The Adventures Of Captain Dither: Let's Go For A Walk
Captain Dither was first, again, at the studio, the next morning. Ever since he'd taken over the place, Captain Dither made a point to be the first one to arrive at the building in the morning. Captain Dither took pride in the type of job he did. He smiled, letting himself into the building.
Inside his office, Captain Dither waited for his computer to boot up and poured himself a cup. Captain dither sat before his email. Someone had replied. Someone had replied to his reply. About meeting for assistant.
Captain Dither stared blankly at the screen. He didn't remember receiving the initial email. He didn't remember responding to the email. And now he had someone wanting to schedule a time for an interview. Captain Dither shrugged. "Can you meet me this morning at 9AM?" He responded and gave the address of the production company. He sent the email. Captain Dither sighed. The only thing to do was wait for the response. He decided that he would need breakfast before he would be able to continue. Captain Dither got up from his desk. He went to go hunt down some donuts and coffee.
When he returned to his desk, Captain Dither was pleased to see a response to his email. The interviewee would not be available for this morning. "No big deal." Captain Dither said aloud to himself. Captain Dither sent another email suggesting that 2PM might be better.
Captain Dither closed his computer. He turned his attention back to the donuts and coffee in front of him. He broke a donut in half and dunked one half into his coffee. He bit into the pastry enjoying the bitter liquid squirt down the back of his throat. At some point, Miss Jay came in. Captain Dither smiled at her and then realized that he probably had a mess all over his face. He cleaned his face up with a napkin. "Morning!" He tried to sound cheerful.
Miss Jay waved a flash drive at Captain Dither. She put it on the desk and walked away. Captain Dither scooped up the drive with glee. He loved the cat videos. He also found the stories cute, as well. He opened his computer about ready to put the drive in and play. When he saw the fresh email in his inbox he discovered that 2PM wouldn't work for the person asking about the job.
Captain Dither frowned. Maybe this person wasn't as interested in having the job as they wanted. He wanted to give them one last try. Captain Dither responded to the email giving them his cell number and asking them to get in touch with him to discuss a time that would be best to meet. Then, Captain Dither loaded the video.
-Video Start-
Witney snoozed upon her perch. It was a lazy day and she was having trouble getting motivated. Her face exploded in a big sneeze sending snot and slobber all over the human servants that she had taken under her care. Harry wiped away the spittle. "Did Witney have face explosions?" Harry laughed. He scratched Witney along her jaw. Witney's mama was lazing on the couch herself. Mama seemed to have a hard time staying motivated to work. She was a writer, but outside of writing, mama worked hard as a dishwasher to make ends meet. Mama like to say she goes off to work to earn money for Witney's Catfood. Witney rolled her eyes. She didn't eat that much. The joke didn't appear as funny to Witney as it was to mama. Witney yawned and stretched herself into a witch cat like figure. Let's go for a walk She wanted to say, but the sound she made was only a chirpy "Eh," to Harry and Mary. Witney walked the length of the back of the couch and returned. She was disappointed that mama and daddy didn't follow or join Witney on her walk. She soothed her disappointment by nibbling on some chicken nuggets that had been left out for her. After her walk and snack, Witney yawned. She settled in to take an after walk/after snack nap. It had been a good day.
-video end-
Captain Dither sat back in his chair and checked his phone. He had a voice mail. He never even heard the ringtone go off. "Hi!" Came a cheerful voice on the phone. "This is Cat. I am calling about the interview. I can be there at 3p today." Captain Dither chuckled, nervously. Then called the number back. This time, he got HER voicemail" Uh... Hey, Cat, this is Captain Dither...um returning your call. 3p would be fine." He gave the address of the studio. He, then, repeated the information he gave into the phone for her voice mail.
Captain Dither ended the call and put his head on the desk. The game of phone tag was getting old fast. Captain Dither sat up. He leaned back in his chair letting out a sigh of frustration. Dither entertained the thought that if he had an assistant he wouldn't have to play stupid phone tag. He'd have someone else playing phone tag for him. He smiled.
Captain Dither glanced at the clock. He was bored. He wanted this interview with this assistant to be done and over with so he could get back to brainstorming ideas for new videos. Captain Dither's phone buzzed with the arrival of a new message. He picked it up and looked at it. Cat wouldn't be able to make it at 3 after all. Captain Dither rolled his eyes he wasn't sure if this person really wanted the job or was just messing with him. 'Whenever you get here, is fine. I'm in my office, just text when you get here, so I can let you in. K/' He responded in text. ';-)' was the reply. Captain Dither really wished that there was a set of instructions that came with texting.
"Why are periods so angry, anyway?" He wondered aloud and chuckled to himself. He had never interviewed or hired anyone for a job before. He'd been to interviews for jobs, this was his first time on the otherside of the hotseat. Captain Dither shook his head. He supposed that he should get a little prepared for the interview. He knew he'd have to ask questions. That made sense to him.
Captain Dither took out a pen and paper to jot a few notes and figure out what questions to ask. He smiled and wrote down the question he just asked himself aloud. At least it was a start.
