Riley
I know Ethan will more than likely hate me for doing this, but this cruel side of him shook me to my core. While we were together, Ethan was always kind and easy to forgive. There was one time that Steven had said something homophobic. Ethan and I were offended but Ethan was the one who voiced his frustration. I would've just kicked his ass, but Steven was given a firm lecture on how he should be more respectful towards gay people. Steven apologized and Ethan forgave him then and there. What a difference ten years can make.
The drive to Ethan's father's house took almost an hour longer than expected since most of the streets were inaccessible. We drove in silence as we navigated the backroads. The only break in the silence was when Ethan would give out directions to the house. As we pulled into a parking lot next to a rundown apartment building, it amazed me that Ethan grew up here. It also made me think that even though Ethan's father was a total asshole, he didn't deserve to die alone in a place like this. Leaving anyone alone to die is just downright cruel.
"Are you ok?" I asked Ethan as he looked at his old home with a look of dread and revulsion.
Ethan
It has been over twelve years since I have graced this place with my presence. Even after all this time, this place makes me feel like the scared little boy who lived here and escaped. I always felt like I was over this part of my life. But being back here proved that I only buried it under the metaphorical rug. Anytime my father was mentioned, even while Riley and I were together, I always felt it was some shameful secret that needed to be buried.
When Riley asked me if I was ok, I responded honestly. "No, I'm not. But it's now or never."
As I approached the front door of the rundown apartment, all the memories flooded my mind and it suddenly made me feel like my seven year old self. I was that scared little boy who dreaded coming home once again. But this time, I had Riley with me. If it was true that my father was dying, then I can say goodbye, once and for all.
Riley came with me while Aaron stayed with the car. I opened the door and was met with foul odors. Not like the clean scent of lavender and linen from when I lived here. I saw that the trash hadn't been thrown out in days, there were dirty dishes piled in the sink, and there also was the smell of a toilet that hasn't been flushed in days as well.
"Dad?" I called out, genuinely worried about him. Yes, I do hate my father, but even I can't help but worry about another human being, regardless of how cruel they treated me.
"I'm here." my father said with difficulty.
I entered his bedroom and my anger for him was replaced with pity. The man I saw before me was now a skeleton. His face was pale and sunken in, he was definitely thinner than when I left, his bedside table was full of prescription medications, but what caught my attention the most was a bloody rag in his hand. He was truly dying.
"Ethan," he called out, tears streaming down his face. "You came, son."
"I almost didn't," I said with scorn.
Riley stood at the doorway and my father saw him. "Is that your boyfriend?"
"No!" I answered at the same time that Riley gave his response.
"Yes." I looked at him with a look that could kill.
"I see," father said. He started coughing violently and saw that the blood from the rag in his hand was blood he had coughed up.
"I'll go get some water." Riley said as he left.
I nodded and found a clean rag for him. Using a plastic bag, I had him dispose of the bloody one. "You're probably thinking that this is what I deserve." he said.
"Maybe so," I said, "But that's not for me to decide."
"I'm truly sorry, Ethan," he said as he reached out and held my hand. "For everything. I know it's too late to apologize, but I was too hurt and bitter to care for you."
"I'll say."
He continued on, "When I lost your mother, I was so upset with the world I took it out on you. Every time I saw you I was reminded of her. Instead of being the father you needed, I was the asshole who treated you like a burden."
"And why are you telling me this?"
"Because I know you've become me."
"Excuse me?!" I exclaimed.
"You've been hurt and now you take it out on everyone in one way or another."
Those words make me think of how I have been these past years. My outlook on life has been very bleak, The only relationships I had was with Hector and Steve and no one else. I've had plenty of hookups but no real connection beyond that.
"Believe it or not," he said, "That look on your face is the exact same look I had when I lost your mother. If I can do anything as your father then it would be to give you this advice. Don't let pain make you into a cruel and bitter person. Take it from me, You'll live with a ton of regrets."
"And why do you suddenly care?" I said.
"Because I don't want you to be like me. Be the person you always were. You were always kind, considerate, and a better person than I ever could be. I'm not expecting you to forgive me, but if I could do it all over, I would do it right this time.." He began coughing Violently again and it was clear he was in a lot of pain.
My heart felt different at that point. I felt bad for him and I felt that even though this would be the last time I would see him, it was the first time I saw him become the father I always needed. Normally I would just tell him to die and would be happy if he did. But he was truly pitiful, "You know, I was going to tell you to go to hell and stay out of my life. But seeing you now, it seems you're already there. But despite what you did to me, I forgive you."
Saying the words and meaning it, suddenly I felt like a thousand pound weight was lifted off of me and I felt like I wanted to cry. I turned away from my father and rushed past the door, past Riley. I went into my old room and started to cry. I felt free from this place finally.
Riley
I returned with the water to see Ethan leave in tears. What did this dying bastard do to him? Before I could ask anything that happened, he started talking to me.
"So," he said, "You're Ethan's boyfriend?"
"Yes," I answered. "I am."
"Then, please take care of my boy. Judging by how he looked at you, you hurt him pretty bad."
"You're pretty observant, old man." I said to him.
"Then it looks like we both are on the road to redemption." He laughed in between coughs. It was clear he was truly suffering.
I observed the meds on his bedside table. "How much time do you have left?"
"Four days probably," he answered. "And it will be a slow and painful death for me."
"It doesn't have to be." I said. I pulled out the drug and took out a dose to hand over to him. "This drug will put you to sleep and let you die painlessly."
"Thank you," He said to me. "And you better take good care of my son, otherwise, I'll kick your ass, even if I have to come back from the dead to do it."
"Deal," I said, as he took the drug.
"At least now, I can die in peace, knowing my son has someone taking care of him."
"I promise, I'll take care of him until the day I die." Whether that day is six days away or six years. This is one promise I will not break.
Ethan
Riley had entered my old room and sat next to me on the bed. I was hoping he would ask to fool around on the bed. I wanted to forget about feeling this way even if it was for a few minutes. But instead Riley put his arm around me and pulled me close so I could lean my head on his shoulder while I continued to sob.
"Why?" I asked, "Why did you bring me here?"
"Because," he answered, "I wanted to tell him off for you. But seeing him like this, it just made me feel sorry for him. I'm sure you feel the same."
"I forgave him. How stupid am I?"
Riley tilted my chin so that I could look into his eyes and said to me, "That doesn't make you stupid. It makes you better."
Riley's words made me feel slightly better, but what he did next surprised me. He kissed me. I didn't fight him, nor did I pull away. In that instant, my sadness washed away and I was falling into the trap I was trying to avoid. There was no point fighting it anymore. I was ready to be his again. Our kiss deepened, becoming more passionate and lustful by the second.
We would've gotten carried away if Aaron didn't yell out, "Ethan, I think your dad went on the bed."
I woke up from the stupor the kiss had put me under and rushed to my father's bed. As Aaron stated, my father had soiled the bed. But that didn't catch my attention. I noticed he looked peaceful as if he were asleep, and he wasn't breathing. I grabbed his wrist to feel for a pulse. There was none. My father was now gone. As angry as I was towards him, I was glad that he's no longer suffering. I kissed his forehead and covered his body like a shroud,
And with that, I left this house for the last time, finally free from the pain and trauma of my past. And as stupid as it may sound, I looked over at Riley and contemplated my future, however short it may be, with him.