JULIAN OLIVAREZ
"I need you like the ocean tides need the moon Julian,without you in my life,I'd be nobody. I want you to know that my love for you is beyond words could ever explain,let me love you. Let my love be the dose of healing you're looking for. I'm ready to love you more than anyone has ever If you give me the chance." The voice was familiar,the closer I got,the more I could get closer to identifying who it belongs to.
I continue walking deeper into the unknown realm,following the delicate velvety voice. I came to a standstill when I saw myself at that private beach where I met with Adrien.
Next to me is Adrien pleading with Julian to accept his love. Wow,if I had not known better that the relationship between adrien and I is purely friendship,I would have paid more attention to them .
Wait,standing right there is me and Adrien. How come when I can see through third person yet im here,in person. Could this be one of those dreams I've been having ever since we met? How peculiar!
"Please,I can't love you back. I don't want to have a repeat of the past." Julian replies,between sobs and shallow breaths.
"Let the past go. I am not them or anything like them. You're my soul mate and there is nobody else for me but you Julian. Let that be the reassurance you need. I am the one for you,forget about all those people who couldn't love you Julian. I love you." Adrien replies,falling down on his knees. He seemed to be in physical pain,as if Julian's resistance and denial is killing him from within. It is such a painful sight seeing such a strong,bold and ripped form wither away. It seems like Julian doesn't notice the pain Adrien is going through. I try to speak up and alert him about the ongoing situation but nothing comes out.
I cease battling my words out and stick to watching my interaction with Adrien from the sidelines like the fucking commentator I am right now.
"Please Adrien,I'm not even gay nor Bisexual. I'm straight as the batch comes. I have never been in love with a man.....Let's say I have feelings for you and maybe give it a chance,how does this work? Huh" Julian snapped. Finally letting out his internal turmoil about his feelings. How I know this don't ask.
"Let us cross that bridge when we get there Jules. Accept this,accept us first then we shall figure all of it out somehow,together. Okay?" Adrien shakes Julian as if to make sure he understands what exactly he is talking about.
"Okay." Julian whispers out "I like you so much Adrien. It scares me because I have never loved anybody this much. I'm scared,okay! I'm scared of what will happen once you also wakeup someday and abandon me. I don't want to be pessimistic but I have been there,I have managed to overcome somehow because I always had my guard up. I never gave any of them my whole like I want to do you Adrien. What if this time round I can't get back to my feet? Huh?" Julian's whole body trembled up with strong tremors,I can feel his pain,worry,fear and most importantly the insecurities.
I am him so I can relate and feel his torment and rogue emotions. When you grow up with abandonment and trust issues,loving someone whole heartedly is the worst nightmare to ever encounter. Meeting someone who manages to bring your walls tumbling down without even putting up a fight is the most scary part of your existence.
How do you overcome it at once and ignore the voices in your head,telling you to not give away more than you can recover. Always reminding you that they will soon walk away and then leave you in tears. That they will waste your time and break your heart without even a second thought,or betray you within a nick of time.
I have lived enough to see it all unveil with my own eyes. My father didn't want me,so did my birth giver. Matt and Issa didn't have it in them to consider my feelings. Everyone just does as they wish.
Whoever walks out of my life never looks back. The worst part is that I never get closure,I never know why they left.
Now here is Adrien,I love him but still feel like I shouldn't. The alarms in my head keep blaring danger the warnings so loud and clear but I can't help falling in love with him.
Im still having identity crisis,does this make me gay? Or queer? Goodness lord I need a break.
I look back at the two and they are kissing so passionately,like one who was about to die from thirst in a desert when given a drop of cool,fresh water. Like they were each other's missing piece to complete the puzzle that is their lives.
Adrien pulls Julian even closer to cover up the space between them,he places his left hand at the nape of Julian's neck,his right on his waist,shoving his tongue deeper into Julian's mouth.
Julian let's out a lewd moan even I have never heard of. It seems like Adrien likes it as he groans in approval,never once pulling away to breathe in some fresh air.
Sounds of their moans and groans along with shallow breaths and clashing lips cover the area,with the sound of waves clashing in the background.
Julian reciprocates as he holds Adrien's body closer to his,holding onto him like he was the last string of hope,the last breath of life he needed in his whole life.
Eventually,they pull back to allow some much needed oxygen into their lungs. They look at each other,both faces Scarlett,lips swollen and tear stained. They smile and hug once more,Adrien already rejuvenated as the flame of life rekindled within him after the acceptance.
"I am willing to give this a try..... . I am ready to accept your love and give you mine in return. Please bear with me,I may make mistakes or fuck our relationship up but please don't ever leave me. Let me learn alongside you,have your hand to hold whenever I need and cherish us. Please don't leave." Julian pleads as his breath returns to normal,in Adrien's hold.
"I promise to love and cherish you my love. I promise to protect you by all means,I am willing to take every remaining step of our lives by your side as your friend,confidant and lover. I can't promise you forever but I promise you the rest of my life Jules." Adrien seals his promises with another kiss,one chest and pure,filled with genuine emotion.
Jules leans in to deepen the kiss while purring only for Adrien to pull back.
"Does that make us boyfriends or do we have to ask each other out?"
What haven't we done? We've been to several dates,spent time together,fell in love and now we've kissed. Do you think basic friends do all that?" Adrien asks with a raised eyebrow to tease Jules.
"Well.... I didn't know about that until now. I thought we were hanging out as friends,nothing more.... So.. Will you please be my boyfriend,Adrien?" Julian asks,getting down on one knee. Adrien is still in shock that he is at a loss for words,eyes wide and glued to Julian.
"You didn't have to do that. Yes... yes I will be your boyfriend Jules." Adrien managed to reply with flustered cheeks. He is tan but you can still see his blush and it makes him a mixture of cute and handsome.
As they start to kiss again,everything becomes a blur,I start hearing a familiar sound in a distance.
I woke up or literally jumped out of my sleep with shallow breaths,sweat covering my upper body and a migraine,to the sound of my blaring alarm. Now why did I have to wake up at the very best moment.
Wait!!! Was that a dream?
Why was it so vivid and clear? Is it some kind of premonition? Oh no! Am I going to fall for my new friend? But I don't want to lose him,what of it turns out the opposite of that.
This dream like the rest I have,can either turn out exactly as is or the other way round.
Oh my god what to I do?
Should I create a distance between me and Adrien to avoid the circumstances?
"I don't want to lose the only friends I have in my life." Call it attachment issues but he cares for me and that's enough.
I touched my head only to find it burning up. Oh what do I do now? I can't keep calling Adrien over whenever I'm feeling sick,he was here just two weeks back.
But he cares and I must admit that I love the feeling of having someone to take care of you when feeling weak and vulnerable. I think I should try to clean up and then call him later.
As I return from my cold shower,with towels wrapped around my waist and head,my phone starts ringing so I walk towards the bedside table to answer it.
"Speak of the devil and he shall appear." I mumble to myself before tapping on the green call icon.
"Hello beautiful." I am lucky he can't see my face right now,the dream just messed me up good and now I'm nothing but a Scarlett mess