(I didn't think I'd be reliving this traumatic moment any time soon, I guess my brain is still disturbed by all those moments from my childhood.
Fortunately, I've moved on now, I'm still trying to survive despite everything that may have happened to me in my past.)
"Edward contracts the muscles of his right arm and then stops."
(This, on the other hand, hasn't gone up as far as I can see.
Well, you can't have everything, after all.)
"Edward stretches his arms, pushing them back."
Iiing, hahh!
(Here we go again, ... "Edward looks at his notes.".. damn, that's all I wrote.
That's not good, I've got to finish this before I go to bed.
After all, the most important thing to do if you want to keep your body healthy is to sleep well, otherwise your body will slowly destroy itself.
It'll take me ten minutes to finish the list, then I'll get ready to escape tomorrow, without failing.)
"Edward writes down the first strong point he imagined before going to sleep."
Well, first strong point.
(Now that it's done, I'll have to add this strange ability that I don't understand at all, which allows a villager, even if he dies, to return to the village the next day like a flower.
Acting as if nothing had happened.
Fortunately, over the years, I've sometimes been able to observe the phenomenon, note the attitude of those who literally came back from the dead, and tell if they were abnormal by seeing if they had retained memories of the day they died, or even of events in the village.
By talking to them, for those who were willing to talk, I saw that they remembered everything except the moment of their death, as if they had a memory lapse for that very detail.
I concluded a long time ago that these inhabitants might not be human, in view of their abilities and behaviour.
I still think the same today, at least until I'm proven wrong.
Maybe it's not true, and we're all aliens from another planet or human experiments designed to make us the ultimate weapons.
I live in a flying village, nothing can surprise me anymore.
Well, what else could I put?
In my opinion, it's already not bad at all.)
"He writes this last strong point."
(With these two strengths in place, tomorrow I could remember what to watch out for, like being discovered and caught by one of them, which would surely kill me instantly after a big, well-placed blow to my weak body.
Or that one of them, if I kill him to escape, might remember my escape and tell the others, which could lead to my death if one of them decides to jump out of the village and kill me thanks to this ability that brings them back to life.
Fortunately, these are the only strong points I know about them. I'm confident that I know them pretty well for easily predicting their thoughts and decisions.
Just as a flautist would with his snake dancing to the rhythm of the music and vibrations, the comparison isn't absurd in my opinion.
Well, I'll go to sleep now that I've finished, I'm knackered.)
"Edward stretches his arms while yawning with his mouth wide open."
Haahh!
Finally finished, what an energy purge this sheet is.
"Edward extinguished the candle on the desk, got up from the chair he was sitting on to sit on the front of the bed."
"He took off his shoes, socks and coat, leaving the shoes and socks on the floor."
"He took his coat and put it on his coat stand in front of the front door, then quickly lay back in bed on his back, remembering to extinguish the candle on his bedside table."
(Good night to me.)
Fouh.
"He extinguishes his candle, then falls asleep."
A new day began
"Quite late in the morning, Edward woke up, having slept in."
Edward :
"He opened his eyes, groaning and yawning as usual."
Mmmm, haaahm!
(It's been a long time since I've slept so much, it feels good for once not to be tired.)
"He gets out of bed to brush his teeth, drinks water from a bucket filled with drinking water, near the only window in the house placed to the far right of it, and then wash his face with the same water."
"He takes from the top of the small clothes cupboard in front of the bed, a piece of fruit which he eats with a piece of bread placed right next to it."
"After eating, he finally goes to take a book from his personal library."
"A bookcase he made himself from fragments of wood taken over the years."
He probably got the idea from a book about the importance of having a library, a hypothesis like any other.
Edward :
(I've got the whole day off today, so free time means reading books I've already read, but with subtleties you can only get when you've finished a book and known the final denouement.)
"While he's looking at which books to take from his library, one book in particular catches his eye."
(Mmm, why not him, I remembered that his plot is pretty good and he's also one of the books I haven't reread, why not?)
"He picks up the book and starts reading it again as he sits on his bed."
(Chapter 1: A lady's surprising lightness
She was magnificent, simple in her manners as in her voluptuous and suave way of speaking, a lady in tune with the times, welcoming the bourgeois practices that scream extravagance and appearances, shrieking with sparkling brilliance.
Prestige serves as a chimney fire for the excessive ego of a world as brilliant as it is arrogant.
