"Don't call me angel"
"Why?"
"I don't like it"
"Why don't you like it?"
"Because I hate it"
"Why-"
"It's none of your business"
"Well, I am your grandma"
"So?"
"Nevermind, how long do you plan on staying?"
"Not long"
"I see, is there something you wish for me to do?"
"There's nothing an old woman like you can do"
"Oh surely you undermine me"
"I guess I have, then please do me the favour of never seeing you again"
"Haha, that is quite easy. Death is very close to me"
"I see"
"Would you ever forgive me?"
"I can never"
"I suppose I expected it. I still want you to know that I do love you a lot my granddaughter, though that might have been the very reason for me to do such atrocious acts towards you"
"What do you mean?"
"It became an obsession darling, you see you had quite the bold mouth similar to mine that it often scared me. I came from a big household but still plummeted down, until I realised that I couldn' t be what I was but rather what would be expected of me. That's how you survive, you live in the veil of deception"
"I never asked you any of that. I had only come here only to meet the mother who has given birth to my extraordinary father, and gain her affection. I would never forgive you even if I didn't hate you"
"Child, I just-"
"I believe this is the last time we see each other, I won't taint your image in father's eyes and let him forever have a lovely mother. Even if you won't live, you would live through their memories.
In this, the one to get hurt is none other than my father. I will be taking a stroll in the garden and leaving, since you are of failing health you should be taking rest. You don't need to see me leave"
"Won't you call me grandma once?"
"I cannot"
I stood up and turned around to leave the room without listening to the rest of her words. This was different. This never happened in the past.
Was I changing the future?
Perhaps I was, I had to change it anyway. Things were going to be different, I won't let there be that much bloodshed this time, if anyone's blood is spilling this time around it would be mine alone.
My family in the past didn't get punished because of me, thankfully. I was grateful for his benevolence, but it did break me apart hearing them wail and saying I was innocent. I got only one chance to talk to them in prison.
I think that was the one time where I was being heard.
I walked out the doors still immersed in my thoughts, previously in the past when I came to visit her, it was normal.
I guess I was behaving normally then, but now I wasn't.
Even if I was going to be queen of the nation, I was still stuck in her chains. So I acted humble, sweet just like I was supposed to be. Not this time though, since I no longer have any fear for her prison. I was no longer scared and had gotten numb.
I didn't even realise when I had already started walking around the garden aimlessly, I left that room because I couldn't stand the awkwardness. Also because her very presence made me nauseous, I had unravelled the truth of the dripping room.
But I wasn't satisfied, I went through all that only because she saw herself in me. She took it in her own hands to bend me which she has proven to be successful. Even a criminal would confess his crimes if he were left for hours in there.
Did I really have to change?
Was it really worth my misery?
Just what was I like before?
I was ten years old when I first visited this place and it has been that way since then. I would come here and get disciplined, in the end I would be the only one to hold its memories.
I was looking at the small lake now, it was breathtakingly beautiful. It was small but I knew it was deep, I remember once a maid had accidentally fallen into it and died.
The water was crystal clear and shining.
It was so beautiful but was it really dangerous?
Would I die as well?
I wouldn't know if I didn't give it a try.
The water looked so inviting and I felt captivated. I slowly removed my shoes and took my first step in the water. It was warm and instantly made me want to go further. I took a few more steps in, my clothes were getting soaked but it didn't really bother me.
The warm sensation was addictive and I wanted to envelop myself in it. I took more steps in and it reached about my waist now. I trailed my hands on the surface of the water, a step more.
Before I even knew it, I had taken a step where I could no longer feel the lake bed anymore, my other foot slipped and I plummeted down. I felt a little surprised at first but I never fought against it. My breath was being taken away and water surrounded me.
The warm sensation all over and the water pushed inside me, I was choking with no air. It was painful but I knew if I endured just a little longer, it would all be over. I would reach the other side.
I shut my eyes and let myself be dragged further down the abyss. I couldn't fight against it, the feeling of nothingness was way too attractive to refuse.
My eyes briefly opened to see how deep I was, but what I saw alarmed me.
