The room was dark with only the TV and computer in it being a source of light, a dim source at that. The room was filthy and barely kept up in cleanliness, the walls screamed with stains and hints of mold on the corners of the walls. The floor covered in crumbs and trash from unhealthy snacks and drinks, not a single one close to keeping any form of nutrition.
Nothing in the room had a hint of care into it, it was a box of desperation that even the happiest go lucky person would run out screaming within a second of stepping in. The occupant inside of the room was watching the same anime again while eating instant ramen in a cup. He watched this series three times now, he didn't feel excited or joy in watching anymore, just emptiness. Something to pass the time since he had nothing else to do. The laptop next to the TV was not even turned off, it was still showing the screen for the game he played earlier, his source of income since he wouldn't leave his room now without feeling anxiety and fear of going out after the events that happened in his life.
The occupant who owned the depressing room was a 19-year-old hikikomori, he had no real skills worth getting a high paying job, had a short, lanky body with long unkempt hair down to his back. His body was so skinny and sunk in his cheekbones could be seen on his face. He was a brilliant student before who dedicated his youth to studies to be a successful citizen in his country but not at this point in his life he was a loser who failed to live up to anything worth a yen coin to mention.
The anime reached its end credits with the ending song playing, the hikikomori dropped his unfinished cup to the already filthy ground of his room.
"That's it, no more, I think I've had enough." He said with no emotion in his tone.
The hikikomori got up from his dirty bed, he didn't bother turning the TV or computer off as he exited his room, not even attempting to put on his slippers as his bare feet touched the coldness of metal of the apartment building his lived as he exited his room. Outside, he hung his body over the balcony of the apartment complex staring out to scenery of cars and buildings illuminating the area. The sight made him feel worse, lamenting his failed life and how he got here in the situation he was in.
The tears he was holding back for days slowly came out of his eyes, he could no longer could keep it in. It had been two years since he graduated from high school, he didn't last even six months at college when he flunked out and had to rely on playing games or doing online jobs just to pay rent. He kept wondering how he had failed so badly in life to get to this point after all the planning and effort he made to be successful. He was a good student at his school, placed high when passing exams making it to the number one spot everytime, and had so much promise for his future
But after graduating, reality b***h slapped him in the face and now this was his life. The hikikomori kept lamenting again in his head as kept doing everyday without fail. Once again he blamed it on his out-of-shape body, a body of an Otaku at 5'5, short and skinny that had to be the reason. Or maybe because he didn't have a handsome appearance, no skills to posses so that he couldn't fight back when he was beaten like a stray dog. So many reasons, so many excuses, and yet none he could fathom that would make senseto him, or even change the outcome of the end results he got. All of that and best answer that flew over his head was it was all on him and he took no responsibility for any of what happened to his life, just blaming it on everything else to so he could avoid the obvious because he thought none of what he received was his own fault but the fault of other factors.
He barely made any money to support himself from of his poor diet and hygiene, the jobs online from beta testing games, doing online dungeon raids or tutoring students with the camera on his computer turned off so they wouldn't see how shameful he looked. Everything he was thinking of spiraled in his mind furiously making his self disgust with himself worse.
The frustration that built up drove him to slam his fist on the railing continuously, driving through the pain and scrapes with no concern to the damage to his skin on his knuckles.
He truly didn't care anymore, he had enough of the unfulfilling life he was living in with no hope he could see in front of his eyes. He about to do what he thought about doing since day one of moving into the apartment building. The decision he thought of many a time since than and yet never went through with it till now. It was rock bottom now, too late to make change his life, he was going to make the step in what came next in his plan.
The apartment complex was over a freeway, perfect for what he had be planning. The hikikomori took one last look at his room, the prison he made for himself. The anime playing the next episode, he was tearfully wishing he was as strong as the main lead and didn't have to do what he was going to do next.
He wanted to be strong, confident, everything he watched in animes. With a heavy sigh and tears still flowing, the hikikomori climbed over the guard railing of the building, hanging on the ledge with his heels and hands on the edge of rail still to keep himself balanced while he took one last look at city.
"Hell with this world, and hell with myself. If I can't live a life where I can be happy even if it is a short moment then why exist at all. I wanted an easy life I could finally relax with not this. Anything but this sh***y life."
He looked up to the sky, seeing the stars shine brightly in the beautiful blackness, he let one hand go for a second to flip it off and the heavens above.
"See this. If you even exist at all, f**k you! And this pain you gave me. Least now this is my choice and not yours. Kiss my ass you lousy excuse of the so called Lord!"
The hikikomori stopped his offensive rant to reminisce on his life against. He kept flashing back to the years he was alive up till this point in time, there wasn't a moment he felt truly happy or even had one friend. He dedicated himself to his studies and being the smartest, but what did he gain from it? Ultimately, nothing, all that effort and isolating himself was worth nothing in the end, he squandered without realizing it.
The blissful existence that was called youth, was gone, wasted all to dedicate himself to his books and grades. He was mad that the hard work went nowhere, his painstaking effort to prove how smart he was to others, that arrogance bit him in the ass hard now.
With one last heavy breathe, closing his sullen eyes, he let go of the railing, his feet slowly slipping off the edge, his tears flying through the air like raindrops, the screaming of the air flowing off his body while plummeting to the ground till it hit a passing car that drove under him inside the pavement of the road.
The driver of the car screamed from the sudden crash of the body that slammed on top the hood, the impact shattering the glass of the windshield. The driver tried to stop the car in their panic, only to hit another car throwing the hikikomori's body off the destroyed hood into the road. Everyone on the road witnessing the event were in utter disbelief of what happened, leaving their cars either to scream or call for the authorities. The driver of the car the hikikomori smashed into being the most horrified seeing the mangled and bloody body lying on the ground in a puddle of blood pouring out the hikikomori's body.
His face staring up, no life in the eyes, just the expresion of relief of being dead with satisfaction on it.
No more tears, no more self-hate, just darkness enveloping the hikikomori's soul. Nothingness, just nothingness.
Emergency services arriving on scene taking statements and blocking off the scene.
The paramedics bagged the body while the officers on scene tried to do crowd control. The bystanders gossiping among themselves to what they witnessed.
"Poor kid, what made him do this."
"Leave it. Maybe it's best to know. For now, I hope he finds peace were ever he's going."
The bystanders that did gossip sent prayers the hikikomori's way, praying that his soul would finally be at peace now.