"Where am I?"
He asked. Trying to get up from the bed as he was wiping his eyes with the blanket he has.
I turned my eyes to see him. Only to understand that he's still in need of assistance.
From the monoblock chair, I stood up and was about to call for a nurse when he uttered.
"Is Ezekiel here?"
It's kinda strange. Ezekiel is the doctor he never really wanted to see base on Bea's story to me. She even said to me how Cy acted weirdly beast in front of Ezekiel, especially Ethan.
The thing is, Cy is now asking for Ezekiel.
I gaze upon him and answered. "You're in the different hospital. But don't worry, Ezekiel knows it. In fact, he asked me to send you to other hospital."
"Uh. Glad to hear that."
Real life asshole he is.
"Right timing, your food is here and... After that, we'll gonna have some blood sample from you. It's needed, Clifford" I said. "So don't try to run away from it. You'll never be okay if you keep on avoiding."
And before I could even set my eyes to see him, I found his eyes staring at me.
He's so soft, he's so innocent. His mad eyes before softened as soon as I saw it.
The ambiance, the scene, the feelings I have, the way I wanted to ask him. The way everything I knew about Cy vanished and was changed into someone I usually don't see to come.
His stylish red hair were now in a serious mess. Kinda not used to it. But that makes him looks so soft.
And I suddenly remembered, why in every tragic that happened to him, I can't see Mr. Fevar to come here or Mrs. Fevar, her mother?
Today's food for him is a regular porridge. Together with two white boiled eggs and warm milk.
And he's eating it now without bad remarks about it nor complaining on how it tastes, knowing that it usually tastes nothing.
I just watched him. I wanted to go home already but I know he's not gonna let me.
Also, I don't want him to be alone. Remembering what the nurses say to me about his fear of loneliness.
Fuck.
I can't even think myself with him for a long time. Yet, I still can't help but to stay—just like how he always says to me.
"Did you eat already?" He unknowingly asked.
I shook my head and lowered my eyes. The mess I've encountered with him from the past week were serious. I almost spent my week with him.
I can't even say no to him due to the urge of helping him. Helping of what? Helping to make it easier for him?
Haha. Jokes on me. I know he can live by himself. Or to survive this even without me.
"Do you like this? We can share this lame food." I heard him offering.
I quickly looked at him and moved my head without hesitation.
"No. Just eat it. I'll go out later and I'll buy something there." I said.
His eyes wandered around the room. Steady breathing while biting his lower lip.
He quickly returned the bowl of porridge he was holding to the tray while taking a deep breath.
While I was quietly waiting for time. maybe I can leave now... Or some time later.
"You're going out? are you going to leave me?"
Again?
I was too stunned to speak.
I can't even count on my fingers of how many times he asked me the same question over and over again.
"Are you going to leave me?"
He would have been with many people in the hospital if he hadn't always kicked out people who were concerned about him like Ezekiel.
Or like Bea who's in the shoot earlier with her new project but prioritize to call and ask about him when she knew about his report.
Or Ethan, who's still nowhere in the world, working.
"I need to get back to my condo." I replied.
"Then just get me out of here then." He said.
Obviously not thinking about how's that possible or how dangerous it is for him.
"Are you crazy? Literally? You're out of your mind, Cy."
"Nah. If you leave, I'll leave. There is no what, how, when, or where." He seriously said.
"I was never informed that you're crazy. I must send you to Mandaluyong instead of here." I muttered.
But the thing is, I can't leave. He said those and I'm sure he'll do that once I leave.
I made my eye to him while trying to avoid making an eye contact. He's now wandering his eyes again around the room as he was trying to pull the dry skin in his lips with his finger.
He looks so child to me. However, there's no denial how beautiful he is even wearing a hospital gown.
More like a K-pop Idol who's just here because he needs to see immediate consultation.
He lost weight, but he never lost his biceps. And I know I am too. I became his nanny for damn weeks!
"Apply this lip serum instead of—"
"Are you afraid of dying?"
"Huh?"
He didn't say anything again. Instead, he took the Vaseline out of my hand and immediately applied it to his lips.
He looks so childish right now, applying it within then will lick it after. Tasting?
My head pounded hard.
The surroundings were quiet—maybe because we were at the far end of the room. Where the nurse sent us because Cy also has records at the hospital.
Of being annoying and stubborn.
"So are you afraid of dying?"
I looked in his direction again. I thought work was the hardest thing in the world to understand, it turned out to be Cy and his fucking attitude.
"No, Cy." I answered sparingly and quickly leaned back in the chair.
"Why?" he asked.
why is that? really?
"So you're not afraid of being lost?"
"I'm afraid of not being understood than being lost, Cy. That's all I know I am afraid of."
He fall back to no words.
He just looked me in the eye and silently nodded.
after a while he spoke again.
"What's... What's your favorite thing to do?"
"Sleeping." I answered
"You're no fun, really. Scarlet." he growled at me.
his innocent look at me quickly changed to annoyance. He rolled his eyes, and rested deeply when he turned his gaze in another direction.
"I'm just making sense here." he uttered. almost whispering. "Trying."
"Sorry, I can't answer properly right now. I... I have a lot of things to think of and..."
"Then why are you still here?" He cut my words.
Sometimes this person is really crazy.
"Because you said so? Don't worry, I'll be leaving soon—"
"No. If you leave I'll leave."
"Cy." I called him.
"I don't understand you. Why do you always like to play with me? Why do you always do strange things to me even since we were Primaries? until now you're still making it hard for me to understand everything. Or maybe you're right? People like you at your level cannot be understood by people at my level?"
I hardly questioned.
Surprise and wonder filled his eyes.
I read it. But it was immediately replaced by a blank expression.
Maybe it was wrong to ask him such a thing now.
The fear I feel every time I see him or hear his name is gradually disappearing.
Also the fear that he might just call me "stupid" or "lack of knowledge" is leaving me but having that trail of trace.
Cy's hand gradually ball into fist. Clinging hard to the sheet while avoiding contact with me.
Sometimes the world turns upside down, gladly that it did to both of us.
"Am I hard to understand?" He raised a quest.
I didn't answer immediately for fear that I might hurt him with my answer.
Like I said, I'm more afraid of not being understood than not being found.
that's why if someone tells me that they don't understand me, I know that in a few seconds I will be crushed.
"I can understand you in certain things."
I didn't know that one day I would be afraid of hurting the person I wanted to reciprocate hurt back then.
With the amount of trouble he brought to my life, I want to hurt him again and again, twice as much as he did. How I wish it would be that easy.
how I wish that was easy for me to do so.
Now is my chance. I can leave him if I want. I can not accompany him contradicting his please to me to stay.
I can not answer him and leave him clueless here. I can leave right now if it's easy for me to do.
I can say that I am going to do something important, more important than him if I wish to.
Or let him die instead if he kept insisting to not get the medication he needs. Who cares? Why do I care?
He said he needed a companion. To sum up, he has someone to be with. There are many of them, his uncle and family.
But why am I here?
Ever since I met him again at the Bar that he owns, my life has become even more chaotic.
I'm like a criminal hiding from his case the way I can hide just to never see him again.
But who would have thought it would come to this? To the point that it all started with one night's mistake? until his stolen kisses and hold to me. Until I saw this side of him.
I didn't know that everything will be so fast for us. Especially me.
He's stubborn. He's a hundred percent irritating person I know.
"I'm sorry. I, myself don't even know how to act around you appropriately."