With a rustling sound, Jun discerned that it was the sound of pages turning, revealing that Yan had not yet gone to sleep and was still reading in the eastern chamber.
Since arriving at the Zou residence, Jun had noticed that her hearing was as sharp as a hawk's, perhaps as her match maker had mentioned, in another world, certain vital signs and indicators would undergo changes.
Yan closed the book, and Jun could tell that this action was filled with restlessness and anxiety.
"It's impossible! How could Jun be engaged to Deqi? Even if they were engaged, she wouldn't keep it from me," Yan exclaimed.
Jun smiled faintly. It turned out that on this evening, both she and Yan were tangled up in the same matter. Could this be what they called a telepathic connection?
Jun blushed as she noticed that Ling had raised her head, her small black-bean-like eyes staring at her.
"Little Zou and Second Niu, hand in hand wherever go," Ling declared.
"Go away!" Jun scolded Ling, "Did you know my thought inside out ?"
Jun was pierced through by Ling's insight and indulged in some daydreaming. So, her name was Jun, and she had known Yan before. Judging by his words, it seemed he might even have a little interest in Jun. So, wasn't this a chance to rekindle an old connection? This man, as a husband, should be passable, good-looking, and with a mild temperament...
"It's impossible!" Jun was startled as Yan's murmuring interrupted her wandering thoughts. "I've explained so much to Jun. She can't just ignore it and focus solely on Deqi's dad being the Deputy General of the Yellow Banner."
Explanation? As far as Jun remembered, Yan had only lectured her about not going outside and hadn't mentioned any other explanations.
Jun began to worry. She was afraid of missing out on Yan's teachings and, in turn, missing out on Yan himself. So, She drew a line at thirteen years old and delved into her memories before encountering the jade bracelet, focusing on those moments when she was drowsy and when Yan's teachings seemed to enter one ear and exit the other.
Pain struck again, but this time, it was not like worms crawling into her nostrils but rather like a walnut shell shattering in her tooth socket. The first moment was a gnawing ache, followed by a sense of swelling.
Jun urged herself to endure and continued to think. What if she remembered Yan's teachings? Then she would be certain that she was Jun, and she could legitimately spend her days with the somewhat pleasing Yan.
As she tried to access those memories, the moment the switch in her mind was flipped, the swelling turned into excruciating pain. The walnut shell became an ice pick, probing and piercing her swollen gums.
Jun couldn't bear it any longer. This agonizing pain was unbearable.
"Deqi must have mistaken someone else for me. Those dandies, they all look the same to him when it comes to beautiful women. Or maybe he confused the bracelets. The Manchu, they see everything as belonging to their own," Yan finally came up with a reasonable explanation for the farce.
On the other side, Jun began trying to take off the bracelet. Yan had already said that Deqi had mistaken her for someone else, and she couldn't think of any evidence to prove otherwise. If she kept wearing the bracelet, it would only cause more trouble.
However, the bracelet wouldn't budge. Jun used some force, and the smooth jade immediately transformed into hard stone, causing her wrist to ache.
This pain reminded her of another incident involving bracelet removal. She had argued with Ying and insisted on taking the bracelet off. Ying, on the other hand, wouldn't let her. The siblings had gone back and forth, and as a result, Jun's arm had turned into a washboard. This had attracted a crowd of onlookers at the entrance to Sesame Alley.
Jun couldn't recall whose house it was, but she did remember why she and Ying had gone to Sesame Alley.
It was the night before Jun's wedding. She had spent the entire night talking, and her mother had told her to rest well. Tomorrow, she would leave her maiden home, and there might never be such leisure again.
Her mother went next door to continue sewing her padded jacket, while Jun lay in bed. Strangely, she couldn't feel any sleepiness.
She stared at the paper-covered ceiling, where a pair of little mice were playfully frolicking on the rafters. They looked like good friends, clearly close to each other. One of them hung upside down, trying to steal red dates from a suspended basket, while the other held onto its tail, making sure it didn't fall.
Once the mouse obtained a date, it carried it along the rafter, down the eave, and occasionally looked back to make sure its companion followed closely behind. Otherwise, it would miss out on the feast.
Jun felt a stirring in her heart. She realized she couldn't just get married like this. She needed to inform her friend of her whereabouts, or else her friend might do something foolish out of worry.
However, she couldn't remember who this friend was, no matter how hard she thought, biting her back molars in frustration. She persuaded herself not to torture herself further. After all, the thirteen-year-old Jun must know who it was. She decided to follow her and believed that she might remember this person as time went on.
As the little mouse entered its hole to have breakfast, the thirteen-year-old Jun got up to wash and dress. She chose a lake-blue gown, paired with a black pleated silk skirt. Her friend had once said that she looked like a student from a western-style school when she wore this outfit.
