Amma pulls me into a tight embrace, enveloping me in her warm, maternal scent. As she hugs me, she places a long, tender kiss on my cheek. Despite my discomfort, I try to pull away but her grip on me only tightens, holding me in place.
Defeated, I let my hands fall limply by my sides as I squirm uncomfortably in the embrace. The truth is, I don't like it when people touch me, not even my own parents. I have always been this way, ever since I was a child. It's just who I am. But Taylor understands me like no one else does. She feels the same way, and I'm so grateful to have her in my life.
In the seventh grade when we were still immature, little snots we used to do this thing where we'd pretend to be going in for a hug and at the last minute we'd pull away and yell, "Sick! You almost touched me." We stopped doing it when we got to high school, because… um, lame?
Jodie. Well, she's a different case. I feel like she is the epitome of affection. Even knowing that I don't like hugs at all, she'd force them onto me. She doesn't understand that some people just don't want to be touched. She loves affection. The worst of them all was the group hugs. Taylor and I would evidently try very hard to wrench as far away from each other as possible.
My mum would often tell me that when I was a baby, I only cried in the hands of someone, but kept quiet when I was not in physical contact with people which really pissed her off because Halmeoni would scold her for having such a weird baby. When I was placed in my crib away from everyone that's when I was my happiest. They found it annoying and peculiar at first but decided that it was my way of living, I guess.
After pulling back, she keeps her hands on my shoulders and even though I want to shrug them off, I let her have her fair share of contact with me. A watery smile arches her lips upwards.
I furrow my brows in confusion. The melodrama, seriously. This almost feels like the first day of school for me, like I'm going back to reception school again for the first time ever. I did lay out the outfit that I have on currently so it's not far off from being similar to that.
She isn't going to get the chance to hug me for a whole entire weekend so it's only fair that she hugs me on many occasions, kisses my cheek and forehead and temple with warm kisses and holds onto my shoulders for as long as she pleases. Even though she never hugs me during most weekends. Chu Hua doesn't even regard the scene happening in front of her, wearing an uncaring look on her face as she plays a game on Franklin's phone.
He's the only person in this family who trusts her with his device. The last time I borrowed her my phone, all my contacts were spammed with an advertisement about penis enlargement. Never again.
The scolding I got from both Halmeoni and my aunt Merlin will always make my face heat up in humiliation. When my aunt started lecturing me about safe sex, I instantly muttered a stammered farewell and hung up. My grandmother didn't want to even tell me to practise safe sex. She wanted me to stay away from girls altogether. Then she droned on and on about teenage pregnancy. I have not told her that I'm gay.
"I'm so excited for you," she whisper-shouts, enthusiastically.
"Yes, please look very excited at the fact that he's going to travel miles and miles away from home to stay in some foreign city for an entire weekend. Please do, Amma." I can't contain the amused smile that latches onto my lips from the sarcasm leaking past Chu Hua's lips.
She had been trying to remain as nonchalant and uncaring as she could this entire morning, but deep down I knew that she'd miss me; Yang Jin has not succeeded in his ploy of trying to make her hate me. Two out of three of my siblings love me, I'll take it. Instead of getting annoyed at her words, my mum just smiles back at his youngest daughter amusingly. She pouts but doesn't lift her eyes from the game.
Speaking of Yang Jin, I turn my head to the side and catch him still resting on the seats from across us with my duffel bag resting near him. He keeps looking around nervously and biting his nails ever so often. He wants to see if the security guards are going to suspect him of having illegal substances, but so far, the plan has been failing tremendously. I have to blame it on his terrible acting skills.
No guard is going to believe this overacting man-child is a mule. The worst part is that he tricked Ji Ho into sitting there with him. The poor kid looks so confused.
"Chu Hua, we'll still Skype and call Seong Jin as much as we can. We'll still be in contact with one another."
"Why are you guys speaking like I'm going for a year? It's just for one weekend. It's not like you're shipping me off and going to ignore me for the rest of the year, right?"
"Of course not… sweetie," she answers while flickering her eyes around in mock anxiety. "It's not like I'll be saving thousands of pounds from the many granola bars I'll not be required to buy."
"That's not funny."
"So is going to Oxfordshire and ditching your family, but yet here we are."
"Chu Hua, I pinkie promise to call you three—no two times a day. Does that make you feel better?"
