'15th March... Today is my new start at Hanseong High School as a high schooler. The ceremony went extremely well, and I managed to make a few friends from the first day. It's been a good start for me today, and I don't want to forget it.
March 16, so today was like Day 1 of high school vibes in Seoul. I met some people and checked out the scenes. Feeling a mix of "Whoa, new adventure!" and "Uhh, where's my homeroom?" We're not locking in any squads yet, but we'll get there.
21 March, quick update: I found this group during lunch. Jiho, Minji, and Joon. We met back at the ceremony; now we talk about K-dramas, dreams, and the whole life. Things are looking up.
5 April... Guess what? Yuna, from my class, seems a bit interested in me! I don't know if I'm thinking too much or just by coincidence. We're talking books, movies, life—you name it. Lowkey, wondering if this friendship could be a little more, you know?
30 April... Okay, holy crap, didn't expect, didn't expect at all!!! Yuna and I are official. Seoul adventures, deep talks, and dreaming big—high school is feeling like a movie, and I'm the main character with a sidekick. I finally confessed after being cheered on by Jiho and Minji, and she accepted! This is the second-best day of my life!!!
3 May... Our squad is tight. Jiho, Minji, Yuna, and me—we're doing it all. High school is turning out to be legendary. We bunked the class for the first time for the new movie released! We are sure to be scolded tomorrow, though! But what's the high school for!?
18 May... Some dudes from my class are starting to mess with my group these days. I don't know if they are purposefully targeting it, just a lame phase, but I hope they stop it in a few days. It's getting uncomfortable in class, but we are having vacations in July. Maybe they won't mess up after these vacations and forget.
26 September... My mood is rough today; those bullies from class are still screwing with us. My friend's group is acting weird and dodging me. Did I miss a scene or something? Even Yuna's vibes are off. Feeling pretty alone right now.
1 October... The day had been the next worst thing after knowing I lost my parents and brother when I was 2. Yuna dropped the "it's complicated" bomb. My heart's hurting, and I'm trying to figure out where it all went south and why she suddenly broke up with me, and bullying drama keeps going too.
19 October... High school turned into a real battlefield. Every day is like survival mode—dealing with hate and loneliness. I think a lot about my grandparents; their existence keeps me going; the friends I thought of as my own have started to ignore me as I don't even exist; I don't know why even Yuna has started to act like I'm disgusting or something.
4 February, wrapping up this high school chapter. Too many scars, too much drama. I decided I'm not coming back to this place that brought so much pain. It's frustrating! It's frustrating! Why are they creating so much drama in my life? Just why me? Why me!!! Why me!?!!'
The later pages were all filled with mindless, sick scribbling with pen on whole paper; the whole paper sheet in the diary was a mess; it was sick and frustrating, like someone suffering through peak mental frustration. As Lucas continued to flip through the pages, he found more and more such words here and there.
'I want to die! I want to freaking die!'
'I don't even have the courage to die! I'm a sore, useless loser! I know why they call me a failure! I know my parents left me because I was such a loser to begin with!!!'
'My ankles fucking broke! I can't walk for a month!!'
'I don't want to go! I don't want to go to school!!! Why are teachers not helping? Why do I have to apologise!?'
The more Lucas read through the pages, the more frustration covered up his eyes. Along with that intent, that moved through the roof; the hands, whole throat, and face were popping through the muscles and veins. He continued to flip the pages till the last end of the diary, and the more he went on, the more it felt like torture to himself.
The neat writing was turning horrible, as if demons had possessed him. It was horrible, mindless scribbling, ripped apart pages because of mindless stabbing through the pen, leaked ink, sometimes even drops of blood there. As more pages were flipped, more pain of Ethan, Lucas never got to see was imprinted here. The diary was a history Lucas wanted to forget. As he flipped the last page, the bottom cover of the diary had already been ripped off in frustration, and what was left was endure grief and despair.
[Software has been updated!]
Lucas suddenly came out of his daze by the computer's digital sound as he placed the diary back from where he had picked it and relaxed all his muscles. In the middle of the night, he alone tried to act selfish.
'... Ethan will feel the same sadness if I try to flip pages of his past again... He wants to live free from the past, then let me let him live free...'
Lucas sighed, releasing instead heat from his body, and started clicking around on his screen, arranging the games and websites he uses usually on the screen of his computer, and silently clicking upon a zombie battle grounds game with continuous survival with guns.
[User: Deathmania!]
[Welcome back! Game starts at 3... 2... 1...
Lucas was just trying to forget what he had read and leaned over at his screen and started playing the game, but in between the frustration and struggle of the game, the memories of what he had read from the diary started to surface in his mind.
'Forget it...'
He tried to remind himself again and again while the sound of guns and bombs was echoing inside his mind because of the game he was playing with a headset. He tried not to remember what he read again and again till suddenly a sudden image surfaced in his mind, making him look blank at that computer screen.
In the echoing corridors of despair, each word and every cruel laugh felt like a punch to the soul.
"Why me?"
It echoed through the lonely nights, a question that begged for answers in the silence that followed. The frustration, like a relentless storm, battered the spirit, leaving behind unseen scars.
Days blurred into a tapestry of taunts, each one a knot in the thread of self-worth. The frustration grew, a fire fueled by the injustice of it all.
"Why won't they stop?"
It became a desperate mantra, a plea to an indifferent universe. It felt like trying to hold onto sand as it slipped through trembling fingers.
Tears, silent witnesses to the pain, carried the weight of unspoken words. The frustration turned into an ache, a deep yearning for a world where kindness drowned out the echoes of cruelty. Courage felt elusive, like a distant star in the night sky, as the spirit struggled against the darkness.
And as a moment came where he could handle it by himself, the hands already swallowed in darkness grabbed on to Ethan's legs and dragged him along to the ends of the darkness along with themselves.
'Nooo-'
"---oooooooooo!!!"
Before Lucas could realise he was already screaming in real life, hearing his scream, suddenly Ethan rushed upstairs because of the commotion, and immediately as he opened up the room of Lucas, he noticed Lucas sitting on a chair, breathing heavily with sweat covering his face, and a dead game character on the monitor screen.
"Are you seriously screaming over a game?"
Ethan misunderstood the situation and silently left, leaving the doors open, while Lucas, on the other hand, remained silently watching him leave as he noticed that little unnatural way of walking on Ethan's left leg he hadn't noticed before, something that happens because of permanent injuries to the leg or because of the aftereffects of surgery that he was well aware of because of his past.
"Was 'I' really the one seeing this world all bright and happy, unaware of the past of my own blood?"
Lucas released a deep sigh while moving his head towards the ceiling again, but the heart beat never stopped beating hard instead of growing more and more tight and fast to the point where Lucas could hear it as clear as a day.
"The fuck is a page of the past; what the hell is not opening the wound because it will hurt more?"
Lucas stood up as he grabbed his phone on screen, while his heart beat increased more and more every second as he muttered.
"If you don't open up the wound healed in a messed-up manner, how will you clean up an ugly scar beneath the wound?"
Lucas muttered and dialled up a call, which, after ringing for a few more seconds, finally got received as Jason's voice was heard from the other side of the call.
[Hyung nim?! Why did you call so late at night!?]
"You were from Hanseong High School, right?"
[Ah! Yes!]
"I will meet you up after your school tomorrow."
[Yes?!]
"Be ready... We are going for a walk."
[Yes? Yes! I will come prepared!]
With that, Lucas ended the call, and a cold sigh left his mouth as he stood up and lit up Cigrette, smoking at late night alone in the room, preparing for the storm still ahead in the future.
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