As I sit across from Taylor at our usual table in the bustling cafeteria, I absentmindedly fiddle with the straw in my drink, biting down on the tip with more force than necessary.
The sounds of students chatting and laughing blend together into a cacophony of background noise as I find myself lost in my own thoughts. Taylor, on the other hand, seems completely engrossed in her own drink, occasionally taking a sip and then setting it back down on the table. Despite the surrounding chaos, there is a sense of calm between us.
I'm really confused and anxious about the situation that happened with Kai. I accidentally sent him a text that was meant for someone else and now I'm regretting not clarifying it to him yesterday.
The thing is, I don't know how to approach it because I have no clue what he meant when he told me he liked me back. I'm not sure if he meant he likes me more than just as friends or if he was just being friendly. It's been on my mind a lot and I'm not sure how to move forward from here.
"Seong Jin."
I blink out of my train of thought and flutter my gaze up at Taylor who is watching me with a look of intrigue on her face. Feeling a little embarrassed for being caught off guard, I immediately straighten up my posture and remove my face from my hand on the table where it was resting before.
"What's going on with you?"
Swallowing a gulp, I contemplate on whether I should tell her about this predicament.
She must see my ponderous expression, because she adamantly says, "Tell me."
After releasing a nervous sigh, I push my juice box away and reluctantly open my mouth to answer, "Okay, but if I tell you this, you have to promise me that you will not freak out."
"Ooh, tea! Spill it now. Thank you. I was about to die of boredom."
Ignoring the last bit of her statement, I take a deep breath. "So, you remember that guy I just met a couple of weeks ago in Oxfordshire?"
She nods, her eyes glowing with an unsettling excitement as she almost leans over the table. "The cute one."
My brows furrow in confusion and I rear my head back slightly. "The cute one? How do you know he's cute?"
Her eyes widen awkwardly as she tries to avert her gaze guiltily. "I might have looked up his Instagram and scrolled through a couple of pictures. All I'm saying is, Seong Jin, you are missing out."
"Uh-uh," I murmur, staring at her suspiciously but she merely smiles. "Yeah, well yesterday I was contemplating on telling Dominic how I feel about him and so I decided to send him a text and..."
"And?"
I blurt out, "I accidentally sent the text to Kai."
With her eyes widened, she exclaims, "What? No way! What did he say?"
"That's the thing, he replied with, I like you too."
"Shut the fuck up! He said that?" At her question, I slowly bob my head up and down. "Oh my god, Seong Jin. That's amazing, no? What are going to do?"
With panic in my voice, I whisper-shout, "I don't know. I did not expect him to say that. I mean, we've only known each other for a couple of weeks, at most. I did not think he would feel that way about me. I mean, who's to say that he even likes me like that? What if he was just saying that he likes me like a friend?"
"Hey, calm down." She puts a hand on my arm reassuringly. "I don't see what the problem is. You like him and he just so happens to like you back. Now you can forget about thirsting over Lachowski."
"When did I say I like him, Taylor?" I muse in frustration and then I sigh defeatedly. "I don't know. I'm not sure if I'm ready for whatever this is. I should just tell him the truth."
"And what is the truth? That you don't like him?"
I bite down on my lip nervously, suddenly aware of how dry my mouth has become. "It's not that simple, Taylor."
She scoffs, folding her arms across her chest. "Seems pretty simple to me. Either you like him or you don't."
I squeeze my eyes shut, wishing I could disappear into the floor. This is the last thing I wanted. I was not expecting to be caught in the middle of this tangled web of feelings but it seems the more I try to deny it, the more the truth bubbles up, demanding to be heard.
"I say you try it out with him to maybe get over Dominic."
I glance over at her as if to silently convey that I think her delirious for even suggesting that to me.
"I mean, I get it can be scary but sometimes you just have to take a chance, you know? What is the worst that could happen? He does not seem like a shit person."
"He's an amazing person, Taylor. Which is why I don't want to use him just to get over Dominic. That seems like something a shit person would do."
"Maybe don't think about it in that way. The way I see it, you're just a guy who just so happens to be tasting other fish in the sea or whatever it is people tend to say, and it just so happens that fish isn't Dominic."
***
I hear the familiar car horn and I already know who it is before glancing up at him from my book. Just as I see his rumbling car standing in the space made for the bus to stop yet again, I arch an eyebrow in enquiry.
