"Louis cares too much. He would never act in a way that would trouble you."
Louis often found himself reflecting on the impact of his mother's words on his life. While he couldn't say for sure if he truly embodied the traits she attributed to him, her words had undeniably shaped his interactions and relationships, especially during his formative years.
Meeting her friends' son under the guise of his mother's description had left a lasting impression on Louis. Despite his young age, he took her words to heart, feeling a sense of responsibility to live up to the image she had painted. His instant fondness for the boy only heightened his desire to maintain that perceived identity, not wanting to let him down or act in a way that contradicted his mother's portrayal.
Looking back, it's possible that the boy he befriended played a significant role in shaping his personality as well. Louis felt that his desire to fit the image he believed the boy expected of him gradually infused traits of excessive caring and cautious behavior into his character.
There was a particular instance when the boy questioned him about his behavior—why he cared so deeply, why he seemed constantly on edge, why he went to such lengths to please others. In response, Louis confided in him about his mother's influence, sharing everything in an attempt to explain himself. However, instead of understanding, the boy's reaction was laughter.
"You're saying you were born a kindred spirit with a heart of gold?"
Louis looked at him, feeling a mix of confusion and frustration. "Did you not hear what I said?" he asked, his voice tinged with disbelief. "I mentioned my mother's influence, yes, but I also pointed out how I wanted to be your friend. I didn't want to betray your expectations of me."
The boy chuckled again, seemingly amused by Louis's earnestness. "Exactly," he replied. "You cared enough to heed your mother's words and maintain a certain image for my sake. But think about it, how long have we known each other? Four years. And in all that time, you consistently acted in a way that aligned with your perceived character. That's more than dedication; that's genuine caring. You've always cared too much."
Oddly enough, it was that very simple conversation that made Louis feel something shift within him. That must have been when he realized he felt more for that boy, for Ezra, than just friendship, though he couldn't quite pinpoint why. It was a troubling realization for him, stirring up a mix of emotions and uncertainties.
As someone who cared deeply and avoided causing trouble for others, Louis found himself caught in a dilemma. Even Ezra acknowledged Louis's tendency to avoid conflict, reinforcing Louis's understanding of his own personality. He was determined not to stray from the safe bubble he had constructed around himself. Louis knew that his feelings for Ezra could only spell trouble for him.
It was this very nature of his that caused him to loose many things. His reluctance to disrupt Ezra's life led to missed opportunities. Louis twiddled his thumbs for too long, and as a result, Ezra found someone else. It was a painful lesson for Louis, a consequence of his own nature and unwillingness to risk causing any inconvenience or harm to those he cared about.
Because of his nature, even as Alice became increasingly closed off and seemed estranged from her best friend Celeste, Louis couldn't truly help her out of that predicament. He tried, but soon Alice found his meddling bothersome, leading to frequent fights between them. Louis believed that these conflicts would only add to Alice's stress, so he eventually stopped interfering, which unfortunately led to a rift between him and his sister.
It was this same nature of his that pushed him to pursue a medical degree, as his parents desired their children to become either doctors, engineers, or lawyers. While it pleased his parents, the pursuit of this career path caused Louis immense stress and began to take a toll on his mental health. He grappled with uncertainty about whether he would be accepted into a reputable medical college or not.
During that period, Ezra provided Louis with a tremendous amount of support. Despite facing his own challenges, Ezra made efforts to help Louis alleviate his stress and distract him from the pressure. Whether it was sending funny videos every other hour or sending encouraging texts, Ezra consistently reached out to him. There were even occasions when Ezra went the extra mile, coming over to cook breakfast for Louis as they approached their first-year high school finals.
Louis took his exams incredibly seriously during that time, to the extent that he would sometimes skip meals. Even his parents' attempts to convince him to take breaks were futile, leading them to call on Ezra for assistance. Unlike Louis, Ezra approached his studies with more ease. He possessed a natural intelligence and maintained a balanced approach to his studies, which would ultimately allowed him to secure a spot at his dream college.
Ezra was well aware of his own capabilities and thus never worried excessively. So when the Hughes couple would reach out to him concerning Louis, he always made time to visit and whip up something to eat for Louis and himself. They would then chat together, aiming to help Louis relax somehow, knowing that if anyone could influence Louis during such times, it was always Ezra.
Louis truly loved Ezra deeply. These moments only intensified his longing for more, yet he hesitated to burden him further. All he could do was yearn for an unlikely scenario, where he could become someone who no longer cared about others' perceptions of him or the unintended consequences of his actions, which often caused trouble. He wished to stop caring so much and to act boldly, if only for once.
However, he shouldn't have wished for something like that. As he held his tethered Ezra in bed after having kidnapped him, listening to Louis' repetitive musings on love with a straight face, Louis began to regret ever desiring more than he believed he deserved.
He really did act unlike himself. Heck, he wasn't even himself anymore. All his actions were controlled. He locked Ezra up and tied him, climbing up and shouting helplessly, confessing despite being rejected by Ezra in the past. He couldn't control his actions, his words, or even tear his gaze away from Ezra's betrayed and hurt expression as Louis started to slowly reach for Ezra's clothes, his intentions clear as day. Intentions he himself never dared to hold but was forced to display by some unknown entity's control.
He hated that look. He desperately wanted to look away. It was exactly the type of look he feared he would receive if he acted out of character. Actually, it was much worse. Yet, he couldn't tear his gaze away. Until the door slammed open, and Alice walked in, punching him in the face and helping Ezra escape.
