"Are you ok?" He wasn't, but I couldn't help when the sentence slipped my mouth. He was lost in his thoughts, and I was out of soothing words. "He always does this to me. Always. Whenever I am okay in my life, he tries to barge in and ruin it. I would successfully take the first step away from him, and he will triumphantly drag me back." I was confused after hearing this, and again, my problem with soothing words.
Should I begin my question with "how" or "why"?
"Why? I mean, your relationship is a mystery. Don't get offended; I hate to give a second chance to a betrayer." Ouch, followed by a chuckle. "We are childhood friends, and our families are really close." "Is that the only reason?" "We got too much between us, and it's hard to get over everything. I would try my best not to fall again, but he will use my family. My mom easily falls into his trap. Ash is like a second son to her, and my dad has too many business tie-ups with his dad, so he gives in too." Like seriously. "After knowing everything, how the hell is it even possible? Why the hell do your parents have blind eyes? Not to forget your pets." "Pets?" He was perplexed for a few seconds and started laughing. "They are my close friends; don't you dare say something like that again." "Whatever. So?" "It's hard." "Enlighten me. Getting betrayed or patching up with a betrayer again and again?" He sighed with exhaustion.
The ironic part is that my questions are exhausting him but not from being betrayed by the same person. Damn this guy. I can't continue my anger if this is a bloody case. "Trust me, I am confused like hell, and for the first time, I am feeling pity for you." He chuckled in return, and I meant it, especially the pity part. "He will get his way with me." "Well, once for all, you should stop giving bloody chances." "Whenever we broke up, that would be the mindset, but it would be smashed into a million pieces."
Ok, now I am lost for words. What the hell will he do every fucking time? Geez, their relationship is fucking manipulative, and this one is bloody naïve as hell. "You know, I still didn't find the answer I was seeking. How the hell is this even possible?" He huffed. I should be bloody exhausted after hearing these bullshit things. What crap! "How many relationships have you had till now?"
I cringed after hearing the question. I was busy in my damn career and didn't find bloody time. Will he buy my answer? He may think I am still stuck with his memory, which is fucking not true, but not having any relationship till now will only point out different things, right? "I have fallen in love with being single and intend to stay this way for a few years." Slowly, he removed his head from my shoulder and was facing me in shock. Oh god, not in the way he is imagining. "Till now, you didn't date anyone apart from me." Here we go. It's not because of him, not entirely, and it's not that bad, trust me. "I like trying new things with new people, so no." "You know right, you can admit that you have not gotten over me." He burst into laughter. "Fuck off. I do admit that I have had the worst first experience in dating, and thanks to you."
He hummed, and all of a sudden, he was silent. After a few minutes, he spoke. "I don't know whether I apologized to you or not, but I am sorry. Those few months felt too good; I shouldn't have led you on. I was so angry, and I was carried away. Everything felt good with you—the way you were acting to impress me, your naiveness, and other things. You know you were a replica of me, the same way I used to act around Asher. I felt both good and dreadful at the same time. You were reminding me of myself, and I didn't like it. That's not the reason for the betrayal, but it made everything easy. I am not defending myself; I know what I did was wrong, and at the same time, I want you to know how I felt. I don't know why I am telling you everything now. Try to hate me less, please. I hate enough myself, and I don't want to add one more person."
I was dumbfounded after hearing this. Did I mean something in his life? How the hell was I supposed to react now? I mean, should I feel good or something? I didn't, and I did. I hid my true self just to impress him; everyone would do the same thing, right? Being nice. I was a little bit extra, but I couldn't help it considering his background and his long-term relationship. My fake impressing nature took an entirely different turn in my relationship. Is that so?
When I was in college, after waking, my mind was always consumed by Ralph and my mission of making him mine at any cost. Whenever I dream about the same thing, Asher's image always appears for a split second in a mocking way. I would always brush it off and never lose hope of winning Ralph, so I started implementing new schemes to impress Ralph.
