I don't know, I don't know!
But everything's went slow. Slow to my eyes. Everything is indeed moving so slow, gradually, carefully.
I can't even remember what I am thinking lately or whatever the reason I have to escape.
Just to hear him saying those, my mind plays it multiple times inside.
I remained quietly sitting on the chair next to his bed. I'd better not move, or say a word.
I quickly calmed down my system so that he wouldn't notice that those words had an effect on me.
Time is the ultimate teller. if he is really apologizing for what he did to me before, and for the hurtful words he said, maybe... that term is right.
Could it be that Cox ate something strange that earned him an apology?
or is it that Lord God is about to take him so he is getting kinder?
I hope not.
"I know I'm rude." he said.
He bent down slightly looking at his hand clutching the blanket.
While I was just staring at him.
Never in my life could I imagine hearing this person apologize to me.
For a long time, I said that it might be up to the Lord to charge him.
But why? why is that? there's a part of me that wants to know him more. Be with, talk for a long time. Because there is a part of me that sides with this man. Being rude and annoying. In Cycy that I met.
Half of me is making up imaginary reasons for him to still look right to me.
Half of me is saying I should understand this person more deeper than I can.
That maybe, or maybe? It's just the way he is in primary meetings?
He was very lucky.
I often find it difficult to side with myself but when it comes to him, every thing he does can make a reason.
That Every thing he did deserves forgiveness. Every thing can get through a good conversation.
So I wondered again.
Do I still love this person?
I thought... it's gone?
I blew air again many times.
Too heavy, too much. Many details are going through my mind right now while facing this young man.
"It's okay. I also owe you my life. You saved my life before. And that's okay. Thank you." I said with a smile.
That's right! He might be the rudest person I've ever met, he in fact, saves my life more than three times.
From elementary when I nearly fall from the school's stairs, to highschool when I was about to be hit by someone's car, up until now when I was about to be drag by group of men I don't know in Bea's party.
Whatever the reason is, cupid really knows how to play with me and my feelings for him.
He was looking at me blankly and there was a small gap between his lips.
The smile on my lips immediately disappeared when I heard the door open.
Thinking that maybe Sylvan came, or maybe one of Cycy's cousins.
Only to find out that it is a nurse.
She was holding things, a wide smile on her face and looking at me.
"Ma'am, has he finished eating?" Nurse Love asked me. Who I talked to earlier outside.
"Because, ma'am, if your boyfriend has finished eating, we can now proceed with getting a blood sample from him. It can help us to identify his sickness right away." She said happily.
I nodded. when I looked back at Cycy, his expression still hadn't changed.
"Alright ma'am, I'll be back in a few minutes." The nurse said and immediately left the room.
"I didn't agree, did I?" I heard Cycy complain.
I looked him in the eye before I spoke.
"It's not for you to decide since you need it. I know you're gonna say no again." I said in a low voice.
"But I don't want a syringe!" he complained again. "I hate blood."
So I'm right. He was afraid of blood.
"They'll only require a little, Cox. In fact, you bled more when you were having nosebleed than the amount they're gonna take from you today."
"especially when you punched Dayf. Your hands bleed when you crashed a bottle of beer in him. What more with a dot-sized circle and a small amount of blood?"
"It'll hurt."
"No, it doesn't. Just try to be calm." I insisted.
His lips move to pout. He's like a child who doesn't want to get an injection because of the idea that it will hurt him.
I wanted to laugh but I stopped myself. I'm sure he'll be upset if I laugh because of the idea that he's afraid of syringes.
Big man but afraid of small things.
"Don't leave me." He mouthed. "Stay with me."
I hope he knows that I feel like I'm groping in the dark with what he's doing.
We often disagreed with each other, but there were times when he wouldn't also let me leave.
Like the day I met him again at the bar. He wants me to disappear, and to completely vanished from his sight—which is now replaced by his encouraging me to stay by his side.
I couldn't do anything but stay seated in the chair I had been using.
It's ten in the morning and I'm feeling hungry. And I really like to go back to my place to do my things.
"Cy, I'll be back later." I mouthed.
But before I finished what I was going to say, his face immediately became disillusioned.
"What time is it now? when are you coming back? where were you going?"
The way his eyes were into mine, I just can't help but to sighed.
He's a hundred percent not the Cycy I met. He's somehow, different and attached to me. And the way he was reaching for my hands with his hand, I can clearly tell that's I'm facing a different him.
"It's ten in the morning. I'll try to be back at eleven."
"Try? So you're not confident with that?"
His question was mixed with annoyance.
He became grumpy again. "The difference is only one hour. Why don't you just choose to stay here?" he asked weakly.
I was like a statue stiffened in my seat when I heard those questions.
Oh yeah, when will this person understand me? probably in the end of the world.
"Besides, there's a comfort room here that you can use. Food at the ground, clothes — well, yeah you needed those you can use my card to bought it. Charger? I'm sure there's someone out there at the nurses that can help us with charging our phones. Literally you have here what you need. I see no reason for you to leave."
"Cy." I called him.
"Yes?" he answered quickly while looking at me.
In just a second, his eyes turned cold as he leaned on the bed.
"You can leave now." he said, straight.
The cold air entered our room after I heard those.
He immediately lay down and faced another direction. While I don't understand what to do.
Is he sulking at me now?
"Cy, I'll be back after it." I said as I decided to put my phone on my handbag.
"Nah. Just go. You can leave now."