It's been a month and a half or so since I'd gone to that party.
Me and Austin have been spending time together sparring with each other and his brothers. I asked them to help me set up a workout routine, and they were really helpful. I didn't know the first thing about working out different parts of my body.
Me and Austin would be doing it together, but he's been emotionally and physically unavailable lately, he's spent a lot of his time drinking and partying or whatever he does. His brothers are huge dick heads, they see me as this punching bag that's capable of movement and they never go easy on me. But at least I'm learning how to fight. I've never won a fight against them or Austin, but I've gotten a few good hits on them. And they've taken more than their fair share of hits on me. It's a symbiotic relationship.
Honestly, I'm surprised they didn't kill me the first time we put on the gloves. That sucked.
Austin is a lot bigger than me and was picked on by his brothers and they all learned to fight together. His bros are wanting to become professionals one day. Compared to them, I'm just a little worm. Maybe someday I'll be able to float like a butterfly in the ring.
I also got around to finding a job, but no one would take me in besides Vanessa. She's lenient though, allowing me to come in and out of her store as I please. Or whatever I have time for. It's weird being on the receiving end of store theft, I can see myself in the younger kids who come in and shoplift. But it's fun to yell at them and scare them with the idea of going to prison for stealing candies or pop or whatever.
I've gotten closer to the students in the boardgame club or whatever, they're all pretty okay people.
Charlie has been this support system type of guy, he's very empathetic and genuinely cares for a lot of people, but his attention is often divided between us and Claire. I think we all see the crush he has on her. Except for Claire herself.
Claire is still weird. I think as a sign of our growing friendship, she gave me her chicken waffle recipe. It might be my new favorite food. She also forced me to learn about dinosaurs, rocks, or her new obsession, insects. It's fun though.
Anna's still a bit reserved around me, and she usually can't leave her place on weekends, so we mostly see each other at school. Apparently, her mom doesn't let her leave often, there's a bit of a story behind it that she's never fully explained yet. She's helping me to pass biology though.
Kelly's fucked up, and has constantly shown me his degenerate side, he'll often send me photos of anime girls showing off their armpits, and no matter how many times I say it, he doesn't seem to get it through his head that I don't want to see that shit.
We spend a lot of time at Josh's place, and we started a D&D campaign, I find it hard to immerse myself in it fully, but it's fun to hang out with friends. I've been listening to a lot of music Josh recommended; I don't care for the screamo music though. Except for Underoath, that shit fucks.
It's Halloween today, on a Monday of all days.
A few of us decided to go trick or treating, just me, Claire, Charlie, and Anna. Austin called me a loser for wanting to go with them, and Josh and Kelly said they'd rather be at home. Josh has been obsessed with his guitar lately; he says he wants to start a band in the future. And Kelly is just being Kelly.
Claire loaned me a costume, it's an inflatable tyrannosaurus rex costume. She really likes her primordial creatures. I tried to spice it up, by adding a wizard hat to the top of the dinosaur's head. I stole the hat from someone's yard, it was decorative for a witch decoration. I'll pray the owners to forgive me one day.
Claire was pretty mad for changing the image of her dinosaur, surprisingly. And even more angry for stealing the hat.
Anyway, we've been walking around trick-or-treating for about an hour now.
I and Anna are walking behind Charlie and Claire.
Claire would often shoot daggers my way while looking behind us. I don't know if she's being serious or if she's concocting a personal vendetta against me.
Apparently, T-rexes can't be wizards. They don't have arms to carry a staff, she said while pouting a while ago.
Then she went on a tangent about stuff that I droned out. I've learned to only hear the important stuff that she says. Apparently, T-rex's arms could've been something like a bird's wing, she doubts the prevalence of such tiny arms.
It's about mid-evening right now. The sun in the distance has set, but there's still a minuet amount of sunlight seeping from the edge of the horizon, making a light blue in the western sky that contrasts against the darkness of the East.
Me and Anna haven't really talked much, she's been on her phone. Her attention has been divided; she says she needs to text her mom intermittently to let her know she's okay.
There are a lot of kids walking around on this side of town, we're about 30 minutes away from my place on the "good side" of town.
Most of the kids choose to trick-or-treat around here because there are a lot of "No Candy" signs written on loose-leaf paper and taped onto the front of doors in my neighborhood. There are a lot of people drinking around home too, there's always parties around my place during any big holiday.
The traffic is slow on the streets on the streets, adults are walking with their children every which way, zigzagging across the road and weaving between homes. We've been lagging behind a few smaller kids for a while. When the lights from street cars passing by shines their headlights on them, I can see that they're wearing matching costumes. It's cute.
Anna finally decides to put her phone in her pocket and make the bold claim that she won't be going on it anymore today.
She's dressed as a video game character; I think it's Zelda.
