I woke up with a head so heavy that I hardly know if I'm going the right way, I keep checking if I'm going correctly towards college.
Half past seven is the time that marks my wristwatch, I walk slowly, trying to put my thoughts in order before concentrating on my studies. I
don't know what to think and what to do anymore, I feel like I'm between two lives... One of them is impossible for me because I can't just live in human form and the other is to accept who I am and maybe be part of Triton's pack.
I stop and look at the sky, it's a very beautiful morning, there are no clouds and the sun is soft, if it wasn't for my mood, it would be a perfect Monday. I sigh and walk again, I remember the whole weekend, from the fight with Bryan to the time he and Felipe came to accuse Triton.
After thinking, I come to a conclusion: I'm happier when I accept the wolf inside me, so I can't continue with Bryan because he thinks I'm weird, but the truth is that I was weird when I acted normally in front of everyone, now I'm acting like myself.
I'm already on the street from my college, but I keep walking slowly, lost in my thoughts, I give a small smile when I remember the pleasant moments I spent transformed.
Triton helped me a lot and I really want to talk to him again, is he mad at me? I made quite a scene yesterday, sending him away. I stop at the gate, look to my side, and as my nose alerted me, Bryan is here. He comes towards me and stops very close to me, I look at him and see that his eyes apologize, his smell also tells me that he is sorry.
- Kristine, I... I'm sorry.
He's about to bite his lip, but I touch his face, gently, and he's surprised.
- All right. - I manage to give a forced smile. - I'm also guilty of the things that are happening between us.
He puts his hand on top of mine and I feel the warmth of his touch, I almost give up my controller to hug him.
"But you need to trust me, Triton had nothing to do with what happened to me. I comment, taking my hand off his cheek. "He's a friend of my aunt's and came to see me when he heard she passed away. - I'm lying.
He doesn't say anything, but I know he believed me. I take a deep breath.
"Bryan, I think we have to put a stop to all of this. - I keep staring at him. "It'll be better for both of us..."
-Think... That you're right. - he affirms and hugs me. "But I want you to know that I will always be your best friend." I smiled as we walked away.
For a moment, I regret seeing that beautiful and gentle smile, but my world is different from his and I can't put my species in danger for a love that is unlikely to work. I smile back, because I believe that things will get better one day.
- Thank you and you can always count on me too.
- I know I can.
He gives me a lingering kiss on the forehead, says goodbye and leaves, I wait for him to turn the next corner and enter the college, wipe away a tear that insisted on coming out and raise my head. Just one more year and then I can decide my life.
*
Last sign, I sigh and put my stuff away, wave to my classmates and leave. I don't know why I'm in a hurry, but I really want to get out of here, I want to meet him, I need to talk to him who is the only one who can really understand me.
I'm already close to the gate when I smell it, a faint aroma of nuts, I can't contain a small smile, but I hide it as soon as I pass through the gate and see it.
He's standing across the street, smiling and waving at me. I go up to him, he motions for us to walk and I follow him, still without exchanging a word.
"How did you know I studied here?" I ask to break the silence.
"It's the only engineering college in the city," he says.
I nod, totally unsure how to proceed with the matter. We walk a little more until he stops in front of a downtown square, which is quiet at the moment, takes my hand and pulls me to a bench, we sit down and he takes a deep breath.
"I'm sorry about last night." He lowers his head. "I should have been quiet then.-
It wasn't your fault. - I comment and smiled slightly. "Something had to happen for me to open my eyes.
I look straight ahead, there are only a few children playing on the turntable, I look at him and see that he is looking at me, which makes me blush.
- W-What's up?
"You're amazing," he says, "I saw you talking to him this morning.
-Oh.. Have you seen...
- Are you really okay?
I'm crestfallen, but I know he's still staring at me.
"Nope," I laughed softly. "But I'll get better."
Silence. I feel him pat the top of my head and I'm happy, I lift my head and he's smiling at me.
"Shall we?" he stands up and holds out his hand to me.
"Where?" I take his hand and stand up.
- Eat something, I'm hungry. - he laughs. - And then we can take a walk in the forest to cheer you up.I
laugh and this time I'm the one who pulls it, because I already have in mind where we can eat.
*
We went to the market and then to my house, I prepared the food myself, I don't know why, but I want to thank him for everything he has done for me.