Just like yesterday, he beckons me over. And just like yesterday, I hesitate since Jimmy is literally arriving in five minutes. But just like yesterday, I stand up from the chipped bench and make my way to his car. Just like yesterday, I do not enter his car immediately; he has to tell me to get in.
I bid my new acquaintance goodbye and swiftly get in his car. She is still reading the book she was reading the previous day. I have decided not to ruin it for her. I'm too nice. Once Dominic has pulled onto the road and started driving in the direction of my home, I do not stop reading my book.
When the plot of the book is just beginning to thicken, he decides to interrupt me. "Why are you reading Life of Pi? Haven't you already read the entire book?"
"I've read it twice," I correct him, keeping my gaze trained on the words swirling around on the white of the paper. "My English teacher advised us at the beginning of the school year to read the book multiple times to truly understand the premise of the novel."
"Nerd," he coughs under his breath, and I turn around to narrow my gaze at him dryly. His lips twitch into a smile and when I don't look away, he innocently muses, "What?"
"You know, you smile a lot more now than you used to back then," I inform him.
I'm almost curious how someone can change from being a heartless, evil son of a biscuit to… whoever this smiley character is.
He steals a quick peek at me and finds me still watching him curiously, head tilted to the side. An intense, noticeable quietness sinks us into it until he trains his eyes back on the road, his hands tightening around the steering wheel. He ponders my words, nibbling on the inside of his mouth.
"You don't have your seatbelt on," he says instead of answering me. Then again, I wasn't really asking him a question, was I?
So with a defeated grin, I tug the seatbelt across my front and continue reading my book.
This is a part of him that I'm very familiar with. On the one hand, I'm glad to see a part of him that I once knew, because this new Dominic isn't the same person that I spent time with. This Dominic is joking with me, he's smiling with me and he doesn't seem irked to be in my presence. But on the other hand, this closed off part of him is a trait I disliked so I'm a bit confused.
"I smile more in your presence," he says quietly, and I almost don't hear him. Eyes wide as saucers, I glance up at him. Hesitantly, he looks over at me with his lips pursed.
"What?" I breathe out just as quietly, blinking my shock away. It remains.
"Trust me, the last thing I expected was for you to worm your way into my hea—" he cuts himself off, and I listen fervently. "Good books. You're the annoying eighth grader who wouldn't take the hint that I wasn't interested in him. I hated you for that for a really long time. You know, I didn't want to come to Shoreditch in the first place. Starting at a new school, I never expected someone to immediately like me, especially a guy."
A comfortable silence waves over me and I close my book, looking outside my window. Unintentionally, his words both make me feel warm and guilty. Especially since I shouldn't be having these visceral feelings for him, because of the blatant fact that he has a girlfriend. Why do I keep liking people I can never have? The sad thing is, I can't even switch off how I feel about him even knowing that he's in a relationship with Jodie.
"You okay?"
I snap out of my thoughts and glance over at him questioningly. "Hmm?"
"We're here," he informs me, and I look outside to see that we've arrived at my home.
I blink myself out of the daze that I've put myself in and murmur out, "Oh."
"Is everything okay?"
"Yeah," I reassure him quickly and grab my bag in preparation to get out of the car. "Yeah, I'm fine. Is everything okay with you?"
"Why wouldn't it be?"
"I'm just… I was just trying to make sure you're okay too because you asked me and it's proper social etiquette to then ask the other person if they're okay too."
He stares at me curiously and I try not to squirm at his piercing gaze. "Are you sure you're okay?"
"Yeah, no. I'm so okay that it should be illegal to be this okay." I wave him off dismissively and reach for the door handle which doesn't open when I tug on it. "Uh… why isn't this stupid door open—"
Click.
"It was locked," he tells me slowly, watching me weirdly.
"Oh," I mutter in embarrassment and just as I leave his car, I instantly pinch my eyes shut in berating before turning to ask, "So are you taking me home every day? Because it's kinda counterproductive for me if I walk all the way to the bus stop when we can just leave the school grounds together."
A smile ghosts his lips as he presses on the button to slide the window closed and I narrow my eyes at him playfully, backing away from his car. Holding my book in one hand, I tug on the handle of my bag with the other. When I see his lips tugging up even more and he's shoulders shaking, I make the deduction that he's laughing. At me? Yes, but he's laughing. And I'm not in the car to hear what he sounds like.
