To say I spent my day doing anything that will take my mind off Ric is an understatement. So I don't understand why he's here at all.
I remember getting back to my place feeling really down after seeing Ric and Tina together. Watching them as an actual couple was like a harsh wake up call. (Welcome to reality kind of).
I tried to keep myself busy so I wouldn't think about it too much. I blasted some music and cleaned like crazy, scrubbing, vacuuming, making everything shine. I even went through all my clothes, getting rid of anything I didn't need anymore. The chores helped numb me out for a little while.
But eventually, I ran out of things to clean or organize. I plopped down on the couch, the quiet apartment feeling really empty and lonely. My eyes landed on a framed photo of me and Ric from Henry's beach party a couple years back. We looked so happy and carefree, arms slung around each other.
It hurt to look at that photo now. Would Ric and I ever be able to be that easygoing around each other again? I felt tears stinging my eyes, threatening to fall, but I blinked them away. (Get it together). Ric is happy, and that's what matters. I got up, off the couch and headed to the kitchen. If anything could improve my mood, it was baking. I ordered for stuffs online and lost myself in mixing, measuring, kneading dough. The familiar smells helped me calm down.
A few hours later, I looked around at all the goodies I made, cookies, coconut bread, even a pie. At least I would have plenty of baked stuff to drown my feelings in later.
I was putting some in a box for Ace and Ash when I heard the front door open. I wondered if it was Lay finally coming back from mom and dad's. I head to the living room ready to give her a really dramatic welcome when my eyes land on him. He was just standing there by the door as if unsure if to come inside or not.
Why are you here Ric?" I blurted out, staring at him standing awkwardly by the front door.
He rubbed the back of his neck, not meeting my eyes.
"I, uh...I just wanted to check on you, Bee. Make sure you're okay after earlier." he says.
My stomach twisted into knots. Of course he knew that running into him with Tina would be hard on me. We've been best friends and cousins our whole lives. (You've said that a hundred times). I guess he can read me better than anyone.
I forced a tight smile. "I'm fine, Ric. You didn't have to come over."
"Yeah, well, I wanted to." He says, stepping further inside, letting the door shut behind him.
"You kinda ran off in a hurry at the restaurant. I didn't like how we left things."
Crossing my arms defensively, I turned and headed back towards the kitchen, not trusting myself to be too close right now.
"Who ran off? Me?" I asked. "I left with the girls. I didn't run off Ric". "Besides there's nothing to leave. You're dating Tina, that's...great. I'm happy for you guys."
Even to my own ears, the words sounded insincere. Ric followed me into the kitchen, taking in the baking frenzy evidence surrounding us.
"Are you sure this is you being happy?" He says pointing towards the platefuls of treats. "Looks more like an epic baking therapy session to me."
I chewed on my lower lip, keeping my back to him as I struggled with the desserts. How could I admit that seeing him with Tina had crushed me in a way I never expected? I felt his hand on my shoulder and flinched involuntarily.
"Bee..." His voice was soft with concern. "Talk to me, please. You know you can tell me anything." He adds.
I spun around then, fear and frustration building up inside me.
"Can I, Ric? Because it feels like there's a lot you haven't been telling me lately!"
His brow furrowed in surprise at my sudden outburst. I continued, unable to stop now that I'd opened the floodgates. "You've been seriously dating this woman for over a week and never said a word! We tell each other everything or at least, we used to. What changed?"
Ric's mouth opened and closed, seeming lost for words for a moment. But I pressed on relentlessly.
"Don't try and play it off as not wanting to jinx things. We both know that's not the whole truth here."
His eyes went wide at my blunt words, but I pushed ahead, finally allowing the confession to spill out.
"I know i pushed you to date other people because I thought it was for the best. I thought I was protecting us, protecting our friendship by not letting things go too far. But seeing you with that lady today...Ric, I--"
"You have feelings for me too." It wasn't a question, but a statement of realization from him. Ric ran a hand through his hair, suddenly unable to meet my gaze.
"Bee, I...I don't know what to say. When I admitted how I felt about you, you made it pretty clear we should go our separate ways for awhile, at least until I got it figured out. I never imagined you felt the same way."
My eyes burned with unshed tears. I was confused.
"Well, I do, you idiot! Despite my best efforts, I can't just turn it off. It doesn't work that way."
Ric stepped closer, eyes soft with remorse and some other unreadable emotion. "I'm so sorry, Bee. I..... I don't know what to do in this situation." He says shaking his head.
Before I could react, he cupped my face in his hands, making me meet his gaze.
"Hey...it's going to be okay. We're going to be okay," he murmured. His words warm and certain against my skin. "I'm going to fix this, I promise."
I searched his expression. I wanted to believe him.
"How?" I choked out, painfully aware of how small my voice sounded. "Ric, you're with Tina now. And we...we agreed this could never work between us, no matter what we may feel. It would ruin everything."
Ric's face looked sad as he took in my words. He stared at me for a long moment, like he was battling with himself inside.
Finally, he took a deep breath and slowly pulled his hands away from my face, and I didn't want to lose his touch.
"You're right, Bee," he says, sighing heavily. "This...whatever this is between us, it can't happen. We agreed it would ruin everything we have."
My heart sank as he stepped back, putting space between us again. This was really it, the line was being firmly re-drawn.
Regret filled Ric's eyes as he gave me one last lingering look. "I'm sorry, I never should have let things go this far. I've messed it all up."
Ric took another step back towards the door. "I...I think I should go. Give us both some space to get our heads right."
I wanted to stop him from leaving, from walking away from this new possibility. But I knew it was for the best.
With one final nod and an unreadable look, Ric turned and headed for the door. I could only watch numbly as he slipped out into the night, taking any chance of something more with him.