I woke up to the sound of sobbing. It surprised me so much that I immediately opened my eyes. The origin of the sobbing was none other than my mother, she was clutching my hand and squeezing it.
Father stood behind her, clearly sorrowful, beside him stood my elder brother Lucas and my younger brother Jayden was sitting on the bed beside my mother.
The youngest of the family, my baby sister Ariana had her arms wrapped around my arm while tears rolled down her pale cheeks. Our family doctor was already standing in a corner.
I was definitely dumb struck. Just what was happening? I looked at them shocked for a moment and slowly opened my mouth.
"What's wrong?"
My voice cracked a little and their faces just worsened.
But looking at them after such a long time, my heart definitely had longed for them. I sat up and fell into my mom's arms. She tightly squeezed me and let myself be vulnerable in her arms.
My eyes started becoming misty and I buried myself further. Before I even knew it, it turned into a group hug. It was nice and cosy, then I finally remembered to ask why they were in such a state.
"What's wrong mom?"
"Oh honey, do you realise how long you have been sleeping!? It's already dinner time and you didn't have lunch. It made us so worried that something had happened to you. Even doc Mellory couldn't find anything, I was afraid you had gotten some unknown disease"
Wait what!? Ugh right, my over protective family. I sigh heavily and smile at them to comfort them.
"I know that you're only worrying about me, but I don't have any disease. It's what I wanted to do. I was sleepy so I slept. Am I not allowed to?"
"Of course you can, sweet heart. But you have never done this before and it feels like something is wrong. You look very tired, there must be some reason that you slept for a whole day like nothing. Don't you think it's very odd? Should I try to contact his highness for a doctor?"
"Mom, there's no need for such things, I am perfectly fine. It's true I feel a little tired but that's just fatigue. If I take enough rest I will be fine"
"But honey you know how sensitive and delicate you can be. I will be devastated if something were to happen to you, my darling angel"
"Mom I-"
What's the point of explaining to them? It's the same situation every time, I say I don't need such assistance but they do it anyway. I am not sure how many times I have been fed medicines just because I sneezed or didn't want to eat food.
I hate the fact that I make them worry about me so much, it makes me feel like I am some kind of burden. I feel so guilty because I know their concern for me is genuine. I sighed.
"I feel tired, can I rest for a while mom?"
"Honey, then at least have this tonic"
"Ok"
I don't protest and just drink it. Then a kiss planted on my forehead and they all left. I wonder what would happen if I drank the whole bottle of that tonic.
Nuri!
Oh my, I should be careful with how I think. I sigh even more and my head rests on the head rest of my bed. I fell asleep again not wanting to think more. My mind can be dangerous.
I woke up to the chirps of the birds again. I lazed in the bed for a while when suddenly I had a desire to see myself in the mirror. I wonder how far in the past I am. I walk towards my closet and open the door.
It revealed a huge set of luxurious clothes from the latest of brands, but I ignored the blinding sparkles and walked towards the huge mirror at the end of it. I stare at myself in surprise.
How long has it been since I looked so youthful?
Hair that seemed to be spun from the finest of gold and golden amber eyes that shone like the sun. Pale skin with natural blushes and a lithe body. Plush cherry red lips and a small nose. I looked so much younger, like I was in my teens.
I touch the screen, is this really me?
I looked nothing like this when I was about to die, my hair had withered and dull eyes and pale skin that didn't even look human. I had lost all my life force.
Hah! What a hypocrite!?
This beautiful face, I used to love it yet hate it at the same time. But what's the point now? I have no will to appreciate it nor detest it. It no longer matters. I turn around and my hand brushes past all the dresses.
My eyes caught the most simple out of this, it was a white dress and dark violet flowers drawn on it. It didn't need a corset, it was a very simple dress. I bought this from a local market and I really liked it.
But people said it was way too simple, not of my calibre. I removed my nightgown and wore the dress. The soft dress felt so nice and comfortable.
Since I was already out of bed I chose to have a look around my garden. I went towards my door, and slowly opened it. A guard was standing there and he instantly bowed when he looked at me.
"Good morning my lady"
"Good morning"
I walk outside at a slow pace when I notice the guard following me.
"Please don't follow after me, I wish to be alone"
"But my lady, I am supposed to guard you"
"Who would assassinate me in my own house?"
"But-"
"Don't worry, I still have a voice. I will scream when I need help. If you worry about what my family would say, then just say it was my order"
He looked at me with uneasiness and reluctantly nodded his head. Phew! Got rid of that protection.
I walked down the hallway and there were fewer servants than usual, I suppose it is because it's so early in the morning. But all of them looked a bit surprised as they stared at me. Regardless they bowed and greeted me. I nodded my head in acknowledgement.
I walked outside the mansion and a cold breeze surrounded me. It's cold yet refreshing. Almost like I am alive. But I know that's not enough, despite being alive I don't feel alive. More like a walking corpse. Just breathing.
I walk into the huge garden of chrysanthemums, the smell is so comforting. It's warm and beautiful.
The garden had sections of a variety of colours in chrysanthemums. Even though I might not like my fragile appearance, I adore these flowers.
They stand tall with pride of what they are under the bright rays of the scorching sun. Shining like stars on land in daylight.
Personally I preferred the white ones, quite the irony when they symbolise purity, innocence and honesty, anything but me. But flowers always have varying meanings in different interpretations, and I prefer the one that says death.
I walked towards the white garden and bent down to touch them to have more scent of them. I was having my peaceful walk when I heard a call to my name.
"Erendis!"
My elder brother Lucas walked towards me with a warm smile. He had my father's brown hair and my mother's amber eyes. His face soon started giving a concerned look . Ugh, I don't want to hear it.
"What are you doing so early in the morning that too without-"
"Yes without anybody, I require my privacy"
He looked surprised, usually I would have replied with a sheepish smile and apologised. But I can't bring myself to anymore, I no longer feel like caring.
"You seem so different after you have woken up Erendis, is something the matter?"
Would you listen to what I have to say?
"It's nothing, I just feel tired"
"You're hiding something"
Why is he so perceptive when it comes to things like this?
"And what if I am?"
"Let me lower your burden then"
"I am afraid you cannot, no one can, it's a weight I have to bear alone"
"What?"
"Living"