Chereads / I Found a Portal in my Toilet Bowl / Chapter 1 - Discovered a Portal

I Found a Portal in my Toilet Bowl

Chaos_Butterfly
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Synopsis

Chapter 1 - Discovered a Portal

If the world rejects me, then I shall change the world. - Records of the Slashed Eye

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In a dark room, bright flashes of light from a screen monitor illuminates a young man's apathetic visage. His black sunken eyes contrasts with the bright reflection from his thick glasses.

His fingers, so dastardly pale, sweeps through the keyboard with rythmic ease. Suddenly, his ghostly right hand briefly shifts from the keyboard to his mouse. Under his right palm, he controlled the white cursor with inhumane precision. With speeds not even the cursor can keep up with, he alternated on clicking between the green and red button on the screen again and again.

[Order Filled]

[Order Filled]

[Order Filled]

.

.

.

A string of mechanical notifications filled his screen. With the rest of his work done, he leans back to get a well-deserved rest.

"These kinds of inefficiencies only lasts for 10 to 60 seconds. This already short interval is getting even shorter and shorter, because of new AI chips for analog matrix multiplication. It won't be long before this exploit also becomes useless. I really need to finish the project as soon as possible so I can ran this automatically, otherwise my fingers will break from clicking this damned button."

He stood up from his seat to go to the fridge, while discreetly mumbling and repeatedly sighing.

"What shall I have for tonight? Bread and Ice Sandwich or Frothy Water? Sigh, I'll just have Creamless Ice Cream."

He opens the freezer and out came pouring a bunch of tube ice. He grabs some and as he is about to crunch the Creamless Ice Cream to bits, the doorbell rang.

Ding! dong!

Who is it at this time? Did they found me? But how?

Can't they even give me a break?!

I already gave them everything! What more do they want from me?!

His fist cracked as he bottled up his rage and indignance for his current situation.

Despite his bad premonition, he convinced himself that he got no choice in this.

His rage turns to anxiety as he reaches for the door.

"Who is this?"

He asks while looking at the peephole in the door, but he was surprised of what he saw.

"This is Luck's a Thief Delivery. I got a pizza delivery for Tsuchiya Ryleigh. Is he here?"

An old man with a welcoming face carrying a pizza box greets him. Tsuchiya became more wary, because of the strangeness of the situation.

"I haven't ordered a thing from your Luck's a Thief Delivery. I think you are mistaken."

"Uhm, wait a minute sir. I will check."

The old man looks for his person and took out a piece of paper containing some names, dates, and other information.

"I'm sorry sir, but the name Tsuchiya Ryleigh and this specific address is clearly written here as the recepient."

The old man showed him a piece of paper, but he can't see its contents through the peephole.

"Wait a minute, I will open the door."

*Clack*

The old man beamed a smile when he saw his young customer. He gave Tsuchiya the piece of paper in his hands to let him verify its contents.

"Let's see. It seems like what you are saying is true and it is virtually impossible to have another person named Tsuchiya in this neighborhood. However, I have a question. Who is the sender of this?"

The old man coyly scratches his head as he can't give a satisfying answer to this question.

"I'm really sorry sir, but it's company policy to not reveal the personal information of our premium customers. I hope you can understand."

"How much?"

"Pardon? What are you saying, sir?"

"1,000$. Is that not enough?"

"No, no, no, sir. I am just a mere delivery man. I can't break company policy for money."

"10,000 dollars!"

The old man froze upon hearing that life-changing amount. His forehead form beads of sweat as he begins to imagine what he can do with that amount of money, but at the last moment he still succeeded in retaining his rationality.

"That-that's, I'm really sorry sir, but even if I accepted the money, I cannot say who is the sender."

"12 grand! Please don't be too greedy. That's the highest amount I can give you. Either take it or leave it."

"I'm sorry sir, you seem to have misunderstood what I mean. We delivery employees are only given the information for the parcel to be delivered, date of delivery, the recepient's name, and the recepient's address. That piece of paper you have sir is the only piece of information I can give you."

"You're a tough guy to crack, but even if you're lying don't expect you can get something. That is my last offer. If you won't say a thing, just give me the pizza."

"Th-thank you sir. Please sign here, hehe."

The old man became more submissive upon realizing that this young man in front of him, that looks like he is not even in his twenties, have the capability to give thousands of dollars like it's nothing.

"Done."

Tsuchiya gives back the form that the old man gave to him. The old man takes it, but he hesitated for a moment.

"What? If you are hoping that I will give you some money, then erase those naive thoughts. I operate based on the principle of equal exchange. You don't have value, so leave before I lose my temper."

"No-no sir. It-it's just the-the tip."

Tsuchiya was surprised upon hearing this. He forgot that he is no longer in Japan and there's this so called tipping custom here in America.

