The look of shock on Loki's face lasted for less than a second before she quickly turned her head away.
"I didn't come here for therapy."
"I respect any orientation."
After a two-second pause with her mouth open, Loki turned to Shiller and asked, "Why say that?"
"Because of your gender fluidity, so..."
"Not that," Loki interrupted Shiller, "Why do you think I'm into Thor..."
"That's a long story."
"Then cut to the chase."
"But you're not here for therapy."
Loki was taken aback, couldn't help but complain, "Why are you so different from the doctor?"
"Because I'm not a psychologist." Shiller crossed his legs and continued, "Do you think the detailed questioning, careful observation, scientific analysis, and cautious judgment your good doctor conducts are necessary because of their process?"
"Isn't it?"
"It's because he charges by the hour, we don't need that."
Loki puffed up her cheeks, "Then give me an explanation, I'll pay your fee too."
"But I'm not a psychologist, and I don't need anyone to pay for my judgments." Shiller leaned to one side, resting his elbow on the armrest, touching his temple with his fingertips, cocking his head to look at Loki, "Instead, you should be prepared to accept my judgment - they usually aren't pleasant and not what you want to hear."
"Then why would you say it?"
"Because people feel capable of handling the truth before they know the answer, curiosity will lead you to a dead end. Yet if I wait for you at the end, you'll see me as overly sharp."
Loki was speechless, realizing she often found herself at a loss for words in front of Shiller. She began to miss her good doctor even though they hadn't been apart for very long.
Dr. Shiller's fee was indeed high and required others to provide him with extra emotional value. Sometimes, he even turned people into jesters for his amusement.
But admittedly, his consultation and treatment were refreshing. His perspectives on certain matters were enlightening and not hard to accept because he clearly explained his logic before revealing the truth.
However, it seemed that Professor Shiller lacked patience. He was adept at getting straight to the point, overly sharp. No one could hold a linguistic advantage in front of him. He was focused and perceptive, like a weirdly real genius.
Loki met Shiller's gaze, feeling exposed by his slightly neurotic eyes, yet she had to admit that he was right. His demeanor made people even more curious about the answers he could provide.
Loki sighed, leaning against the bedpost. She rested her chin on the back of her hand gripping the round top of the bedpost and stared intently at Shiller seated on the sofa in the corner.
"So tell me, what do you think of me?"
"People always say that your upbringing shaped you. Odin's injustice, Thor's straightforwardness, Frigga's over-attention, these experiences turned you into Loki, resulted in all the Lokis in the cosmos."
"But such views actually infuriate you. You've always believed that it was you who shaped yourself."
"Your greed never came from past deprivation, your perfectionism wasn't due to insecurity. You think you should have something because you feel deserving, not because you lacked it before and must have it now."
"So paying too much attention to your past is an insult to you. They see you as a floating duckweed in the storm, seemingly sympathetic, but actually they think you have nothing to anchor yourself. This view drives you nuts."
"In terms of feelings, Odin sees you as his young son, Frigga sees you as the wronged little prince, Laufey sees you as a tool to outfox Odin, and Asgardians see you as the unremarkable second prince."
"Only Thor, he doesn't just see you as his brother, he sees you as Loki."
"He has a clearer understanding of your self than others, and takes your sociological characteristics lightly. Even when complaining to Odin, he never says how my brother or your son is. He just says Loki has done this, Loki has done that."
"Instead of looking back, Thor spends 99% of his time looking ahead. Many regard this as forgetfulness or recklessness. But because of this, he recognizes you for who you are now, rather than a collection of past experiences."
"In his presence, you don't feel any influence of past experience on your current relationship. When you're together, you can focus on the present, dream about the future. Something even Odin can't do."
"This deeply fascinates you, attracts you, makes you want to possess his time. Every moment with him makes you feel more like yourself than at any other time."
"Perhaps you're not aware, the staunch self you perceive is far less stable than you imagine. The lingering memories of the past pain you only because you always avoid them."
"Exhibiting your existence to others is more like a temporary painkiller. But with Thor, you feel calm. His independent recognition of you in the present is like an anchor sunk deep into the sea. With him, you need not flait yourself to be yourself."