"Not only does this make you seek, but it becomes an addiction. If the obvious truth is that your time with him will become less and less, you will be even more desperate to find another anchor – you're insanely wanting to pick Thor, but you're also trying to avoid him as much as you can."
"Because you know, whatever Thor does is just his nature, he's this way to everyone, he doesn't realize his special meaning to you, and you don't want him to realize it. So when things are still manageable, you choose to maintain the status quo, do nothing, and even retreat and give up actively."
"As for why you don't want him to realize it... there is still a delicate sense of competition between you two. Even though you have hailed him as king and acknowledged the gap between you, emotions are always a different matter."
"You hope that you can control more strings, avoiding giving your own strings to anyone, you…"
Shiller paused, his eyebrows slightly furrowed, seemingly sniffing something, then started to explore in a deeper direction.
"You don't want Thor to be carefree. From beginning to end, you hope that he is always worried about you. You believe that you cannot let him think 'Loki is doing well, he doesn't need anything else, and things can continue this way'."
"But it's not just about seeking his attention or distracting him. You seem to be seeking some kind of emotional... equality."
"He can anchor you, you believe this is power. So the duty he needs to fulfil is to be bothered by your existence, like 'if you can do this to me, then you have to pay a price'."
"Because, in fact, he doesn't know what he can do to you. So far, you've concealed it very well. In this way, you've won twice - you've got Thor's string in hand, and haven't given your own to him, thus you have the emotional upper hand."
"In your relationship, your competitiveness... is also natural."
"Yes, you are a person who measures your existence position through possession and being possessed – the more you possess, the clearer your ego; the more you are possessed, the clearer your superego."
"When you possess something, you can actively use your consciousness to make judgments about releasing natural freedom. When you are owned by certain people in certain identities, you are trapped by conscience and morality, so you are not completely good or bad."
"You want to own Thor and be owned by him. You want to release your free nature in front of him, but you want the two of you to be trapped within the bonds of kinship, and obey the social rule that one must be responsible to one's family."
Shiller's fingers rhythmically tapped the armrest of the sofa, obviously immersed in deep thought. His extraordinary talent was fully functioning, filling the room with echoes of thought.
"The current situation is that Thor is step by step entering a new stage in his life. He ascends the throne, has a wedding, will have children. Each new stage of life always has opportunities and challenges coexisting, but whether it is an opportunity or a challenge, you are clearly not his main theme."
"You have hardly any chance to be alone with Thor. The days when you were inseparable during your youth are growing ever more distant. The need to possess him cannot be satisfied."
"Thor has more family members, he has a wife, and will soon have a child. Even if he, as always, values you highly, the number of people bound by the rule of being responsible for family members has increased, and you still only have him. The need to be possessed is also not satisfied."
"Emptiness, entanglement, pulling, tearing... you think the relationship between you two is becoming more and more unequal, and that the way to return the off-balance scale to its original position is to satisfy the needs of possession and being possessed again."
"You need to possess Thor's energy, make him have more moral constraints in your regard, and take more responsibility in possessing you."
"You think you can achieve both of these at the same time, with the method being... finding another Thor."
"This is incredibly bold and risky, for both you and Thor, because you know that if things develop to this point, you have to give out that string, and this is your bargaining chip: letting Thor realize that you need him for not just brotherly affection, but for deeper reasons."
"Perhaps you still do not want him to realize the truth, or perhaps you think he is incapable of understanding, but you hope to camouflage this as love through another Thor."
"This will shock your brother a great deal, make you tighten the string in your hand, pull him towards you, then perhaps the two of you can restore the balance."
"So, the appearance of the super troublemaker you talk about is not a coincidence; it is part of your plan."
"You need a Thor, but it can't be Thor completely, because if he is exactly like your brother, you can't be certain whether you can control yourself."
"But the things that fascinate you about Thor will be reflected in most Thors, so you have to find a special one, in this way you can use him single-mindedly, and not create a trap to fall into yourself."
"But that`s not enough. Once the actors are in place, you need a stage. My party is the perfect occasion. You will find a way to let the bastard Thor come after you, letting your brother hear something."
"He will certainly come to ask me. Besides wanting to apologize to me for your behaviour, he will believe that as your psychologist, I was aware of all this beforehand. He will want to know when it started, how far it has progressed, and even consult me about his relationship with you."
"Then obviously, your good doctor won't brutally peel off your skin in such a blunt way. He will just give an answer I've given you before – yes, your brother's affection for you far exceeds fraternal love."
Shiller said with a sigh.
"Most people regard love as the noblest emotion in the world. They believe that the end point of all emotions should be love, so once the word 'exceed' is mentioned, they mistakenly believe that emotions that are sublimated are love."
"But the emotional system of the human race is much more complex than this. The charm of it is that there is no common end point when each emotion is taken to the extreme."
"But most people don't have the capacity, nor are willing to understand this, only superficially regarding them all as love."
"How perfunctory, shallow, and filled with their usual evasion. This is one of the compelling proofs that they often excuse their non-functional brains ..."
"Enough."