"I see myself..."
Jun lay on the couch, murmuring with closed eyes.
"Don't hurry, take it slowly, and if you feel uncomfortable, stop immediately," the smokey voice said softly. She is Jun's best friend now, when she learned that Jun were torn between Yan's affection for Yu Gege and not her, she said perhaps she had a solution.
"I see myself walking down a corridor, surrounded by flowers and plants, with no one around..."
"Very good, keep going."
"There's a sound..."
"First, listen to what the sound is, don't rush forward."
"It's the sound of people talking, it sounds somewhat familiar, like it's coming from the row of sheds, where the gardeners keep their tools…"
The smokey voice gently wrote a line on the notepad: "First hypnosis, location, Imperial Garden?"
"I've reached the doorway of the tool shed, and the voices are getting clearer, it's a man and a woman. What do you think, should I go in?" Jun asked.
"It's up to you. If you feel it's not safe, wait for a while and make sure it's okay before going in," the smokey voice advised.
"That's strange, these voices sound so much like Yu Gege."
"Yu Gege?"
"Yes, she's my sister, my cousin, just half a year older than me. When her father was exiled to Xinjiang, Empress Dowager Cixi pitied her for being so young, so she allowed her to stay in the palace. She insisted on me accompanying her into the palace."
The smokey voice quickly asked, "Can you hear what she's saying clearly?"
Jun, with her eyes closed, remained silent, as if she were listening intently.
"She's saying - 'Are you giving up?'"
"'Are you giving up ?' What does that mean? And what about the man, what is he saying?"
Jun listened for a moment and then shook her head, "No movement."
"No movement? Did you mishear? Your sister didn't say 'Are you giving up'..."
"Oh my..."
"What's wrong?"
"It sounds like someone is getting slapped."
"You need to check, hurry," the smokey voice urged, then quickly composed herself. "Don't go in, look for a tear in the window paper, there's usually a hole, try to peek through it."
As the smokey voice was speaking, Jun, lying on the couch, furrowed her brow and grabbed her collar, as if she were deeply concerned for the person being slapped.
"It's Yu Gege slapping someone," Jun's tone suddenly became excited. "She's slapping Xiao Zou."
"Xiao Zou? Is that Zou Yan?"
"I can't say for sure, but the person being slapped is a ten-year-old boy, and I remember he was my friend."
The smokey voice furrowed her brow, a bit confused by Jun's description of the tangled web of relationships.
"Yu Gege is talking again," she said. "She claims that Xiao Zou is just a kid from a shithole, sent abroad as a young boy, and now he's serving Emperor Guangxu. What's so impressive about that? She'll give him a good beating."
The smokey voice chuckled, "This Xiao Zou is none other than Yan. I used to think he was quite something, but in front of us, he's just an ordinary guy. And behind our backs, he's getting teased by little girls."
"Oh, Xiao Zou's mouth is bleeding. I stepped in between him and Yu Gege, and she gave me a slap right on my head. It hurt so much."
"Jun, did you rush in? Please be careful, don't be reckless."
"Yu Gege stopped after that. She said if she wasn't worried about her hand swelling and not being able to wear her emerald ring tomorrow, she would've beaten me as well." Jun said this with a hint of satisfaction.
"How domineering this princess is, " the smokey voice murmured.
"Yu Gege left, and I handed a handkerchief to Xiao Zou to wipe his mouth. I asked him if it hurt, and he said it didn't hurt. He didn't even realize he was bleeding..."
"He's just a silly lad."
"I asked why Yu Gege hit him..."
Jun's story seemed to fade, and her eyelids trembled slightly, as if she was about to wake up.
The smokey voice, filled with curiosity, gently stroked Jun's hand and whispered in her ear, "So tired, just close your eyes. You're falling asleep again."
Jun indeed drifted back to a deep slumber. "Xiao Zou said Yu Gege dragged him into a room and asked him who was prettier, her or Er Niu."
