"h-huh?"
She turned her gaze away from me and smiles a little bigger than the smile she wore previously.
It was so close enough. Close enough for me to say it.
I feel like it was so clear but not clear enough for me to comprehend everything until my mouth had the courage to ask.
From the bottom of my beating confused heart, I opened my lips with a straight question on its tip.
"What do you mean you'll give him a chance if he'll ask to?"
And maybe, just maybe, Athena is laughing at me secretly thinking that I'm too dumb to not get what she meant.
"Your cousin, Sir Ethan... He's kind. I'm afraid that he's out of my league if ever. And maybe you're right. He deserves someone from his line of work that can understand him deeply than I can."
Her eyes turned around just to met mine. She smiled like she was never having an ached heart after it.
Is that what my words meant to her? I only wanted to protect her from Ethan.
Ethan is a cheater and I believe he'll always be a cheater after it.
And besides... No
"No." I unconsciously said.
That even me where stunned as soon as I realized it.
"No? What No?" She demanded for reasons.
Can't she fucking feel it?
She's really numb for a reason.
"No, I said no. No... Uh... Ethan is... Ethan is a dumbass!" I said. "Yeah, a dumbass, I'm sure he'll just play with you!"
"How can you say mean thing about Ethan, Cy?"
Damn, now it's Cy.
I breathed heavily. As I pinch my own skin from behind me where I hid my hand to act cool, I felt intense coldness.
It's giving unusual feelings but I am familiar with it.
"I..."
"Atty. Ethan is somehow...."
"Can you please just listen to me instead? I know my cousin more than you, woman!" I can't help but to raise my voice.
Her eyes shows surprise.
That's when I immediately calmed myself down.
"I mean..." I said. "Athena, Ethan is not that..." but it's like I'm insulting Ethan in front of the girl.
I don't know what to say.
I need to be quiet for a moment to gather my thoughts.
Because I know, anytime, I can ruin someone's image just to make sure that she'll not gonna give someone a chance to her.
Especially, Ethan.
He's not gonna be her Boyfriend, he's not gonna have the chance. In any fucking way!
"I'm... I'm gonna sleep. I'm early for tomorrow." She said.
And was about to step her feet away from me but I catches her arm.
I hold onto her tighter.
"Whatever you're thinking, that's wrong. it's... it's because..."
"Cy, I'm not sure if you're just drunk or on drugs. What are you saying? And you're ruining someone's image, don't you get it?"
Athena yanked her arm out of my hand.
She forcibly removed my grip on her arm.
"Whatever it is, Cycy go to sleep." she said.
Her views on me seem to have changed.
And when she averted her eyes, only then did I realize what she was saying.
"So you're mad at me now? Are you mad because It looks like I'm ruining his dignity to you, right?" I questioned.
"Are you that in love with my cousin that it made you act that way?"
"—And are you that mad to say things about him like that way, Cox?"
And with that, my heart stopped beating the moment the world stopped revolving in my eyes.
All I can see is the intoxication of madness in her eyes as she looks at me that long.
Even I can't remember what is true.
Am I still mad? Am I still mad at him?
Am I still angry because of what happened?
We're both innocent that day. And that person is obviously innocent if I sum up the report.
Did Ethan say that already to her so she'll know?
Why does she seem to know something about what happened between Ethan and Ezekiel and me?
and... why do I always seem to be the one who looks bad?
Is she... Already setting her support to Ethan?
More questions, more cluttered mind.
I thought this night would be peaceful for me.
A strong wind whistled coming from the open window as it immediately landed on my skin.
It feels like a dream to me.
A quiet place, I was staring into her eyes, while she was staring at me as well.
The thing is, she's a bit mad.
"Do you know anything?" I will ask.
I quickly swallowed her gaze.
Sometimes, I also dream of being understood by other people.
I'm not always the one who will understand and forgive everyone.
"Cy, go to sleep." she said, not answering my question.
But I'm just more hungry for answers than the sleep I need more.
"Scarlett, tell me, did Ethan say anything about... about my..."
She looks so confused.
I looked down.
Maybe this girl in front of me is still my weakness that even my high ego and pride disappear when I talk to her.
"Cy, no. We're not talking about anything yet. I'm just saying that I can entertain him if Atty. Ethan wants too."
But I don't like you to entertain him!
That's the thing! I don't want you to entertain and talk with that man!
I fucking don't have any rights to do that!
Shit!
"Cy, Cy, are you okay?"
What I don't want is to let other man touches what I wanted to have.
I'm not a giver for Pete sake!
The top of my head tingled.
But I can't help but be annoyed with myself.
Why am I still scared?!
It's just that simple! that I can do that even in thirty minutes but...
Fuck it!
"Hey! Hey!"
Damn it!
"Cy!"
A hard and hot slap landed on my cheek which abruptly made bring back to reality in an instant.
"Cy, sorry! but... your nose is bleeding! Let's go to the hospital!"
She yelled, dragging me through out the door.
But even though my vision started to blur, I chose to stop at the front door.
I saw her worried eyes while her hands were clinging to my arm as soon as I landed my eyes on her.
"Cy, come on..."
"Tell me, Scarlett. What do you like about Ethan?"
"Cy, your nose is bleeding and you're still asking me about that?"
"Tell me. Answer me. What do you like about Ethan?"
I tried to control my tone as I stood so straight that I can look like I'm not going to faint anytime.
Even though I know that in a few seconds my body will give in to the fall.
But I'm still not hearing what I want to hear from her.
I want to know how she settled her heart for that man instead of... instead of... whatever.
What about me? Do I like Scarlett?
"Ethan is just a gentleman. How can you hate him when he's good?" She answered.
How can I hate him when he's good?
really?
no. I don't hate him. I don't hate him.
What I hate is... thinking you might give him a chance to love you.
When the truth is, I want you to give me a chance instead.
"Cy, he's just a friend to me. And I know my place. Let's go and see a doctor instead? Your... Your sleeve's starting to get stains and... And I'm worried, please?"
worried...
worried... it's like "I'm worried."
I seem to remember everything.
My mom, my mom used to say that to me.
My mother is always worried for me because I get sick easily.
She will immediately hold me in my arms and with love, she will force me to have a check up with our family doctor every time that I'm sick.
I'm always sick.
And she knows very well how much I hate doctors and needles.
It will hurt me, it will hurt me that bad.
Because my late father was an engineer and CEO, he used to talk to me about being a doctor.
His dream was to become a doctor, but Lolo Ruben did not allow him to become a doctor because he was about to retire as a Civil engineer at that time.
And he wants his son to follow him in his footsteps.
And as for my father, he wants me to become a doctor.
While his brothers Uncle Frank, Uncle Fabio and Uncle Fred were freely pursuing their careers.
My dad's the first born son.
That's why he is also the one who needs to inherit the only Frevar company have then.
As the firstborn, he should have shouldered their family after Lolo's death.
That's how quickly heaven took my father. Along with my mother.
And I was left with the only company that was about to go bankrupt at my young age.
With only 1 Million won in my bank account transferred from my parent's account,
I worked hard to grow that money.
And I thought, because I was busy, I thought I no longer had love for the girl I bumped into in the hallway when I was a child.
17 years ago.