He casually salutes me before driving off.
I scowl in disappointment. Dammit!
The moment I open the door, I'm bombarded by Chu Hua who is speaking fastidiously. The words coming out of her mouth are a jumbled mess and I furrow my brows in confusion, staring down at her weirdly. She moves her hands around vigorously and I'm forced to flinch away from her just in case she backhands me by accident. Ji Ho is standing behind her with a look of fear on his face.
That's what makes me realise that Chu Hua is probably saying something serious. Except I won't be able to hear her if she keeps tripping over her speech. So, I throw my bag on the floor by the door, disregarding my mum's rule for the moment so I can grab Chu Hua by the shoulders and shake her out of her spluttering mess. Luckily, for me she grows quiet after a few seconds.
"Start again," I say to her earnestly. "Clearly, this time."
She takes in a deep breath and then expels it through her mouth. "Yang Jin is in jail."
I rear back, but not in shock. In perplex. Did I not hear her correctly?
"One more time," I request.
"Yang Jin's in jail. He called you, but you didn't answer so he called the home phone and told me that he needs us to bail him out."
"What is he in jail for?" I ask her, still not believing her entirely.
"He didn't say, but we need to go and bail him out before Amma and Dad find out."
"Is this a prank?"
"I wish." Urgently, she adds, "Seong Jin, we need to hurry up."
She hands me my car key and tugs on my hand, trying to pull me out of the door, but I don't budge from the ground. My eyes go to the other person in the room with us and he's busy gnawing on his bottom lip nervously. I don't know whether he's nervous that their prank is a bust and Yang Jin is gonna be pissed at them both or whether he's nervous because Yang Jin actually is in jail.
Hopefully it isn't the latter.
"Ji Ho?" My eyes do all the talking for me. Is this true? With pursed lips, he bobs his head up and down. "Look me in the eyes and tell me this is not a prank?"
He stares deeply into my eyes and signs, "This is not a prank."
"Are you guys being serious?"
"Yes," Chu Hua exclaims loudly.
"Okay," I breathe out, nodding my head in preparation. I clench my hand around my car key and rub a hand over my mouth. "Um… get in the car. We need to get him out before Amma finds out."
"That's what I've been singing for the past minute and a half," Chu Hua points out, pulling the door open.
I tell Ji Ho to go and open the garage from the inside as I lock up the doors. If my parents get back before us, God forbid that happens, they'll just use the spare key that we keep under the rock in the front garden. I'm moving with such urgency that it hasn't sunk in that my brother is currently in jail. I have pushed it to the farthest chasm of my brain.
Once stood outside on the lawn, the garage door slowly rose up, presenting the small Hyundai that I almost crashed into a person a couple of months ago. The car that I vowed to never drive because if that wasn't a sign that I should never drive again, I don't know what is. Chu Hua doesn't hesitate as she enters the garage and goes to open the back door, but I haven't unlocked the car yet.
"Seong Jin, open the door."
My finger unconsciously presses on the unlock button. They both enter in the back. I, after much thought, enter in the front. In the driver's seat. Closing the door, I already feel my stomach clenching. A gulp bobbles my throat, and I don't need to be told twice that I'm anxious. I'll always be anxious behind the wheel. It's something that's out of my control.
"Are you gonna drive or should one of us do it?" Chu Hua muses in a snarky tone.
"Yes, Chu Hua, just give me a second, okay?" I turn my around and glare at her using the space between the two front chairs. "Put your seatbelts on. I'm a little rusty when it comes to driving."
They both look at each other with widened eyes and quickly secure themselves into their seats. Turning back, I do the same thing. After starting the engine, I turn on the headlights for no particular reason and then switch them off when I realise that it's not night-time yet. Before driving onto the driveway, I check on both sides to make sure that there aren't any stray walkers strolling by and fortunately there aren't.
That's when I begin to drive until I hit the brakes.
Chu Hua shrieks. Ji Ho looks more afraid.
"Geez," she exclaims in shock. "You weren't lying about being rusty."
"Which police station is Yang Jin being held at?" They both remain quiet, so I look up at them questioningly using the rearview mirror. "Guys?"
"We… didn't ask him."
A deep huff escapes me as I lay my head on the steering wheel tiredly.
This is gonna be a long night.