"This Princess is something else, like a jealous wife, huh? Did Yan tell the truth, which is why he got slapped?"
"Xiao Zou said that Yu Gege cried first, saying everyone was blind and that she was clearly the most beautiful."
"This Princess seems quite self-absorbed."
"Then she forced Xiao Zou to change his answer, but he refused, so she started hitting him, all the while asking if he gave up?"
"Can't tell, on this matter, Yan seems pretty resolute."
"In matters like these, what's the point of arguing about who's better or worse? Just lower your head, yield a bit, and move on. The truth or falsehood of it all doesn't matter. A true hero doesn't get his face swollen like a bun; that's the right way."
"Wait, truth? Is Yan saying that you're prettier than your sister, Yu Gege? My goodness, this kid really knows how to flatter; who wouldn't be pleased to hear that."
Jun clearly didn't grasp the weight of the truth, still caught up in Yan's words.
"What happened next?" The smokey voice interrupted Jun, eager to hear the rest.
"Later, I gave my own example to Xiao Zou and told him that sometimes it's good to compromise and have an open mind."
"What did you say?"
"Actually, before Yu Gege hit you, she had a little spat with me," Jun switched to the tone she used while talking to Yan.
"She tore up the camisole my Er Niang made for me just because the Emperor and Empress Dowager praised how good it looked on me. They said 'a plain jade is better than a decorated one,' meaning I naturally look good without embellishments."
"Was the camisole made from scraps of fabric that ended up creating a lotus flower pattern by chance?"
The smokey voice recognized that Jun was imitating Yan, indicating that Jun had fully immersed herself in the moment.
"Yes," Jun, lying on the couch, nodded involuntarily. "At home, we didn't have a single decent piece of clothing before entering the palace. Er Niang was so worried that she was almost in tears. However, when she saw the leftover scraps of fabric she used for sewing clothes for the Duchess, she got an idea, and that's how the camisole came into being."
"Why didn't you fight back against your sister? If you couldn't win, you could have told me, and I would have stood up for you." Jun spoke in Yan's tone.
"I didn't want to fight back. It's just a camisole, even though my Er Niang worked tirelessly for several nights to make it. Yu Gege got her anger out, and it's worth it. I'll be more careful in the future and not put important things on display."
"Er Niu," Jun skillfully imitated Yan's voice, "if you keep giving in like this, you'll only encourage Yu Gege to be even more overbearing."
The smokey voice was about to comment with "Yan is right," but she quickly saw Jun switch roles, transforming back into herself.
"More overbearing? You don't really understand Yu Gege. In fact, she's quite pitiable..."
"Pitiable?" The smokey voice and Yan simultaneously spoke with a mocking tone.
"She has a lot of siblings, and her birth mother is a concubine. In the family, she's not really favoured."
"She sure acts like she's the most beloved one all the time."
"It's not exactly an act. Yu Gege and Pu Jun share the same mother, as you know. If it weren't for the Boxer Rebellion, Pu Jun would be the emperor, and Yu Gege would be the real princess. Their status is extremely high."
"So she's pitiable because of that? I don't see where the pity comes in."
"Have you ever tried climbing a mountain? You huff and puff to reach the summit, start enjoying the view, and suddenly someone kicks you and says, 'Get down from there.'"
Yan thought for a moment, "Well, I don't really feel sorry for your sister. It's you I heard should have been a princess..."
"I'm not pitiable at all. My father doesn't compete and I don't have a bunch of siblings fighting behind the scenes. My parents dote on me, and my older brother always looks out for me. What's there to feel sorry for? I'm the happiest person in the world."
"That makes sense."
"So, don't pick a fight with my sister anymore. Whatever she says is the truth, and whatever she wants, just give it to her. You won't lose anything, and getting slapped in the face for arguing with her, well, that would just be foolish."
"Alright, I'll listen to you."
Jun smiled and, in her joy, opened her eyes. When she met the smokey voice's caring gaze, she instinctively covered her mouth.
