FREYA
Ishmael and I stood at the castle doors, watching as Lord Lucian's ornate carriage rolled away, its wheels crunching on the gravel driveway.
"We have to find Adrien right now. He needs to be found right away, Ishmael." I stood, shoulders backed and a silver crown atop my head. I looked the part, a strong queen, but on the inside, I was broken, very much so.
"What did he want?" He muttered, failing to hide his distrust of the demon.
"He proposed a marriage, how could they even consider such a thing when I still have a husband." The icy air did nothing to calm the seething fury mingled with pain that churned within me.
"Damn them all! But damn Adrien the most for disappearing." He cursed, his frustration echoing my own.
"Let's find him, that's the only way." I whispered, desperation clinging to my words.
"Freya, a year has passed." With a hand on my arm, he turned me to face him gently, his eyes searching mine with a mixture of sympathy and resignation. He was ready to start healing from this. "What if..." His unspoken words hung heavy in the air.
I knew Adrien was alive as evidenced by the locator spell. It was finding him quickly that was the issue. A debate ensued fiercely in my head.
What if I told Ishmael about the spell? If I did, he would be elated and would put more effort into finding Adrien. But telling him also meant that I was giving him hope, opening him up to hurt once again if we were still met with disappointment.
It also meant that I was ready to be seen as a witch. What if I was rejected for what I was?
Behind all my worries though was the major reason why I didn't want to share; a dose of paranoia that I was unable to shake off. What if Ishmael was the enemy I was to be wary of? Was he capable of hurting Adrien? What did he have to gain?
I stared deeply into his brown eyes, greatly conflicted within and guilt suddenly held me in a chokehold. Guilt for suspecting this man who had been nothing but good to me.
In the end, my paranoia won against my guilt. I would much rather have it kept a secret and do things my own way.
"There are no what-ifs, Ishmael. Adrien is alive, and we will find him. Trust in my feelings please." I urged. It was obvious that he wasn't convinced but he entertained the idea for some reason.
"Ok. No harm will come from searching some more. But let's also focus on fortifying your position against the council members." Ishmael suggested as he steered the conversation towards practical matters.
"What do I do?"
"You need to be even more actively involved in the politics they play," We headed back into the castle together. "Make yourself indispensable and make most of them back you up. Try to shoulder more of his responsibilities too."
I listened attentively as he went into the details of all I needed to do in the meantime to maintain my precarious hold on power. Lord Ronan and my father would be easy work, and Lord Lucian would be content to stay at my side for now. My cards had to be played right if I wanted more time.
*******
I was able to get time like I wanted, but Adrien was never found. Winter rolled right past and nothing. The seasons changed and the years passed, Killian also grew, and no Adrien.
The milky flame remained the same, sometimes flickering blue, or a worrying orange but never that purple I wanted to see.
Slowly, my hope died out and I focused solely on being a queen and raising my son. The council members had begrudgingly accepted that I was capable of ruling but weren't fully vested in the idea, and I just hoped that eventually, they would fully accept it. The chances were slim though.
After today's meeting, Father rode back to the castle with me in my carriage. It was unusual as he had never done that, and I prepared myself mentally as I knew something was going to come from it.
My favorite season was almost upon us and we both enjoyed the pleasant weather in silence as the carriage bumped along the winding road.
Father smiled as he looked out the carriage window, the breeze ruffling his dark hair. He seemed at ease and playful but his next words were anything but.
"Don't you think you should marry Lucian already?" He mentioned it so casually. I knew something was up!
"Father, I do not see the need to wed him anymore. The kingdom is running fine under my reign, why ruin things?" My tone was casual as well.
He abandoned his casual attitude. "You've been on borrowed time, little one. The only way to secure your future and Killian's is to marry Lucian. The council would not allow you to rule long term and I am but one member, I would not be able to do much for you." He said seriously.
"Why do they seek to dictate my life, father?" I asked incredulously. "I wish to say nothing more on this topic."
"There are rules, Freya, and It doesn't have to be fair. It's been five years, little one, it is time already and this is the only way power remains in our family."
I pondered on what Father had said for a long time after his absence, annoyance filling me. What more did they want? I would not step down from my position and I could not stand the thought of wedding Lucain either.
What was so wrong with me ruling? My annoyance turned to rage. My rage was directed at the council members, my father, and even more at Adrien for leaving me.
I stormed into the dressing room, my rage pushing me to snuff out the useless ray of hope I still held that he would return.
The entirety of his closet was now covered in a very thick layer of dust. The door was angrily pushed aside and my rage drained out of me instantly.
My candle that I came to snuff out sat, its former milky flame now flickering that beautiful purple that I had been waiting to see. My legs gave out, and I crashed to the floor. Adrien had finally been found.
I sat in my position and howled at the sky, tears streaming down my face. Tears of joy and relief, tears for my son Killian, tears for the glimmer of hope that I almost gave up on.
I felt lighter as I cried, pieces of my fragmented heart slowly fitting back into each other.
This was the sign I had been waiting for, finally! I hastily wiped my tears. Finding him immediately was the next step. I put the candle back in the closet. Ana, who never strayed far from me except when I was on queen duties, would soon come looking for me and this was the time to be discovered.
Later, when everyone was asleep, I would come back for it. With that in mind, I dusted myself up and left the room. No one had to know and pretense was a cloak I knew how to wear only too well.
******
Darkness had me going back to the dressing room, with an oil lamp in hand to light the way. I had been impatient through dinner, anticipation coursing through me. I hoped no one had noticed.
Meticulously, I moved the candle from inside Adrien's closet to the floor, dust assaulting my nose and clothes. The sight of the purple flame ignited joy in my earth once again. I couldn't wait to uncover his location and be with my husband.
Questions plagued me; what had happened to him? How was he faring? Did he want to get back to me and was trying as hard as I was? Fear and uncertainty about what I was about to discover bugged my mind.
I hesitated for only a second before starting. After waiting this long, there was no backing out.
The locator spell would only point out his location. Getting there or even knowing where that was, was on me. Then I encountered my next problem.
I sat before the candle, wrapping the shawl I wore more tightly around me to escape the cold seeping into me from the marble floor. After activation of the spell, several images flitted through my mind; I could not recognize where he was and everything was extremely unfamiliar with strange objects and structures, all except one.
I briefly saw an image of myself as well and happiness engulfed me in a bear hug. I didn't fully process the image and was just elated to see that Adrien had sought out home as I had sought to find him.
Teleportation would never work as I did not know this place, and it would take another time to learn if Ishmael agreed to suddenly teach it to me.
The only other thing that I could handle was possession. If I was able to possess any living object close to him; human or animal, then I would be able to bring him back.
There was a niggling worry that the images didn't offer the whole depth of the situation and I would be walking in blindfolded, unaware of what to expect, but I was intent on doing it anyway, I would handle any issue I encountered.
And with that I began, testing the limits of the witch powers I currently had.
I was unsurprisingly unsuccessful that night, and several times after but constantly, I went back. Flexing every witchy muscle I had until I was met with success.
Or could what I discovered be described as that?