Once he was far enough away and out of eyesight of the old granny, Leo slammed on the brakes and came to a halt, panting and grasping at his chest.
'What the hell was that?!' he screamed in his mind, 'Intimidating first impression only to try and seduce me in the end?! Is it too late to trade in my new appearance?!'
Taking a few minutes to collect himself, Leo tried to force the encounter with the granny out of his mind, but no matter how hard he tried, there she was, winking at him.
Waving the white flag and surrendering to the reality that the old granny was now going to live rent free in his mind, Leo started to formulate a plan for the original reason he was even intown.
'If it's the track suit guys then Dan and Morgan should still be alive.' he thought to himself. 'Those crazy fucks think they are the second coming of the Italian Mafia despite literally none of them being Italian... I can only assume they are still holed up in the same shithole they were in my 'first' life.'
The New Sicily Mafia, as they liked to call themselves, were a bunch of college and high school dropouts that thought that the apocalypse was their chance to take over the world.
Even in Leo's 'first' life they didn't survive for very long after the reckoning though.
Since they were small in number's, the idiots who ran The New Sicily Mafia thought that they needed to expand their forces quickly.
And since they couldn't convince people to join, they became notorious for abducting couples and forcing the men to join them by keeping the women as hostages and leverage.
Unfortunately for them, in Leo's 'first' life, they kidnapped the wrong couple a few weeks after the reckoning and the girl's father wiped the wannabe gang from the face of the Earth.
'Too bad for them.. they won't even make it a few weeks this time...' Leo thought to himself with a wicked smile on his face.
Having collected himself, Leo quickly made his way towards the warehouse where the gang was known to operate.
Since they were nothing but lowly thugs with some pistols and makeshift melee weapons, Leo planned to storm the front entrance and wipe them out.
Leo, having killed countless animals, monsters, humans, and humanoid races, felt no hesitation or remorse for what he was about to do.
He made it a point to never harm innocent people, but he never hesitated to take the lives of those who deserved it.
Evidenced by the mercilessness with which he killed Amber's ex and his goons.
Rounding the street corner that led directly to the oversized warehouse, Leo noticed two men standing guard outside the gate entrance.
One of the men noticed him approaching and yelled, "Stop! This is the New Sici..."
Before he could even finish his sentence though, a bullet screamed through his forehead and out the back of his skull, ending his life in an instant.
"Oh FUCK!" was all the second man managed to get out before he too fell lifelessly to the ground.
'Two down... some number left to go.'
In an office within the warehouse, the sound of gunfire had interrupted a meeting that was currently underway.
The leader, a man in his mid 20's, with a horribly done spray tan, slicked back hair, and an overly colored Ed Hardy t-shirt on, was furious.
"Who the fuck is out there firing their weapons?! Tony #3, go find out which fucking moron is messing around and kill the bastard!" he hollered.
"Yes, Boss Tony." Tony #3 replied.
Before he could even make it out the door though, another series of gunshots rang out, this time louder and more pronounced that the first ones.
Clearly, whoever was firing their weapon, was getting closer.
"What the fuck is going on Tony's?! Is some jackass trying to pick a fight with us?!" Boss Tony screamed.
"We don't know Boss Tony, we're in the same room as you!" replied Tony #2.
*Bang* *Bang*
The sound of more gunshots rang out, this time even closer to the room where they were.
"You think I don't know that Tony #2! How fuckin stupid are you?!" Boss Tony screamed back.
*Bang* *Bang*
And closer.
"Boss Tony, I don't think this is the time to argue... The gunshots are getting closer and closer!" Tony #4 pleaded.
Enraged, Boss Tony ripped open the drawer of a nearby filing cabinet and pulled out an oversized Desert Eagle and prepared to lead his fellow Tony's out the door to confront the would-be invader.
Why didn't he just store the gun in his inventory? We'll never know because as Boss Tony reached for the doorhandle to charge out, the door was kicked off its hinges, slammed into Boss Tony, and flattened him to the ground.
As Leo stood there on the door, keeping the unfortunate Boss Tony pinned underneath, he scanned the room.
"Are you the last four idiots alive?" Leo asked.
"Who the fuck are you?!" Boss Tony screamed from under the door. "Tony #2, Tony #3, Tony #4 kill this fucker!"
Leo broke out in a fit of laughter hearing the boss ordering around the Tony's.
He had always found it absolutely moronic and equally hilarious that these idiots all referred to themselves as Tony followed by whatever number they ranked in the 'mafia'.
Part of him had always been skeptical that it was actually true.
Of course, Leo had never experienced it before, so hearing them say it firsthand and in front of him, was too much for him to take and he let loose another torrent of laughter.
As the three stooges unloaded the entirety of their pistol's magazines into Leo, their target simply shrugged off the stinging sensations and looked at them with a twisted expression of mockery and sympathy.
"Your dumbasses are still doing the Tony thing? You do know there are other Italian names, right?" Leo asked.
"Fuck you asshole! Tony is the iconic name for gangsters!" Boss Tony screamed, "Get the fuck off of me! Do you know who we are?!"
Leo glanced down at the struggling idiot beneath his feet and said, "A bunch of fuckin idiots who should have stayed in their mom's basement playing make believe instead of inviting death to your doorstep," before firing a shot through the door and into the chest of the struggling Boss Tony.
As Boss Tony struggled for breath, Leo's expression morphed into one of annoyance and frustration.
"I thank you for making me laugh so much, but you've made me waste too much of my precious time. So you will spend the last few insignificant seconds of your life regretting the choices you have made."
Tony #2, Tony #3, and Tony #4 were stun locked at the savagery of the man before them.
They wanted to run, but they couldn't get their legs to move.
Despite the fact that Leo was seemingly talking directly to Boss Tony, they knew that the words were meant for them too and they weren't long for this world.
Sure enough, after the last vestiges of life escaped from Boss Tony's eyes, Leo raised his pistol and fired three shots in quick succession, ending each of their lives.
"Alrighttt, with that done, let's go rescue the hostages!"
------
Got to be honest, tried something with the Tony names that I thought was funny but by the time I got to the end of the chapter I was thinking, "This might not be funny at all.. what is wrong with my sense of humor?"
If you thought it was funny, let me know, if not, let me know! I try to mix in my failed sense of humor where I can, since it makes it more fun for me to write, but I can understand why some people wouldn't like it.
As always, I appreciate y'all and thanks for reading!
Also, only one chapter tomorrow. The fact that we are on odd chapter releases right now with two a day is really fuckin with my OCD, so I HAVE to get it back to even number releases.