"What's wrong?"
"I remembered. Whenever I smile, Yan says I'm leaking..."
"Leaking what?"
"My teeth are leaking wind. I was eight years old and my two front teeth had fallen out. When I smiled, it was like wind coming out."
"You two with your innocent banter, you're really melting hearts."
The smokey voice pulled Jun up, and Jun straightened her posture, her face filled with a sweet smile.
"It's good to listen to gossip, but never lose your own judgment. Think about what Empress Dowager Long Yu said." The smokey voice said.
Aunt Fen had spoken to her so much, and Jun wasn't sure which particular statement the smokey voice was referring to.
"It's about how Yan likes Yu Gege and gave her the jade ruyi."
Jun chuckled without saying anything.
"You know it's laughable, right? Yan doesn't like your sister, he's afraid of her. He gives her whatever she wants to avoid being locked in a dark room and slapped in secret."
"I'm going to use hypnosis every day from now on. I want to remember all those things I've forgotten. I'm determined to find out who that man is who keeps popping up to scare me; it's Yan."
Quickly the smokey voice tried to stop Jun, but at that moment, not a single word could she heed. Her gaze crossed over her shoulder toward the study, the smokey voice knew that her husband sat there, whom was watching a photo.
The airplanes in the photo were almost worn out from Yan's constant pointing.
Ever since he found Jun, the group photo of the "Republic of China's First Class of Flight Training" was frequently brought out. Yan knew that the angel and devil in his heart were about to engage in a fierce battle.
"Life is precious, love is even more valuable, and if it's for the sake of freedom, both can be sacrificed." Yan had never recited this poem to Jun. He couldn't bear to do so; he hadn't reached the point where he would sacrifice love for the sake of freedom.
As if hearing Yan's inner thoughts, the door suddenly swung open with a loud thud. The girl who had been officially announced as Jun by their next-door neighbour, Empress Dowager Long Yu, walked in.
Yan thought he might as well call her Jun for now, as that "somebody" didn't feel like a name at all. As for the name "Aixinjueluo Yundan," it was a surname he despised to the core.
Jun, contrary to her usual composed and graceful demeanour, was now swaying as if walking on clouds. She stumbled, and her thighs even brushed against his seat armrest, yet she showed no sign of stopping.
Instinctively, Yan leaned back, creating a foot of distance between himself and Jun.
Unyielding, Jun pressed closer, her cheeks flushed, her eyes glistening, and her lips alluringly moist. What was most adorable was her nose, with tiny beads of sweat forming on its tip, resembling grapes glistening with morning dew on a crisp autumn day. It was as if she were a freshly peeled lychee, her fair skin radiating an alluring magnetism.
Yan heard a deafening roar, as if a fire had ignited within him, burning from his internal organs to every inch of his skin, especially his two ears, which felt warm enough to be used as hand warmers.
"What are you doing?" Yan finally managed to squeeze out four words from the unbearable heat.
Jun remained silent, taking another step forward. Now, their noses were almost touching, and their eyes locked in a gaze.
Yan swallowed hard, silently repeating in his mind, "The Revolution has not yet succeeded; comrades still need to strive."
Jun's rosy lips slightly parted, and a scent of alcohol wafted over.
Finally, Yan grasped at a lifeline, "Have you been drinking? How can a young lady like you drink? Who gave it to you, and where did you get it?"
Jun hesitated, clearly not having this line in her script.
"A glass of beer and a small glass of white liquor. The smokey voice calls it a depth charge. It's a small amount but hits me hard. It helps me get into the right mood quickly," Jun honestly replied.
"Get into the right mood? What kind of mood? Is it to drown your sorrows or to bolster your courage with alcohol?"
It's unclear which part of Yan's words triggered something in Jun, but she immediately switched from candid to stern, demanding, "Tell me, who's more beautiful, me or Jun?"
Yan was utterly bewildered.
"Oh, I'm Yu Gege now, and you're just ten years old. So, who do you think is more beautiful, me or Jun?"