We continue walking for some time, walking in between houses. A few places stopped us and didn't give us candy because we were "Too old to be trick-or-treating."
The alternative for teenagers our age is to be getting drunk and getting into fights on Halloween. Or maybe that's just me. I've managed to stay sober for two months or so. That's a big accomplishment for me, probably. I note that the weight of my pillowcase filled with candy is getting to reach its maximum capacity.
Anna's been a bit giddy in excitement looking at all the kids in their costumes like she's mesmerized by some poorly drawn face paint, or maybe she just enjoys the atmosphere.
She finally turned to me to start a real conversation.
"You know..." Anna opens her bag of candy with both of her hands and stares at her loot from the night.
"When I was a kid, my dad would always take me trick-or-treating, and mom would stay home and hand out candy. But after he passed away, I haven't been allowed to go out for almost, well everything. I never went to school dances or hung out with friends. I was stuck at home for the past three years. It wasn't until recently that I really hammered into my mom that we should be going to therapy and moving forward with our lives." She looks as though she's about to cry, this sudden over-sharing has left me on high alert, it feels like she's opening up to me and I don't want to disregard her feelings.
"She's been having a lot of anxiety, you know. She's scared if she can't always keep an eye on me, that I'd disappear like Dad did. But it's been so unhealthy. I don't know. Being out of the house on Halloween is making me feel so happy. But also, so sad that I'm not doing this with my dad." She looks to me expecting an answer or a reciprocation of the same sentiment.
I'm not sure how to answer that.
"I'm sorry for your loss, I couldn't imagine what it'd feel like to lose a parent." I went with the sympathetic approach, it's a bit much so suddenly, to give a real answer to her feelings. I didn't even have time to prepare, I felt blindsided by her sudden confession.
She smiles softly and closes her eyes for a moment. As though she's recalling all the memories she'd spent with her father. When children pass by holding their dad's hands, she watches them longingly.
She looks like a sad forlorn princess or something. It feels a little dark to be talking about all that while we're trick-or-treating. But I want her to feel like she can trust me to speak with her.
"It was my idea to go trick-or-treating, I'm glad you came with us," Anna said after appreciating the varying costumes of the kids walking by.
Some of them came up to her and said things like "Oh my gosh Mom, look it's Zelda!" with such excitement, and she'd give the same enthusiasm to their costumes.
"It's weird right, we're almost adults and we're going house to house trick or treating. Some of the parents won't even give us candy." She says while laughing.
"Better than being drunk, or at home droning out on video games. I don't know why parents shame us away, the alternative is much worse." She looks at me like I said something smart.
As we're walking, there are a few kids walking up ahead, holding what appears to be a few fireworks. The Roman candle kind. They shoot out little balls of fire or whatever. They're just nestled in someone's backpack. It reminds me of me and Austin when we were kids.
I nudge Anna's shoulder and point toward the firework.
"When I was a kid, I and Austin would play with fireworks like that. We got Austin's uncle to buy them for us. There's this park nearby my place, and we'd take the fireworks there at night and start firing them off towards each other. They shoot this little fireball out or whatever, and we'd make a game out of it. Austin has a burn scar on his shoulder from me. Seeing those fireworks is a bit nostalgic. We were stupid kids like that." She looks at me with confusion, probably wondering why anyone would ever do that.
"Did you and Austin always hang out? How did you two get into being such... assholes? I mean you aren't anymore, he still kind of is." She asks as we approach a house up ahead.
I pause in my answer and watch the enfolding scene at a house we're about to hound for candy.
There's a man at the doorway of the house who is dressed as a pirate, he's equipped with a hook hand. He made some sort of gag to the kids about not being able to carry the candy bowl and give them candy.
The kids looked a bit sad before the wife comes and joins in on their comedy bit. Removing the hook in a silly manner, popping up from behind him and reminding him of the amazing pirate doctor who reattached his hand during their last voyage.
"But I like the decoration and the excuses I can make with a hook hand!" He says to the wife.
They continue entertaining the kids in front of them, it's heartfelt. That's the kind of adult I'd like to be if I ever become a real adult.
He extends his now hookless hand to the children, candy bowl in hand while giving the mom an angry look. Their faces beam with excitement as they begin grabbing as much candy as they can.
This must be a simple joy in life, watching others be happy. The dad must know what's really important in life.
Us teens stand back and give a lighthearted chuckle to their comedy bit. Claire and Charlie are up ahead, and I can't see their faces. But I can hear Claire and Charlie's voices laughing at them.
We choose not to trick or treat here, and I finally answer Anna's question.
