AN: I've said it before, but I kinda hate that I'm the one who has to update this FF... I dont know about the other authors, but I also have this FF in my library, and for some reason every time I check for updates, I also check if there's an update for this... 🤣
Sorry I didn't update yesterday, I was too busy and tired. Welp, I did warn irregular uploads, so yeah. Anyway, here yah go. 🙏
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Still at the wedding
ROBIN'S POV
'How do I fix this?' I question myself while sending glances at my best friend.
She hasn't talked to me since I came back, for other people it may seem like she's acting normal, she's socializing with other people, smiling... But for people who know us together, it'll look weird...
The wedding proceeded like nothing happened... People were all smiles and congratulating the newlywed couple... The wedding reception came next, and we ate (me and Rosalie), I kept trying to talk to her, but she either pretends she didn't hear me or just sends me a smile, a fucking fake smile...
Why do I even feel guilty, we're not together, she's not my lover... Maybe because she's my best friend? I feel guilty that I didn't tell her about my sexual orientation? she had to catch me literally having my tongue down another person's bride, on said bride's wedding day... She must think I'm disgusting for either being gay or getting on with someone else's woman... Or both? She did say those kinds of things regarding same-sex couples... I'm not mad at her for that, this is a different time...
Haaaaah... We're now about to go home, I tried one last time to talk to her, I reached out to tap her arm, and she noticed my hand reaching out to her, and she recoiled away from my touch... I'm not gonna lie, that fucking hurt... She never did that before, even when we had our little disagreements... But just now, she... She moved away from me... Is it because I'm gay? I want to be reasonable and understand her point of view... But what hurts... Hurts ok...
My eyesight began to blur from the accumulating tears and I tried to blink it away... I took my hand back and looked at my brother who kept silent the whole time, occasionally replying to the other guest and Rosalie when addressed directly.
'I'm going home alone, please don't follow me. Take her home safely.' I just said to him and then left them quickly that I didn't hear Rosalie calling for me.
I avoided the crowd, the people walking down the street... Once I did, I ran... And ran... Faster and faster towards a deep, faraway, secluded part of the forest, farther than where we hunt to make sure that no one would be able to see or hear me...
My chest was about to burst with so much emotion, and I knew I had to let it out... Emotional people tend to make idiotic mistakes... They tend to say and do stupid things they can't take away anymore, especially when the person in question is a hormonal teenager... So I'm going to have to let it out... I'm not thinking straight right now...
My mind and heart are asking me to do stupid stuff right now, like confessing everything to Rosalie... Confess what exactly? That I am in fact gay? That I like the ladies? That's already out of the window now, she knows, and for some reason, which I think is the time periods stupid homophobia built into their bones, she's now avoiding me... No, that's not what My heart is telling me to confess... It's something I knew myself, but I keep denying it because It can't be, it can't happen, it's another doomed story, it's such a cliche trope that people make up stories to give it a happy ending, but it seldom does, only the chosen few get a happy ending, and I know for sure I'm not a lucky person, so... No... Why would I confess... But I can at the very least admit it to myself...
I found a fallen tree trunk to sit on over a cliff, I looked down at the vast forest, it was so beautiful and peaceful... Too bad this will be destroyed someday by assholes who want to make more money... In the future, you'd have to pay a ton of money to see nature's beauty like this...
I thought about adjusting my gift range but decided against it, I won't be able to vent well enough to get rid of this murky feeling in my chest if I have to concentrate on trying to control it...
I stood up at the edge of the cliff... And then screamed my heart out... At first, it was just screaming... But then it turned to a wailing... Then I was sobbing and wailing...
Why am I even acting like this? It's so dramatic, it's not like she's my mate, I didn't get that inner voice telling me that she's my mate... Wait, do Hybrid's even have a mate? Or an inner voice that tells them?... I have soul bonds with my family, they heard that voice when they met me for real... But I didn't... So I guess we hybrids don't get a built-in Mate-dar... I get to guess and hope for the best like the rest of the world... I think one of the Volturi kings has a gift of identifying connections, should I pay a visit to him? Am I that desperate to find my possibly nonexistent mate?
Well, if I do find them... I wonder how different it would feel from how I felt about her... I am technically still young, and as a teenager, it's my second time, but I remember all things being a big deal when it really wasn't when I first went through my hormonal teen stage... I fell for her fast and hard, at first I thought it was just a big crush, because she's exactly my type, physically... But then I got to know her, she's not perfect by the ideal standards of people, but I found every part of her absolutely perfect for me, I didn't even care much when I heard her referring to gay people as °their kind°... I normally would've lost it or flat out just ghosted the person to avoid strangling them to death, and watch as the life fades out from the eyes...
Whoa, that got dark... Well... What I'm trying to say is... I love Rosalie, I fell for her the first time I saw her... She may not be my mate, but she will eternally be my first love, in both my lives... I realized I didn't really know what falling in love felt until I met her... All other experiences I had where I thought that was it? Where I got my heart broken multiple times... Nope, it pales in comparison to this...
I experienced the novel and movie description of falling in love... The time slowed down... The surroundings fade out... All I could see and feel was her... All I could hear was my heart beating loudly, trying to call out to her...