"I have no idea what you're talking about," Yan said, avoiding direct eye contact with Jun. He genuinely had no clue about the performance this girl was putting on, but when it came to her question, he had a clear answer in his heart. Of course, Jun was the most beautiful; Jun would always be the most beautiful in his eyes.
Jun lifted Yan's chin, forcefully turning it to face her. "Still haven't remembered? Let me remind you. The answer you, at ten years old, should give is, 'Of course, Jun is more beautiful.'"
"You're quite full of yourself. There's a mirror on the bedroom dressing table. Ask it when you're bored. I don't have the time to entertain your nonsense," Yan retorted.
While Jun was momentarily stunned, Yan pushed back his chair and stood up. This time, Jun reacted quickly, using her hands to push Yan against the west wall of the east bedroom.
The smokey voice had called this move a "wall slam," and no girl could resist it, let alone a man. However, Jun was slightly concerned that she hadn't executed the move properly. She felt more like she was leaning against the wall due to hunger than performing a wall slam.
"What are you doing?" Yan seemed to be getting agitated. He attempted to push Jun away, but his arms seemed to have turned into wooden restraints, rendering him completely immobile.
"Let me give you one more chance. Who's more good-looking, me or Jun?" Jun was determined to proceed with the script she had discussed with the smokey voice, whether Yan cooperated or not.
Yan remained silent.
Jun sighed, "Your answer is that Jun is more beautiful. You can have a thousand or ten thousand chances, and the answer will still be that Jun is more beautiful."
"Are you done playing your game? Don't you find it both boring and juvenile…"
As Yan's words faded, he suddenly felt a light breeze on his cheek, followed by a faint but growing pain. He reflexively reached up to touch his face.
"Are you giving up?" Jun before him had wide, round eyes with eyebrows raised, but this expression didn't match her overall demeanour.
The pain intensified, and Yan's face felt like it had been cut. He focused all his energy on coping with this sudden injury.
"Are you all blind? You, the Empress, and the Emperor are all blind. What's so beautiful about her? She has two big black holes when she smiles, so big they could swallow a dog," Jun tried to recite the words of the eight-year-old Yu Gege without missing a beat.
Yan turned a deaf ear.
Jun steeled herself and raised her hand again.
"Are you giving up... Oh my, what happened to you? I only slapped you lightly, how did you start bleeding? I didn't even touch you, how did you start bleeding?"
Jun quickly discarded her Yu Gege persona and approached to inspect the injury.
"You didn't touch me; it was your nail that scratched me," Yan grimaced, his words punctuated by a wince of pain.
"Oh, right, right, you can't get injured. Even a minor injury makes you suffer so much," Jun quickly rolled up her sleeves and began to wipe away the blood seeping from Yan's wound.
The wound wasn't large, about an inch long and not too deep, barely breaking the skin. However, Yan was genuinely in pain. Beads of sweat poured down his face, and he trembled like dry leaves in the autumn wind. He tried his best to endure it, but his pale face became even more colourless.
Jun's heart ached, and she scolded, "You're always like this. How many times have I told you? Just lower your head, yield a bit, and move on. The truth or falsehood of it all doesn't matter. A true hero doesn't get his face swollen like a bun; that's the right way…"
Yan was deeply moved by her words and looked into Jun's eyes. She genuinely cared for him, not only frowning in concentration but also helping him catch his breath between gasps. In the moments when she wasn't helping him breathe, she ground her teeth, showing her determination.
"A true hero doesn't get his face swollen like a bun; that's the right way, so does that mean you'd let your mother's hard work on your vest go to waste?" Yan blurted out, leaving Jun completely stunned.
In the blink of an eye, Jun regained her composure, her eyes welling up with moisture. Her eyebrows curved like a crescent moon, and a smile played at the corners of her mouth.
"You remembered? Do you know why I did this? Are you really Yan? Are we...?"
