It's been two weeks since the night with Jeon and I heard in the news that he reached his home two days after the night and something in me hurt that he didn't try to contact me and didn't even say goodbye.
Am I being too clingy? Or whining? Ugh, why am I being like this and god knows how humiliating it was when I woke up alone and cold. He would have just woken me up when he was leaving but no he just left like I am some sort of an escort!
"Are you alright Enya?" I was with Siya and we were sitting in a cafe near my office.
" Yes, I am and why wouldn't I be?" I scoffed at her question. Maybe I am being defensive here, I don't know what's wrong with me anymore.
" I don't think you are alright, I think I know what it is that puts you in a terrible mood." She said with a thoughtful expression before moving close to me.
" umm, what do you think happened to me siya!" I rolled my eyes at her antics. She is a big drama queen and she likes to live in a daydream.
" Did you guys use protection?" She asked, suddenly making me choke on my coffee.
"What...cough...the….cough….Hell! Cough." Ugh, why did she have to make me remember that night?. I am trying very hard to forget everything and move on but it is impossible to do that. I have told her about Mine and Jeon's escapades in his hotel room and how he left me in the morning and how humiliated I felt that day. She was so furious that she decided to book tickets to South Korea and break his bones. It takes so much hard work to stop her from not doing anything and staying calm about it like I was being.
" Sorry, Enya! Here, drink some water." She said, handing me the water glass and patting my back. What a bestfriend who shocks you with the words from her mouth and now feels concerned when I am choking because of her.
" Ugh, why do you have to make me remember about him? I am trying so damn hard to forget everything." I fired on her with tears in my eyes.
" Sorry, Enya but I want to know if you guys used or not because….." I stopped her not wanting to listen anymore.
" Stop siya, I don't want to talk about it. Please!" I pleaded
" What if you are pregnant, Enya?" Maybe that's why you are so Moody? And you have never behaved...." She continued her blabbering without seeing my expressions and the tears which are streaming down my face.
" I said stop it Siya! Stop, just stop." I yelled before dashing out of the cafe without turning around to see if Siya was following me or not.
This is not about me thinking I am pregnant, this is about me being unable to get pregnant. It was my past wound which I have been healing and saving from everyone. No one knows I can't bear children here. Not Siya and Andrew.
That was tye main reason my ex-husband divorced me, that was the reason everyone including my family abandoned me. I know this is a modern era bit still people treat women who can't bear children kike disgrace.
I didn't choose it, if I had a choice I would love to choose to bear many more children than my body would bear. It was my weakness, I will never get pregnant. I don't have good luck in my life and bad times will always follow me like my shadow.
I didn't share this information with Siya because I don't want her to see me with pity in her eyes. Yes, Jeon didn't use protection because I knew that It will be of no use because of my inability to get pregnant.
I can't share that information with Siya. If I share it with her she will want me to take a pregnancy test and I can't tell her that I can't get pregnant.
I ran from the cafe to my office and locked myself in the cabin till it was time to go back to my apartment where there would be no one waiting for me. Only me and my loneliness and these thoughts didn't leave me alone.
I just functioned like a Zombie the next day and the other day too, avoiding Siya's calls and Andre, who is looking at me like I went crazy or on something.
" Enya! Do you have a minute?" I am brought back from my thoughts by Andre's voice who came to my cabin. I was just sitting in front of my laptop spacing off.
" Umm, y...yeah!"
" First of all, what happened to you? Don't tell me it's nothing." He gave me a no-nonsense look.
" What are you talking about? What happened! Nothing happened Andre." I didn't make eye contact with him knowing he can easily read my distress from my face.
" Nonsense Enya! Why are you avoiding Siya? She is blaring up my phone nonstop asking me how you are and she is not even telling me anything." He blabbered everything at once.
" Stop Andre! Nothing happened and you know siya right and how she is, she will make a big fuss about every single thing." I laughed away showing him everything is alright.
" Yeah, but still you seem different Enya, and please if something is bothering you just tell me."
" It's nothing Andre and if you have nothing more to talk then can you leave? I have work to do." I playfully glared at him and I received a grin from him and he left my office.
I cleared my head and started sorting out some accounts and didn't check what time it was till I completed the work. I cleared everything and got ready to leave the office. I locked my office and took steps towards the elevator and suddenly a figure jumped in front of me startling me.
" What the hell! W….who are you?" Please God don't let him be a serial killer. I don't want to die young. I am shaking from head to toe with fear seeing the person taking steps towards me slowly.
" You can't escape from me now, Enya!" The person came near me. I think it's to meet god. There are so many things I want to do and so many places to visit but my life is going to end today.