It was pitch black darkness.
The darkness emanating from the depths of the abyss dragged me toward an unfathomable void that stretched into eternity.
No matter how I turned my head, desperately seeking a glimmer of light to dispel the darkness, the only thing illuminating this bleak space was my own presence.
The stars that usually adorned the sky were nowhere to be found, and the moon, which bathed the night in its gentle glow, did not exist in this realm.
Unable to think of a way to resist the darkness, I had no choice but to be obediently consumed by its depths.
However, to my surprise, this desolate place that I expected to be devoid of anything revealed unexpected discoveries.
The stars crumbled to dust at my touch, accompanied by a rush of memories that flooded my being, allowing me to discern their true nature.
They were fragments of my past.
More precisely, they were the times that disappeared as I regressed, forever existing solely within my memories. Realizing this, I began to comprehend the nature of the all-encompassing darkness that ensnared me.
Look down again, and what was there was no longer an endless void.
[■■■■■■. ■■■■■?]
[■■. ■■■■■!]
My eyes and ears were thrown into such disarray that I couldn't make sense of anything. Although the timelines were mixed up, it was undoubtedly my own memory.
However, unlike the objects affixed to the wall, these were memories that could only be described as painful moments for me.
Indeed. This oppressive darkness that ensnared me was pulling me back into memories predating my regression.
I began to understand why, in my dreams, memories from the past only portrayed scenes devoid of happiness. This damned divinity of this goddamn foreign god continued to haunt me even though its owner was dead.
In the past, I wouldn't have been conscious of what transpired in my unconscious mind. Yet, for some reason, even within the realm of the unconscious, I maintained a clear awareness. It was this realization that compelled me to frantically move my body, seeking an escape from the encroaching darkness.
While it was true that the regrets of the past fueled my present motivation, it didn't mean I willingly subjected myself to a torture chamber that solely unveiled despair.
In my unconscious state, I would have been oblivious to this ordeal, but now that I was conscious, I had to find a way to resist this predicament.
However, no matter how rapidly I tried to think, the method didn't come to my mind.
If this mysterious phenomenon was simply caused by the power of a foreign god, there would be no need to worry about it in the first place. I just had to crush it with force and wake up from the dream.
I looked at my body that was the only thing still emitting light within this realm of darkness. Even when I tried to tear the darkness apart with my hand emitting bright white light, the darkness that held me remained unyielding.
I was wrong. Nothing was working.
The divine power of the foreign god had already quelled any resistance, but the root cause of this predicament lay in the lingering regrets and attachments I had not yet relinquished from the past. Unless I released them, there would be no escape from this darkness.
"Ah."
A short sigh escaped from my lips.
Come to think of it, this wasn't the first time such a thing had happened. It was just that there were hidden depths behind what I simply considered a nightmare, and nothing had changed.
'Just a moment, just a very brief moment.'
The night was not that long. If I quietly reflected on the past and wait for the awakening from the dream, time would quickly pass.
"Damian…"
The moment I was about to surrender myself to the darkness, all of a sudden, the times I had spent with him today run through my mind. The image of him playing a prank on me, the last thing I saw before closing my eyes, was still vivid.
One by one, memories of the moments shared with him after the regression resurfaced in my thoughts, and inexplicably, a warm sensation seemed to emanate from my left hand.
But this was not an illusion.
My left hand, which could only produce a faint white light, was now enveloped in a bright golden light, akin to sunlight.
The light expelled the darkness and continued to expand in size. The world, constructed by darkness, crumbled as the light encompassed my surroundings entirely.
Feeling the world filled with regrets from the past breaking apart, I realized that I would soon awaken from this dream. And so, I surrendered myself to the flow of consciousness, rising back to the surface of wakefulness.
***
"Uh, uh…"
When I woke up, the first thing I felt was the soft touch of the bed, not the strange floating sensation of falling into the darkness that I had felt throughout the dream.
The familiar scenery of the room reflected in my eyes, unlike the dream where I felt trapped in the mist, and the clear and pristine sensations assured me that this place was reality.
Although I had somehow escaped from the nightmare, there was no desire to experience it again. The thought of finding a solution to this as soon as I fully woke up filled my mind.
While trying to calm this stuffy feeling by looking at the wish paper I had placed in the drawer for a moment, I could feel the warmth emanating from my left hand.
"Why is my hand still warm… Damian?"