I would always reach the college way before it started and wait for Ralph to enter the college. Until Ralph acknowledged my existence with a simple gesture, I would never budge from the place. After a few days, I started saying hello boldly in front of his friends. I would get chores of grunts in return, but never from Ralph; that was enough to boost my spirit.
After my bold move, I started to receive threatening words from his friends and Asher too, not that I was bloody surprised.
I would always weigh the consequences of my actions, and I hate playing with fire if it's affecting me or my bright future. I was nobody, and I wanted to earn so many things to stabilize my life without consistent worries about taking risks and after-effect.
Asher had achieved so much at a young age, not to forget his powerful family background. When he started giving warnings to me, I thought of backing out. I am not Romeo, and I definitely didn't plan to become one.
Whenever I faced Ralph. Most things would be automatic without my knowledge. Like, a smile would always form on my lips seeing his face from far away, my right hand would raise itself, and when he was near, the word 'hi' would always slip.
I never rebuked any threatening words by anyone; not even a single word left my mouth when they were warning me. Over the period, due to a lot of struggling, I became very strong. I had received plenty of warnings and answered then and there in my way, but I was maintaining good guy composure with Ralph and his friends. I never spill my true nature—not even a second.
I didn't back out as I planned after getting warnings, but I went ahead a step. I somehow collected Ralph's number and started texting him, and to my surprise, he responded to me. I started taking food to Ralph, prepared by me, and it always turned out to be delicious as I took extra care while preparing it. We started meeting without getting noticed by anyone. I was ok with anything, and he was ok with it.
Hide and seek, giddiness, butterflies, and hard-on by remembering him. Everything I was enjoying so much; it was my first time, and I so badly wanted to be everything to last with him forever. My subconscious would always kick me out of reality, but I never accepted it until it hit me.
When we were together, I enjoyed every second.
Our hide-and-seek was caught by his friends, and for the first time, Ralph spoke for me. He explained to them how much my company meant to him, and he wanted to continue the same. Of course, they were against it but gave in because of Ralph.
I started mingling with Ralph's friends, and I behaved with more discipline than was required around everyone. I wanted to be on their good side, so I thought it would only happen if I was in good behavior. Ralph and I started to hang out; hitting high-end pubs was not at all hard for rich kids; going to malls was easy; and he started giving company at my workplace too.
When I said pleasing him is not hard, I meant it because, with Ralph, everything was bloody easy. He never complained about anything; he would always spend his money as he knew about my background and no brat behavior. Oh god, at some point, I felt damn lucky.
He was aware of my attraction toward him, but I never dared to ask him out. So much was going on between us, and I was making up my mind. Asher was blocked everywhere, but still, he was pestering Ralph whenever he got a chance, and I think my biggest mistake was never fucking opening my mouth to stop him. I had taken an audience seat whenever Asher was trying to win Ralph.
Asher was loud about his intentions, and it irked me. I was threatened by his constant approaches, but I never left Ralph's side and never stood up for Ralph. He was battling alone; his friends were supporting him, always fighting against Asher. Now I feel like he was battling alone with so many things. Asher's family, his family, and his emotions.
I was only good at being beside him like a mute.
Whenever his emotions were triggered, he would always call me, and I was there for him irrespective of the time. I did not care if it was midnight too, and I was giving my shoulder to cry on nothing more or less; even the sentence 'it's ok or everything is going to be ok' had not left my mouth.
I never thought of this angle before, and I do not like how it is pointing out my mistake. I thought I was bloody perfect in every way, but being mute was not what he needed, for sure. I can defend myself bringing my age and lack of experience; nothing is easing my mind.
I was there for him, tried my best to divert his mind in my own way, and lent a shoulder to cry on, but no supporting words were left from my mouth. Not at least once did I stand against Asher.
We never discussed his relationship with Asher. There were so many things I got to know today that I wasn't aware of or even tried to gather through some means or through Ralph himself. I never questioned anything; my sole goal was to make him date me, and that was it.
The base was solid, but to make it stronger, communication and commitment were required, and I ignored both. My effort was not enough, and being mute only hardened or triggered things for him.
But does all this suffice for his betrayal?