The smaller the distance between us gets, the louder my heart drums and nervously, my hands entangle themselves.
This is actually anxiety inducing. In the cold, blue weather he deeply sticks out like a sore thumb and from this close, I take in his features. The aureate rings around his chocolate brown pupils draw me in like a moth. When I feel something brushing against my hand, my breath hitches and I flick my gaze down to see that it's his fingers. Again, I glance up at him, questioningly almost.
"Seong Jin," I hear Chu Hua yelling out excitedly behind us, unwittingly pulling us out of whatever bubble I was entrapped in.
Dominic blinks a few times, drawing backwards to put some distance between us and when our eyes awkwardly meet again, stiffly my lips purse to try and skim past whatever that was.
Hearing my sister's footsteps pattering on the ground, I throw my head over my shoulder to see her running down the stairs. She runs past me and stands before Dominic with a large smile on her face. Dominic grins down at her until he decides to be at eye-level with her, so he goes down on one knee.
"Chu Hua, how have you been?" Dominic starts off the conversation.
"Good thanks and you?"
My head snaps over to her so quickly from her shocking response and I see that she has a guileless, little grin painting her lips as if she's the world's most well-mannered child. The bright glow in her eyes kind of irks me a bit. I can tell that she holds him on a pedestal.
Whenever Dominic would drop me off to and from my dad's diner every afternoon, he made an effort to get to know her. Anyone who does that automatically earns a place in her heart. That's how Edward won her over too, by always including her in conversations whenever she was around. That's how they became like two peas in a pod and how she met Cameron. Edward hasn't come over and just hung out with us in a while, for obvious reasons, but after one apology he'll be in Chu Hua's good graces again.
I wonder how Ji Ho would behave around Dominic. Would he like him as much as Chu Hua does? I already know that Yang Jin doesn't like him, but that's only because he actually pictured Edward and me being together. Not for my own happiness, but so he could whisk Taylor away at her weakest and make her his. His words; not mine.
Ji Ho is just a sweetheart, shy around people he doesn't know almost like me. Well, I'm awkward around adults I don't know. People around my age are easier to talk to.
"Where have you been?" Chu Hua asks and that's when I zone back into their conversation. "I haven't seen you since forever."
"Well, I… have been a little busy," he makes up on the spot.
His eyes momentarily meet mine and I can see the question in his eyes. Does she know that we fought and that's the reason why she hasn't seen much of him lately? I just lift a shoulder, seeming indifferent. He takes that in and looks away. The answer is, yes. She does know. She's the only person who knows about the fight that we had all those weeks ago.
Chu Hua has also encouraged me to trap Dominic in a situation that forces him to forgive me. A situation where he wouldn't have a choice, but to forgive me.
I humoured her, because why not? I had nothing better to do. After bouncing around a few suggestions, we both settled on telling Dominic that I was going to die from a sudden, incurable illness and my dying wish was for him to forgive me for wrongfully accusing him. Except that seemed a tad bit extreme and a tad more insane.
"I heard you have a girlfriend now," Chu Hua states bluntly and my eyes almost bulge out of my sockets.
A defeated breath leaves me, and I stare up at the heavens for an answer as to why Chu Hua is so oblivious to normal, human social interaction.
Dominic eyes me again and another question arises in his eyes. You told her? Again, I merely lift my shoulder, but this time I struggle to appear nonchalant and when I see the humour bubbling in his dark browns, my lips purse and I direct my venomous gaze at my sister who doesn't acknowledge it. She'll expose all my secrets to him if she doesn't keep her mouth shut.
"You heard correct," he slowly confirms, nodding slightly. "Did your brother tell you that?"
"It's all over her Instagram."
"You have Instagram?"
"No, but Seong Jin does. I saw it on his phone." Wow, Chu Hua. She lies with such ease. It's both impressive and concerning. She most definitely didn't see anything on anyone's Instagram. Without even hesitating, she says, "So you're dating Jodie."
I pinch my eyes shut tightly and defeatedly run my fingers across them. In the darkness I've created, I hear Dominic saying, "I am indeed."
"Why?"
"What?"
"Why are you dating her?"
Glancing down at Chu Hua, I blink at her in surprise. Why is she asking him all these questions? Dominic seems a bit stumped for words and his eyes flicker up to meet mine as if he's silently asking for help, so I quickly say to my sister, "He's dating her because that's what people do when they like each other."
"Why do you like her?"
His mouth opens and shuts as he stammers his response to her question, "Uh… I don't know. That's just my feelings, I guess."
"How long have you liked her?" Jesus Christ, Chu Hua. I get that in her eyes, she's merely being a curious child asking a series of seemingly innocent questions, but in my eyes, it almost feels like she's trying to get the inside scoop.
