FREYA
I could hear the screams, they were sad and hollow and sounded more like a long wail. I had no idea they were mine. Hands were insistently tapping and tugging at me, trying to draw me out of my cocoon.
No! I did not want to leave, I was safe here, the pain couldn't reach me here, until it did. It pierced through my skin and my heart and embedded its sharp barb in there, pulling and ripping its way out. Those screams became clear.
I jumped awake, breathing raggedly and Ana was on the bed beside me. Her black hair fell to her waist in a tangled mass of disarray, and tears were running down her face.
Her hands were tightly gripping mine. She embraced me in a tight hug immediately.
"My lady, my lady." She cried. I felt drops splatter on my legs and realized that tears were running down my cheeks as well.
"I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry." I repeated over and over again to Killian. My little boy looked distressed and scared, his little hand gripping a part of my nightgown. The fear in his eyes broke me. It hurt me even more to subject him to this.
This was what I had become; a strong Queen by day, and unable to sleep at night. There were only haunting dreams when I did manage to sleep. The whole palace knew what happened at night, they whispered about it in hushed tones in the daytime.
More time had passed and my husband was still out of reach. It never got better, just worse. And I was trying, I really was, for my son. But everyday, the shadows over our lives darkened more, blocking out more light and sinking us into darker depths of darkness.
My family, the gods bless them, tried to be there for me, but it didn't help and at the end of every day, when no news came, it got harder and harder to breathe.
Ana rubbed a soothing hand up and down my back, something suddenly came to mind. It had been ages, buried deeply in my memories and I was confident that it would work but my desperation was pushing me to try.
Wiping my eyes, I left Ana's warm embrace and climbed down the bed, and trudged to the trunk located at the foot of the bed in my nightgown. I opened the trunk and rummaged around, while she and Killian watched me with curious gazes. "Your Grace?"
"Can we get some candles, Ana?" I searched until my hands touched an old book. It was worn out and the covers screamed of age but it was also familiar and comforting, and warm to hold.
It was my book of teachings from my mother and I loved it so much. But after her death, it hurt too much so I hid away, refraining from seeing or touching it, but I was extremely desperate and out of ideas.
"Yes, My lady." She answered without question and left, taking the oil lamp she had obviously brought along, leaving only the light from the fireplace.
Hugging the book to my chest, I carried it back to the bed. I pulled Killian as we waited for Ana. He rested his head on my leg and I encased his hand in mine, rubbing his delicate skin.
She returned soon, carrying a basket full with candles. "I carried as many as I could, My lady." She heaved as she dropped the basket.
"Thank you, Ana. You can go now." I had stressed her enough for one night.
"Are you sure, My lady?" The light from the lamp flickered across her face, highlighting the streaks from her tears. "There's nothing else I can get you? I could stay for the whole night if you want me to." Confusion and worry marred her features.
"I'm fine now, Ana. I promise. Go and get some rest." Her worry for me, made her more endearing to me.
"Ok, My lady. Have a goodnight." She said with a smile and left in a flurry of her nightwear.
"Mama?" Killian looked at me with a replica of my eyes. His held questions as well.
"Everything is fine baby. You can go to sleep too." I murmured to my boy and continuously ran a hand through his soft hair, lulling him to sleep. And soon, he did.
Gently, I rested his sleeping form on the bed.
Everyday, he looked more and more like his father. It was driving me nuts. Was my boy going to grow up without his father? Adrien's absence was causing more than enough heartache and trouble already. It was time to stop waiting and start doing everything.
I went to the basket of candles that Ana had brought in. It held candles of different colours and sizes. I only needed one, so I selected a medium sized white candle. It was perfect for what I wanted to do.
The glow from the always lit fireplace guided me as I made my selection. Next, I headed to the dressing room, and got a brush Adrien had always used.
The dressing room reminded me too much of Adrien. Everything was as he left it, as though he was just out for a midnight stroll. I hardly went in there anymore and hurried out of the room after getting the hair brush.
Then, my ingredients were ready. I moved them all to the front of the fireplace. My old book sat, alongside the candle and Adrien's hairbrush.
I inhaled to calm my racing heart, this was when I would find out if Adrien was alive or not. Though our bond was alive it was very worrying that he only existed in my mind. I tried not to think of the consequences if he was dead. Adrien was alive.