After that, Captain Dither leaned back in his chair. He tapped his pen upon the paper. Captain Dither thought about what he wanted in an assistant. He already knew he hated phone tag. 'How would you handle a phone tag situation?' Captain Dither put on the paper. He reviewed the question to see if the tone was professional. Captain Dither frowned at the question he heard in his head as he read. He shook his head and crossed off the question. 'How do you do with phone calls and scheduling appointments?' Captain Dither smiled at the revision. He supposed that an assistant would need some office skills. 'Can you type? How well? How fast?' Captain Dither liked the questions when interviewing an assistant, but he had no idea what good typing skills were or what speed was fast or not.
Captain Dither hung his head. What if this assistant he was trying to corral really knew her stuff? What if she answered the questions with real skill and used words and terminology he didn't know or understand. Captain Dither realized that he might want to do some research before hiring this assistant.
Like a shot, Captain Dither sat up and opened his laptop. He Googled typing and typing tests. He found a link he could try to test his own typing speed. Captain Dither clicked the link and started the test.
The test itself seemed silly. Nursery rhymes, dictionary definitions, boring uninteresting passages about geographical locations across the globe. Captain Dither was supposed to retype the passage in the space provided and the test would calculate his accuracy and speed. As far as Captain Dither knew, it was a standard test that was used in all typing classes.
Captain Dither clicked the button to begin the test. It lasted only a minute, but felt like an hour. Captain Dither broke out into a sweat. He made mistake after mistake. By the time the test was done, Captain Dither's accuracy was 12% and his speed was 25WPM. Captain Dither looked at his own results and grimaced. He figured that if the assistant could beat his score, they would work out fine. Captain Dither bookmarked the link to have the assistant try it to see what they do. Nothing like making the new assistant sweat through their own test to make up for keeping him waiting all day for nothing.
Captain Dither's stomach rumbled. He felt like he needed a break. Captain Dither got up from the desk, slipped his phone in his pocket, and stepped outside. Captain Dither was scrolling through a Pizza menu when a car pulled into the parking lot. "Finally!" Captain Dither hissed putting his phone away. He was disappointed and pleasantly surprised when Nick got out the car. He waved trying to act friendly. "Hi, Nick, long time no see. How are you doing?"
"I'm doing great!" Nick was full of energy as always. "How's things here?"
"So so." Captain Dither answered. "We're producing Miss Jay's cat videos for children's entertainment and my brother does comedy. I'm trying to get him to record a comedy special here."
"You're producing something." Nick encouraged. "Something is better than nothing. What are you doing out here, though?"
"Well..." Captain Dither blushed. "I received an email from someone asking to be my assistant. I laughed at first, but the more I think about it, I think I might need one." Captain Dither chuckled, rubbing his head. "I've been in phone tag hell all day and it's been driving me batty."
Nick's eyes danced as he shared in Captain Dither's laughter. "Phone tag sucks, that's for sure." Nick looked around, quickly. "I don't want to keep you if your busy..."
"Nah, " Captain Dither shook his head. "I'm not that busy. Just waiting for this assistant. Want to come in? I know it's been awhile, I bet you miss the old place."
"A little..." Nick waited while Captain Dither opened and held the door for him. "You've cleaned!" Nick gasped. Beyond the cleaning, there wasn't much else that had been changed since Nick's time with the warehouse.
"Yeah..." Captain Dither grinned, sheepish. "I was brainstorming and got distracted by cleaning the clutter." The pair shared a laugh.
Captain Dither escorted Nick to his office, which used to be Nick's. Almost on reflex, Nick went to sit behind the desk, as he was accustomed. Instead, Nick went and sank into a deep, well-worn leather couch. "What was in the email that assistant sent? You've got me curious. Phone tag, waiting all day for nothing. I admit I'm stymied."
"Me too." Captain Dither responded. "I thought it was a prank at first, but figured why not."
"Was there a name attached to the email?" Nick smirked. He watched Captain Dither with intent.
"Cat Video." Captain Dither shrugged, then turned red. "Yeah, I hear it too. The name sounds made up, now that I think about it. But who...?" A shiver went down Captain Dither's spine. "You don't think it was Uncle Bob and Mama Witt, do you?"
"No-!" Nick choked. Nick appeared to be holding his breath. He had a big grin on his face and looked on the purple side. "I... don't think it was them. Tch!"
"Are you okay, man?" Captain Dither got a cup and filled it with water from a sink in a little bathroom off to the side. He gave the cup to Nick.
"Fine!" Nick took a sip to be polite then set the cup aside on a nearby coffee table. "I have to tell you something about that assistant. Or better." Nick picked up his phone.
A few minutes later, Captain Dither's phone dinged. Captain Dither raised a skeptical eyebrow but read the text. The message was from Cat Video's number. 'Hi, Captain Dither, this is Nick. Can I be your assistant? You can call me Cat Video if it makes you happy. 8P.' Captain Dither stared at his phone then at Nick then back at his own phone. Nick burst into peals of laughter that could be heard throughout the empty warehouse.