heard it before she saw it; the shuffling of hooves and her eyes narrowed on a carriage that had drawn up outside the palace gates. She walked over hurriedly, glancing up at the sky where the stars were fading to give way to the daytime. Her frustration did not care for the cold that Sunagakure felt before the dawn; she marched on to the carriage and approached the driver, a stout man who stood to attention, instantly recognizing her as a Tea House dancer.
"Where to, ma'am?" He asked and she stole a quick glance back at the palace steps to see Megumi walk out and stop to watch her. Ai turned back to the driver.
"The Tea House." She instructed and went to the doors of the carriage.
"Payment?" His question called her back and she turned to him. Holding up her wrist, Ai removed a single gold bangle.
"Here," she muttered absent-mindedly and threw it to him. "It is pure gold." She was about to turn away when a hand that did not belong to the driver, caught her bangle as it shot through the air. A man, perhaps a few years older than herself, walked out into the first light of the day and appraised her. Ai shot him a quick glance and knew him immediately; chiseled features, dark hair and eyes, dressed as though ready for a banquet- he was royalty. His eyes were a dark shade of blue and Ai took a fraction of a step back as they looked her up and down.
"Payment is not necessary." He spoke in a husky, tired voice; he had clearly traveled a long while to get to the palace in the middle of the night. "This is my carriage," he informed her and Ai, feeling slightly sheepish that her frustration had blinded her to the point of stealing from the royal, cast her eyes downwards in respect and bowed. "You may take it wherever you please." Ai raised herself up again and let her eyes flick up to him in the last moment; she knew his stare, that hungry, powerful glance that men of royalty have. "Perhaps, your bangle would be best traded for shoes." Cursing herself, Ai realized she had left her shoes on the beach and tried to regain some of the power in the conversation:
"Perhaps, Prince, your gaze could wander elsewhere?" She said sweetly but with a look that could kill.
The man took a few steps forward and smiled; he could see that she was intimidated. Ai felt vulnerable; she did not have her usual flawless appearance, she was not wearing shoes, she had her guard down. The usually quick-witted courtesan was not prepared for a battle of words after the night she had had. He came close to her and held up her bangle for her to retrieve.
"Forgive the trespasses of my eyes, dear one," he whispered; "they are but slaves to your beauty." Ai was at a loss for words; he was…charming. Her world had been thrown into such chaos in these few hours that she had forgotten the pleasure of flirtation. His rugged features, those dark eyes, made her forget her reason for leaving the palace but slowly, she raised a hand to take her bangle back. He leant in a little further and saw the way the girl's eyes glazed over dreamily as he whispered: "payment is taken in the glances I may steal at you." He moved back and Ai retreated with a small smile. A servant opened the carriage door and she took a step towards it. With a nod of her head she thanked him.
"Goodnight, Prince."
The boy, who was indeed a prince, kept his eyes locked on her as she got into his carriage. The servant was about to close the door but the prince commanded him to leave and instead shut the door behind Ai for her. He looked up at that blue eyed girl as though she fascinated him; he had never seen anyone so entirely lovely in all his life. Their eyes did not part from one another.
"Until we meet again." He said and the carriage moved off. He stood, watching, and did not even turn as he heard the footsteps of someone approach him. "How is it moonlight walks the Earth, Megumi-sama?" He asked dreamily. Megumi looked to him and shook her head.
"No, Prince, there walks Vanity."
~End flashback, Ai's room~
Ai's thoughts were interrupted by a knock on her door.
~ The Palace ~
"You called for me, Gaara-sama?" Looking up, the Kazekage saw Matsuri pop her head around his office door with a look of concern. He inwardly groaned; that pathetic look of pity had been haunting him for days. His family and close friends had taken to tilting their heads at him in worry following him losing control at the beach. How tiresome.
"Yes, come in and sit down." He spoke sternly, remembering the days when losing control meant people would cower in fear; that's how Gaara preferred things. None of this mollycoddling or safeguarding existed when he let himself fall under Shukaku's will. "I wish to talk with you."
