Yeonjun rushed to the washroom when he heard the sound of Soobin throwing up inside. He was scared, trembling out of fear and anger. He must've triggered him. He must've done the wrong thing. He tried to get inside, but found the door locked. Panic gripped him as he wasn't ready to see Soobin in the state he saw earlier.
Yeonjun banged on the door several times, shouting by Soobin's name.
"SOOBIN-AH! A-ARE Y-YOU OKAY? PLEASE OPEN THE DOOR! OPEN THE DOOR, PLEASE! LET ME COME IN! LET ME SEE YOU! I WAS WRONG! I'M SORRY! PLEASE LET ME SEE YOU! OPEN THE DOOR, PLEASE!" Yeonjun's voice was desperate, trembling with fear. He was so scared that he wasn't in his sane mind. Actually, he wasn't overdoing it. He was just afraid that if Soobin got his panic attacks again? He saw how dangerous it could be. As Soobin was the dearest one to him, he was scared. He nearly lost him once and he didn't want Soobin to experience those things again. He brought him there to take care of him, not the other way around. Tears flowed uncontrollably from his eyes.
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Inside, Soobin had rushed to the washroom to avoid Yeonjun. Just moments ago, he was so pleased, the touch of Yeonjun was seductive enough to make him almost give in. Then, why? Why did he have to remember that guy? Why now? How much more did he need to suffer? Until when? Soobin was so disappointed in himself and mad at the same time. Whenever someone touches him, he remembers those dirty touches and feels disgusted. But, Yeonjun was different. He even helped him so much. Even when he wiped his hands and feet, he didn't feel like that. Rather, it was a feeling of gratification. Soobin gulped as he was trying to suppress his tears.
When he couldn't stop remembering what happened to him, he slapped himself several times. He wanted to completely forget his past and start anew. He wanted to give all of himself to Yeonjun. But, these pesky feelings didn't let him at all. At that time, the urge to throw up came again. He was hating it so much that he was thinking why he just didn't die back then. If this keeps going on, he might never be with the man he likes. He went to the toilet and vomited everything out. He was breathing heavily while he kept making groaning sounds to throw up. At that moment, he heard the banging sounds on the door as well as Yeonjun's voice, calling by his name.
Hearing that, Soobin started to cry. As he was trying his best to not, he got a lump on his throat. He was breathing heavily, but he wasn't focused on it at all. All he was thinking about; how he would face Yeonjun now. What'd he think about him? He was there for him each and every time. And here's how he was paying him back. Soobin wiped his eyes and came to the door. He opened the door slowly, making a poker face. He couldn't see into Yeonjun's eye as he was afraid to look at him. He was looking downward, trying to avoid his gaze. Yeonjun stood still as he couldn't understand what he should do.
"C-can you leave me alone f-for now?" Soobin said in a very low voice.
"Huh?" Yeonjun heard him clearly, despite his whisper.
"A-are you okay? I'm so sorry. I shouldn't have…" Yeonjun's eyes filled with tears while he wanted to apologize.
"Please do me a favor and leave me alone." Soobin repeated. He knew he wouldn't be able to hold himself back anymore.
"O-okay! As long as you're fine! But, please don't lock yourself up again." Saying that, Yeonjun walked towards the door. He paused, when he was finally going out of the room, to check on Soobin. He turned back and saw Soobin was still standing in the same place, quietly gazing at the floor.
When Yeonjun left, Soobin slumped on the bed, covering his entire face with his big palms. As he couldn't help himself, tears began to fall as if he got a fountain in his eyes.
Yeonjun was standing behind the wall, pressing his mouth tightly to stifle any noise as he was listening to Soobin's groans and sobs.
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After about an hour, Yeonjun returned to check on Soobin. Feeling so dejected and guilty at the same time, he peeked in and found Soobin asleep in his bed. He was wearing his shirt. Half of his legs were visible through his short pants. Yeonjun slowly approached him. He spreaded the blanket and covered Soobin as he thought Soobin might be cold. After covering him up, he squatted down in front of Soobin's face. Soobin's eyes were covered with his black, shiny hair. Yeonjun slowly brushed off the hair from his eyes with the tip of his finger. He sighed.