Opening the book, I flipped through its old pages and memories plagued me. Images of my mother danced around in my head and strangely, it engulfed me in comfort and warmth. Giving the feeling that I wasn't alone. That warmth that had evaded me since the morning of Adrien's disappearance blanketed my soul now, giving me relief.
And I got to the page I was looking for. I was going to cast a spell to find Adrien.
Mother had practiced the art and she was good at it. But it was greatly frowned upon in our society so it wasn't common knowledge that she did. She could only bestow a little of her knowledge on me before she passed. I was very good at anything she taught me, but this had to work.
It was a simple locator spell and it would search for Adrien and point out his exact location to me when he was found. I tried not to hope for too much, but my heart soared with the possibilities. This was hope.
First, I had to light the candle, with my mind. I had to will the flame to burn. I closed my eyes and tried to focus, but my mind was distracted and pieces of memories flitted around behind my closed eyes, ruining what I wanted to do.
I opened my eyes for a second and sent a glance to my sleeping child. He looked distressed in his sleep. A lonely tear drop rolled down my cheek and I turned back to the candle. It was going to come in, or I wasn't going to leave this spot.
I breathed in and out slowly again, I could make this work. It was the late hours of the night and the inside of the castle was dead with sleep by outside, the night was alive. Animal calls echoed, and the night air was fresh and crisp as I breathed in. I wrapped myself up in the mundane feel of it all.
I closed my eyes again, and this time when the images flitted through my mind, I controlled them. Images of my happy mother and dotting father, images of Hella's first smile and her first baby steps, images of Mother and Hella and I in the fields at our hous, images of a smiling Helena, flitted rapidly through.
Then, Images of Adrien followed. Images of our first meeting, our first dance, our first kiss, our wedding and first night together, and the first time I met my son. My previously empty heart became full and I felt a light come on in it.
When I opened my eyes, the flame on my candle glowed a bright orange, a copy of the flame that had ignited in my heart. I felt a little of that happiness that had left me since I lost Adrien. It increased my hope in this situation.
Now, to cast the spell. I extracted strands of hair from the brush and looked into my book. Not just anyone could cast spells, it was a gift that was passed down through the blood and I was my mother's daughter, her blood flowed through my veins. It was a gift and this was the time to unwrap it.
I didn't know if this gift had evaded Hella or if it didn't. I would find out later, when I was better at this.
I brought my attention back to my book, and realized that I needed chalk. The candle was to sit in a circle. I looked round the room, where was I to get a chalk at this time? I didn't want to wake Ana again. My eyes drifted to the fireplace, and an idea struck.
I reached in and carefully pulled out a log that was half burned, its coal would do the job. Smoke wafted around and burned my eyes and I waved the log wildly to rid it of its still brightly burning flames.
The room was slowly filling with smoke, so I needed to put out the fire in the log quickly. Not knowing what to do, I tiptoed to the balcony windows. They squeaked a little as I tried to open them with one hand.
I spared a glance at Killian again again, but he slept on, oblivious to the state his mother was in. I laughed a little as I imagined explaining why I was welding a burning log on one hand and grabbing the window handle with the other if he woke up.
I noticed the door to the bathing chambers from the corner of my eyes and instantly felt stupid. Why didn't I think of water?
I carried my half burned and still smoking log to the bathroom and doused it with water, then I took it back to my candle, whose flame was thankfully still on. I was careful with every noise I was making and felt like a petty thief in my own home.
Getting a piece of coal and drawing a circle around my candle was a relatively easy task and once again, k was staring at the orange flame.
I dangled some strands of the hair I extracted over the flame and quickly, it disappeared. The locator spell needed words unlike the lighting of the candle, so I started chanting under my breath.
I chanted, never forgetting that Killian was asleep. The light flickered to my words, gracefully dancing back and forth, and reaching ever higher. I chanted on, confident and hopeful in my words, and the flame turned blue, and stopped dancing. Pointing toward the sky like an accusing finger.
I was filled with joy, and my body itched to get to the end of this. This wasn't the place to stop, so I continued to chant even faster, trying to outrun my desperation and racing heart.
I blinked, and my flame turned a milky white in that slip second. Tears poured out, unbidden down my cheeks. I had hoped and wished for this but I never imagined how the moment would be.
I fell to the floor, forcing a hand in my mouth to stop the sound of my cries.
Adrien was alive! My husband was alive!