Ethan
To be honest, a movie night with Riley and Aaron felt like something that could've been if we stayed together. It felt nice actually. I kind of wish this wouldn't end, and that Riley and I were back together. But I can't trust him with my heart anymore.
A loud snore broke my train of thought and I saw where it came from. Aaron was sound asleep and the movie was almost over.
"Ha," Riley laughed, "He's out like a light." He got up and went to the bedroom. After a couple minutes, he came back with a pillow and a blanket. It was almost like Aaron was our child and we had a family night of sorts. This all made me smile and left me wanting to try giving Riley a chance.
As Riley finished putting Aaron to bed, we found ourselves surrounded by complete darkness. The lights had gone out, but only for five seconds. After that, a soft glow started to fill the room.
"That's the emergency power," said Riley.
"Power outage, maybe?" I asked as I looked out at the city through the window. Only a few buildings had a faint glow indicating that the emergency generators had been activated to keep them running. Looks like what Riley had said the night before. That means civilization has started to disappear.
"So," Riley broke the silence. "It's started. Just as I expected it."
"Just one week left, huh?" I asked. I also wondered about something else. "You think we'll survive this?"
Riley put his arm around me and held me close. "We'll find a way, somehow." was all he said to me. For the first time since our reunion, I started to place my trust into his words. Before I lose myself in him, I snap myself out of it and begin to walk away from him. "We'd better get some sleep, we have an early day tomorrow."
"Do you want to take a shower?" He asked while I was walking away.
"Sorry?" I asked in surprise.
"The water may still be running and the water heater is electric so this might be the last hot shower ever." He explained.
"Ok," I said. I had managed to pack a few different outfits just in case this journey would take longer than a few hours.
"Just one thing though," He added. "We may need to shower together."
"Are you out of your fucking mind?"
"Logically speaking," he retorted, "If the water stops running on one of us. It would be annoying if we still had a head full of shampoo and no way to wash it off." As he said this, he brought out two small waste baskets that were unused.
As much as I knew he was trying to seduce me, I couldn't help but believe his logic. Although it would be funny if the water stopped working on him and his hair still had the lather of the shampoo. And on the other hand, it would be highly inconvenient for me in either case. I needed to protect myself from him or I would end up exactly where he left me years ago. "Fine, but don't you fucking dare try anything."
"I promise," he replied, "I won't"
He had turned on the shower and began filling the two baskets, while I turned my back towards him and started undressing. While I was taking my pants and underwear off, I felt the familiar sensation that he was watching me.
"Please quit staring at me."
"I'm not staring." He answered back. "I'm just waiting on you."
I turned around to find him already naked and in the shower. It's been years since I last saw Riley fully nude. He still looks the same. And I still have the desire for his body like I did when we were together. His offer for sex still echoed in my head, and to be honest, I would probably get hard if he touched me at all. I'd even give in and give him what he wants. What an absolutely pathetic fool I am.
Riley
It has been years since I saw him naked and after all these years, I have never wanted him more. His body was just average years ago, now it was toned and muscular. He now had the look of someone you see on the cover of a magazine. I couldn't help but admire him fully naked.
"Here you go," I said as I handed him the shampoo bottle. "I have body wash there too if you want to use it."
He rolled his eyes at me, "Thanks." he said as he made his way past me to the shower stream. It took all of my willpower to restrain myself from making another shameful scene like back at his apartment.
After my turn to wash my hair came, I asked Ethan to pass the body wash as he made his way out of the shower stream. I lathered myself up and glanced at the corner of my eye that he was looking at me. "Mind if I ask you to do my back?" I ask him.
"Fine" he scoffs, but even I can tell that he's not resisting.
His hands roam all over my back as he washes me. The feeling of his hands on my body made me feel like I did when we first kissed. I really wanted him to push me against the wall and kiss me like the old days, to let me feel his now muscular body against mine. To feel his hard cock inside me. I know that last one might never happen, but I wouldn't stop hoping for it.
He turned me around and I looked into his eyes. I have seen that look before. He wanted me as much as I wanted him. We locked each other's gaze for about a minute and I leaned in closer. He didn't back away. I put my hand on his chest and he put his hand over it, holding it like he used to. My lips are no more than two inches away from his.
A knock on the door broke the spell we were under and Aaron's voice sounded on the other side. "Guys, you almost done in there? I need to pee."
Ethan and I rinsed off and shut the water off. As soon as we had quickly dried off and put our underwear on, I opened the door only to have a blur of a sixteen year old boy run past me and go straight to the toilet. Ethan didn't hesitate to grab his change of clothes and leave the bathroom.
"Hey Aaron," I said without sounding annoyed, "If you want, the hot water is still running, so if you want, you can take a shower. Towels are in the basket in the corner."
"Thanks, Riley." He said as he was relieving himself. Damn that kid. He had to ruin the moment.
But then again, who knows how he would feel afterwards if we did make love just now. Would he love me again, or would I just be like his other hookups. As much as I wanted him, I wanted his love more than his body.
As I entered the bedroom, Ethan was already dressed for bed. Wearing the same thing as he did years before, a T-shirt and boxers. I proceeded to don a pair of pajama pants and a T-shirt.
"I can sleep on the floor," he said, "You take the bed."