It took him a day or two after that incident to finally come back to his senses, feeling confused and desperate. He ran to Ezra, attempting to explain that it wasn't truly him, that he would never intentionally cause him trouble.
However, Ezra didn't listen. It was over. Everything he had tried to build and maintain crumbled with his once out-of-character act, just as he had always feared and expected.
He could have been stubborn and tried harder to convince Ezra. He could have stayed despite Ezra pushing him away. But he didn't. It was always his nature.
"It's because I care too much."
Ezra felt the weight of Louis' head on his shoulder, the warmth of his embrace, and the tremble in his voice as he spoke, barely audible but laden with emotion. Louis' words spilled out, tinged with regret and sorrow, and Ezra couldn't help but feel a pang of empathy.
"It's because I care so much... that I lost you... that I lost everything," Louis murmured, his arms tightening around Ezra as if seeking solace in their embrace. "I never imagined that being myself could lead to such devastation. I'm lost, Ezra. I don't even know how to act anymore."
Louis continued, his words muffled against Ezra's shoulder, "Who would believe something as absurd as being possessed into acting the way that I did… Of course you would have had your doubts. I know that in that case... I should've fought harder to make you understand. To make you see that I wasn't in control of my actions. But you were so weary, so burdened by my presence. I couldn't bear to add to your troubles."
His voice cracked with emotion as he admitted, "I'm sorry, Ezra. Sorry for being so weak, so pathetic. Sorry for being such a pushover. If only I had mustered the strength to act sooner, maybe we could have salvaged our friendship. But my own shortcomings cost you your best friend in a time when you needed him most. I can't forgive myself for that."
Ezra chuckled softly, his laughter tinged with a bit of saddness and understanding. "What in the world are you apologizing for? It's my fault, and I'll gladly take the blame. Stop carrying the weight of the world on your shoulders... Stop caring so much okay."
There was a playful lilt to his voice as he continued, "And seriously, do you still like me?"
Louis' response was a mix of incredulity and frustration, his words slightly muffled against Ezra's shoulder. "Are you being serious right now?"
Ezra's tone shifted, a hint of caution creeping in. "I am being serious. If you do and as such... If my presence causes you problems, we should talk about it."
Louis' reply came after a pause, his voice more assured. "It won't cause me any problems."
Ezra's eyebrows raised in surprise. "So you still..."
Louis interrupted, pulling back slightly to meet Ezra's gaze. "I said it won't cause any trouble. Not for me, and I certainly won't let it for you. So don't push me away again, Ez. I'm asking you, please."
Looking into those desperate eyes, Ezra almost snorted. Louis looked like he was about to break down. He knew he himself must not look any better.
"Okay... I promise... so next time something bad happens, I will try my best to understand you, okay? But you need to speak up too. You need to be more assertive. Knock it into my head as forcefully as you can. You're my friend. Let's work through it together, idiot."
Louis smiled and began to speak, but before any words escaped his lips, Ezra was abruptly pulled from his embrace by two large, veiny hands. Maximillian shot Louis a somewhat chilly glance before ushering Ezra inside and releasing him. Glancing between them, Maximillian's tone carried a hint of edge as he spoke, "It's getting colder. Let's go inside."
Louis returned a knowing smile and led the way indoors, gesturing for the others to follow. As Louis entered, Ezra turned to Maximillian, rising onto his tiptoes to wrap his arms around his neck, pulling him into a tight embrace. Nuzzling his nose into Maximillian's shoulder, Ezra pressed a soft peck against it before releasing him.
Before Maximillian could pull away, Ezra released him and turned around, flashing Maximillian a wide, unabashed smile. "Don't be jealous. It's you I like anyway, even if you push me away. It's always been you, even when it felt wrong between us. Despite everything, you've always been my Mr. Right."
With those words, Ezra briskly headed inside, eager to continue his conversation with Louis. They had so much catching up to do, and he anticipated chatting well into the night. Hopefully, they'd have more time now, provided their strange otherworldly situation didn't throw any more curveballs their way. Ezra made a mental note to wrap up his talk with Louis quickly; he wanted to spend more time with Maximillian today, more than he ex
As Ezra walked away, Maximillian couldn't help but let out a heavy sigh, his gaze drifting upwards with a mix of emotions playing across his features. He felt his ears grow warm, a telltale sign of embarrassment creeping in. Running his hands over his face, he couldn't shake off the weight of Ezra's words echoing in his mind. With a deep breath, Maximillian crouched down, a hand pressed against his temples, feeling the heat rising in his cheeks.
Loving someone has been proving incredibly challenging for him for a long time now. Maximillian knew he should be able to easily let go if it meant the other person could find happiness without him. That was the selfless thing to do, he reasoned. Yet, in that moment, he couldn't ignore the selfish, indecisive longing within him. He must be a weak person, he thought, for wanting to pull Ezra close, to hold him tightly, and to kiss him until they were both breathless, refusing to let go until they felt like suffocating...
But Maximillian knew he had to rein in his impulses. He couldn't afford to take chances, not when the stakes were so high. Unlike Ezra, who seemed willing to take risks, Maximillian felt different. He couldn't bear the thought of seeing Ezra suffer any longer, even if it meant sacrificing his own desires. He wasn't as brave as Ezra when it came to their relationship. He would rather endure his own pain than risk causing Ezra any more hurt.