Nuria.
Tears flowing down towards me as her face contorted anger and woe. Her small hands reached out to me desperately, to keep me alive. It stirred something in me, life.
Without even realising my hands reached out to her, what was my baby doing in here?
She could drown- oh, was I reaching her? Maybe dying.
"Please"
I am sorry baby, I wasn't strong enough. I will reach you soon.
My hands pulled to myself.
When I thought I had finally died, somebody grabbed me. A tight grasp on my waist pulled me up further towards the bright light up above the surface. It was blinding and forceful air was once again choking me. I coughed violently and gripped on someone's clothes.
My eyes were shut tightly as I had a coughing fit, I was being carried in their arms out of the water. When I finally managed to open my eyes, I was once again shook.
Jayden.
His eyes were glued on me, pain, fear, heartbreak glowered in them. Ah, I could only look away. He gripped tighter on me and we were finally on land.
All I felt was disappointment.
That I couldn't linger in it longer.
That I was weak.
That I hurt my daughter.
That I broke Jayden.
He still didn't let me go and I shivered a little. He instantly grabbed his coat that was offered to him by one of the servants. I could hear the wails. Alisha was on her knees crying as her hands reached out to me. I weakly extended my hand to touch hers and tried to offer my smile to her.
She only cried further, squeezing my hand. All the servants were on their knees tearing up and I saw the old woman standing with the support of the butler.
Her eyes reddened heavily and she was on the verge of tearing up as well. I couldn't understand why she would cry for me. My eyes then looked back to Jayden, his condition was even worse. He was bawling, and it hurt me so much.
Why was I such a bad person?
I slowly retracted my hand from Alisha and tried to touch the soft gold hair of my brother's.
I wish I could comfort you Jayden.
But how can I?
I would leave this world sooner or later. Still, if my smile could make you stop hurting so much then I would do so. He clutched on to my hand and pulled it to his chest. His heart was beating so wildly, ah, I scared him.
He was showing me his fear. He pulled me up and stood. He was about to walk towards the mansion when I stopped him. I pointed to the carriage and showed him my urgency to reach home. He didn't listen to me and took me inside. He never disobeyed me like this.
I didn't want to go there again. I hated that place. He dragged me into a room and immediately ordered servants to change my clothing. He walked out of the room soon after. I was changed into a simple pink clothing and given a white woollen sweater to warm me up quickly.
They were about to make me lie down on the bed and have a rest, but I refused. I walked out of the room and found Jayden pacing around in a circle. The minute he noticed me, he dashed and buried me in his arms.
"Sister Eri"
I rubbed his back gently.
"Why did you come out so soon? You should take rest"
"I would rather rest in my own bed"
"Huh? but I am sure grandma won't mind"
"Oh she won't, but I will. I did like to go back home"
"I see"
He gripped my hand and we made our way to her. She was still standing in the hallway looking agitated and fearful.
Why does she look like that?
As I walked further and her eyes lay on me, she instantly tried to rush to me but because of her weak constitution she could only wait for us. When I was at her arm's length, her hands engulfed me in a hug.
I just stood there like a statue, not sure what to do.
She let go of me and stared at me. I am not quite sure what she was looking for, but her eyes only further darkened. She took a step back once again taking support of her butler. I looked away and Jayden chose to speak
"Grandma, sister is feeling unwell and would like the comfort of her room. So I will be taking her, don't worry I will write you a letter regarding her health soon"
"Ah, of course. I would have preferred it here but as long as she gets better, it doesn't matter where."
Jayden gave a grateful smile and we gave a goodbye greeting to her, making our way to the carriage. He helped me inside and sat opposite me. Alisha was already sitting in front with the driver, she was still sniffling when I saw her.
Jayden wasn't making things any easier, he was burning a hole in me with his stare. The final resort was for me to sleep. I was feeling tired anyways.
"Jayden, I want to sleep"
I looked at him expectantly and after a few more moments of continuous stares, he once again sat beside me and opened his arms.
I let myself fall in them and soon find myself drifting away in darkness, my haven.