I reached out and grabbed his arm gently. "Don't be silly, I'll stay on my side, you can sleep on the other."
"Riley," He started to protest.
"I won't try anything," I interrupted, "Besides, Aaron's got the couch and I don't want you sleeping on this hard wooden floor."
"You'd say anything to get me into bed huh?" He said jokingly.
"There's no one else I'd rather sleep next to."
The moment I said that, I swore Ethan did something I hadn't seen him do in years. He became shy again. It made me remember the last time he was shy around me. And I decided to bring it up.
"Remember, the Christmas break we had?"
"What about it?" he asked.
It was December, ten years ago though it feels like yesterday. Ethan, Hector, Steve, and I had our last dinner of the year and the Fall semester had just ended. At this point, Ethan and I were almost two months into our relationship.
As the four of us walked down the streets of downtown Dallas, we had done some Christmas shopping for ourselves and our families. We did an exchange and ate out at a fancy restaurant.
"Ugh," Steve said, "I can't believe the year's almost over."
"You said it," said Hector as he came back with a round of drinks. "All this talk about the Mayan calendar, made me wonder, if the world was ending, what would I do?"
"Oh c'mon Hector," Steve said, "Why do you have to bring that depressing BS to the table?"
"Are you saying you don't have a bucket list?" Hector asked.
"I would spend the rest of my days in the library, reading as many books as I can." Ethan said, slightly buzzed from the two drinks he already had.
"Let's talk about something actually happening," Steve said, "Holiday plans, go."
"Staying here." Ethan and I answered simultaneously, making Hector gaze at us suspiciously.
"You're not seeing your family for the holidays?" Hector asked.
"Nah," I answered. "Family's gone to the bahamas for the holidays, plus plane tickets are so fucking expensive this time of year." I sipped my drink as I examined Ethan for his answer.
"Mine lives close by, but the trip is a hassle." He answered. I had noticed he didn't buy anything for his family, just gifts for us three. It made me wonder what was going on there.
"You said the same thing last year, Ethan." Hector remarked.
"Yeah," Steve said, "It makes me wonder if you're an orphan."
Steve's remark struck a nerve with Ethan but he didn't take it out on Steve. He just held it in, and smiled one of those smiles that tell people they are fine but are dying inside. It made me want to punch Steve but I knew Ethan wouldn't want me to start something that might ruin our last dinner with friends for the year.
"Go see your folks, E." Hector said.
The evening went by rather quickly, and as usual, I spent the night at Ethan's. When we got home, it was freezing outside so I rushed in to turn on the heater. We had bought a few drinks, snacks and rented a couple movies.
As Ethan put away the drinks and prepping the snacks, I was getting the movie started. It was then I had to ask what I noticed earlier. "Hey Ethan."
"Yeah"
"Do you not get along with your family?" I asked.
He became shy and tried to avoid the question. "What do you mean?"
His eyes look all over the place which he usually does when he's shy.
"I noticed you only bought gifts for me and our friends. Nothing else. Do you and your family not get along?"
"I guess so," He said, "It's just my dad. He's the only family I have."
After Ethan told me his story, and how he sends his father money, I fell in love with him even more. His father was an abusive drunk and after enduring that hell, Ethan was still a kind hearted man. After coming to college, he hadn't spoken to or seen his father since. My father isn't any better either, but if he put me through what Ethan went through, I'd probably be bitter.
"You're too kind." I said to him, "Me, personally, I would've cut him out of my life and not care what happened to him. People should prioritize themselves." Ethan was once again being his cute shy self and I pulled him in and held him in my arms. I pick up the fob watch necklace around his neck and tell him, "Let's be each other's family."
"Huh?"
"You heard me. Let's spend the holidays together. We'll get a tree, wear ugly sweaters, drink egg nog, spiked of course; kiss under the mistletoe, and unwrap presents. And for New Years, we go to Hector's, have a few drinks, pop some fireworks, and party till the sun comes up."
As I said these things, Ethan started to laugh and cry at the same time. "Sounds great."
"I remember," Ethan said as he recounted the memory, "You also said we were going to bake cookies too."
"Did I?"
We both laughed at the thought of either one of us baking cookies.
"Those were the days." I said.
"Those were the best holidays of my life." Ethan said as if remembering a friend that has passed away.
"That was also the last time I saw you be shy around me."
I set my alarm for 6:30 in the morning, glad to know my phone battery is at 96% when I heard Ethan say, "Come to bed, Riley."
I look over and he is laying on his back, looking at me.
Ethan
I know I'll probably regret this, but I can't help it. I still love the bastard. He had told me that Christmas break ten years ago was the last time he saw me shy away from anything. But after hearing him say that there's no one else he would rather sleep next to, I almost want to believe him.
Almost.
As he got into bed with me he laid on his side of the bed, facing me. I put my arms around him and pull him towards me so that I am on my back and he is draped over me, using me as a pillow. I know he always loved sleeping like that with me. He nestled his cheek against my chest and his leg crossed over mine. I felt happy for the first time in ten years.
The me from back then would say that Riley was the one I was destined to be with. But now I know. I know there's no Hero to save the world, Nor a partner you're destined to be with. As I lay with Riley in my arms, I won't deny that I still love him anymore, nor will I admit it to him. If he is serious about wanting to make amends, then what little time we have left, will tell.