"Bad Education" is a film by the renowned Spanish director Pedro Almodóvar. In the movie, Enrique (played by Fele Martínez) and Ignacio (played by Francisco Boira) are classmates at a Catholic school, and they are also lovers. The priest at the school, Father Manolo, uses Enrique as bait to sexually exploit Ignacio, but eventually, Enrique leaves the school. This separation marks the end of their relationship as lovers.
"You've been waiting a long time. I'm sorry, but I came to Berlin again because of an exhibition. I didn't expect to coincidentally run into Yan Feng here in Berlin too, it's really too much of a coincidence!" Wang Zhen walked over to us, every strand of hair fluttering, brushing past her ear as it passed through the holes of her white earrings. She stood in front of me, then lowered her head, her hair falling down on either side of her shoulders, covering her ears. She then took off her camel-colored coat, revealing her black strapless long dress once again, her chest skin just ten centimeters away from my face, followed by her face. She sat down next to me.
"Hello, hello!" Yan Feng reached out a hand from my left to shake hands with Wang Zhen, "Yexi, you haven't formally introduced Wang Zhen to me yet today."
"Oh, right. Wang Zhen is currently studying Art Management at the Royal College of Art in London, the future star curator. We met in Beijing." I looked at Yan Feng, repeating what I had told him this afternoon. The bar wasn't big, but the sound system was loud, Yan Feng told me the music playing was techno electronic. To facilitate conversation, Yan Feng and I found a corner, a booth surrounded by dark walls like a cave, with a red-glowing chandelier hanging from the top of the cave. The corner was nice, but too narrow, with only wooden benches against the walls and a few cushions casually placed on them. After Wang Zhen sat down, I was sandwiched between Yan Feng and her.
"Hey, Yexi, aren't you going to introduce Yan Feng?" Wang Zhen lit a cigarette with a plastic lighter, took a puff herself, then handed it to me. Before I could inhale, Yan Feng took the cigarette from my mouth and put it in his own. He turned his head slightly, took a careful drag, then suddenly started coughing.
"You don't smoke either," Wang Zhen leaned forward, looking at Yan Feng with a smile on her face.
"I've always wanted to try. Thanks to you today," Yan Feng took out the cigarette, held it between two fingers, and smiled at Wang Zhen, "I just don't know if I'll enjoy it."
I took another cigarette from Wang Zhen, used her Saturn lighter, lit it, and took a drag. Wang Zhen snatched it from my mouth and took a puff herself.
"Buy your own cigarettes," Wang Zhen exhaled the smoke towards me.
"Yeah," I lowered my head, "Yan Feng and I actually met a long time ago. The first time I went to the States for a competition, he was volunteering there."
"Wow, Yexi, why didn't you tell me you know a big star?" Wang Zhen nudged my shoulder with her elbow.
"Last time in Beijing, the circumstances never gave us a chance to talk," I took another cigarette from the pack and lit it.
"Your cigarette box is really nice," Wang Zhen took my cigarette box and examined it closely. Without much thought, I grabbed it back.
"It's Vivienne Westwood," Wang Zhen continued to look at the cigarette box, and I quickly slipped it back into my pocket.
"Let's look at the drinks menu," Yan Feng picked up the menu from the table and placed it on my lap.
"The champagne, Chardonnay, and Cabernet Sauvignon here are all good. There are some lesser-known wineries from the Bordeaux region that are also very nice. Let's start with a bottle of champagne," Wang Zhen called over the bartender, ordered in German, then looked back at us, "Would you like some snacks with that?"
"Sure." Yan Feng smiled at her again.
"You've always been good at ordering." I smiled back at Wang Zhen. "The French food last time was great."
"Alright." She turned to the bartender and spoke for a while, seeming to order quite a bit.
"Let's not talk about last time. I didn't think you were really enjoying yourself either," Wang Zhen waved her hand, dispersing the smoke. "We definitely need champagne today. Napoleon lost at Waterloo because he didn't drink champagne before going. But last time we had French food, we did have champagne, didn't we?"
"Uh-huh." I kept my head low, took a deep drag on my cigarette.
"I've been too busy chatting with Yexi. Yan Feng, I just have to tell you today, you're so handsome. And I didn't expect you didn't smoke. Oh, right, why am I trying to snatch your cigarette." Wang Zhen leaned forward and then leaned back in her seat, causing the bench to sway.
"The atmosphere here is great. Work is too dull; you always have to find some fun." He took a gentle breath, not choking this time. He slowly let the nicotine into his lungs. "By the way, I like techno too."
"Taste." Wang Zhen gave Yan Feng a flirtatious look. "Unlike someone who's always so serious."
