"Fucking Google Maps" Stanley complained once again as they finally, finally arrived.
Ezraphel was just as incensed at their situation as her Stanley because she wasn't a fan of vehicles even after all these months and being trapped in one for nearly an hour was not her version of a good time. She could at any point teleport away but she would never leave her Stanley alone so she had to find other ways to amuse herself.
Unfortunately giving head was out of the question due to Stanley setting the rule of no distracting him from driving leading her to find other ways to amuse herself. She ended up spending the entire time watching videos on the laptop she stored in a portable pocket dimension. Stanley couldn't even begrudge her for it, actually he was thankful for the distraction which also gave him insight into what his girlfriend enjoyed watching on her own time that wasn't porn.
As they disembarked from the car into the parking lot Ezraphel did various stretches to work the kinks out of staying in one place for what was essentially an hour. It managed to attract some attention since of course they weren't only ones who figured they could buy a literal Christmas tree here. Luckily Stanley solved that issue with a glare filled with intent causing the onlookers to avert their gaze.
Once they got inside Stanley deliberated with the man at the front who managed to maintain his focus enough to ignore Ezraphel's presence before the duo were directed to an open lot. Ezraphel's inquisitiveness shined through as she hit an available employee with various questions that even Stanley paid attention to. According to the employee they reserve a spot on the lot for Fir trees specifically for this time of the year. Fir trees along with Spruce and Pine trees are the trees commonly referred to as 'Christmas Trees.'
It was an interesting bit of knowledge Stanley himself didn't know.
The employee led them to an open lot that was filled with trees. There was a measuring chart as well as a cart filled with cutting instruments. Turns out customers will have to search through the lot for the tree they want within the outlined barrier which happens to be a thin piece of wire running across the ground at either ends of the lot. Once they pick a tree they will also have to secure it themselves hence the bucket of saws.
Of course they could call an employee for help; however, the prospect of hunting down her own Christmas tree had Ezraphel grabbing a hacksaw from the cart and dragging him off. Already there were people milling about the lot and from the looks of how many stumps there are it would seem that even more came before them.
"Which one should we get?" asked an excited Ezraphel as she looked around.
"Probably something that doesn't look like it'll die before Christmas rolls around."
He said this while looking at a rather short and thin tree with only a few branches.
"Hmm, I could always make it healthier with my mana" Ezraphel suggested.
Stanley didn't know if that was a good idea or not. The first thought to jump at him was the consequences of allowing her to corrupt a tree.
"…is it going to turn into a Mamono if you do that?"
Ezraphel looked at him for a moment before replying with a single word "no."
"Are you sure?"
"Plant-type mamono were either monster plants or humans prior to their transformation" she stated going into what he called 'lecture mode' "regular plants don't become Mamono unless under specific circumstances like introducing certain mana types into them. If that wasn't the case then every plant in every demon realm would become a mamono which is not the case at all."
"So what you're saying is that if you corrupt a tree and let it sit it won't suddenly become a Dryad or something?"
"It would take more than just injecting demonic energy into a tree to create a Dryad Stanley. I can't actually create nature spirits."
He scoffed "knowing my luck some other bullshit would happen like I don't know, it starts growing prison fruit or something."
"It's actually called Prisoner Fruit."
"Yeah and what are the chances that a corrupted tree grows Prisoner Fruit?"
"…"
Her lack of answer had his eyes narrowing "Ez?"
"Yes?" she said 'innocently' while not quite meeting his gaze.
"What are the chances that a corrupted tree grows Prisoner Fruit?" he repeated sternly.
"…it depends?"
"Explain."
"Different plants have different reactions towards being corrupted. I never really paid attention to it so I don't know the specifics but what I do know is that it is only trees or plants that produce edible fruits or vegetables are able to produce a corrupted variant."
"…I don't think you should corrupt the tree in any case."
"I wasn't planning on 'corrupting' the tree in the first place."
"But you just said-"
"Recall the time when I organized the Easter celebration Stanley"
He paused and nodded "yeah, what about it?"
