The same place some time later...
What is it like to wake up after a long sleep? Is this healthy or not? The feeling of bliss after sleep is unforgettable, isn't it? Or is it like flipping a switch when you wake up? Once and for all, you are no longer dreaming. Or is the process of emerging from the abyss of sleep so long that it resembles the process of the sun rising from the horizon? All different...
I woke up as if a switch had been flicked. Once, and you realize that you are not sleeping. This feeling is wonderful in its own way. There is no long "start-up" of the brain, but once you are ready to work.
When you wake up, you open your eyes, don't you? And what do you see? Ceiling? Wall? I didn't see this. Not even that, I didn't see anything. My first thought was that I was blind. And I panicked. Only after some time did I realize that I was not only blind, but I also couldn't hear anything, couldn't feel touch, couldn't feel anything. It was as if I had lost all five senses overnight.
I don't know how long my panic lasted. This could be hours, days or even weeks. Who knows? I'm not sure.
Gradually I began to emerge from the depths of despair. First, humility began to set in, and then the realization that I could not change anything, at least for the moment.
As soon as I came to my senses, I began to think where I was, how I got here, what to do next and most importantly, who am I? And you know what, having lost my five senses, I thought that this was my biggest fear. I made a mistake. I learned my greatest fear when I realized that I did not remember myself. I remember where I studied, where I visited, what I saw, what my family ended up like. But I didn't remember myself, didn't know my name, didn't know what I was interested in, what I was thinking about... Nothing.
It's scary, truly scary to suddenly lose yourself, all your feelings. Only knowledge, without coloring personal emotions. This fear will reverberate throughout my life, if not longer.
It seemed to me that I came out of this state faster. This is probably the influence of previous experiences of despair on me.
My first thought: what to do next? I can't see, I can't hear, I can't move. I've been thinking. The only thing I came to is meditation. Yes Yes. The most banal meditation. I still can't do more.
As far as I remember, there are two types of meditation: internal and external. Since I am not aware of the space around me, all that remains is meditation within myself.
You know, this whole situation had a beneficial effect on my attempts. There was nothing to distract me, and I had no choice as such. So let's get started
A week after the first attempt...
On the first try I didn't feel anything, and on the second too. And only around the 200th attempt did I feel something. This feeling reminded me of a ray of light in an impenetrable darkness. I grabbed it with all the zeal I had. And after a while I began to see clearly.
I saw him. Ball. It may seem like, well, I saw the ball and what's wrong with that? And the fact that the ball was unusual. Let's look at this from the outside. Firstly, the ball was translucent, and secondly, in the center of the ball there was another ball, well, either a kernel or a grain (whichever is more convenient), it had no color. And it is true. Just by looking at it, you realize that it has no color. Thirdly, six translucent shell spheres were "attached" to the ball. They were separated from each other, but had intersections.
Each of the six was different. The first two were intertwined much more closely than the others. But they also seemed to be in stasis. Later, while trying to understand each of the six shell spheres, I realized that the first shell represents my body, and the second represents the energy generated by the same body. And then I realized what was going on.
From my memories, I remembered that I read a series of books by Rudazov "Archimage", about the adventures of a wizard. So, this book describes the structure of the soul. Here's what it said:
The soul is divided into several principles or shells. From four to nine - depending on the creature. Their names have numbers, so there is no point in giving them. It is enough to list them by number.
The First Beginning is the physical body. By tradition, it is also included in the general list, and it is the only one of the Principles whose existence no one tries to dispute. It can be seen and touched, measured and weighed. It can be dismembered into pieces without the help of magic or highly complex technologies that are inaccessible to earthlings of our day. But this is far from the most important Beginning.
The Second Beginning is vital energy, aka Prana, aka Jiva, Nefeshu-Zaini or Koaha-Gafu. Terminology doesn't matter. Prana permeates every cell of the physical body, allowing a being to live, breathe, move, eat and reproduce. It is also produced by the body itself.
The Third Origin is the astral body. To some extent, this is visible - this is what magicians scan when looking at the aura. The Third Principle gives us life after death; it is this that produces ba-khon and allows us to travel in the subtle realms. The astral body copies the physical body - therefore spirits and ghosts usually look the same as they looked during life.
The Fourth Origin is the central core to which all other Shells are "attached". This is the most important part of everything. The only part of the soul that is ABSOLUTELY impossible to destroy. After reincarnation, only the core with the information encoded in it remains from the soul... although sometimes shreds of other Shells cling to it.
The fifth principle is the sensual spirit. This is a personality. Character. Emotions. Feelings. It is under this shell that in fairy tales the soul is usually understood - a creature deprived of the Fifth Principle becomes like a soulless machine.
The Sixth Principle is the thinking spirit. This is the mind. Memory size. This membrane is concentrated in brain cells - it is of little interest to the rest of the body. It is thanks to the Sixth Principle that the spirit after death retains the ability to think and remember, despite the loss of the brain.
The Seventh Origin is a magical spirit. This shell serves to absorb and store mana. It is she who allows you to conjure and cast spells. In ordinary people, the Seventh Principle is in a "dormant" state, and only in the body of a properly trained magician does it blossom in all its glory.
The Eighth Origin is an immortal spirit. This shell gives its owner an infinitely long life, but people, of course, do not have it. Only eternally living beings, such as celestial beings, demons, jinn and some others, can boast of having the Eighth Principle in their soul.
The ninth principle is the divine spirit. Only the gods have this shell.
It follows from this that I do not have a body, since I have not developed the shells responsible for the body and prana.
My third start was smooth. It is impossible to say otherwise. It consisted of different colors that intertwined, interacted, but did not mix. The predominant color was blue-gray. This color, in my opinion, personified calm. There were other colors in the aura. There were red-fiery ones, denoting my bright emotions, green ones - my love for nature, black-gray ones - my life sins, and so on. There were many flowers, and they all meant something to me.
My fifth start was incomplete. It looked like a ball consisting of different threads intertwined into knots. And many knots and threads were missing there. There were not enough emotions and feelings.
My sixth beginning was also a ball, but consisting of cubes, like Lego. Some details were missing, as I understood these were names, faces, my attitude towards different people.
But the saddest thing was with my seventh start. It had the shape of a ball, inside of which there was a whole system of channels. At the center of which was the core associated with the fourth principle. This system has taken root in all my shells. But what was sad? And the fact that she seems to be underdeveloped. All channels were no thicker than a hair. It was clear that the core barely generated any energy, most likely mana, but it simply could not "squeeze" into the channels in sufficient quantities. And the core itself beats with such low force and speed that it is barely noticeable.
I didn't know what to do with it. But it's necessary, isn't it? As they say, trying is not torture... I hope.