After she said this, they started swaying to the beat of the music, Yan Feng smiling at her again and moving his body with hers. In the dim light, I momentarily couldn't distinguish between Wang Zhen's face and Lin Huiru's face. I wondered if Yan Feng and Lin Huiru were more enthusiastic when they were alone together than they were now. The bartender brought over the champagne. I took the bottle out of the ice bucket, poured myself a full glass, and downed it in one go. Then I placed my right hand on Wang Zhen's exposed shoulder. I noticed her chest shimmering under the twinkling lights, like the glimmer on the surface of water.
"What are you looking at?" She asked me with a smile.
"You are goodlooking." My head spun for a moment, and I wasn't quite sure what I was saying.
"Don't give me that! I'm going to dance with Yan Feng. Haha." Wang Zhen pushed me aside and grabbed Yan Feng's hand, heading towards the dance floor.
Yan Feng glanced back at me, waved, and gestured for me to join them. I followed along. Amidst the flashing lights, the crowded dance floor, and the deafening music, my head spun even more. I couldn't distinguish whose hand I was holding onto—one moment it was a delicate hand, occasionally brushing against a bracelet on that wrist, and then touching calloused hands at other times. Sometimes it felt like my bracelet was clinking against another bracelet, making the slightest of sounds. The hand would move away, and Yan Feng would take the opportunity to pull me close, fiercely kissing my lips amid the crowd, his moist tongue probing between my lips before finally pulling away. Out of the corner of my eye, I sensed Wang Zhen approaching, and I pushed Yan Feng away abruptly.
Wang Zhen looped her arm around my waist and resumed dancing. Suddenly, Yan Feng grabbed Wang Zhen's hand, separating me from her.
"Let's go have a drink," he said to Wang Zhen.
"Okay." Wang Zhen's red lips curved into a seductive smile.
"I'll join you." I grabbed onto Wang Zhen, and the three of us returned to the booth together.
Conflicting emotions of possessiveness and competitiveness swirled in my mind. I couldn't tell if Yan Feng pulled Wang Zhen away out of jealousy towards her or because of her beauty. Nor could I discern if Wang Zhen's enthusiasm towards Yan Feng was merely polite or stemmed from some other reason. I refilled my glass, downed it in one go, and then slammed it back onto the table. The glass shattered on the red acrylic table, and my hand turned red too.
"Be careful!" Yan Feng grabbed my hand and pulled out a white handkerchief to wrap around my injured hand.
Wang Zhen glanced at Yan Feng with a hint of surprise.
"Oh, be careful," she also took hold of my hand.
Suddenly, Yan Feng let go of my hand and retrieved a white napkin from the table, handing it to Wang Zhen.
"Why is a pianist not taking care of his hands?" Wang Zhen spread out the napkin and threaded it through the gaps between my index and ring fingers, wrapping it around the tip of my middle finger.
"Yeah, the Steinway is arriving tomorrow," Yan Feng showed a hint of disappointment, and I felt sad too. I wanted to play Brahms for him.
"Are you okay? I didn't expect you don't smoke and can't handle alcohol well," Wang Zhen took out a band-aid from her purse, tore open the white packaging, separated my fingers, and helped me dress the wound. "You used to be quite good at drinking with my dad back in Beijing. Don't force yourself too much from now on."
I nodded slightly, looking up with a half-smile, gazing at the lights above. Wang Zhen checked her watch—it was midnight.
"Why don't I take him back then? Which hotel are you staying at? I'll have the driver drop you off later," Wang Zhen said to Yan Feng.
After a while, Yan Feng still hadn't responded.
"He's staying at my place," I felt my tongue slipping, unsure if I had made myself clear with that statement.
"Oh, then Yan Feng can come with me to escort you home," Wang Zhen furrowed her brow again, supporting my shoulder.
I nodded without saying much.
"You should head back early. You've had a busy day. I can take him back," Yan Feng supported my shoulder, pulling me closer to his chest.
I felt a wave of nausea in my stomach, compounded by the excess nicotine I had just inhaled, all surging up. A sour taste mixed with remnants of food spilled out of my mouth.
"Oh dear, Ye Xi, are you okay on your own?" Wang Zhen supported me again.
"It's okay," Yan Feng took out a white handkerchief from his pocket and wiped the corners of my mouth. "Fortunately, it's not too much."
He said this with a smile. I lifted my head slightly, gazing at the hollow at the corner of his mouth, wanting to lean in for a kiss. He also tilted his head back, embracing me tightly with both hands and straightening my body.
"It's okay, he's had a bit too much to drink. I'll take him back; his apartment isn't far from here. I'll walk him back, get some fresh air, and help him sober up a bit," Yan Feng assured Wang Zhen.