"I'm sorry. I should've asked you first. No, I shouldn't have touched you like this. Can you please forgive me? I can't see you like this. I don't want you to cry because of me. I want you to smile wholeheartedly because of me. I know you don't like the touch of other people. Still, I was being too greedy. Trust me, I don't want you to suffer anymore. I'm so sorry." Yeonjun was nearly whispering. He wanted to apologize as he couldn't do so earlier. He sighed again and caressed Soobin's hair gently. He stood up and turned around to walk away.
When he nearly started walking, his wrist was grabbed by Soobin.
"Don't go. Don't be sorry." Soobin opened his eyes and looked at Yeonjun. Yeonjun was surprised, but happy as well. He turned back and smiled. Soobin was still holding his hand while trying to sit up. Yeonjun hurriedly grabbed him and helped him to sit up.
"I'm the one who should be sorry." Soobin sat back and said.
"No-no! Why are you saying so?" Yeonjun sat beside him. But something didn't feel right to him. When he grabbed Soobin's hand, he noticed Soobin was way too warm. And he was looking a bit pale when he got up.
"I'm ready." Soobin said in a low voice.
"Huh?" Yeonjun couldn't understand at first. He touched Soobin's forehead and discovered how hot he was.
"You're burning up!" Yeonjun screamed.
"Hear me out first!" Soobin held Yeonjun's hands, trying to steady him.
"I'm feeling a little dizzy, but I can feel the urge to tell you everything about me. And I know if I don't tell them to you now, I might end up hiding them from you forever." Soobin said and looked at Yeonjun.
Yeonjun remained silent as he couldn't think of anything. As he wanted to know everything about him, he didn't want to miss the chance either.
"But please, promise me you won't hate me after that." Soobin pleaded. His eyes were sparkling as tears started to gather in them.
"I told you before and I'm telling you again, I won't. I already know some of your past. Noona told me, but she doesn't know in details either. So, I'm begging you to let me know. I know what you've gone through wasn't happy memories to you and you might feel very bad talking about it. But, I have to know…to…keep you safe. Just trust me, hm?" Yeonjun crossed his fingers with Soobin's and held them gently.
Soobin began to recount his story. While expressing how he was abused and harassed, he started trembling. Yeonjun hugged him to console. Although it was hard to control himself, Yeonjun was quietly listening to him and supporting him carefully. Arin had never told Yeonjun the full extent of Soobin's suffering. All she said that he harassed him, but how; she didn't, as she also didn't know. When he heard how Soobin was almost getting molested from his own mouth, his blood started boiling and he wanted to finish that guy right instant.
Soobin couldn't hold back his tears. He was trembling hard and stuttering. Yeonjun sat right beside him, holding his hand with one hand and rubbing his back slowly with another.
When he was telling how the guy came to him recently, he started breathing heavily.
"When was it?" Yeonjun couldn't hold his curiosity.
"The day I-I y-yelled at you. I-I was a-afraid he…he'd come to y-you and b-blurt rubbish a-about me. A-and y-you will s-start t-to h-hate m-me." Soobin said while faltering. It was getting hard to breathe. Yeonjun understood it and handed him the inhaler from the bedside table.
"It's okay. It's okay. Take a deep breath." Yeonjun said and put the inhaler in front of Soobin's mouth. Soobin took it in his mouth as Yeonjun pressed the button twice.
Soobin calmed down, taking a long breath. He glanced at Yeonjun while he was silently staring at his hand. Yeonjun took Soobin's hand and sandwiched it between his hands.
"He even came to my house. He hugged me and… and kissed me…I-I hate him, I hate him so much. I hate myself as well. I...I'm so weak....why….couldn't you just leave me to die?" Soobin started sobbing. Yeonjun was stunned, overwhelmed by Soobin's pain and despair.