As expected Seb didn't come to pick me up to watch the movie, his lost anyway.
So today i didn't go out I stayed home, did my usual chores, my parents were out, so you could say I spent the afternoon sitting on the couch upsidedown, my hair was dangling off the couch while my legs were pointed to the ceiling_ note for when I get my monthly allowance, get a pedicure, my feet desperately need one_ so no wonder all I thought about was yesterday's encounter, of course you only have the best replies after the fight .
Not like it was an actual fight. It wasn't even an argument. I could have handled the situation waaayyyy better. Why did I apologize religiously as if I was begging to be forgiven by him? Why couldn't I say something like ' oh, I knocked on the door but you didn't answer so I went in with the spare key you gave me permission to use, I was looking for you when I got to your room, I'm sorry I thought it was you on the bed so I jumped on him like how I sometimes do to you, not knowing it was your dear brother, I apologize for my stupidity, you shall never see my disrespectful self again, bye.'
But ofc instead I said " oh, no no , I didn't mean to - I wasn't thinking... I'm sorry.. " as I started full on sobbing while repeating the word sorry_ and I'm an ugly crier, probably the ugliest too_ Kyle who then looked awfully tired, between his brother's annoyance and my tears. He lead me out the room, and for a moment there I thought he was leading me outside the house just like the girl who threw herself at him the day before yesterday which made me cry even more intensely because the thought that Kyle might think of me being as equal as her hurts.
But he only took me to the guest's bedroom as he sat me on the bed and tried calming me down as he sat next to me_ big mistake on his part, I become obsessively gross when crying _ so there he was sitting with me, a box of tissues on his towel, as he helped me clean my nose regularly in between sobs with one hand, and wiping my tears with his other hand, which were rugged btw.
Rough, the manliest hand I ever seen or felt _ and my father is a police officer _ he whispered calming stuff to me like " sorry, didn't mean to yell there, Mony? Calm down, there's nothing to be scared of, I was just asking because it looked weird from my perspective... darling take a deep breath, in your nose, out of your mouth." As he tried to regulate my breathing which would have worked if not for air.
Yes, you read that correctly, AIR, was my biggest enemy at the time. So yeah from now on I have beef with air. Anyway, back to what happened.... I took a deep breath but choked on air, Fucking Air. I doubled down on the floor as I tried not to die when the most embarrassing thing to ever happen to anyone happened to me....
Kyle got behind me, his arms around my upper waist, as he started slamming me into himself. This man was trying to save my life and all I thought about was how it would have been if I wasn't clothed too... I blame the lack of oxygen in my brain for such thinking.
It's wrong. I don't care what crazy age gap shit she's into, but I'm not about to feed to her daddy issues, it's truly disgusting .
I'm a bad person.
... I shouldn't have had those dreams about him last night, not something I could control but I do still felt guilty about it.
We are never to discuss that again, never.
After a while I finally calm down.
However ,picture this with me, Kyle sitting cross legged with still the towel remaining in its perfect place, shirtless throughout the whole encounter, with me on his lap, my legs to his side on his thigh, my head on his chest as he was stroking my hair lightly with light strokes of his hand, I was having those small hiccups after someone cries, my face was probably red_ which I'm used to because it gets red whenever my breathing intensifies_ my laches fully wet, no tear paths cause he wiped all my tears, my nose was still runny, so the only thing you'll hear was, complete silence then me blowing my nose regularly, and the casual hiccup here and there, then complete silence again.
I was angry at myself, how did I manage to ruin his morning. This escalated so bad...
All I could do was say the following while trying no to cry.
" Kyle? ... I'm sorry." I was ashamed, mad and a little upset even about how things turned out to be, just because I was too noisy to stay still, no I had to go and know every detail about his personal life. Gosh I wish curiosity had killed me before I lived that moment.
He took one look at me, turned his head to the side, then presided to cover his face .
He can't stand looking at me now??
The heck!? So yeah, I got so embarrassed and left the scene, mumbling something about having to go to school because I just came in between hours as I closed the house door behind me, well slam would be the perfect way to describe how I did it but whatever.
I didn't even apologize to his brother for kneeing him in the gut. And I lied, I didn't have to go to school for at least another hour so I went to Trixie.
I never talked about Trixie before, have I?
She's a girl who have the same dentist as me, whenever I go in an appointment I see her there, it was happening a lot and when I discovered she lived near my school and that she liked one of my favorites books, we became friends and I asked for her number. I sometimes go to vent to her, no one knows about her except for you my dear diary.
Trixie is two years older than me, a free spirit who likes working as a bartender in the local pub, she waxes in her free timing, so it wasn't a shock to find her making out with a client, who by then I knew was a regular. He pulled 2 thousand dollars from his wallet and put it on the table, and as he walked passed me he took a glance at my face then presided to put five hundred in my hand and left.
Now that wasn't normal, even Trixie thought it was weird , she looked confused until she got closer to me... then she burst out laughing.
I didn't get it, and I wasn't in the mood to laught so... I just went to the kitchen, and took bag of frozen peas as I put it on my face to cool down while laying on the couch, i didn't know why he gave me money but 5 hundreds is five hundreds.
Of course I told her everything with Kyle after she stopped laughing. When I finish ranting she took off the bag from my face, and looked at me straight in the eyes with a smirk on her lips as she held back a giggle.
" Girl, you're so cute, he probably wasn't mad but just ashamed he had dirty thoughts about you "
" ...I beg your pardon?" I return totally confused how she got to that conclusion.
" Sweetie... Respectfully? You look freshly fucked, a good time of course, I guess my client liked it and payed you." She added and my only response was to go straight to the mirror, nothing looked weird with my face,TF.
" Kyle would never. You're client is weird, but I guess he loaded."
" Mhmm ~" she moaned while licking her lips.
" I didn't know waxing payed 2 thousand an appointment, would you teache me?"
" Waxing? You mean that machine over there? It's just for me. But I'll wax you if you want... WAIT. Did you think I wax people as a side hustle? .....You're so cute!!!"
" What? You don't?"
" You're the cutest, most innocent girl to walk on earth. Wait! Why do you think I wear slutty clothes and make out with my clients then?"
" I thought you're in your house you could wear whatever the heck you desire, and you don't kiss them all, just this one client and so I thought that's how you flirted with him? Is it not?"
" ..... No, it is. Umm.. back to your problem, ahm, sorry! If you're sure he won't think that, then he probably didn't, want eat some ice cream and watch friends ?"
" Sure, but I only have about an hour until I have to go to school, okay?"
" Sure sweetheart"
We talk a little while she picks an episode and then she adds with a hint of worry in her tone
" Just in case, if you ever want to get waxed come to me and no one else, people are dangerous and weird, not everyone with a waxing machine does actually wax people, okay?"
I thought that there was some unspoken words there, but whatever. Trixie is fun to hang out with. Which made me happy for the rest on the day.
Now today, I took a nap on the couch, not comfortable, 3 out of 10, would not recommend. I woke up while my dad tried to move me to my room but as expected, I'm heavy, which lead to me hurting his back and waking up, I ate some ramen then listened to some ASMR_ +18, which I was by the way_ before going to sleep, so good night.