What happened? Where am I? Why am I wearing only my underpants?
I woke up in the middle of a green fantasy forest. The crowns of the trees stretched high into the sky, so that even the sun could not be seen.
[Attention! Do you want to complete the tutorial or do you want to postpone it for later?]
Suddenly, a bright system screen appeared right in front of my face, blinding me.
"Oh f*ck! Turn down the brightness! Turn it down!"
I shouted out of surprise, pushing the bluish screen with white letters away from me with my hand.
[Your request is satisf...]
Letters appeared on the screen, but it gradually began to lose its brightness until it finally went out.
What's going on here anyway? Am I in some kind of freaking novel with a fantasy system, monsters and beautiful girls?
Beautiful girls? Hmm, maybe it's not that bad?
"System, turn on normal brightness of the screen and start tutorial," I said, looking around the area.
The usual green forest from any fantasy novel, so far everything is fine.
[The tutorial has begun!]
The screen became bright enough and at the same time did not hurt the eyes.
[This is your stats window!]
Letters appeared on the screen, after which it lengthened down a little.
[Name: Assreal Dick-in-son.]
...
What? What is it?! That's not my name, I swear! What the f*ck?
[Age: 20 years old.
Race: human.
Level: 1.]
I was briefly distracted from reading because from behind the crown of a tree came.... a kangaroo in red boxing gloves.
I looked at him. He looked at me. There was a spark between us, a storm of emotion.....
And to be honest, I almost sh*t myself and remembered that it's better not to keep eye contact with wild animals.
I lowered my head down a little so as not to make eye contact.
And then I remembered that this could be interpreted as submission!
I looked at the kangaroo again, and he was already walking towards me! It was walking, on two paws, like an ordinary person, and not bouncing!
I immediately rushed back, trying to escape from him, but he chased after me!
Unintentionally, I screamed at the top of my voice in fear, like a little girl.
At one point I jumped up, grabbing onto a thick tree branch and pulling myself up on it! Pulling myself up! I had never done a pull-up in my life, but now I could do it! Praise the adrenaline!
A kangaroo wearing boxing gloves approached the tree. First, he looked at the position from which I jumped, and then slowly looked up at the branch on which I found myself. And then he whistled!
Since when have animals become so intelligent?! And why does a kangaroo with f*cking gloves live in a fantasy European-like forest?!
[You have a new ability!]
[Provocateur – just by looking at you, you make others want to beat you up.
Description: use this ability to make an opponent or ally chase you and beat you to a pulp, giving them the 'Provoked' effect, increasing their strength, dexterity and endurance by +5, while reducing intelligence by -1.
Recharge time: 24 hours.]
What the f*ck?! An absolutely useless ability if I'm not a tank! And I'm not a tank!
[Strength: 3
Dexterity: 7
Endurance: 5
Health: 5
Mana: 0
Intelligence: 10
Luck: 2]
Well, as expected, I'm not a tank or a bruiser, with such stats it's better for me to be some kind of archer or rogue, as a last resort, a mage if mana appears, but something tells me that my characteristics are too insignificant to survive in a world with straight walking kangaroos...
Speaking of devil, he just looked at me and did nothing, as if he was waiting for me to run out of patience or get thirsty.
Yeah, that's not what I expected when I was hoping to escape from my problems to another world...
Although I didn't really dream that I would be called to the royal castle, where they would immediately give me the best equipment, women and free levels for every sneeze, but I wouldn't want to sign up for that either.
"Ouch!" I said softly, pinching my arm painfully.
I hoped until the last moment that this was some kind of bad dream, but either it doesn't want to end so easily or this is my new reality.
Meanwhile, memories of death came flooding back to me.
Usually the heroes of such stories die from being hit by a Truck-kun, but I died in a more ridiculous way: I was hit by some rich boy probably of my age on an electric scooter.
And now I'm here! Hiding from a kangaroo in red gloves on a tree! This is not what I dreamed of!
It is at such moments that the realization comes that your world was not so gray and gloomy, but very cozy and safe.
Because of this transmigration to another world, I am now ready to beg any deity to bring me back!
Where I would again work for 10 hours as a waiter with ungrateful customers, and then run to prepare for sessions at the university in order to get a 'satisfactory' grade as a result...
Perhaps this world will be able to show its best side next time?
[Would you like to continue your tutorial?]
I looked at the kangaroo, who crouched under a tree and took out a PLASTIC BOTTLE OF WATER from his pouch!
What the hell is going on here?! I'm already tired of repeating this and wondering about everything that's going on, but again – what the hell is going on here?!
I sighed, and then mentally said yes.
