I knew what being a father meant.
I knew.
I knew what was needed of me.
I knew.
All I just needed was to affirm Kate that I would do anything, anything for us.
And in truth, I was. For instance, I was currently in the chemist helping out.
Luke, however, was really mad about the thing.
He always was, despite him deferring from medicine to pursue his career. He really cared more about what the future bestowed on himself before he thought of a family. He just found it really hard to start a family when he had not yet figured himself out, and better off, when he was still trying out new things and seeing which was better and what was really something to pursue.
This does not mean I also did not have such plans. Of course, I did. Of course. I would want to provide a family with everything I can. And additionally, having Kate as the mother of your child, I even thought of us getting married and having more than this one kid. I really did.
I mean, I thought about the family, everything.
Of course, I wanted to settle first, to have something, to have something that I can use as an added advantage when it comes to starting, weaning a kid, going to school—that is school fees, and in addition to the basic needs.
Additionally to something of gender roles,
Gender roles were something I knew, although back home, I never really got to experience the diversity of these roles. My mother was the center of everything until I was old enough to carry out some activities, like taking out the trash bin, hanging the television on the wall, carrying heavy materials.
All that before, when I was young, my mum did it so well. She made it look easier in the eye, very easy, and she made it seem like we were never a bore, or rather a heavy bulky rock placed on her back.
She just did everything, despite how much we craved for some sweet things. She would just try her best to meet our needs.
However, how she balanced work and home activities is something I barely knew. But what I was sure of was, I am sure she also got tired. That is why every pay I get here, I make sure to send her, even at least thirty percent of it. She has been a wonder woman. Maybe men brought up by men can state, even in denial, that truthfully, if it were not for our mother's chiming in and just being the rock we needed at our core and vulnerable moments, we would be in a very unpromised society, dealing with drugs and gangs.
My employer was here. His name was Doctor Kingstone. He was British, had actually a very thick British accent that I sometimes barely recognized. However, recently, he has been blending to my sense of talk, after realizing that most times I just nodded about something that I had barely heard.
"Doc, can I ask you a question?" I started. There were no customers at the moment, so we had time to speak, one on one. We barely spoke anyway.
I just felt the need to talk to him, talk to him right now. So he just nodded as he closed his article and let his spectacles hang around his neck. He sure was an old folk. He knew a lot more than the human body. Truth was, he just read articles about the human body and health. If it were not about diabetes and hypertension, it was about cancer. If not that, it was about cold and flu among children. If not that, it was about female pregnancy and the stages of fetus to baby development and the circle of lactating mothers, to the process of cesarean births and all that. So today, he was reading about pregnancies, and that was what caught my attention. Of course, it would.
"Can someone get pregnant on one night?" I asked, trying to be a little brief.
He wore his spectacles that just hung around his nose, looked at me as if analyzing my statement, and then started, " Yer ter be a doctor, ain't ya? Ya know more than wot 'appens in the female's body, even if it's a one-time thing. That's why I'm just worried about today's men and women. They're just doin' it anywhere, as long as they're drunk." He always had not a very good point for us, for this generation of ours. He never really had a point for us.
Truth is, he actually hated our style of living, our freedom of expression, how ladies took forever getting married and having children, how older men were using their wealth to just lure women into their beds. He just hated it. He always had something to say when a lady would come to buy contraceptives. But I knew those ladies just came so that I would entertain them and talk with them. I do not know if I was entertaining, but they really had something. They would ask me questions of how long they should take them, and I would, of course, as my profession demands, just answer them. Just answer them really. But I... truth was, I do not know why I did not use protection that night. I maybe was caught in the moment. I do not know. I actually never bought protection. Most times previously, it was them, the others who used to buy. My work was just to do the deed and just leave with my money. Speaking about it now almost makes me feel bad. Feel slightly bad about myself, as if I lost all my self-worth.
"Hayzen," the doctor stated again.
"Doc, I... I... my woman is to be pregnant," I just bluntly stated as another customer came, and I let him digest what I just said as I took care of the customer. After, he cleared his throat and I knew he was about to have a hell of a talk.
"Are ya serious? 'Avin' a child ain't sumfin' ter question, and it's not the easiest path, boy." he stated.
"I love her," I bluntly stated, and he just looked at me, his eyes turning a little sad. I wasn't sure if it was sad for me, or if he was frowning for himself, but he just frowned.
"I'm happy you have found a rest of heart," he said, now smiling. "I'm just saddened by the sudden news, but if you are t' be in love with your lover, then the child becomes the stronger bond between you two."
"I do not know. I have no idea how to deal with it," I admitted, feeling sad even as I remembered the news. "She whispered last night when intoxicated that she is not in need of it. She does not want it."
"She drinks?" he asked.
"No, she was just succumbed to stress," I stated. I didn't want to lower Kate's points on the doc. This man was like a father I never got a chance to have, nor to have the slightest talks with.
"Love is the strongest bond between two lovers," he began. "I agree it is quite fast, especially with you being termed as 'young' in this era.
However, son, I shall tell you three things:
One, if you are in liking and loving of her, take the greatest care of her.
Two, your child should never lack.
Three, you have to act like one ready for a family.
Four, years of eyeing other women should be behind you.
Five, men's eyes are never tamed by the view of an expecting woman; they shall pursue. Take care of her.
And lastly, I should have told you this before having you bed her, but I shall tell you regardless: make sure she shall be your happiest happiness when the temperatures are low.
Make sure she shall be the one waiting at the railway station with you when the train forgets to stop.
Make sure she will be the best mother of your children.
Make sure that if the odds were different, she would still choose you.
Make sure the odds are on, and the child genetically compares with you."
He finished, stood, and just left as I heard him start his car and leave. He was always a wise man. How much I wished we would talk, and he would tell me more than this. But he never really spoke much; he just gave opinions when he felt the need arose. But his last statement was the corny one 'the genes' I thought, but I knew if I literally did it with her, she would never be wrong. And my instincts would never betray me.
In the evening, I was to meet Luke. I'm sure he would also have the same ideas, telling me of the child's anonymity. But no odds were against us. I was actually the one who approached. But Funky was making me really insecure.
But on the positive side, at least Kate had someone who cared for her other than me. At least I knew if I was away, she would be in really good hands, really good ones. However, the thought of them or rather the man being, having ideas, made me just sad. But I just placed it as all men do; simps will always see dust. They will always do.