"Can you recall the environment?"
He did and it was filled with grass, flowers…and trees…
"Wasn't it a Demon Realm?"
"No merely a spirit realm I've designed to mimic nature similar to a Bright Green Demon Realm sans the corruption."
"Bright Green Demon Realm" he muttered to himself seeming to remember such a thing.
"In that sense I am more than able to take care of plants without corrupting them."
"Okay" he raised his hands in surrender "my bad, guess I wasn't really familiar with your game."
"Hmph it would do you well to remember this next time" she sniffed imperiously before walking away with a noticeable sway in her hips.
Twenty Minutes Later…
So turns out picking a tree from the lot is much more difficult than expected. Not all the trees are the same and Ezraphel insists on getting his opinion on the matter if only to make him feel included. Stanley naturally wants to go gravitates towards the cheapest except those trees are short, devoid of branches and just plain ugly.
'At this rate we'll just have to use magic to make it look worth a damn' he thought with a scowl.
"I believe planting the Christmas tree in a Bright Green Demon Realm might be inevitable Stanley" Ezraphel spoke unknowingly echoing his thoughts in a sense "or we could try somewhere else."
'And go through traffic again? Fuck no.'
"Don't you have a spell that can speed up the process a little?"
Ezraphel looked to him and stared.
"What?"
Her lips pursed and he could feel an almost nervous energy about her.
"…did it not occur to you to use magic to search for a tree?"
She shook her head negatively.
In lieu of criticizing her he merely sighed "do it."
"What about the cost?"
"Ez, at this point I could give a damn about the cost just get us something in the next five minutes or I'm getting a fake tree."
One spike in her mana later and she led them to the border where a tree stood as the seeming lone survivor in a field of stumps.
"Looks nice but I'm not sure we can take this one though."
The reason why such a fine specimen of a tree was left alone became obvious as it was behind the wire barrier. Though it was definitely closer than most of the trees he's seen thus far.
'It wouldn't surprise me if one of the employees reserved it for themselves' he thought not even feeling mad about the prospect.
Humming to herself the Lilim walked to the other side of it "from this angle it can be misconstrued as being in front of the border."
Stanley walked over to her side and looked down to find the wire barrier still visibly in front of the tree.
"No it's still behind it."
Then the wire is suddenly snapped in half in front of the tree only to mend itself behind it looking as if it was always the case.
"How about now?" asked Ezraphel with a grin.
'Well shit'
He looked at her with a matching grin "well can't argue with that now can I? But we should get one of the employees to take a look just to be safe."
"Hmm" the Lilim hummed before looking around "oh there's one right there."
Just as she pointed at one of the men speaking to another couple before walking off. The two intercepted him and brought him to the tree they chose. The man was rightfully skeptical but upon seeing the wire barrier was behind the tree became confused. He went for his superior whom looked just as confused as the one before.
After inspecting it for a moment he turned to them with an apologetic expression "sorry folks but this one's not for sale. There must have been a mistake when they were laying down the wire."
"There a reason why we can't just buy this one?" Stanley questioned.
He explained that it had to do with the way how they plant the trees which sounded dubious to him but what did he know about this stuff?
As the two left Stanley could only shrug "damn shame. Think you can find another one?"
"No"
Ezraphel's answer had him look to find her with furrowed brows staring at the tree "no you can't or…" he trailed off meaningfully.
"I want this one" she stated seriously.
"Well unless you can convince whoever owns this place to sell it-"
"Good idea!" Ezraphel grinned "I'll be right back."
Stanley watched her run to intercept the two retreating employees before she started talking to the one who was the superior. Afterwards the two led her away back to inside the building. A couple minutes later Ezraphel returned with a new person with the two previous employees trailing behind them. Once they were in view Ezraphel pointed at him or rather she pointed at the tree.
They spoke for a moment and while he couldn't hear them he could certainly guess what was happening. His suspicions become validated when Ezraphel suddenly hugged the man out of nowhere before detaching from the now flustered man. Stanley folded his arms as Ezraphel spoke to them some more before making her way towards him with a skip in her step an air of triumph and a look of smug satisfaction.