"Uh," he hesitates a bit as if he doesn't have the answer, but eventually he spits out, "since the eleventh year, I guess."
"But you didn't know her in the eleventh year," I point out, furrowing my eyes in intrigue.
"I hadn't spoken to her in the eleventh year, but I was aware of her presence," he says and that should be convincing enough, but the way he averts his gaze afterwards makes me doubt the truthfulness in his words. Why would he lie though? "Besides, you didn't know me, and you liked me."
"I don't think I actually liked you." He rears back and gives me a disbelieving, dry look. "No, really, I mean it. As you said, I didn't know you, so how could I like someone I didn't know."
"So, you were harassing me, because…" he trails off, awaiting my reply to that.
Nervously scratching my arm, I open my mouth to explain, but my mind remains blank, so I just stutter out a nonsensical, "I think I just liked the idea of you; the idea of a mysterious, lone wolf."
"So, are you saying I don't like Jodie?" he genuinely muses.
"I'm not saying you don't like her. I'm suggesting that you liked the idea of Jodie before you got to know her and now you like her for the person you've gotten to know."
"So, you liked the idea of mysterious, lone wolf me until you got to know me? Meaning, now that you know me you like me?"
My eyes widen in surprise at his question, and I quickly clarify, "No, that's not what I'm saying at all. I don't like you. I mean I do, but like… as a person."
He scoffs in mock offence. "Not even as a friend? Just as a person?"
"Yeah, I haven't ranked you up from a mere stranger yet," I state, smiling at him playfully even though my heart is racing nervously.
"Well, Seong Jin, I like you as a friend. Ranked up."
Yes, because I want you to like me as a friend, Dominic.
"Did you know that Adolf Hitler painted postcards before joining the German army in World War I?" Chu Hua interrupts our stare-off yet again and I'm shocked to hear her voice. I almost forgot she was standing here with us.
"Chu Hua, why are you so obsessed with Adolf Hitler all of a sudden?"
"It's just interesting. Going from doing something as mellow as painting postcards and then bam," she yells and I can't help, but jump out of my skin a little, "tyrannical führer."
"Fü-what-now?"
"Führer," she repeats. "It means leader in German."
Still stupefied, my gaze wavers away from her awkwardly and then Dominic says, "Well, I need to get going. Jodie and I are supposed to hang out."
Chu Hua tells him to have fun with a wide smile as Dominic bids us adieu. After he has driven away, I demand, "Why did you tell him to have fun?"
"Because I want him to have fun with his girlfriend, Jodie."
"You're so evil. You know how I feel about him."
"The only person who's to blame here, is you?"
"Me?"
"Yeah. You're the one who helped him to get with Jodie."
"Yeah, but that was before I realised I liked him."
"As a person?" she teases.
"Shut up, Chu Hua."
When we enter the house, my sister slacking behind to close the door, I find Ji Ho sitting in the living room, his eyes widely trained on the television and when I crane my neck to check what he's watching, I'm not surprised to see another episode of Rick and Morty commencing. At this point, I've given up on preserving their innocence.
"Ji Ho, where's Yang Jin?" I ask him, situating myself next to him on the sofa, pondering if I should cook or just order some takeout. He doesn't look at me, so immersed in the show. "Ji Ho, I'm taking to you."
"He went out on a date with Francine," he eventually signs, distractedly.
"Wait, so does he actually like this Francine girl?"
"More like obsessed with her," Chu Hua mutters aloud coming into the living room carrying a heap of snacks in her arms and I see her scrunching up her face in distaste. "He treats her like she's God's gift to Earth. Yang Jin falls too hard, too fast. He's bound to get heartbroken again," she tells me, looking as sure as she sounds. "Just you watch."
"Don't jinx it, Chu Hua," I say, now as interested in the show. Why exactly is Rick hanging out with a dragon?
"Yeah, just be glad it's not that boy he was with," Ji Ho inputs.
I don't mind my brother being pan-sexual. I was a little shocked, seeing that he told everyone except me, Franklin excluded since Amma was the one who was supposed to inform him. I don't know what gave him the impression that I would hate him for his sexual orientation, but it's okay. We talked it out and I made him see that I still saw him as my older brother.
"Have any of you even met Francine?" I question them some more. Ji Ho shakes his head, no.
"He has shown us pictures of her though. To praise her naturally, gorgeous smile," Chu Hua taunts, rolling her eyes skyward. She really doesn't like Francine, does she?
"Yes, and her well-kept, luscious hair." Ji Ho joins in and silently chuckles under his breath.
"So it's just me then?" I muse, dryly. "Why does that not surprise me? After all, I was last to find out that he's pansexual."