Jun stepped into the courtyard where three people approached her. Her mother and father were as caring as ever, one inquiring about what she'd like for breakfast, the other suggesting she get a bit more sleep, her eye circles were so dark that seemed painted with ink.
"Where are you going?"
Ying, however, had a cold and stern tone, as if she were not addressing her sister but a criminal.
"Why do you care?" Jun retorted.
Their mother and father quickly intervened, one scolding Ying for how he spoke to her sister, the other advising Jun not to speak as if she had swallowed a bullet, emphasizing that these four virtues must never be lacking in a woman of a respectable family.
Jun, who was usually obedient, gave a little bow to Ying and then spoke softly, "Dear brother, I would like to go out to see a friend."
In the past, Jun's mischievousness would have made their mother and father laugh heartily, but today they reacted differently. They both asked in unison, "Is it a boy or a girl?"
Jun looked puzzled.
Her father was the first to snap out of it. "Why did we ask that? Our daughter has always been known for chasing boys away. If there's one, she beats one, and if there are two, she beats them as a pair. How could she have friends?"
"Yes, yes, yes, Er Niu, are you looking for uncle Zhang's eldest daughter, the one you used to play with when you were a child? Let me tell you, she got married a long time ago. But if she comes back to her family, I can tell her you still think about her," her mother said, clutching Jun's hand as if she were afraid she would run away.
Jun didn't say anything, but a chill welled up from deep within her. She couldn't quite put her finger on what it was, but it made her uncomfortable.
"How about this, I'll go with you," Ying offered.
Ying returned to his role as the caring older brother, but Jun could see that her mother and father looked uneasy. They seemed to want to say something more but were silenced by Ying's stern gaze.
Finally, after several hours of turmoil, Jun left the house. First, the hired carriage was delayed, and when it finally arrived, Ying insisted on bringing his hawk with them.
Ever since Ying had bought the hawk, he had been feeding it raw meat, making it incredibly fierce. Jun knew exactly why her brother wanted to bring the hawk along.
Immediately, a tug-of-war ensued between the siblings. One insisted that if the hawk came, they wouldn't go, while the other stubbornly refused to leave the hawk behind. Fortunately, their mother intervened, urging Jun to make haste and visit her friend, telling her that she could have a good heart-to-heart talk with her friend if they arrived early.
However, halfway there, Ying diverted to visit his own friend. Just when Jun was growing impatient waiting in the carriage, Ying finally emerged, holding a large dog.
Ying proudly introduced the dog as being from Germany, and he named it "Left Leads Yellow, Right Lifts Azure." With these two formidable companions, he assured Jun that her safety was guaranteed.
Jun certainly understood that Ying wasn't genuinely concerned about her safety; he simply wanted to intimidate people to prevent her friend from having any inappropriate thoughts and potentially jeopardizing his highly anticipated engagement.
However, Jun didn't confront her foolish brother about his overprotective behaviour. Her friend was not an ordinary person, and she feared that in the end, these two - the hawk and the dog - might just end up as pawns in her friend's hands, leaving Ying to eat his own words.
But, Jun was still somewhat naive.
At the entrance of a house in Sesame Alley, four household servants responsible for security lowered their heads as they saw the ferocious barking dog and the hovering eagle ready to dive at any moment. None of them dared to approach.
Jun had no choice but to shout angrily to quiet the aggressive dog and then sent one of the household servants inside to relay her message. She explained that a friend from the palace had come and wished to meet briefly, as they might not have another chance in the near future.
After a long while, the household servant emerged with a apologetic expression, informing Jun that the master was currently reprimanding the young master and was not available to receive guests.
Jun's heart sank, but she thanked the servant and said, "I'll wait then. Please let me know when your young master is available to meet."
Ying approached and remarked, "He's a real man, huh? Er Niu, you've become quite influential during your time in the palace..."
Jun couldn't be bothered to respond to Ying.
"But in the palace, men are either the emperor or eunuchs, with the occasional powerful minister or nobleman..." Ying started using his brain. "Er Niu, you wouldn't have gotten involved with a eunuch, would you? You must be confused, my dear sister. Nowadays, it's not the era of eunuchs' tyranny anymore."
"Get lost!" Jun had no patience for Ying's incessant chatter.
The sibling dispute couldn't match the commotion inside the gate. Jun noticed that all the household servants were huddled around the gate, wishing they could turn into tiny insects and slip through the cracks.
After what felt like an eternity, one of the household servants finally realized there was a visitor at the gate. He turned around and looked at Jun, smiling sheepishly.
"Young Master came home from the palace for a rare visit, but Master got angry..."
"It must be because your young master didn't behave and made your master angry, leaving you all on edge," Jun replied, instantly earning the goodwill of the household servants with her words.