The lady, because of her place, lives a swan's life decorated with various jewels, not deviating from any rule, smoothed like a shining vase with noble and regulated curves.
A charm that bewitches to perfection, a voice that makes a man's heart roll faster than a wagon wheel.
Which turns so fast, so fast that the evil living in these words transforms this charm into a hypnosis so powerful that its victims die of frustration.
How does she capture a heart with her bare hands so easily?
The women staring at her know it, this same evil, they know it, for nothing in the world would they dare admit it to themselves, how could they call it anything other than lust hidden to look like manners?
A unilateral promised love which is only a promise, sensuality and desire through words is just a wall that promises a home without showing that there's nothing behind the wall.
At heart, nobility has never left the stereotypes of the hunt, baiting its prey to better capture it they say, what to think?
Cruel irony if ever there was one, to see one's prey stolen because of a hunter at heart playing by the same fearsomely impetuous and devious rules, leaving no reward for weakness of character.)
"Edward continued to read the book, time passed, passed until sunset gave way to the onset of night."
"After he could finish his reading session, interspersed only with those moments when he had to eat a good home-cooked meal, Edward got up to put the book away."
(It took longer than I thought to read the whole book, 400 pages to read is no mean feat, this police plot with the serial murder of members of the renaissance-era bourgeoisie was really interesting.)
"Edward will look out his glass window."
(Darn, it looks like the night has already begun, time to pack my things.)
"Edward gathers a bag he kept under his bed."
(I should take only the bare essentials, two books on survival just in case even if I know them well, two more books to pass the time, a flashlight with all the batteries I have left, food as a provision and a bottle of water.
I don't think there's anything else I should bring in terms of stuff I can use to survive, I don't think I have anything else anyway.)
"He gathers all the items he's going to take with him and puts them in his bag."
(That's done, now I have to think about the road I'll have to take to hope I won't be discovered on the run.)
"He goes to one of the drawers in his clothes closet and pulls out a map he's made of the village as seen from the sky."
(It's a good thing I've often been inspired by books to do activities that I found amusing, because if I hadn't, I probably never make a map that retraced so faithfully the village.
I'm quite proud of this card, which I made for fun, and which looks clean enough for me to use today.
So, I'll probably take the road from the market along to the restaurant The Bread With Teeth and the bar Troubled Night, to the south-east of the village from my house.
It's one of the least populated areas, since there's the least amount of activity at night, but it's still dangerous to venture out, so I'll just have to be careful, and in theory I'll be okay, I hope.
That done, I'll just look at the sheet with the strengths and weaknesses of the inhabitants to avoid forgetting in the moment how to survive if I'm discovered, then I'll set off when it's dark.)
"Edward goes to pick up the sheet with the features laid out on the desk, returns to his bed, sits on it and begins to reread what he has already written."
"Five minutes later, he considered that he finish."
(I've pretty much memorized everything, keeping in mind the scenarios I've created for myself to avoid being surprised, so all I can do now is wait.)
"He lies in bed and waits patiently for the night to grow darker."
...
...
...
(Come to think of it, won't I be afraid of heights when the time comes to jump?
Honestly, it scares me instinctively, the only memory I have of getting close to the emptiness that surrounds the village was when I was barely able to form proper sentences and still wet the bed.
I still remember it like it was yesterday, I'm still traumatized by that day, yet I have to jump to hope for something better, something that will teach me a whole lot of things I'm incapable of understanding, like love, friendship, trust and loyalty.
I may have understood their importance, but I still don't know what they are.
But one thing I know for sure is that this village is not where I'll find an answer, the only way for me to get answers and get away from this pressure is to flee.
To run away, I'd have to know whether I'd be able to overcome my trauma and jump.
Many of the stories I've read have heroes who are unable to make a decision because of fear, which sometimes leads to their death.
Paralyzed by fear, they can't make up their minds, hesitate and make mistakes.
Maybe I'll be in the same kind of situation after the escape, who knows?
I can just tell myself it's in the past but eventually the trauma can resurface, damn I didn't think of that, I need to find a way to remove this fear.
Perhaps re-imagining this event could help me to face up to my fear by telling myself that it's not a big deal, that it's nothing at all, just a little fear of nothing at all.
Why not, I'll just have to remember the event and see if this fear of emptiness still affects me.)
"Edward closes his eyes and gathers his memories of this event."