I was lying on the ground, but I didn't fully realize whether I was dead or alive. At some point my right cheek tickled and I sat up, then looked back at the spot where my head had just been.
There was a cockroach! It's pretty big. Noticing that I was no longer lying down, he ran up to me.
"You're funny, little fella," I said, and gave him my hand to climb on it.
When it was in my palm, I raised my hand to eye level.
Out of his mouth... am I saying that right? Do cockroaches have mouths or is there some other word for it? Anyway, a breadcrumb fell out of his mouth.
I looked at it, then at the cockroach, he looked back at me. I narrowed my eyes. And then I took a bread crumb with my other hand and put it in mouth. Of course, I didn't feel the taste, since it's just a crumb.
"Very tasty, my friend, thank you," I thanked the cockroach.
His antennae went up in response, after which he was going to get off my hand and leave. I put my hand on the ground to make it easier for him.
Wow, the local cockroaches treat me better than anyone else in this world!
After that, I looked at the view in front of me. There were dead horses and animals, an overturned and burning carriage.
Suddenly, a silhouette appeared from behind the carriage. It was Uncle Jack! He looked bad, but at least he was alive.
I got up with difficulty and walked towards him. It seemed that he had something in his hands, but because of the smoke it was not completely clear what exactly.
"Uncle, I'm here!" I shouted for him to come out in my direction.
When we got to each other, I could see that Adele, a blue-haired girl, was lying in his arms.
Her face was slightly black from burning, and her hair was tarnished by dust and soot, as was her cloak.
Together with Uncle Jack, we moved away from the fire and put the girl under the nearest tree. We were still in the woods.
As for that guy, he was nowhere to be seen.
"Where has he gone?" I asked Uncle, but he just shrugged his shoulders as a sign of ignorance.
On the other hand, why do we need to worry about him at all? I definitely don't like him.
"Help! Please!" shouted a voice that had already begun to infuriate.
We looked in the direction from which it came, and saw this guy lying under the burning corpse of a fox, from which he could not get out on his own.
Uncle Jack decided to take care of him personally, as I was not in the best condition. I decided to check on Adele.
I sat down beside her. Her hair was falling over her face, hiding it, so I pulled it back.
She woke up from my touch.
"What happened? Are we in heaven already?" she immediately began to ask, getting up from the ground.
I got up after her, but I couldn't help myself and fell. It seems that my critical condition is not just a line of text in the effects column, hehe.
"Are you okay?" Adele asked me, sitting down next to me and putting my head on her lap.
"Really? No," I replied.
"Okay, I'm going to heal you now," she said.
I smiled, waiting for her to act. But she wasn't in much of a hurry.
"Ahem, my spell book was confiscated, but I remember the healing spell!" she tried to justify herself. "It's on the tip of my tongue..."
I opened my eyes wide and looked at her. What the hell?! That's like hearing a surgeon say he forgot how many kidneys a person has, but he remembers how to perform surgery! I don't trust such charlatans.
"You know, I suddenly felt better," I smiled politely.
"Really? But I thought you were in critical condition..." she was perplexed.
"You know what? You better help that guy first, I can be patient," I smiled politely again.
"Oh, good!" she replied.
By this point, Uncle Jack had already dragged the rattail to us. He looked bad. Covered in soot and burns, his face was swollen from previous slaps, and his eyes were red from crying.
Uncle Jack didn't carry anyone in his arms this time, but instead held his hand because the injured man was limping.
"I'll help," Adele said, laying her teammate on the ground.
I watched her movements carefully, afraid to miss even the slightest detail of further healing.
Adele's face was thoughtful, her hands were trembling a little with excitement, and she closed her eyes, trying to remember the spell. Maybe.
And now, the moment of truth has come. She sat down next to the guy, placed her hands on his chest and said the words of the spell.
"Abracadabra!"
What? How did you manage to forget such a simple spell! Is this even it?! Okay, I'm not a magician, it's not for me to criticize her. Perhaps there was something more complicated behind all her actions that allowed her to cast a spell.
"Phew, I finally remembered," she whispered softly, but I heard everything.
The description of the Failures surround me turned out to be very literal. There were words about the fact that I was also surrounded by losers.
But where's the consolation in that?! I'm a loser too!
Ahem, well, it doesn't matter. By the way, this healing spell worked.
Rattail's burn sites turned into just red spots, the bruises healed, and his swollen face and red eyes returned to normal.
"Thank you," he said quietly, getting up from his ground.
After that, the girl came up to me.
"Abracadabra!" she shouted, putting her hands on my chest.
[All negative effects have been removed, health has been fully restored!]
Hurray! My back and ass don't hurt from burns anymore! And everything else doesn't hurt now either. I need to check the stats.
[Name: Assreal Dick-in-son
Age: 20 years old
Race: Human
Level: 1
Strength: 2/5
Dexterity: 3/7
Endurance: 10
Health: 7
Mana: 0
Intelligence: 11/12
Luck: 2
Medicine: 1
List of abilities:
Active:
Provocateur – cooldown 15/24 hours
Insightful 2 – cooldown of 5 seconds, consumption of 1 mana or 0.5 health
Murderous Feast – cooldown 23/24 hours, consumes -1 intelligence every minute of use
Passive:
Failures surround me
Cockroach
Features:
Virgin
Murderer 2 – 7 murders
Survivalist
Listener]
My stats are back to normal, except for strength, dexterity, and intelligence.
Strength and dexterity were cut by half due to the effect of the Murderous Feast and still have not recovered.
Due to injuries, the maximum value of these indicators has decreased, and the debuff has also changed. What is bad is that the numbers in the stats cannot be in the form of decimals and therefore they decrease downwards.
Right now I should have 2.5/5 units of strength, not 2/5.
My intelligence is gradually recovering, and since I have already 11/12, and not 10/12, then at least one hour has passed.
"Well, what are we going to do next? I clapped my hands, attracting the attention of my team.
Uncle Jack shrugged his shoulders in his silent way.
"We have to go back to the city and warn the mayor," Rattail said with an anxious expression on his face.
"And I think it would be better to get to another city and warn the mayor there," the girl replied.
And it's a good idea! Let the authorities deal with this war, not us!
"Great, I like it," I replied, but for some reason I got kinder and added, "who's against it?"
"I am!" replied rattail. Let him just be a rat. "A woman shouldn't give out advice!"
At the same time, he looked at Adele with a menacing look, as if commanding her to be silent. And she... she looked at me with a pitying look.
"What's your name?" I asked the rat.
"Kyle," the guy said.
I narrowed my eyes.
"Are your parents' names Kevin and Karen by any chance?" said I.
"How did you know?" he wondered. The faces of Adele and Uncle Jack also expressed bewilderment.
"It's just that I'm very insight," I replied. "In any case, Adele's idea is very good and safe for all of us. It's better for the government to deal with this than for us."
"But!.." Kyle wanted to object, but Uncle Jack calmed him down by putting his hand on his shoulder.
I nodded to Uncle with a smile, expressing my gratitude. He responded in kind.
"So, where is the nearest city?" I asked.
"At the other end of the forest," she replied.
"Okay... and how many days of walking will it take?" I asked, already suspecting that the answer would not please me.
"About 15 days," she said.
...
What the f*ck? Half a month?! Are you nuts?!
Inhale, exhale, inhale, exhale Assreal...
"Why is it taking so long?" I asked calmly.
"This is a very unusual forest, it's magical!" she replied with a touch of inspiration. "Various miracles are happening here, but there are also many dangers waiting for us! That's what the legends say."
Well, knowing me, there will only be dangers waiting for us.
'Goodbye world, I was not happy to meet you!' ×2