God that is cringe... But all true...
Is she my mate? To be honest, it's possible, very much so... I feel so strongly about her that it could very much be my vampire side indirectly telling me that she is... Maaaybe, if she turns into a a vampire, she'll hear that innate mate call for me... But that's just hopeful thinking, I won't turn her, I won't let that plot happen... I know her from the movies, she didn't want the vampire life, and I know her now, she definitely isn't the type to choose being a vampire... So I will grant her the life she wants... I'll stop the plot... Then I'll leave her alone...
People might be calling me stupid right now, calling me over dramatic, and a lot of other stuff, but Fuck you! You're not the one in this situation, you don't know her like I do, and you can't even imagine the gravity of how I feel about her... Even if I set aside the fact that she does not feel the same way, I can't stay with her, She'll find out about what I am, and that puts her in danger, no offense to my brother, but he was so damn stupid and selfish in the movie, he and Bella not only endangered themselves, they roped in the whole family and a lot of other people in their problems, causing a lot of lives... So, If need be, I am even willing to erase myself from her memories or alter them to hate me... Just so she won't look for me once I leave...
I look up at the sky... It's about to turn dark... I wasn't scared to be out so late, but I knew my family was waiting for me, worried. I know they can, to a certain extent, feel my emotions when they reach a certain point... So I need to get this over with... I open my lips to start.
-The Village by Wrabel-
🎶No, your mom don't get it
And your dad don't get it
Uncle John don't get it
And you can't tell grandma'
Cause her heart can't take it
And she might not make it🎶
I remember how it was for me in my past life, having to hide myself... It hurt having to pretend to be something I'm not...
🎶They say: Don't dare, don't you even go there cutting off your long hair, you do as you're told
Tell you: Wake up, go put on your makeup
This is just a phase you're gonna outgrow🎶
No matter how much time has changed, there will always be people who'll tell you to conform to the norm and deny what they deem abnormal...
🎶There's something wrong in the village
In the village, ooh
They stare in the village
In the village, ooh
There's nothing wrong with you
It's true, it's true
There's something wrong with the village
With the village
There's something wrong with the village🎶
There would be people who'll seem to accept you, but deep down, you know they are just tolerating your existence, and praying that God will fix you, like you're just a misguided soul, and one day you'll come back to the light, THEIR light...
🎶Feel the rumors follow you
From Monday
All the way to Friday dinner
You got one day of shelter
Then it's Sunday, hell to pay
You young lost sinner🎶
No matter how or who you open up to, if they weren't in the same situation, they wouldn't understand...
🎶Well I've been there, sitting in that same chair
Whispering that same prayer half a million times
It's a lie, though, buried in disciples
One page of the Bible isn't worth a life🎶
It becomes so hard and lonely, that you even question if you even deserve to live, everybody is saying that you're wrong... That what you're feeling is a sin...
🎶There's something wrong in the village
In the village, oh
They stare in the village
In the village, oh
There's nothing wrong with you
It's true, it's true
There's something wrong with the village
With the village
There's something wrong with the village🎶
So you just give up... Either you conform to their beliefs or do not care about them at all... You just isolate yourself and cut them off to be able to live your life...
🎶There's something wrong in the village
In the village, ooh
They stare in the village
In the village, ooh
There's nothing wrong with you
It's true, it's true
There's something wrong with the village
With the village
There's something wrong with the village🎶
Ending up having a big hole in your heart, trying to fill it out with anything you can get your grasp on, even if they aren't the right fit, but it felt good at the moment... Even if you know it'll hurt a lot later when it jumps off the hole you stuck it into, you still try to glue it back in there as long as you can... Until it can no longer be held back in place... Then you repeat the cycle...
I finished the song, feeling melancholic... But a lot calmer than I was before... I now acknowledge that I had an inner homophobia towards myself, and that's not good... I guess it is a good thing that I caught that now... So I can try and resolve it.
Now, regarding my current situation with Rosalie... I'm not gonna confess... That will just bring unnecessary troubles... And I will give her time to process her feelings for now... She might've been shocked at what she witnessed, she came from a very reserved and religious background... In this period, my kind(the lgbt community) is not yet mainstream... None were open or comfortable with it... I understand her position... I know for a fact that she doesn't hate me because of my sexual orientation, I was just butthurt with her avoiding my touch earlier when I tried reaching out, and that is why I failed to recognize her situation...
I'll wait for her for now, yep... And if she takes too long, I'll employ the help of our friends to make up with her... What? Did you expect me to mope around like the characters in the stories doing nothing to fix the situation? Puhlease... I may be a kid now, but I'm mentally mature enough to know that is just stupid, the more one waits, the more it will get harder to mend relationships.
Ok, now that's all done, let's go back.
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AN: This chapter didn't have much going on aside from the MC processing her feelings finally. But it had to be done, don't you think so? She's been in so much denial. She still is, but at least she acknowledges it somehow right?
Anyways, thank you sooo much for your comments, I love getting them and being able to respond... So far, Y'all are sweet and supportive. Thanks for all the power stones, I think it helps in the ranking to get more views? I'm not sure. And if you could leave a review, it would be appreciated, but it's fine if you don't feel like it yet.
Again, thanks!😘