"It's not like that at all. Master and Young Master were having a peaceful conversation in the courtyard when suddenly an eagle swooped down from above, followed by the dog barking, and then you arrived to request an audience..."
Jun was speechless.
"Master started scolding Young Master, saying he's not doing any real work in the palace, just socializing with the privileged sons of the Manchus, indulging in eating, drinking, and revelry, and forgetting why he was sent to the palace in the first place..."
The household servant clearly had a penchant for gossip and seized the opportunity to spill the family's secrets.
"Young Master talked back and said it's not all fun and games for everyone in the palace, which made Master angry. He raised his hand and gave Young Master a big slap..."
Jun gasped.
"Young Master took the slap and wiped the blood from his mouth as if nothing happened. He said he needed to meet an important friend now and that he would discuss it with Master later..."
Jun thought for a moment and then realized that the important friend Young Master mentioned was her.
"Our master's temper, who would dare to throw a tantrum in front of him? As expected, he immediately ordered a chair and the family rules. Look, a whole bag of tobacco has been smoked, and he hasn't stopped yet..."
Jun's heart ached with each word.
The household servants murmured in sympathy.
This particular servant, eager to see what was happening, didn't want to leave Jun behind, so he called out to his colleagues, "What's going on?"
"Master said that Young Master is not allowed to return to the palace. He's being sent directly to the new military academy, and he's leaving tomorrow," one of the servants replied without turning his head.
Jun's heart sank. Her words had indeed come true. She wouldn't see him again after tomorrow.
Driven by a surge of determination, Jun tried to push the door open and step over the threshold.
But there was a mountain blocking her path.
"What do you want to do?" Ying's face was so dark that Jun didn't even recognize him. "Don't forget, you will be someone else's wife tomorrow, something out of the ordinary? You can try it."
After Ying finished speaking, he dragged Jun towards the carriage.
Before getting into the car, Jun finally broke away from Ying. Angrily, she picked up the bracelet on her hand. She thought about it, took it off, and smashed it on the ground. The bracelet shattered and the shackles around her neck were opened.
But Ying didn't agree. Jun rubbed a foot on her ankle, and Ying pushed a foot on her arm. Repeating this cycle, her arms turned from red to purple, and the stubborn Jun did not compromise.
"You damn girl, can't you be more understanding?"
Jun subconsciously stopped, and Ying was secretly proud of himself. Being "understanding" was Jun's Achilles' heel, and he almost failed every time.
"Do you know who lives in this house?" Ying lowered his voice.
Who were they? Uncle of her friend, of course.
"When you were standing at their doorstep, gazing longingly, I had already found out. The owner of this house is named Tao Zhihan. Officially, he's a merchant, but in reality..."
Ying intentionally paused, seeing Jun staring at him with wide eyes, her mouth twitching uncontrollably due to nerves. Excellent, this was the effect he wanted.
"In reality, he's a revolutionary. They specialize in assassinating high-ranking Qing officials. What's the matter, do you want your Er Niang and Amah to live even longer, or do you find them inconvenient in your presence, wanting to send them off to some remote place in Xinjiang to accompany the parents of Yu Gege?"
Jun rotated the jade bracelet on her wrist, and finally, she stopped.
Ying knew that Jun was retreating, and he sighed. "Let's go home, little sister. You're getting married tomorrow. You should spend some more time with our parents today."
Jun meekly complied, allowing Ying to place her inside the carriage and draw the curtain closed.
A crack of a whip, the sound of wheels turning, and the carriage rolled away, carrying with it Jun's feelings of reluctance and desolation.
"Er Niu!"
This voice was all too familiar, and Jun instinctively wanted to turn back.
Ying acted quickly, holding Jun's head firmly between his hands, as if he were cradling a watermelon.
"Hurry, hold him down, hold him down..."
A flurry of chaotic footsteps followed by a loud thud.
Jun opened Ying's hands and turned around abruptly.
Through the window screen, she saw people restraining someone, pressing down on his limbs. And the young man, bound and struggling, was still trying to raise his head and shout towards her carriage.
Through the eyes of thirteen-year-old Jun, the Jun sitting in Zou Residence tried her best to get a clear view of the young man's face. However, the harder she tried, the thicker the dust became, and her headache resurged. When she made one final effort to push away the dust and see clearly, all she saw were blurry, indistinct figures forming a human wall of four or five people.
Jun arrived home at dusk.
When her mother saw her complexion, she guessed that Jun had been having a quarrel with Ying. Her mother was skilled at handling such situations, never bringing up Ying directly. She handed Jun a newly padded cotton jacket to try on.
The cotton jacket was very light and warm. The moment Jun put it on, she felt enveloped in warmth.
"Finally, I finished this before my daughter's marriage. It was worth staying up for three days without sleep," her mother said casually.