"That's fine." Wang Zhen's hand paused in the middle; she seemed to think I couldn't stand on my own. "Goodbye, and thank you for today. It's on me," Yan Feng took out his bank card and helped me towards the counter. "I don't think he's in any state to pay."
"Oh, how can that be? You've come all the way to Europe. Let me treat you," Wang Zhen insisted on swiping her card.
"Thank you. Here's my business card. If you ever visit the US or Taiwan, I'll treat you," Yan Feng took out a card from his wallet and handed it to Wang Zhen.
"Okay, you two should head back. Thank you so much, Yan Feng," Wang Zhen took the card and put it back in her purse.
"I'm used to it. He's always like this," Yan Feng lowered his eyes, his voice getting quieter, as he held onto my shoulders and guided me outside. Wang Zhen seemed to say something, but I couldn't hear. Yan Feng helped me tighten my coat. As we walked out of the bar's entrance, a gust of wind blew, and my hair obscured my vision. The swaying streetlights cast shadows of the birch trees, dressing every bald branch in golden attire. We walked beneath the rows of trees, as if each tree was dancing. I felt infinite joy in my heart, unable to stop smiling, occasionally swinging my hands and kicking the lingering snow at the edge of the sidewalk.
"Your hands are all injured. How will you practice the piano these days?" Yan Feng held my hand. "Why are you so happy?"
"Because of you," I hugged him, stopping under a streetlight.
"Do you know how upset I was? When I saw Wang Zhen being affectionate with you, I just wanted to smash a glass," he expressed his jealousy, and I couldn't help but voice my own jealousy.
"Fool." He kissed my lips.
"Your clothes are all dirty because of me. You should go back quickly. It wouldn't be good if she hasn't gone far and sees us," I tilted my head back to keep a safe distance from his lips.
He pulled me along, grabbing the access card and keys from my shaking pocket, and in an instant, we were back at the apartment. I collapsed onto the couch, my head still buzzing, the drumbeats from earlier echoing in my ears, inadvertently humming a few melodies.
"What are you humming?" Yan Feng stripped off his clothes and tossed them into the bathroom. He paced around, tidying things up, helping me out of my clothes one by one, and even adding a couple of logs to the fireplace. "You can sing, although it's terrible."
He hummed lightly, with a smile.
"You really are like a child, and also like Kai." He went to the bathroom to wring out a damp towel, then bent down to wipe me clean.
"Who's Kai? How many girlfriends do you have, anyway?" I put my fist against his chest, causing his flesh to indent slightly as he lost balance and fell to the ground.
"Kai is my younger brother," he squatted back up.
"I'm not your brother," I tilted my head back again, not looking at him.
"You're my lover." He continued wiping me down, then suddenly threw the wet towel away and started sobbing.
"What's wrong?" I lay on the couch, my hands lightly patting his shoulders.
"I can't wait anymore. Will you go to America after you graduate? My friend in New York said same-sex marriage will soon be legal there. There are many opportunities for chamber music in America, with good management companies. Can we go to America? I want to be with you every day," he cried as he held me.
"You're talking nonsense. I still have to pursue a master's degree, and later I want to do a Ph.D. Sometimes you talk about going to America, then you want to stay in Europe, and weren't you also considering Mallorca?" I reassured him.
"I'm really afraid you'll run off with someone else," he held me so tightly I could hardly breathe. "Wang Zhen, she's really a witch. If her dad finds out, will you two end up getting married?"
"That won't happen. There's nothing between me and her," I couldn't bear to see him so upset, completely forgetting about him and Lin Huiru.
"She told me everything today, on the dance floor," he pinched the flesh of my shoulder.
"...Stop it. Didn't we agree not to bring up other people?" I pushed him away. "So tell me, besides Lin Huiru, who else do you have?"
Seeing his expression, I suddenly felt a surge of anger. He treated me so unfairly, yet pretended to be wronged. What did Wang Zhen tell him? I didn't know whether to blame her or thank her—blame her for misleading Yan Feng, or thank her for making Yan Feng jealous. Just thinking about being in Europe with her, her elusive comings and goings, occasionally tempting me with her alluring exterior or seductive skin gleaming with gold, made me furious. I truly despised these two, one teaching me to drink, the other teaching me to smoke, both giving me bad education. I haven't played the piano in three days. Suddenly, I just wanted to be far away from these messy people; otherwise, I would only continue to deteriorate. I held my forehead with one hand, fingers running through the hair on my forehead. The headache was killing me.
Yan Feng held me tight again.
"I'm sorry. Xi Xi. Let's take a shower together. Then we'll sleep well," his smooth skin pressed against my neck.
Every time he said sorry, I could only choose to forgive him.