Turning my head to the warmth that still lingered in my hand even after waking up from the dream, I saw him holding my hand as he peacefully slept.
His sudden appearance almost made me scream in the middle of the night, but by moving my empty right hand to cover my mouth, I managed to stifle the scream that was about to burst out.
I paused for a moment, took deep breaths, and calmed down my racing heart and mind. Slowly, my composed mind brought back memories from before falling asleep.
I remember holding hands with him in the carriage before falling asleep, but I never realized that I hadn't let go of his hand even after arriving in the bedroom.
However, most of all, when I saw his mischievous smile in my mind as he watched me holding his hand, my face heated up.
I cautiously tried to withdraw my hand from his grasp, but it was impossible to break free from his tight hold, as if he would never let it go.
There was nothing I could do.
Even if I wanted to let go, he didn't seem willing to release me, so I could only continue holding hands like this for a little longer.
As I looked at our joined hands, the warmth, and light that I could only feel in the dream finally started to make sense.
It was none other than his power that had pulled me out of the nightmare, although it may not have been his intention.
Late as it may be, the warmth and pleasant light that I felt in the dream now made sense. The heaviness in my heart caused by the dream suddenly cleared up like the rising sun.
With a pleasant smile, I held his hand tightly and quietly closed my eyes, gazing at his peaceful face.
Even though he was in an uncomfortable posture, he was smiling lightly with a face like a calm lake without frowning. But even though he may seem calm now, when I thought about when he would wake up after a while, I could imagine him twisting his body around and feeling stiff.
'Is it because I'm starting to feel at ease?'
As I looked at him sleeping, all sorts of thoughts suddenly entered my mind.
Would it be right to wake him up now? That thought crossed my mind. On the other hand, I thought that this was an opportunity to do things I couldn't usually do, seeing him in such a vulnerable state. I couldn't easily make up my mind.
After a long deliberation, I came up with a compromise, blending both sides of the argument.
'Just a little bit, then I would wake him up.'
It seemed like the fact that there was no exact time limit was the result of having already been defeated by desire, but well, it didn't matter.
As if I had made up my mind, I firmly grabbed his cheek without hesitation, as if I had been waiting. Although his reaction wasn't as exaggerated as before, I still felt good about it.
Perhaps, given his personality, he would have grabbed my cheek while I was asleep.
Just thinking about it made my one cheek tingle for no reason. Once again, I extended his cheek and looked at the next target, his hair.
His shiny, jet-black hair, in complete contrast to my snowy white hair, appeared so tantalizingly beautiful that I naturally wanted to caress it.
After all, there were only the two of us in this place.
Moreover, he was sound asleep, so there was no one to comment on my actions.
"Hehe…"
Every time I moved my hand, the soft hair tickled my fingertips. It felt so good that I absentmindedly continued to stroke his hair, not realizing how time was passing. Unlike the dreams that only showed sadness and regret, happiness in reality was so easily within my grasp.
That fact made me forget about dreams altogether.
His hair became disheveled in my hands, like a magpie's nest, but still, my hand didn't stop. Intentionally making it messy and then tidying it up neatly reminded me of a game street children used to play, but it was fun, so it didn't matter.
Come to think of it, when I burst into tears in his arms before, I think he had stroked my hair like this… Now, when I tried to recall it, I couldn't remember how it felt.
'Well, there's nothing I can do about it.'
I gently lifted one of his empty hands and placed it softly on top of my head.
"Like this… Was it like this? No, put a little more pressure…"
Then, to recreate the feeling as much as possible, I slowly moved his arm.
His limp arm lacked strength, making the sight quite awkward, but his fingers gliding through my hair still gave me the same sensation, so I felt extremely satisfied, feeling a touch that wasn't his touch.
However, at some point, a strange sense of unease began to emanate from his hand.
Although his arm still felt devoid of strength in my hand, as I continued to move it, an indescribable subtle change was taking place, unlike when I initially moved his forearm.
It wasn't a bad change. Instead, it felt even kinder and more delicate than before, which had been rough.
At first, I just thought I'd gotten better at moving his arms, but when I got the feeling that my hands were moving on their own without much effort, I couldn't move his hands comfortably anymore.
After a while, he seemed to have lost his will to hide it anymore, and even though I let go of his hand, he still stroked my hair gently.
I slowly lowered my head and looked down at his face.
Sure enough, in the place where my gaze reached, the gold eyes that seemed to contain the sun's light were clearly shining even in the dark.