This sentence made Jun's remaining anger disappear completely. She was once again the obedient, considerate daughter who always thought of others.
For dinner, Jun's mother prepared an elaborate spread of dishes, and the family gathered around the table, with the notable absence of Ying.
"Your brother went to the Deputy Commander's Mansion, we don't care about him," her mother remarked.
She placed a chicken leg into Jun's bowl.
"That boy cares more about his sister's wedding than his own. He's in such a rush; isn't he afraid of becoming a laughingstock?" her mother continued.
Jun's father taken a sip of wine, before even putting the glass down, Ying stumbled into the room, muttering, "As long as I can turn things around, I'm not afraid of being a laughingstock. But alas, now I don't even have anyone to laugh at me..."
Jun's parents exchanged puzzled glances, unsure of the meaning behind Ying's random statement. Ying collapsed onto the kang, covering his face with a long sigh.
"Going out for a drink again, since you're both drinking, why don't you come back and drink with us? You could even keep your sister and your Amah," her mother said.
Jun's mother gently scolded Ying for his lack of determination, and he seemed to snap out of it. He sat up abruptly, grabbed his mother's hand, and sobbed while covering his face.
Jun was taken aback. In her memory, her brother was always cheerful and carefree. If she remembered correctly, this was the first time she had seen him cry.
"Er Niang, why is my fate so unfortunate? I won't even mention Amah... You tell me, what's the difference between me and Pujun? Why did Empress Dowager Cixi choose him to be the Crown Prince instead of me?"
"Pujun didn't stay as Crown Prince for long either. Brother, can you talk about something else? You keep repeating the same things every day," Jun said.
"I have nothing else to say. I just have bad luck. Everything I rely on crumbles, and now, just when my sister finally caught the eye of a nobleman, that nobleman died..."
"What? What did you say?" Both her mother and father exclaimed simultaneously.
Ying sighed in frustration, "Deqi, he drowned while taking a boat trip right before the wedding. Now, my sister hasn't even entered the groom's family, and she's already a widow."
The room fell into silence. Jun remained calm, unaffected by the news. Whether he drowned or she became a widow, it seemed to have nothing to do with her.
"Nonsense! What widow? Where did that come from?" Her mother was the first to regain her composure.
"Yes, yes, that's right," her father chimed in.
Her mother reached for Jun's wrist and began to remove the bracelet.
"Er Niang, be gentle, it hurts," Jun protested.
Her mother looked around the room and then focused her gaze on the bowl of chicken soup on the table. It was made from a plump hen, simmered for hours, with a layer of butter to seal in the aroma and warmth.
Ignoring the heat, her mother dipped her fingers into the chicken fat and applied it to Jun's wrist.
"Why are you doing this, Er Niang?"
Before Jun could finish her sentence, her mother made a quick swipe, and the bracelet fell onto the kang.
"Er Niu, remember my words. Tomorrow, when you return to the palace, don't say a word about this marriage. Pretend as if it never happened," her mother advised.
Jun nodded. She had no intention of discussing it with anyone.
"And you," her mother turned to Ying, "keep your mouth shut. Your sister is going to marry, and we don't want her reputation tarnished."
Ying thought for a moment, and then, as if he had just smoked a big cigarette, he became excited and stared at the bracelet on the kang, unable to take his eyes off it.
The family sat down to a rare and bittersweet reunion dinner. Looking back now, each of them had their own thoughts and worries. Jun's parents were torn between happiness and anxiety. They were pleased that their daughter could stay with them a little longer as a "cotton-padded jacket," but worried that this "jacket" might be taken away by someone at any moment.
Ying, on the other hand, was quick to recover from his momentary despondency and was now in high spirits. He was naturally optimistic and enjoyed the thrill of new opportunities.
As for Jun, she couldn't help but recall her 13-year-old self, who had eaten that dinner as if it were a bitter medicine. What troubled her most wasn't her unfortunate fate of becoming a widow-to-be, but the fact that her childhood friend would now be separated from her.
Jun closed her eyes and tried to visualize whether her childhood friend and the occasional thoughts of "him" that popped into her mind were the same person.
There was a knock at the door.
Jun had to open her eyes. Standing at the front door was Yan. Even though the front door was wide open, even though she was in his house, he always knocked before entering.
"Do you have something on your mind?" Jun replied with delicate words, mirroring Yan's courteous demeanour.
"I have a few questions I'd like to ask you," Yan said.
Jun's heart leapt with anticipation.
"I don't quite understand you girls. Let me ask you this: What does it mean when a girl fills a doll with pins, then takes them out, talks to it while holding it in her hand, and then throws it down a well? Does she like or dislike that doll? Also, when a girl changes her clothes and puts on makeup, is it possible for her to become someone else?"