"Me and Austin grew up together, we grew up poor. So, I don't know, we got into bad crowds and did dumb shit in our neighborhood, just being bad kids. Then we met Eli, and he was like, a catalyst for us to begin really drinking and getting into drugs. There was also my ex, Sarah. I'd dote on her every mood while she dragged me into drinking and smoking weed, or whatever it was that she wanted. I'd do what I could to make it happen." I was staring straight ahead while saying this, when I turned to Anna, she was peering at me with a sincere and genuine look in her eyes.
"Maybe there's some deficit in my life I was trying to fill with drugs and Sarah. I'm not sure. She's actually dating Eli now. I don't really care too much about it, if they're happy and she stays away from me then I don't really sweat the small stuff." I say to her.
"I never took you for such a philosoraptor." Anna snickers and laughs at her own joke.
I forgot I was wearing this T-rex costume for a second.
She bumps her shoulder into my costume.
"Then let's do our best to both fill our little deficits and voids. I'm happy you joined the club and have been hanging out with us." She looks ahead.
"And you can tell me more about those things you feel like you lack in the future, right?" She turns to me and smiles, probably waiting for some reciprocating feelings from me.
"Yeah, now you guys are stuck with me," I say to her while looking at the cars passing by.
After walking around some more, I start to think that it's gotten pretty late. I asked Claire if we could stop by her place, and I'd drop off her costume. She told me not to worry about it, I just removed it and decided to carry it and walk home. Charlie said he'd walk Claire home, very noble of him.
I hope Charlie won't have an unrequited love with Claire, but I know she's weirdly unattuned to things like love.
When I part ways with the three of them, I begin to think about all sorts of stuff.
There was a time when Charlie asked me how I started dating Sarah, I don't really remember all that well. I recall being at a friend of a friend's place, drinking. And Sarah was there, playing on her phone at the table, and I drank more I just became confident enough to talk to her.
I think he wanted to find a way to approach Claire with all his feelings, but I offered no recourse. I'm not good with my own feelings, but I'm getting better.
Now that I think about it, she sorta of just, asserted herself and sat in my lap or something while we were all drunk. I don't know, it just took off from there. But there was no real romance involved, it was a very situational relationship. If it weren't for our impromptu meeting, I don't think me, and Sarah would ever talk to each other normally.
I begin to stare at the sea of stars above me and begin noting the different constellations that Anna taught me.
While staring for a bit longer than I'd like to at the stars, a few words Charlie spoke to me filled my mind.
"We've known each other for so long, me and Claire. I don't know if she feels the same way about me or if she even thinks about relationships at all. She's only ever been concerned with science... and learning. She also forgets what's happening around her all the time, her mind is always in the clouds. But that's what I find so charming about her, you know? Like I feel as though I could listen to her forever. Even if I have nothing to add to the conversations. She makes me smile with just the tone of her voice."
"I don't think I'll ever feel this way about anyone ever again." And his wide smile was piercing. he's so innocently in love. His emerald, green eyes are always looking at her.
Personally, I don't think I've ever felt that way about anyone.
Just as I think that though, I got a text from "Stranger" on my phone.
"Heyyy, I'm so bored. What are you doing" Oh, she didn't text me today? We see each other in class but she'll usually bother me around lunch.
"Hey, Stranger," I reply and continue walking.
I checked the time as I looked at the text.
9:37 P.M
The traffic has long settled down, the bustling streets returned to the low-traffic area of my own neighborhood. As I'm walking, I noted the loud sounds of music blaring from the houses I passed.
There's a mother and child walking just a bit ahead of me, the child is crying. I don't think he wants Halloween to end. He probably wants to keep playing out with his mom. She looks tired, and almost as though she's resigned herself from consoling him.
The kid's doing the weird dead-weight thing that kids do while the mom is holding their hand. They stop in their tracks as the child falls to the ground and begins crying even louder. I'm not too far behind them, and I eventually make it the mom and son. I couldn't tell if they were a boy or a girl from where I was standing.
I kneel to the boy and tell him:
"Hey, buddy. I know it sucks that Halloween is over, I love Halloween too." I say softly, hoping to comfort him.
In between sniffles and tears flowing out of his face, he gives me his attention.
"But hey, you know what? If you be a really nice boy and head home with your mommy, I can give you my candy from when I went trick-or-treating, how does that sound?" I try to be as considerate to this child as I can, maybe it'd help if I was in the t-rex costume. I hope I don't seem like a creepy guy.
He listens to what I say and then turns to his mom, she seems as though she's agreeing that he can take it.
The boy stopped his crying and is now sniffling the snot back into his nose that's been running down his face.
His mom takes her sweater sleeve and wipes his tears and then his nose.
I tell him that I can pour all my candy in his bag or give it to his mom to carry. He says in a high-pitched tone of voice.
"I'll take it, I'm a big strong boy." And then smiles at me.