[List of abilities:
Active:
Provocateur – recharge 24 hours.
Passive:
Failures surround me.]
After reading the name of the passive ability, I mentally concentrated on it, revealing the details.
[Failures surround me – you are a loser, you are surrounded by losers, failures follow you closely.
Description: your luck is always at level 2, all living and inanimate objects around you also become EXTREMELY unlucky.
Recharge: No.]
Well, well, I'm wondering why I'm so unlucky, and it all turns out to be because of this passive.
[Traits:
Virgin.]
[Virgin – you are a virgin.]
You f*cking seriously? Is that all?
[Description: If you remain a Virgin until the age of 30, then this trait can turn into either a buff or a debuff, depending on your worldview.]
What a wonderful world it is, after all, with an equally wonderful system and equally wonderful inhabitants... I thought, looking at the kangaroo, who had already taken a long iron bat out of his bag.
How? Just how does it all fit in such a small pouch? Are you some kind of magician with the ability to create pocket dimensions?
[You've got a new ability! You've improved your stats!]
[Insightful – you are so smart and insightful that you can see to the very root.
Description: You can use this ability to find out the names of the target's traits and abilities.
Consumption: 1 mana per use on a single target. If there is no mana, 0.1 health unit is used.
Attention! Using an ability without mana too often can lead to brain cancer!
Recharge time: 5 seconds.
+1 to intelligence. ]
Come on, it was just a crazy thought... This kangaroo is really a mage and knows how to use pocket dimensions, where did I get to?
I could use Insight right now, but I'm afraid that with my luck, I'll develop cancer after that. I need to get mana or forget about this ability once and for all.
I looked at the kangaroo again, this time he took a bag of chips out of his pouch, took off his gloves and quietly ate the snacks.
My stomach rumbled. I really wanted to eat.
The kangaroo, noticing my greedy gaze, got up from his seat and poured all the chips on the ground, crushing them with his paws.
Monster! What are you doing?! You can't torture people like that, it's probably forbidden by the Human Rights Convention! Do you hear that, you freak?!
Oh, yeah, it's just thoughts, he can't hear me.
"Hey, s-stop it," I whispered softly, but it wasn't from fear, it was because I'd been running and screaming my head off the whole time. This is different.
Hearing my voice, the kangaroo went berserk again, took the bat and rushed under the branch on which I was sitting, trying to hit me with his weapon.
"F*ck off, monster!" along with that, my voice came back to me.
In panic, all I could do was insult the kangaroo and try to dodge his punches.
He's already hit my leg once, right on the bone! A bruise already appeared.
At some point, the animal jumped up and hit me on the knee, which caused me to fall right on top of it with a crash and screams.
I immediately got up and started running away, but suddenly a notification from the system popped up in front of my face.
[You've got a new trait!]
[Murderer – you murdered an innocent animal.
Description: You murdered a kangaroo. Aren't you ashamed? Your place is in hell.
Kill counter: 1.]
When I saw this, I turned around to see the corpse of a kangaroo with its neck twisted and a bat clutched tightly in its hand.
And this is what you call an innocent animal? It's not fair!
I walked closer to the corpse, not daring to go into his pouch. All I needed was a bat as a weapon. There will probably be a lot of monsters like this one here.
Next, I took a bottle of water, which he had previously pulled out, but did not open.
Immediately picking up the bottle, I unscrewed the lid with convulsive movements and drank almost half of the contents.
After a long thirst, the water seemed very tasty and even sweet to me.
And so, naked to my underpants, holding an iron bat in one hand and a plastic water bottle in the other, with a leg covered with bruises, I went in search of adventures!
That's what I would say if I were an optimist, in fact I was scared, my whole body was shaking either from the cold or from an overabundance of adrenaline, both legs hurt and were ready to give up at any moment, even normal one.
To begin with, I took a bag of chips and poured in small stones that I could find in the area. They will become my landmarks in the future.
After that, I started trying to determine the sides of the world. Because of the tall trees, the sun was invisible to my eyes. There were other methods left.
In particular, mosses and lichens very often grew on the north side of the tree, but this does not mean that the city is located on the same side.
At the end, I found a plantain. I applied its leaves to the bruises on my left leg to ease the pain a little, and to my feet, because they had already been rubbed into the blood.
[You've improved your stats!]
[Strength: 5
Dexterity: 7
Endurance: 6
Health: 6
Mana: 0
Intelligence: 11
Luck: 2
Medicine: 1]
It seems that for all my suffering, I was able to get a new characteristic. Perhaps, as I progress, my stats will be filled with various characteristics, such as charisma, for example.
But right now I was most interested in rest. Rest and food. And the way out of this forest.