Yan knew that Jun was overwhelmed with joy, but he wasn't sure how to respond.
In a moment of hesitation, a series of images unfolded in Yan's mind like a slide show: the brutal training of an extreme killer, his and Jun's vows of love, the waiting at Tanggu Harbor, and the numerous times they had narrowly escaped danger at the Forbidden City's palace gate.
Yan's blood ran cold, and he lowered his gaze.
Jun, on the other hand, was unwilling to accept this. She grabbed Yan's shoulder and shook him like a rattle. "Is it you? I know it must be you, Yan. Without you, I couldn't endure the cold days in the palace. I remember you said you would take me to a place where nobody knows us. Is this that place, right?"
Yan felt dizzy and confused from Jun's shaking. He was indeed Yan, but he couldn't bring himself to believe that the girl before him was Jun. If she were Jun, why hadn't he recognized her at first sight? If she were Jun, then she was supposed to be dead. Had there been a flaw in the meticulously planned operation he and his revolutionary comrades had executed? If she were Jun, then who was the girl living in the North Third Palace, struggling to survive?
However, he couldn't resist the forlorn look in front of him. He couldn't bear to disappoint her, and he was reluctant to fabricate a well-meaning lie to comfort her.
Yan could only look around and change the topic. He remembered that whenever he had clashed with Jun, there was nothing that a good joke couldn't resolve. Jun had a low sense of humour, and even a slight bit of humour would make her burst into laughter.
"You should keep your distance from me," Yan raised his hand and pushed Jun away.
Jun took another small step forward to protest against Yan.
"Oh, it's really bad. I can't hold it any longer. I'm going to change, I'm going to change..." Yan tried to make his tone sound sincere and urgent.
"Change? Change into what?" Jun inquired.
"Change into a demon! Haven't you forgotten? Whenever I get close to you and we lock eyes, spiders come out to weave webs everywhere. They're everywhere! Do you think I might be a spider demon from the Spider Cave?" Yan said.
A flicker of fear indeed crossed Jun's face, but she forcibly composed herself and pressed Yan against the wall. "Fine, change if you want to. If you don't answer me, I won't let you go."
"In that case, let's compromise. You, give me some time to think about how to explain this to you, and in the meantime, don't just stand there. Aren't you having your red veil ? Pull it up over your head, so you won't see me, and I won't scare you," Yan suggested.
The obedient Jun followed the instructions and quickly covered her head with the veil, resembling a person about to face an execution. With everything set up, she immediately braced her arms against the wall, thinking Yan was still within her encirclement.
However, as soon as her head was concealed, Yan crouched down and slipped out from under her arm restraints, silently making his way out of the study.
"Now you can tell me, are you really Yan?"
No response.
The veil began to rise and fall significantly, marking Jun's rapid breathing.
"Why won't you speak...?" Jun's voice emanated from the cloth pocket, sounding muffled.
Yan felt a pang of guilt and stopped to observe through the window.
Jun, not receiving any answer, grew increasingly anxious. She decided to employ her ultimate technique and took a step forward, thinking that this would leave Yan with no escape, forcing him to reveal himself.
With a resounding thud, Jun collided with the wall. This impact seemed quite forceful, and Yan saw Jun covering her face through the veil.
He quickly rushed back into the eastern room, supporting Jun and helping her remove the veil. Her nose was red from the collision, her face was covered in tears, and she seemed both angry and embarrassed.
"Why are you so silly? Don't you recognize anyone in front of you?" Yan scolded, his heart aching for her.
Jun remained silent, only crying softly.
"It's my fault. I wanted to play a joke on you, but I didn't expect to hurt you," Yan's voice was as gentle as a spring rain.
Jun continued to cry, her intended theatrical scene turning into a display of her genuine emotions.
Yan felt his heart nearly melting from Jun's tears.
After a moment's pause, he softly said, "If you insist on an answer, then I can only tell you that Empress Dowager Longyu was wrong. I don't like Yu Gege; I only like Jun."