By just eavesdropping for a few moments on any two people chatting, you could tell a lot about their relationship. You could tell if
they were new acquaintances or old friends. You could tell whether
a man and a woman were strangers or a couple.
You wouldn't even need to hear friends call each other "pal,"
"buddy," or "mate." You wouldn't need to hear a man and a
woman whisper "dear," "sweetheart," or "turtle dove." It wouldn't
matter what they were discussing or even their tone of voice. You
could even be blindfolded and tell a lot about their relationship
because the technique I'm about to share has nothing to do with
body language.
How? A fascinating progression of conversation unfolds as
people become closer. Here's how it develops:
Level One: Clichés
Two strangers talking together primarily toss clichés back and
forth. For instance, when chatting about the universally agreedupon world's dullest subject—the weather—one stranger might
say to the other, "Beautiful sunny weather we've been having." Or,
"Boy, some rain, huh?" That's level one, clichés.
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Level Two: Facts
People who know each other but are just acquaintances often discuss facts. "You know, Joe, we've had twice as many sunny days
this year to date as last." Or, "Yeah, well, we finally decided to put
in a swimming pool to beat the heat."
Level Three: Feelings and
Personal Questions
When people become friends, they often express their feelings to
each other, even on subjects as dull as the weather. "George, I just
love these sunny days." They also ask each other personal questions: "How about you, Betty? Are you a sun person?"
Level Four: We Statements
Now we progress to the highest level of intimacy. This level is
richer than facts and creates more rapport than feelings. It's we
and us statements. Friends discussing the weather might say, "If
we keep having this good weather, it'll be a great summer." Lovers
might say, "I hope this good weather keeps up for us so we can go
swimming on our trip."
A technique to achieve the ultimate verbal intimacy grows out
of this phenomenon. Simply use the word we prematurely. You can
use it to make a client, a prospect, a stranger feel you are already
friends. Use it to make a potential romantic partner feel the two
of you are already an item. I call it the "Premature We." In casual
conversation, simply cut through levels one and two. Jump straight
to three and four.
Ask your prospect's feelings on something the way you would
query a friend. ("George, how do you feel about the new governor?") Then use the pronoun we when discussing anything that
might affect the two of you. ("Do you think we're going to prosHow to Make 'Em Think We (Instead of You vs. Me) 193
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per during his administration?") Make it a point to concoct we
sentences, the kind people instinctively reserve for friends, lovers,
and other intimates. ("I think we'll survive while the governor's in
office.")
The word we fosters togetherness. It makes the listener feel
connected. It gives a subliminal feeling of "you and me against the
cold, cold world." When you prematurely say we or us, even to
strangers, it subconsciously brings them closer. It subliminally hints
you are already friends. At a party, you might say to someone
standing behind you at the buffet line, "Hey, this looks great. They
really laid out a nice spread for us." Or, "Uh-oh, we're going to get
fat if we let ourselves enjoy all of this."
Well, we have just explored how to copy our conversation
partners' movements with Be a Copyclass, echo their words, evoke
Potent Images from their world, create a bond through their primary sense with Anatomically Correct Empathizers, and establish
subliminal friendship with words like we.
What else do friends, lovers, and close associates have in common? A history. The final technique in this section is a device to
give a fairly new acquaintance the warm and fuzzy feeling the two
of you have been together for a long, long time.