Cold
Not like you
__
Hey, Sad? Huh. Don't lie. I know you are heartbroken. Don't cry too. I care about you. My mind says, you're asking me, if I AM fine or nah. Answer is, not gonna be negative like yah, I'm doing fine, with medical stuffs... they are boring lol. They are not you so that I can cut jokes, give tickles and they fired up like bbq! Hey hey, don't boil up. I feel sad not there around you to enjoy it with popcorn. Okay okay, fine.. shhh! I shut, I lose.
You win.
Okay. Can I be serious? I broke your gift. I can't say sorry cause this word's nothing. I saw you crying hard back of the locker room. The most painful thing I've ever witnessed, I broke your heart. You know one thing, I came back in my house and wiped my tears too. Huh, you weren't there for me to do it. I ain't being dramatic, I wasn't there for you too. Even though I saw you crying but didn't get the gutt to walk across or walk on. I stand straight, what more could I do, love? What more could I do?
Lots of expectations were in your heart, hiding from me when we got ourselves together decades ago. I was unable to participate in your path with you more. Even a little. I know 'I AM SORRY' isn't gonna change a lot. Maybe I need a tiny hand now. I know you need me too. Is there anyone in this world treating you like I did? Don't say yes when I know its lie. I'm not calming me down. I can't see my lover is hurting more, even when I can reduce some. I can't, I'm sorry.
I'm sorry. I can't say in this letter more. How can I? If you show some sympathy, I'd come to you. I need a bare hug. I need yah. I'm sorry. Please give a chance. I ain't gonna break any of yours. Break my head, but don't break my heart. Don't be me :( I just imagined how selfish I'd become! I was a monster. I'm sorry. I'm begging you. A chance at least. Don't love me, but let me...
______
Not gonna be his best years. Not even Captaincy could change anything. Leading ability isn't everyone's cup of tea. Last match win, never gonna rotate a value. Just one line sympathy is, Junior captain picks his team up in Five on standings table. Maybe it would be a lesson before next BBL season, but all happens together. All negative things. Never ever having handy way to fit himself again. No choices left to voice to shout out. Only screaming alone is worthy to keep, when he even had anyone's value?
Hobart Hurricanes on there last match, won by seven runs against Melbourne Star. First over at the time of Star chasing runs, was up to Meredith as usual. He ended up the over so well. Not that well. On the fourth no ball, Tom Rogers hitted it up over to mid-off where Ellis was standing, he walks past with the ball as if landed on the ground few meters before boundary. He was trying to catch the ball, but it falls behind him as he noticed it and jumped over, the ball hitted on the ground then bounced back, he falls over it, the ball directly hitted with his left rib. He got hurt badly. But for the sake of his responsibility, he didn't take himself off the ground. He was there fighting and captaining even he took two important wickets of Maxwell and Tom Rogers with bowled and became the Man of the match. Dream!
Meredith came back from injury two matches later since the first match. He was quite fit to bawl four overs, even power surge. He took several wickets too. Charming, supportive, funny each things knots together in his mind. Which is so good to watch. Maybe it's someone's dialogue, someone's feedback after staring at him. Maybe he forgave him too. Or maybe he just Cares MEREDITH, just him. Humans make mistakes. Of course, they need to do it. They learnt from it and keep things, negative things away. Misunderstanding needs for a perfect relationship. It's a saying too. Maybe these are all someone's thinkings while forgiving Meredith. Maybe he deserves it.
Night,
Nathan Ellis comes to his hotel room after physical check up. He's fine though. Everyone was worried about him while playing. Otherwise Captain. But he showed the huge responsibility as Captain on the field even off the field. He left his door unlocked. He smiles while closing the door behind him, thinking, Not like you. Cause days ago, he found himself knocking at his OWN door, own Locked door, he smiles smelling flashback. He took a quick shower and made himself a cup of coffee. Then he poured the coffee on the sink just after taking one sip. Not a best coffee maker he'd been since things left. He missed how he got fresh coffee within only few minutes after waking up. He wanted to crawl under blanket, it's so cold outside. He got double blanket over him, covering from the cold. He needs rest, so that he'd slept early. He has medicine between his left hypochondriac's and left Lumbar's muscles. He pulls his t-shirt up on his abdomen and left it bare. It will take few hours to rid off. He sleeps on his right side, so that his left meets with the air. He closed his eyes and falls asleep.
Later,
He is smiling while sleeping. Maybe good dreams arrived. He dreamt, someone knocked the door then pulls it to open quitely, he felt footsteps, it stopped before his bed, he feels it made his way to his bed and quietly moves under the blanket, he feels some cold air when it moves, then it placed the blanket over Ellis finely so that he can't get cold, then he feels it moves a bit closer to him and placed his hand over his left Lumbar. It gently slides to his umbilical region, he feels tickles and gentle touch....
Wait!!!
He opens his both eyes at one rush and felt coldness on his skin even under blanket. He nothing but feels four cold fingers on his abdomen. He exhales a quite breath and feels someone's breathing back of his head. I wasn't dreaming.... it was real af. My eyes were sleeping but mind didn't. I was awake. He moves a little and looks over his shoulder, how charm! How extensive it feels! He moves his body as his back meets with bedsheet. "Riley, you're cold." He yells worriedly. Then moves again on left direction as Meredith opens his eyelids to meet with Ellis. Ellis takes his hand into his and squeezed it to make warm. He feels Meredith is staring at him, didn't make a sound yet. He talks first, "When did you come?" No answer, nor he waits. "I thought few minutes ago. If its true, then where you had been?" Meredith smiles from corner of his cold lips. "I was out there-" He finally speaks, "-Struggling to make steps to get inside. I thought how could I show my face after what I did. But I finally made it as soon as you fall asleep. I was worried about you. You got medicine, you can't sleep without me and what about your coffee? Each things whatever." Ellis is looking how Meredith wasn't making eye contact while saying all the words. He feels emotional for him at once. "Do you know-" Meredith says while holding his hand and squeezing it, "-You slept, you slept only for 20 minutes?" Hearing that Ellis jumped up and winked at the clock and made himself sure, Meredith is right. When he looks over, Meredith released his head from the pillow and helds his head over Ellis. He gently touches his cheeks with his fingers what made Ellis shut his eyes. "Where is my reply?" He whispers, what made Ellis laugh. "Riley?" He opens his eyes. "Hm?" "From when you started writing letters?" He laughs. "I can't tell it by mouth, Love-" he leans down and placed a kiss on his forhead, then cheeks, then neck- "Please Forgive me." He asks politely. Ellis holds him tightly and pulls him down for making sure air can't pass them. "I did. I'm sorry I couldn't tell it, you know- injury." "No no no, Love. Its okay." He hugs him and kissed his neck. Ellis left his eyes closed. "I missed you." Meredith says. "So did I." Ellis released his hug and holds his jaw, "Hey. Handsome, don't you ever dare to leave me, I'd kill yah." Warned as he always did. Meredith chuckles and goes down, leans his face down and placed a soft kiss on his abdomen, where it hurts. Ellis smiles. "I won't." He declares and rose above again, leans down and kissed Ellis on lips. Ellis kissed him back.
The night goes, Meredith holding Ellis on his chest. His hand rested on Ellis's left Lumbar. And Ellis holding his shoulder as he's sleeping peacefully. Meredith finally released his eyes off him and looks at window, sun is started shining outside. God, he missed those days, how he passed the whole night, staring at Ellis. He smiles, he got again.
.....