"To talk," Matsuri murmured uncertainly and went to sit down in front of his desk, "…with me?" She sat upright, her hands on her knees, her cheeks pink. She glanced up at him quickly and blushed furiously; the young Kazekage had a rogue-like reputation among her class. Handsome and talented, Gaara unwillingly, unknowingly left a trail of broken hearts as he showed no interest in any of them.
"Yes," Matsuri leant forwards in interest; the Kazekage was known for being a very reserved, contemplative young shinobi, an invitation to conversation was the last thing she had expected. Gaara looked her up and down, wondering if he dared speak what was on his mind. She was his first student and the closest stranger he had ever known; one of the first people to acknowledge him as anything but a monster, he trusted her. Gaara lifted a hand to the papers on his desk and Matsuri raised an eyebrow at him as he looked like he was simply reading them. Eventually the Kazekage began to fiddle with the corner of the paper and she could see, from the way his back stiffened and the furrow in his brow that he was regretting his decision to speak with her. But why? What thoughts had he been so lost in these few days? His student was on the edge of her seat, begging to know. "How do you feel," Matsuri leant in further for her teacher was speaking barely above a whisper, "when I look at you?" The young girl jerked in surprise as those shockingly-blue eyes flashed up at her intently. Her eyes widened and she opened her mouth to speak but no sound issued from her. The Kazekage leant forwards, noticing her abrupt reaction, "are you alright?" Matsuri nodded slowly, barely blinking. "Would you like some water?" She nodded again as Gaara indicated with a nod to the glass on his desk.
Matsuri reached out and grabbed the glass with both of her hands for fear that under his merciless gaze she would become weak. Gaara sat in silence for a full minute as Matsuri drained the glass in one gulp as though trying to decrease her body temperature; why was it, whenever he spoke to these girls, they would act as though they had never spoken to anyone in their entire lives? It was infuriating. The Kazekage knew full well that a few of his students found him attractive but their behavior truly baffled him sometimes.
"Could you just," Matsuri began after a few deep breaths, "ask me that again?" Perhaps she had misheard.
"How do you feel when I look at you?" The Kazekage asked again and with a little more of a growl in his voice.
"I feel," she glanced up at him and turned red before looking into the glass in her hands, "my heart stopping." Matsuri gave a small smile and pushed her hair behind her ear. Gaara nodded slowly.
"How do you feel when I speak with you?" As the Kazekage asked her this, the girl looked up with a broad smile.
"Honored, Gaara-sama!"
"Do you fear me?" Gaara stood from his desk quickly and Matsuri looked up at him with eyes full of sadness; how could she ever fear him?
"No!" She said defiantly with a shake of her head. As Gaara walked towards her, he saw her shift backwards in her seat as though terrified that he was coming closer to her.
"Would you ever dare challenge me?" He asked and came to stand beside her. Matsuri turned her head to him.
"Never!" She looked up at him and gulped. He was eyeing her with curiosity. With an interest he had never shown in her before. Her eyes glassed over as he leant down to her.
"Matsuri?"
"Yes?" Was she speaking, she didn't know; she could barely feel anything anymore given that the Kazekage was mere inches from her face.
"How do you feel when I touch you?" Gaara put a hand to the side of her face and watched as Matsuri's glazed over expression became redder…and redder…until-
"Gaara-sama!" The shrill squeal that issued from Matsuri made even Shukaku wake up and cover his ears in annoyance. Gaara stood bolt upright and covered his ears with his hands, watching as Matsuri jumped up to him, clasped her hands in front of her and closed her eyes. "You're my teacher, it' would be so forbidden-"
"I was only asking a question." Gaara proceeded to fold his arms but his utterance went unnoticed by Matsuri who stood on shaking legs and slowly backed away to the door.
"No, no, no," she muttered, "this is a dream. This cannot be real. I don't even have any make up on…"
"Matsuri-" But upon hearing the Kazekage say her name she squealed again, opened his office door and ran out. Gaara stood, dumbfounded, completely in the dark about what insanity had just occurred, as his brother and sister walked in. Both his siblings raised eyebrows at Matsuri as she ran past them.
