I cannot begin to imagine how life can misproportionate it's good and bad times. Right now I feel like all the bads were poured out on Ocean's head.
I pull her in from behind and try to comfort her with the warmth of my body. I know no words will erase what she went through but I can atleast hold her like this.
We stay like that for a long time, enjoying the comfortable silence in each other's company. My body is aching for her, has been aching for her for the longest time but I haven't acted on it yet.
She reveals parts of her past to me in peels so I don't know everything she went through. I don't want to be selfish, take my pleasure from her and leave a tarnished image behind. The last thing I want is for her to see me as a monster, not in any way will I ever want that, so I will wait.
She is a fragile flower, I have to be careful around her not to pluck her petals. If I only liked her I would have plucked her up but the problem is I love her now. I want to water her and see her grow and bloom.
I have decided to keep my feelings to myself because we've only been together for less than a month. Confessing my love for her now would be a bit rush, – I think.
She moves in my arms and sighs heavily. "All ok?" I ask, concerned, to which she just nods in reply. I guess she is lost in thought just like I was.
Light streams through the window and draws my attention to it. It illuminates the flower box perched on the window bringing into full view pale yellow-green tiny flowers.
"Oow, your flower is blooming." I comment, in awe. The other times I came here I wondered why she kept a boring green plant up there but never voiced my thoughts. "Yes, it is." She replies, a smile audible in her voice.
"They keep you company?" I tease, twirling strands of her hair on my finger. "They have been trying." She replies, her voice sounding strained. I emmidiately regret going down that path. One thing I now know is to tread carefully around my girl, she puts up a strong front but deep down, she is in shambles. "I'm sorry, I didn't mean to diss them." I rush to apologise.
"No, it's not your fault." She replies, turning to look up at me. "I put them there to keep some nightmares away." She continues, her eyes distant and void of any emotions. I wonder what kind of nightmares pushed her as far as buying plants to ward them off, superstitious.
"Let's get some rest." I suggest, adjusting myself to sleep sideways and pulling her along with me, her back still to me. She turns around to face me before asking, "You are staying?" She looks surprised.
I can't blame her, I've never stayed the night in our whole time together. I didn't think she would be comfortable but today is different. "Yes." I reply, tucking a strand of hair behind her ear. I still haven't gotten used to the color of her hair, –in a good way– still mesmerizing.
"Get some sleep." I say, leaning in to plant a kiss on her forehead. I watch her drift into a peaceful slumber, her once tense features turning serene.
I had decided to stay when I walked her home after her Reed foster brother incident. I would have been unsettled the whole night thinking of the possibility of him returning if I had gone back home. If had any second thoughts creeping below the surface, then her damp mood had fully convinced me.
I ease myself to sleep as well, her apple scent whiffing into my nose, soothingly, acting like a lullaby.
"Ocean–Ocean." I call her name, softly shaking her. Her forehead is bead with sweat, her face is concorted and she has fistfuls of the mattress cover. She mouths something, thrushing her feet then she suddenly goes stiff and gradually relaxes back to sleep.
I reach for my phone and tap the screen awake. 3:09am–Witching hour –I think to myself. I push the thought away and try to go back to sleep. Thoughts of her struggling face keep me awake though.
I take up a new hobby, studying her features– her perfect features. By the time the sun rises, every contour, freckle and pore of hers is engraved on my mind.
Light streams through the parted curtains pouring over her face, giving her hair an unrealistic glow. She squints her eyes at the rays before pulling herself up into a sitting position.
She stretches her arms and an unguarded yawn reaps through. I chuckle at the cuteness of it, drawing her attention. She bats her lashes at me, her face turning beet red. She must have finally realized she isn't alone.
"Good morning ma'am." I tease, to which she swats at my arm and rushes to her small bath cubicle with her hand over her mouth. She is probably hiding her morning breath from me.
"Do you mind telling me about your dream from last night." I ask, hoping she will tell me about it. "Umm, yes I do mind." She replies, teasing. "Ouch." I say, putting my hand on my chest. "I guess you didn't do your job last night." She says with a pout looking at the flowers. She turns to look at me, exaggerating the pout.
Everything she does, nomatter how silly always comes across as cute to me.
I'm smitten.
"What do you want to do after this?" I ask. Her house is pretty much the same as it was the first time I went there. No food supplies. So I suggested we eat out. "Well, I will decide after I'm done eating."
We dig into our cheesy zucchini quiche, parmesan cloud eggs, apple ricotta pancakes, caramel frapuccino and the cinnamon rolls she had screamed for.
I've been coaxed into ordering all these dishes all in the name of trying out new things.
"Would you like to go shopping?" I ask. It's almost Christmas and so I need to atleast buy her something and also take care of her kitchen food supplies. "Umm, of course." She replies, smiling goofily before going back to her cinnamon rolls.
The day passes by in a whiz. We've been going about for hours and my arms ache from carrying all the bags. I have had to insist on her picking out more clothes. She was probably uncomfortable spending money, if only she knew how much I want to spoil her. We had gone to almost all the shopping malls in the city, only stopping to have lunch a little after midday.
"You are still moving around with that wench?" A voice I recognize cuts through the air. I look up to confirm my guess and grit my teeth, Lynn. She stands in front of us, blocking our way out of the mall. "Hie and excuse us." I say, refusing to give into the anger rising in my chest at her statement. She sizes Ocean from head to toe, her entourage doing the same, before stepping out of the way.
I take Ocean's hand and head out. I'm glad she doesn't look bothered by Lynn today. If it weren't for her, I had a few bones to pick with Lynn. A thought about Tim's case and Lynn's possible involvement forces a heavy sigh out of me.
"Are you ok?" Ocean enquires, concern visible in her eyes. "Yuhh." I reply, fishing for my car keys and popping the trunk. I stuff our day's shopping and round the car to drive her home, my mood ruined. If I could help it I wouldn't have allowed it.
"My dad wishes for you to join us for Christmas dinner." I say, when we are in her apartment, focusing on her face for any kind of negative reaction but I get non. "Oow, really?" She says, brightly. "Yes. Will you be able to join us?" I try to confirm. Her smile faulters and she casts her eyes down.
"He seemed disturbed by my presence last time." She says, her eyes still focused on the floor. I had hoped she hadn't picked my dad's discomfort, but this can't be undone now. "He is looking to redeem himself. Give him this chance." I coax, reaching for her hand.
This is a chance for her to meet my family in an official family setup, just us. "Well, if that's the case I will join you. It's not like I have anyone to spend it with anyway." She says, sounding defeated. Before I could say anything to comfort her she continues, "I will definitely need a special occasion to wear my special clothes to. OmG, I have so many fo show off." She beams, her expression cinematic.
I'm not fooled though, I know she is trying to divert my attention from her loneliness. I let it slide.
"Don't skip dinner." I say, hugging her farewell before leaving.
"Young man, where have you been." My mom's voice startles me, as soon as I step into the lounge. I make a beeline around the sofas to her while running a hand through my hair.
"I'm sorry mom." I say. I owe her an apology. It's almost 24 hours since I last updated her about my whereabouts. This is also the first time I've slept out the whole of my 23 years.
I feel bad for not thinking about my mom for all this time. I hate worrying her.
"You won't get off the hook that easily. You'll have to tell me where you were." She continues. I take a seat beside her, preparing myself for the long monologue.
"Hazel has agreed to come over for Christmas dinner." I say in conclusion.