"So, you cook?" he says as he sits down in the kitchen chair.- Yes. -
I put the food on the table. - Surprised?
"I'm not going to die, am I?" he jokes.
I stick my tongue out at him and sit down at the table, we eat slowly, talking about silly things - today's class, cooking, hunting, etc. - then he helps me wash the dishes, the same way Bryan did that day, I shake my head.
I was putting the food away in the fridge when Triton blew in my ear, sending shivers down my spine. I growl and he smiles.
- I decided to explain it to you on that subject. He sits relaxed in his chair. - Still interested?-
Absolutely. - I close the fridge and sit down quickly.
"Your aunt must have told you about the attraction or something, right?"
I put my hand on my chin and remember Judely saying something like that.
Kristine, did you know that we always know when we're really in love with a wolf? It's a destiny thing, like a soul mate! I hope that one day you will be able to feel this wonderful attraction. -
Yes, I do. - I nod.
- I think it's easier to explain then. - comments. - As I said yesterday, there is a union and, normally, it occurs when the wolf part, of each one, accepts the other as its half, so to speak.
- If it's the wolf part that notices the better half, then how do you personally figure that out?
"Since you didn't live among wolves, you won't understand so easily," he explains. - But it's a very strong attraction that ends up being passed on to you in person.I
curl up on the couch, a little uncomfortable, I'm one of them, but at the same time I don't know much and I haven't lived with them yet.
"Is it like love at first sight?" I ask, still confused.
He laughs out loud, I roll my eyes, and I hope he controls himself.
"I'm sorry, but I don't think there's love at first sight," he says.
"So it's like?" I cross my arms.
-Good.. Let me explain. - he smiles. - When you see your significant other, you feel like they have something special.
- Special how?
"You're very curious, aren't you?" - he jokes. - Special how to get interested, to be intrigued. But each is intrigued by something different.
- What were you curious about?
He looked at me, blushed and looked away, I kept looking at him waiting for an answer.
"I thought her nose and voice were interesting, and then the way she walked. - he said a little quietly.
It was a little funny to see Triton so embarrassed. I nodded and waited for him to continue.
- Afterward, you realize that you're paying attention to the person's every move and detail.
He scratches his hair to hide his shame, messing it up, making it sexier.
"And then your wolf part gives you some kind of sign, then you know you've found your better half."-
Makes some sense. - I smile. - But I have a question, there is only one better half, right?
"Not necessarily," he says, "I can't explain how or why.
- I think we can say that it's not a thing of fate, but that when the wolf part is interested it's love?
- yes, we can put it that way. - he giggles.- So that's
why there's no dating. - I comment. - Why isn't there something that makes someone's wolf part like another?-
That's pretty much it. - he gives a smile. - Our species believes that there is no point in having a commitment if there is no real love, it would be a waste of time.
- Isn't it a waste of time to search your whole life for someone to awaken your inner wolf?-
If you put it that way, that's yes. - he laughs lightly. - However, I have friends who were lucky enough to find their match and they are very happy, they told me that it is the best feeling in the world.
I throw my head back and stare at the ceiling, I'm curious to know when this will happen to me.
- If this has happened to you, does it mean that you have already bonded?
"No," he laughs.
I make the most confused face I can and he lets out that loud laugh that, apparently, I'm starting to like.
- You look confused.
"You said your friends said it's a wonderful feeling to be together with someone you're very attracted to, and the way you said it, you seem to want it badly.-
I want to. - he smiles silly. - But it's complicated.
-What? What she doesn't want? - I widen my eyes.
I can't believe a girl would turn him down unless he has some flaw that I haven't figured out yet that knocks down all his qualities or maybe a dark past that damages a good relationship.
He laughs at my face in surprise and then slaps my forehead.-
You think it's all too easy, don't you? - he scoffs. - Speaking is quite simple, but in practice it is quite complicated.
- What's complicated? - Massage the forehead.
"Didn't I say that the wolf parties have to accept each other?" - he explains. - So, my part has already accepted, but hers has not accepted or she herself has not yet realized that her wolf has already accepted.
- I see that I'm not the only one who suffers in love. - I say while nodding. "I think after this one, we both need to have fun."
- I completely agree.
We got up, grabbed our backpacks with changes of clothes and left, thankfully because I was already getting the urge to get some fresh air and feel free again.