"No, that does not make me feel better at all," she grumbles angrily when she eventually loses and switches the phone off. "Why only two times a day?"
"Because calls are expensive. Besides, Amma said we'd Skype, didn't she?"
My mum nods reassuringly.
"Yeah, but…" she scowls sadly, "it just wouldn't be the same."
"Well, no matter what, just know that I love you."
"Seong Jin," she exclaims in shock as a cringe conforms her expression at the phrase that left my mouth. "Don't ever say that again."
"What?" I ask, trying to pretend to look oblivious to her obvious disgust, but my acting skills were always bad, just like Yang Jin's. "I love you?"
She cringes again and then pulls a face of repulsion.
For some reason, she doesn't like that saying anymore. Whereas her twin brother feeds off affection and love, Chu Hua is disgusted by the thought of it now. Previously, not so much.
This just happened a while ago after she came back from one of her friend's houses. According to her, it is a puke worthy three lettered sentence. Love is just weakening in her eyes and I guess she is beginning to grow up with that thought imprinted in her mind, almost as if someone is whispering it into her ear, drilling it in her head every time they have the chance to.
At first, I suspected Yang Jin of doing it, but he recently met a girl and claimed to be in love with her already. Love is repulsive, is not the words of a lovesick puppy. He declared that he loves her so much that he wanted to stay at home and invite her over. He didn't care that I was leaving. He just wants to spend as much time with her as possible. I think it's unhealthy. Nobody should be so immersed in one person so quickly. This is how you remain heartbroken for an entire month. His ex is an example of that.
"Yes, that. It's disgusting."
"I will never understand why or who taught you that love is disgusting because I can tell you right now that love is a beautiful thing to have," Amma says softly. "Look at your dad and I."
I nod when she looks at me in a questioning manner.
"That is not how Tammy's parents are," she inserts, and my mum and I frown in confusion. "They tell each other that they love each other and then they will argue with each other and then Tammy's father will call her mum his bitc—"
"Okay," Amma exclaims, spurting out a forced laugh and placing a hand on Chu Hua's shoulder with a glare tightening the corners of her eyes.
I watch my sister with widened eyes. What the hell?
"Let's not go to Tammy's house anymore," my mum drawls out awkwardly.
Chu Hua pouts petulantly and then her face lights up as if having a eureka moment. "Then can she also come over for sleepovers?"
"If her parents agree, yes."
"Will you talk to them?"
"Maybe."
"Can Cameron come too?"
"Don't push your luck, Chu Hua," she warns, and my sister gives up on trying to get our mother to allow her to let more friends come over for her weekend sleepovers. "Anyway, as I was saying, love is a beautiful thing. Just look at your father and I, not Tammy's parents. They're a horrible representation of what love is. Focus on the love your Daddy and I have."
"What about me?"
My father slid into the conversation swiftly, returning from the restroom as he wanted to do whatever it was he did in the bathroom. He could have been slaying a dragon, for all I know. Maybe he has finally slain the infamous, fantastical monster that most have failed to do.
Silently, we all glance down at his wet hands and then awkwardly watch each other like, do you think it's piss? He furrows his brows in bemusement until he finally gets what thoughts are running through our minds.
"Oh, no." He dries his hands against his jean pants. "This is just water. There were no paper towels in the bathroom."
"Oh, well I was just telling Chu Hua about how much we love each other and her," my mum explains to him as Franklin stands beside her, throwing a hand around her waist. My mum lays her head on her husband's broad shoulder. "We love you too, Seong Jin."
My eyebrows flick up for a nanosecond, almost as if I'm silently thanking them for remembering me, their other child.
"And me?" Yang Jin adds, expectantly.
He stands next to me, crossing his arms over his chest. Our mother purposefully glances away like she didn't hear him, and I laugh softly when I see my brother puncturing two lasers into her temple. Ji Ho tugs on my shirt and I quickly focus all my attention on him. His big, guileless eyes watch me under the bright lights of the bus station, and I wonder what he wants.
It had better not be my phone because he is just as bad as his twin. Admittedly, he doesn't spam my contacts with member enlargement advertisements, but he loves clicking on those "can't wait twenty minutes for more lives, buy them with real money".