"He doesn't like bothering you," my sister clarifies to me. "Besides, you lock your door now."
"And whose fault is that?" I narrow my eyes at her pointedly. She makes a show of shrugging unknowingly as if she doesn't know that I'm speaking about her.
With a quiet head shake, I turn back to look at the television screen and when the grunts and moans fill the room, my eyes widen in horror and I immediately spring for the remote on the coffee table, changing the channel to something more child friendly. A silence pursues afterwards and I slowly turn around to scoldingly glare at Ji Ho who immediately turns as red as a cherry. Chu Hua bursts into laughter.
After I've had my fill of pizza, I put the dishes in the sink and leave a note on the fridge to tell Yang Jin that it's his turn to wash the dishes. He hasn't arrived home yet which must mean he's having a blast on his date with Francine. Just in case he gets hungry, I left three slices of pizza for him in the fridge and have also relayed that in the sticky note. If he doesn't eat them, I'm more than happy to take them with me to school tomorrow for lunch.
The television is still on and I walk into the lounge to see that my parents are sitting on the bigger sofa, Amma having fallen asleep against Franklin's shoulder, as screams and urgent shouting come from the horror movie on the television. Only Amma is capable of falling asleep during a horror movie. I tell my father that I'm beat and I'm going to bed. He nods and tells me to let the bed bugs bite me into oblivion. I tell him that that's not how the saying goes.
Once I've entered my room, I instinctively lock my door and head over to the bathroom to perform my nightly duties. Coming out of the shower, I roll my shoulder around and I feel refreshed, like a new man. Slowly walking over to my wardrobe, I run a towel through my hair before tossing said towel on the floor, deciding to let my hair air dry. Instead of picking my goat onesie, I choose to wear my pyjama trousers, knee-high thick socks and a long-sleeved shirt.
When my phone rings on my bedside table, I throw my head over my shoulder before walking over to it to see who's calling me so late at night. My subconscious wonders if it's maybe Dominic. Since we've mended our relationship he can call me now and then, right? But as I see the name emitting from the blue light that splays onto my face, I cannot help but frown in confusion. I think I would've been less perplexed if it was Dominic.
"Hello?" I say carefully, my voice coming out unsure.
For a while nothing, but silence answers me so I think he must've dialled on accident. That has to be the only reason why he would call me at eleven at night. Just as I'm about to hang up and dismiss this weird occurrence, I hear a loud suspire from his end and pause.
"Kai? Did you butt-dial me or something?"
"I didn't think you'd still be awake," he finally answers, voice grittier than usual.
"I'm just now going to bed," I inform him, heading over to switch off the light. Even as my eyes are adjusting to the sudden dimness, my feet already know in which direction they should head. "You sound tired."
"Yeah," he yawns out as I shuffle beneath the covers, grasping them up to my chin and then I turn to lay on my side, phone against my ear. "I had to drive back to Oxfordshire today and I have a long line of lectures to attend tomorrow."
"Then shouldn't you be sleeping?"
"I'm having trouble sleeping," he admits and I can hear the exhaustion in his tone.
"And that's my problem how?"
His chuckle comes through the device and at the tiny, joyful giggle at the end of his laughter, a warm smile escapes me. "You're so mean, sometimes."
"No, but on a serious note, what do you want me to do about it? Sing you a lullaby maybe? Some ASMR perhaps?"
"Just keep talking. Your voice is making me sleepy."
"Are you saying my voice is boring?" I playfully muse.
"No, it's soothing," he tiredly yawns one more time. "Like a song."
"Sounds like you've just described my voice as boring in a very long way." He emits a noise of agreement.
I laugh silently, blinking against the darkness.
"By the way, when you told me that you... liked me earlier on today, what exactly did you mean by that?"
I tense up and my eye widen in surprise. I completely forgot about that. I'm such a dumbass, I swear.
"What did you mean when you said you liked me too?"
"I meant what I said," he responds vaguely.
"Which is..."
Instead of answering me, he strangely deviates and quietly says, "Tell me about your day."
"Because you're interested or to help you fall asleep?"
He's quiet until he cautiously suggests, "Both?"
I nod in amusement even though he cannot see me. So I tell him how my day went and he listens as attentively as he can with his drowsy mind. On few occasions, after he has been quiet for too long I'll call out his name to see if he's already sleeping and he'll answer me with a musing noise coming from his throat. Then I'll carry on with my story. I don't tell him about my feelings for Dominic, just that we're friends again.
And when, after a couple more minutes pass, I call his name to check if he's still with me, this time around he doesn't respond and when I listen closely I can hear his soft snores. I smile.
"G'night," I whisper.