As the door clicked shut, the silence crashed down heavily. My legs gave way and I sank to the cold floor, wrapping my arms tightly around myself.
Finally, I let the grief come in waves because I was extremely sad for the future that could never be, for the love that felt so close yet impossible. Sobs shook my body as I faced the brutal reality.
Ric had made his choice, putting us and our complicated situation first. I know it was my idea at first but it still hurts. Now all that was left was to pick up the shattered pieces and find a way to go on without him like before.
But how? How could things ever be the same between us after everything?
As the apartment grew cold around me, I stared at my abandoned baking. What once brought me comfort now taunted me with the bitter prospect of endless empty days ahead. Alone.
Outside, the world spun on, oblivious to the loss I'd suffered. But in here, in this hollow space...everything had shattered apart forever.
The next morning was Sunday. I could hardly sleep after what happened with Ric last night. Everything felt broken. How could I face him again after yesterday?
I threw some clothes into a bag, knowing I needed to get away for a bit. Going home to Mom and Dad's was my only safe space right now. It was the only place I could think about.
The drive there went by in a blur. Before I knew it, I was pulling up to the familiar family home. Lay's car was the only one in the driveway.
I dragged myself up to the door, somehow dreading this. Lay flung it open before I could even ring the bell, looking perfectly put together as always.
"Well, well, if it isn't my little sister!" She pulled me into a tight hug. "What a nice surprise!"
"Hey Lay..." I mumbled into her shoulder, already regretting coming.
"Bee! Why didn't you tell me you were visiting?"
I looked up to see Ben, our older brother, smiling big as he walked over. Lay finally let go of me.
"Our poor Bee looked like she needed some sister time," Lay said, looping her arm through mine. "Why don't you make us Dad's good coffee, Ben? We've got some serious girl talk ahead."
Ben took one look at my expression and nodded, heading to the kitchen without an argument.
Lay tugged me to the living room couch. She sat beside me, watching me carefully.
Alright little one, spill it. What's got you looking so haunted?"
The whole story came pouring out then, my feelings for Ric, him dating Tina, our huge encounter that ended with him walking away. Tears rolled down my cheeks as I finished.
Lay pulled me into her arms, practically cradling me. "Oh honey...I had no idea things were such a mess with you two. Why didn't you tell me sooner?" I couldn't even respond. I just shook my head, feeling drained.
Lay stroked my hair.
"You know...I have always suspected there were unresolved feelings between you and Ric."
I turned to look at her. "Yh, you did" I say in defeat.
She gave me a sad smile. "You know all the times I've told you before." She sats " Plus, that day you came home early and found Ric and I talking. It was what we were discussing. But recently, I figured something went down, I just didn't want to pry." She adds.
My mind flashed back to when I caught Ric and Lay having an intense talk. They scrambled to cover it up. Played it as a normal meet up.
"Ric talked to you about having feelings for me, didn't he?" I asked hoarsely. "Feelings he couldn't act on."
Lay nodded slightly, and it felt like a punch to the gut. Of course Ric confided in her about his mess with me at some point. A lump formed in my throat as bitter unfairness threatened to swallow me. Why did he keep me in the dark, blindly while he opened up to my sister behind my back? We promised no more secrets.
"Bee." Lay's voice was soft but firm, making me meet her eyes. "Ric did what he thought was best in the moment. This is a difficult situation."
She cupped my face. "But now it's all out in the open, honey. No more secrets, no more hiding. It's time for you both to figure out what you really want."
I opened my mouth but no words came. Because what if what Ric and I wanted...was something no one else could understand?
Lay seemed to read my mind, just pulling me close.
"Don't think for a second your happiness matters less than keeping up some old-fashioned family image. You deserve to put yourself first, Bee. Whatever that means for your future with Ric."
I stayed quiet, letting her words sink in. Lay had always been like this, apathetic. I'm not sure I can be like her. But maybe there was a path through this heartbreak, one leading to something better on the other side, if I was brave enough to find it but I can't.
Finally, I sighed shakily and leaned into her embrace.
He said it's over," I whispered emptily. "He said we agreed this could never work between us."
Lay's fingers stroked through my hair soothingly. "That man...has he learned nothing from you two staying apart this long? The more you fight a feeling, the stronger it grows."
She chuckled softly against me. "Give it time, Bee. I have a feeling reality may just convince Ric where he really belongs before too long."
I pulled back to look at her skeptically, but the calm certainty in her expression stopped me from protesting.
"For now, you just focus on taking care of yourself, okay? Let your big sister handle the rest."
I knew better than to ask what that meant when she got that glint in her eye. But strangely, for the first time since yesterday, I felt a tiny spark of hope rekindle inside me.
If nothing else, Lay reminded me that no matter how inescapable this pain felt, I didn't have to face it alone. That she would stand by me through anything.
And maybe, just maybe...she could help me start putting the pieces back together again.