I hand him my candy; his arm drops as he takes the pillowcase full of candy and it lands against the concrete sidewalk. His mom laughs a little and in a motherly tone says:
"My boy, I'll carry it for you, okay, I won't steal any either. You can just hold my hand instead." And takes the candy from him, then she thanks me. I tell them to have a goodnight and begin walking ahead of them, moving at a faster pace than before.
After a few more minutes of walking, I pass by Vanessa's shop. All the lights are out, it looks like she closed up early. Her store is on the corner of a four-way intersection, literally a corner store. At night, the store looks a little creepy.
It looks very, well. Little. Actually.
Everything used to seem so large when I was younger, and her store was where I'd frequently find myself with Thea. I lift up my arm and look at the T-rex costume and wonder if she'd laugh that I was wearing it.
After looking at the exterior of her store, the outer layer of the store looks like it's covered in painted tan-colored crushed rock. The windows are barricaded by steel bars, and even the front door has a gate that closes and locks with a padlock. I don't know how she managed to keep this place from being broken into, a lot of people around our part of town respect her.
Most businesses around this part of town have closed, or business owners just refuse to invest around here. It really makes me feel like my place in the world is at the bottom of the hierarchy in society. It's fine, I'm going to get out of here one day.
I turn away from Vanessa's store and begin walking the last stretch of street home. As I'm doing so, I take my phone out to check the time and see if I got a text back.
Stranger: "You still haven't changed my name in your phone, have you? You don't gotta call me a stranger every time you reply to me."
Stranger: "Anyway, what r u doing for Halloween?"
Stranger: "And change my name to Emma Already!!"
Hah, as if. She's the one who made her own contact on my phone.
I'll reply with...
"Sorry, I don't take instructions from strangers. And I'm not doing much, I went trick-or-treating, and I'm walking home right now."
There's also a message from Kelly.
"Uwu, want to play some CoD with me later? Nya~"
I'm not going to reply.
There's a text from Josh too.
"Widdlyscuds."
I don't know what that means.
It's gone completely dark in the sky by now, I finish my walk home. Mostly keeping my head down while walking, I'd say that my neighborhood is like a 7 on a scale of 1-10 of dangerousness. I try to walk fast at night, so I don't get jumped.
I actually did get jumped once in the past, and it was when I was a little kid. I was walking with a sandwich and a can of Pepsi, and an older kid on a bike had come by and punched me in the face and took it from me. The sandwich was for Thea, and I tried to get it back. But his friends all came by with their bikes, a few of them were carrying golf clubs or bats. Or just broken hockey sticks, I don't really remember it too well.
And well, you know. I got my ass kicked by them, and Thea went hungry again that day.
Man, that's a sad memory.
Finally, at home, let's go in through the backyard. No more time to think of sad memories, which reminds me, I fixed up the lawn last month. The overgrown weeds and grass, I cut them all down and pulled them out while doing some gardening. It looked so ugly back there for so long. I even found an old bike; the tires were flat, and it was completely rusted. But I rode that bike as a kid, even when I outgrew it. There was a flame sticker still on the frame of the bike that I'd put on when I was younger. I thought it would make me drive faster.
I try to walk into the backdoor, but it's locked. I've got my keys though, so no problem. I guess no one's home.
After unlocking the door and walking in, it smells like Mom cooked something earlier. All the lights are out in the house, the living room is empty. My dad would normally be home passed out by this time, maybe he's at the bar.
I walk into the kitchen and turn on the lights. There's some old chicken on the countertop, it's wrapped in saran wrap.
I drop Claire's costume on a chair on the table and walk over to the counter and begin peeling off the plastic film.
After taking a bite or two of a chicken drumstick seasoned with, something. I think this is shake-and-bake. Classic shake and bake. Nice.
There's also some rice, but it feels cold and dry. So does the chicken. I put the film back onto the plate and toss it in the fridge. While in there, I grab a can of pop and down it. The carbonation feels gross, I haven't really been drinking any soda lately. I usually stick with water.
Maybe all that walking made my blood sugar low. What a weird thought, I'm not old enough to care about my blood sugar.
I toss the can in the garbage and go to lock the back door before walking upstairs.
After making it to my room, I don't bother to turn on the light. Just gonna rip off my shirt and jump into bed. Pulling out my phone, there's a text from stranger Emma.
"Oh, you actually went out. That's weird haha" she says.
"I just stayed home and watched movies all night. Me and Carly watched a scary movie now she's scared to sleep lolol"
I haven't watched a movie in a long time, maybe I should try that someday.
There's a sudden surge of tiredness that overcomes me, and a wave of fatigue.
I don't even have the energy to carry my phone, I place it on the pillow beside me and try to keep my eyes open. I didn't bother to lock the phone, the light of which is slightly illuminating my ceiling. I look up at the popcorn pattern on the ceiling and begin to drift into sleep. This feels like the fastest I've ever fallen asleep.