The shock after my dream stayed with me. It had unlocked a new phobia inside of me. I hated falling asleep. The after wave of grief that had hit me after my nightmare was haunting me day and night. No matter how tired I got, I wouldn't let myself fall asleep. It was almost as if my mind believed what had happened. It was almost as if it all had really happened. When I looked at Henry, it felt as if I had seen a ghost. I couldn't eat properly and I couldn't sleep. My health was deteriorating by the second. I hated myself. The masked men from my dream were right, I had to live with it forever. It was so real that the after wave of it all felt exactly like it would have felt if it actually happened.
I had been taught about the broken heart syndrome. High amounts of physical or emotional stress can cause the heart to dilate and eventually stop. I feared my fate as I worried about the rest of them. I worried about Sammy the most because I knew she would actually be ready to face death with a smile. She wouldn't resist her sarcasm or her tone to save herself. In spite of all that was going on, Sammy would remain to be her true self. That is what scared me the most.
Two long nights later, Henry was back. I saw the white limo waiting for me. I watched the driver look up at me, as if he were about to take his plan into motion. It all felt like the beginning of the nightmare I had had. I immediately locked my door.
"Hey Neil, open up. It is me, Henry. We need to talk." Henry screamed relentlessly as I tried to ignore him while having a full-blown panic attack. After taking a few deep breaths, I said, "Henry please go away. It isn't safe anymore. I never want to see her again. I never want to go in that limo. I will explain it all later but for now, please just make her leave. Please, before I accidentally kill myself with anxiety."
Henry didn't reply back. When I saw the white limo leave, I let out a sigh of relief. I repeated to myself that it was all just a dream but my heart was racing. There was no escape. My mind had built walls around itself. It had isolated myself. The virus it had created had spread to my heart and every other cell of my body. Every cell felt cautious. My heart felt weak. My eyes were burning with the pain that staying awake and crying brought. My arms were weak as if I had actually held on to the drain pipe from the dream. My shoulders hurt from carrying the burden of their imaginary deaths. I was deep inside my overthinking brain when I heard a knock at my door.
"Neil, it is just me. Open up, please. I am worried about you. I swear I won't say a word unless you want me to. Just let me see you and make sure you are okay." As Henry was let into the room, I read pity on his face. He could see the pain in my eyes. He could smell the blood on my soul. He could sense the dried-up tears on my pillow which was still wet from crying. He knew I had been crying for days.
I broke the silence. "I am fine Henry. Don't worry about me. I have just had a terrible dream. It is going to take a long time for me to recover from it. I am sorry but I can't trust our meet ups anymore. It is not that I don't trust Anna. I know she is doing everything in her power to help us. What I do not trust are the circumstances we get surrounded by. I can not get into a car having a stranger possibly hearing all our plans. We are so close to finding every one and if anything were to happen to any of them or even you for that matter I would- ", before I could finish, I burst into tears.
Henry was silent at first. He gave me a hug and comforted me. He proceeded to say, "Neil, you don't have to take the burden of my life. Nothing is going to happen to me. I can't accept your weakness. We have come so far and for what? To grow weak and fall down when our loved ones need us the most? No Neil, I can't let you do that to yourself. I can't let you do that to us and I won't. I know the overthinking can be bad but I know in my heart they are still alive. They are still alive because of us. They are still alive because of the lingering hope they have and the trust they hold for us. They are awaiting the grand escape they are sure we will come up with. Are you ready to break their trusts? They may not die from it but they will lose themselves. Is it worth delaying their safety over a dream? Nightmares are always bad. They are given to us by the devil to keep our hearts wrecked. Will you fall for the stress the game master's pawns have tried so hard to give you, or will you fight against it with me? Our loved ones are waiting for us. Please just join us again. Nightmares are going to come and go. We have to stay strong. We have to fight all our overthinking if we want to save everyone. It is going to be really hard to forget whatever you saw but if you want to prevent it from turning true, you have to fight with me. Please fight with me Neil. To be completely honest with you, I don't think I can do this by myself. All the anxiety of being caught is killing me. Don't leave me stranded in this investigation."
Henry's words stabbed my heart. The bitter truth was that he was right. I couldn't give up after coming so far, not for the sanity of myself. I couldn't be this selfish when I had all my loved ones holding onto hope for me to save them. I was ready to fight back.