Say about excessive profiteering. Taking hostage of your morality for them to save on employee salaries is just pure scum! Why don't they just reflect the tips on the price and pay the employees a proper living wage!

I knew the answers to these questions, but that's what makes it more painful to see. Being knowledgeable about the forces that governs human greed and acknowledging its rationality, makes me feel like I am also part of the problem by justifying this to myself internally.

"Take it. That's a hundred bucks for your trouble."

"Thank you very much, young sir. Hehe, I will be able to buy some gifts for my granddaughter this coming Christmas."

"Ah, yeah, whatever. Just leave. It's getting cold, so I will close the door. Please go on your own way."

"Thank you, sir. Good luck and may god bless you. Merry Christmas!"

Hmmm. It is this time of the year, huh.

Heh, why am I even smiling. Am I seriously expecting something from that red demon?

I haven't received anything from him from the moment of my birth, so if we count the years I had lived until now, he got 18 years worth of gifts for him to compensate me with.

Having such pessimistic thoughts, Tsuchiya watches the old man walk in silence from afar as he closes the door. He takes his time burning this snowy scene in his memory. The only thing that this place have in common with his hometown.

Tsuchiya wryly smiles as he went up the stairs to his room.

When he opened the door, what greeted him is a dark room with only a single monitor as the only source of illumination, multiple mainframes, and a library of hard drives.

The floor is covered with a slimy mixture of cups of instant noodles, biscuits, and packs of sugar cubes. The smell is something that he already got used to long ago that's why he can no longer smell this room that turned into a trashdump.

If the floor is in a grimy state, his wall however is covered with diagrams and algorithms. All information that he must never forget is pasted on the walls or the ceiling. That also includes the webs that binds him from his past.

He inhaled the unique air of his room as he sat down in his chair. He spun his chair and let his mind wander through the circles of stars like a telescope in the North Pole.

"Where are they? Do they still remember me?"

He knew that those questions are something he does not have the capability to answer.

His depressing thoughts spirals him into melancholy. While ruminating such thoughts, his black eyes, that are evidence of his unending dedication, noticed a pizza box in his periphery.

Do I eat it? My carbohydrate intake can no longer be supplied by simple sugar and bread. I always need more food sources.

Is it a trap? Does the sender expected that? Is it poisoned? Does all of it even matter?

Doubts swirled in his mind about the purpose of this gesture of giving a pizza box from an unknown origin, but his primal instinct of wanting to survive took over.

He opened the pizza box and took a look at what's hidden inside. A common cheese, ham, and peperoni pizza. Where's the pineapple? He was always in the pineapple faction that's why he was a bit disappointed by the lack of pineapples in the pizza.

He took a slice, looks at it from all sides, smells it, and takes a bite but he hesitated at the last moment. If it is poisoned, are they telling me that I am no longer useful?

He have no way of telling what they think and it is the truth that his stomach craves for some real food. Instead of believing in an uncertain truth, I will rather place my bet on a believable lie.

The curvature of the pizza slice is 0, so if you take the slice normally it will droop down easily because of gravity. That's why you need to fold it perpendicular on the crust, because this geometry makes it harder for gravity to pull it down. To droop down, it will need to make a saddle shape, the same shape as that of a pringle. This hyperboloid geometry has a non-zero curvature making it impossible for the pizza to droop down without tearing or stretching. This came from the laws of topology where transformations that does not tear or stretch an object must conserve the total curvature of the object before and after the transformation.

What am I even thinking? I can't even spare a pizza from my analysis.

Without wasting anymore time, he finally takes a bite.

Uhmmm, so this is what pizza tastes like. I forgot its taste long ago. The cheese and the ham is a creamy and meaty combination that I really like.

Uhm, why is my stomach hurting? Did I ate something bad? He looks at the pizza slice and realization dawns upon him.

This freaking pizza ain't right! This ain't right!

I need to go to the bathroom! Quick!

He scrambled as he ran to the first floor's restroom to take a dump.

Shit! The door is locked! Who the hell is taking a shit at the same time as me! Wait, I'm alone in this house and, hmmm, the locking mechanism is a bit strange. Ah, I just remembered that you need to turn this thing!

I'm so dumb! Get out of the way! I need to take this off me!

He took off his pants and slammed the door to a close.

"Phew, that's close. A little more and my nasty stuff will have come dripping on the floor."

With a sigh of relief, he contorted his stomach as he prepares to squeeze out the nasty stuff in his guts. With an Amazon frog posture, he successfully shoots the stuff on the toilet bowl with a plop.

But the plop, never came through.

What's happening? He looks under his thighs and he was surprised of what he saw.

What in the horror of Lovecraft is that?!