"You know, if scaring girls were part of the job description for being a Kazekage, you would be doing very well, little brother." Kankuro smiled as he walked into the room, Temari followed, shaking her head.
"Gaara," she spoke softly, placing her hands on her hips, "the council wants you to know that the welcoming banquet for the royal is tonight." Her younger brother nodded as he took a seat at his desk. "And the Tea House has been invited as per Baki's request." She said through gritted teeth. She watched her brother, aware of how he changed when she said this; Gaara had leant forward to inspect some work but upon hearing this news he clasped his hands together and sat as though in deep contemplation. "We must maintain adequate relations with them; the Tea House knows too much for us to estrange them." He nodded and Temari, who looked like she wanted to say more, stopped herself and showed herself out. Kankuro went to follow her and before he shut the door, he cocked his head back to Gaara.
"Ai will be there." Either the Kazekage did not hear or did not acknowledge what Kankuro had said for Gaara kept his gaze lowered as though he had gone back to work. Kankuro sighed; what a strange and twisting relationship Gaara and Ai had, one moment they were at each other's throats, the next they became misery when pulled apart. He followed Temari into the hallway. Kankuro had heard from other courtesans around the dinner table, as they clung to the arms of his brother's council, about how Ai had shut herself away upon being told she was not allowed near the young Kazekage. They had such a hold over one another and Knakuro could not help but think that, as was inevitable with Gaara, they were all witnessing a love story that would inevitable end in tragedy. Death followed Gaara like a shadow and Kankuro could not bear the thought of his brother falling for someone, only to have it end in heartbreak.
Back in the Kazekage's office, an aquamarine was catching the light of an afternoon sun. Twirling it around in his fingers, Gaara was spirited away to his last moments with her. In truth, the last thing he could remember was her kneeling before him, ready to do something near-sinful. It flooded him with an emotion unlike any he knew; it was almost as though he wanted to feel her shudder and writhe at his mercy, like his enemies years ago. The Kazekage's brow furrowed. No, it wasn't like that dark murderous intent he felt back then. It was different. But how? Gaara could not name it but he knew one thing; he wanted her.
He thought back to barely a few moments ago when Matsuri had been in the room. Gaara knew she wanted him, she had made it clear many times through her blushing and barely-suppressed, overly-enthusiastic support for him as Kazekage. Gaara may come across distant, disinterested and, some had said, naïve, but he wasn't an idiot. He knew Matsuri was a girl, willing to do anything and everything for him, but when he looked at her…it was not the same.
He had asked her how she felt when the Kazekage looked at her….Matsuri had said that her heart stopped. Did he do that to Ai? He could not tell. When he spoke to Ai, he almost, almost, smiled at the thought of it; she looked disinterested, as though she had better things to do. Ai was mischievous and, was the word flirtatious? She knew exactly what to do to irritate him, to stir his curiosity, to make him die in the heat of want.
Matsuri did not fear him either. Was she mad? The Kazekage had the power to kill her without even moving. Ai, on the other hand, had the smirk wiped from her face out of fearing him. It was….delicious. Irresistible to him, to the old Gaara, the younger, more devilish, blood-thirsty Gaara who had not emerged for years. She brought out that side of him when she merely bit her bottom lip in worry of what he might do to her.
His student had also said that she would never challenge him. He sighed; all his relationship was with Ai was an irritating battle of wits. The girl practically reveled in unnerving him! As though she were designed solely to rile him; she recited riddles and poetry and quips and rhetoric full of nothing but torment for him….
How did Ai feel when he touched her?
The part of Gaara that was waking up, the part hungry for her, was dying to know this. To hear, from her lips, a gasp, a sigh of gratification. To see her beautiful face screw up in pain and frustration and beg for him was all he wanted.
That moon-like girl had a hold of him. And the Kazekage knew it. He even knew that word that explained this dark, sinful feeling:
Lust.