Then he will use my allowance money to buy himself more lives just to play a stupid game. I'll get angry at him, he'll eventually cry, I'll feel horrible for yelling at him and then I'll give him more money to bring his crying to an end. Also, so my mum doesn't yell at me for making her precious baby cry. Ji Ho is the most emotionally fragile among my siblings. In fact, I think he's the only one who does have feelings.
Yang Jin doesn't cry. I don't cry, because of Yang Jin. Chu Hua doesn't cry, because tears annoy her. Ji Ho, on the other hand, will show it when he's feeling something. Sometimes I worry that he's not actually a Lee, but then I'll think back to our father's funeral and that thought disappears immediately.
When he doesn't speak and just buries his hand into my palm, I grin at him warmly. He flickers his gaze away, but not before I catch the little smile that tugs onto his lips too.
When I focus my gaze back onto the rest of my family members and I still see the glower that Yang Jin is still giving our mum, I shake my head. Chu Hua is back to being disinterested in the altercation and goes back to playing her game. Our mum is staring at the ceiling to avoid the prominent deathly stare that our oldest brother is directing at her.
"I knew it. You guys don't love me."
"We love you, Yang Jin," Franklin quickly inserts when everyone stays quiet. I almost burst out laughing. Amma is really amusing sometimes. "Right, Kimiko? Tell him that we love him."
With a deep sigh, my mum says, "We love you, Yang Jin."
"Great. She said it. Now, we all good? Everyone feel loved?"
"Yeah," Yang Jin murmurs.
I can see the revenge burning in his eyes. He is going to cause mayhem; I can feel it. As I have mentioned previously, Yang Jin is petty. Very petty.
This one time, I ate the last jelly baby, and it was green. He loves the green ones. I apologised to him for eating said jelly baby even if I thought he was overreacting a bit. It was just a jelly baby. He seemed to accept my apology. "We're cool," he said to me afterwards. The genuine smile on his face and the fist bump we shared, reassured me that we were, in fact, cool.
Two days later, I found my new, light pink trainers drenched in mud on our front lawn. I know it was him. He was smirking smugly when I whined to my mum about it.
Before I can stop him, he hands me my duffel bag and says, "By the way, Amma didn't buy you that gift on your anniversary. In fact, she forgot that it was your anniversary."
Our mother gapes at him. "You little twat!"
"You forgot our anniversary?" Franklin muses with a dejected look on his face.
"Franklin's the one who ate your tub of Nutella," Yang Jin says to our mother.
"Yang Jin!"
"You ate my Nutella?" my mum scoldingly smacks him on the shoulder with a glower in her eyes as Franklin tries to flinch away from her.
"Seong Jin was in love with Edward."
In shock, I turn around to look at Yang Jin for blurting that out so callously. "What the hell, hyeong? What did I do?"
My mum turns her onslaught onto me and with a thundering tone, she questions, "You broke girl code?"
"Ow, Amma."
Yang Jin continues his exposé and says, "Ji Ho's the one who keeps chewing on all your lip balms."
That, out of all things, is the thing which breaks my reality and my brain cannot even begin to fathom a world where my youngest brother was chewing on my lip balms. "Ji Ho? You?"
"No…" Ji Ho signs unconvincingly and my heart breaks right on the spot. Life has no meaning anymore. I have been betrayed by my innocent Ji Ho.
"Chu Hua," Yang Jin pauses, and my sister watches him with a blank face. I see fear passing through his eyes before he ends with, "She's a good child."
"The bus to Oxfordshire is about to take off in ten minutes," the feminine voice from the speakers notifies the people in the bus station. "Bus to Oxfordshire, departure in ten minutes at Gate F14."
The hustle and bustle around us is disregarded and we all just still our argument for another time.
Father will remember that his wife forgot their anniversary when they get back home. My mum will be angry at him for eating her Nutella even after she warned us all not to. When we Skype later on, my mum will reprimand me for falling for my best friend's boyfriend, breaking the girl code. I will give Ji Ho an earful for chewing on my lipsticks and apologise to Chu Hua for previously accusing her.
A family rushes past us, dragging their luggage behind them. A man dressed in an expensive suit waltzes past coolly. A child glances around in panic until her mother finally finds her and drags her along.
"That's me." I look up at my family and my parents stretch a sad smile over their lips. "I better get going."