"We can take the tree!"
Stanley said nothing looking from the cheerful Lilim to the flustered men she left behind who were still in a daze.
"Was that really necessary?" he couldn't help but ask.
Ezraphel was clearly not expecting such a reaction as she lost some of her cheer "did I do something wrong?"
"I mean, I don't have a problem being a little dishonest to get a better deal it's just…" he trailed off shaking his head "don't do that again."
As he trailed off Ezraphel suddenly wrapped her arm around his head in a side hug smooshing his head into her side boob.
"Aw, I'm sorry you had to see that Stanley. I promise he means nothing to me."
Stanley was not amused by her words but at the same time he didn't feel any particular way about what she did either. They were way too deep into their relationship for him to feel insecure about her. Infidelity in any form is a literal impossibility for both of them. No it wasn't jealousy or insecurity that made him feel this way.
If he was being honest he kind of felt bad for those guys. As someone who was the target demographic for OnlyFans thots he did not like the idea of hapless men getting tricked by beautiful women to their financial detriment. Even now despite the relatively harmless application of seduction on Ezraphel's part as well as the low stakes outcome and not being directly involved in either suggesting or executing this idea he still felt responsible via association and that made him feel…skeevy about the whole thing.
Shaking his head to dismiss these thoughts he moved on "let's just get the three and get out of here."
"…okay" spoke an Ezraphel who still seemed unsure wanting to question him further but acquiescing to his direction.
Before he could get to work Ezraphel took the hacksaw and cut through the stem of the tree in a single swipe. Before it could fall Ezraphel hoisted the tree on her shoulder easily and turned towards Stanley.
"Let's go."
Stanley could only stare at her "right."
'Sometimes I forget how freakishly strong she is even without magic.'
Together they ventured to the checkout and while he felt exasperated by her actions he had to admit the sight of people gawking at Ezraphel carrying a relatively sizeable Fir tree over her shoulder as if it were styrofoam amused him. What wasn't amusing was the price that might as well have given him a dramatic anime slap across the face. He had to look at Ezraphel's smiling face to gather the courage to make that purchase.
'Look on the bright side Stan; after today you will never have to get this stuff again.'
HA!
Stanley looked about himself for a moment 'what the…'
"Stanley?"
His attention was turned back to Ezraphel who once again held the tree over her shoulder.
"I'm ready" she informed.
"Right" he nodded and the two left the building heading to the parking lot.
After lowering the back seats Ezraphel loaded the tree and the two left. Luckily the traffic coming back was better than going out making for a swifter ride back home. They even managed to make it back before the decorations were delivered which was quite the relief. As he explained to Ezraphel on their way back this is the time of year where fucking porch pirates were more active. 'Porch pirates' are absolute assholes who steal packages left by deliverymen at front of the door.
Luckily he didn't really need to worry about those since Ezraphel apparently took initiative in layering the house with anti-theft enchantments. It didn't do anything more than instill within anyone who comes within a certain distance from the house the feeling of not stealing from it. They will use any form of internal reasoning to convince themselves that stealing within the vicinity of the house would be a bad idea.
That's good to know although part of him wouldn't mind if those bottom feeders end up punished in some way. Unfortunately Ezraphel did not have the ability to induce karmic retribution so he'll have to settle with just not being bothered by thieves this holiday. A consolation prize if nothing else since he really did not like porch pirates, he had one too many packages of his stolen by those godless bastards.
Anyway the moment they arrived home and the garage doors shut behind the car Ezraphel teleported away with the tree to do whatever. Meanwhile Stanley exited the car doing his own stretches before making his way back to his office. Once there he booted up his PC once again as a thought he had been ruminating on and off reared its head again. This rumination ultimately stems from a single question that's been plaguing him for the majority of his time since leaving the house.
A question that he once again asked himself while staring at his monitor.
'What can I get Ez for a Christmas gift?'