"Okay, bye."
"Yang Jin!"
"What?" He shrugs blamelessly when Amma whacks him across the forehead. "He's just going for the weekend. He'll be back by Monday."
He's not wrong.
"Ignore him." Franklin holds out his free arm and I hesitate for a second before I lean into him so he can enclose my small frame into his bigger one. "We'll see you soon, kiddo."
"Your aunt will meet you outside the bus station, okay? Don't wander around and get lost."
"Yes, I heard you the first ninety-four times, Amma."
"Have you charged your phone?"
"Yes."
"Show me. With how much of a ditz you are, I can already see you getting lost." I ignore her comment and raise my phone to show her my fully charged phone. "Great. Call us immediately when you arrive at the bus station in Oxfordshire. I want to be sure that you made it there safely. Did you poop before leaving?"
"He probably didn't," Chu Hua answers my mum before I can, and I wrinkle my nose at her in irk. "You do poop three times a week after all."
"Why wouldn't you poop, Seong Jin?"
"Amma, stop fawning. As Yang Jin said, I'm only going for the weekend." I pause and before saying my next statement, I make sure to look around at any propped-up ears. When I see that there aren't any, I lean and quietly say, "Besides, I'm saving my faeces for Oxfordshire. That way if I don't get in, I would've still left a part of me there."
She's stunned into silence. Until a large smile morphs into her face. "That's my boy."
"This family is disgusting," Yang Jin mutters and we all stare at him indifferently, because it's the truth. We are disgusting sometimes. "Really; you're all disgusting."
"Yang Jin, you're pansexual," Chu Hua says bluntly.
"What's that supposed to mean?" Yang Jin yells.
"Wait, what? You're pansexual?" Franklin yells, shocked.
"You didn't know?" my mum asks him, confused. "I could've sworn I told you."
"No, you didn't," he exclaims, looking betrayed and my mum nonchalantly shrugs in a silent apology. "Is there anything else you forgot other than our anniversary and that our other son is pansexual?"
"I forgot, Franklin. I'm only human, aren't I?"
"Okay," I mutter under my breath and look over my shoulder at the glass window, buses and coaches parked outside. "I think that's my cue to leave."
My mum disregards my father who is silently sulking and places a hand on my shoulder. I don't miss the pride shining in her eyes and I realise that she really wants me to go to the University of Oxford. At first, I thought it was because she wanted to brag to her colleagues about her son going to the most prestigious tertiary institution in the world, but now I know that it has nothing to do with that.
Okay, maybe that does play a small role in this, but at the end of the day, I think she just wants to be assured that her son will be able to depend on himself after school. I never thought I'd make it this far. It seems like it was just yesterday, I was starting out school with my crooked, braced teeth and my Cinderella book hugged tightly into my chest. Now, I'm going on an interview with the University of Oxford.
"I've never been prouder in my life," she tells me, and I grin softly.
"Standing right here," Yang Jin mutters like the attention hog he is today.
"Stop it, Yang Jin. You know you're a disappointment to me."
He gapes, insulted.
With one last chuckle, I throw my black duffel bag over my shoulder, slowly walking away from them when the intercom announces that there are three minutes left for my coach to leave. Throwing my head over my shoulder one last time, I catch my mum scolding my father for eating his Nutella, my father retaliating with the fact that she's so forgetful.
Chu Hua stands on the sideline with our father's phone as if to silently emphasise that these people aren't related to her. Yang Jin watches me blankly, but deep down I know he's sad to see me leave. Abruptly, he turns around and walks away indifferently. Or maybe he doesn't care at all. Lastly, my eyes fall on my younger brother, my favourite sibling and Yang Jin's second favourite sibling, because he didn't have a choice.
He's pursing his lips grimly and slowly, he raises his hand as tentatively as he can, waving at me. His eyes glisten with fresh tears and it takes everything in me not to turn around and stay with them. Even if it's just for the weekend; I'll still be hundreds of miles away from them. I'll be all alone in a foreign city. I won't wake up to see my family fighting over the last bacon. But I have to do this. I can do it. I can get on that coach and go to Oxfordshire to make my mum proud.
With that thought ringing the loudest in my head, I ball my fist and thump it twice on my chest. Then I raise my fingers into a peace sign. With a watery smile, Ji Ho does the same.