Feel me?
He doesn't know what Feel feels like.
__
"But go for me."
Cummins still remembers how Richardson forced him to go to Eiden Avert and finish his last speech with him. He wasn't shocked realising tears in his eyes. But somehow one stiller look made him breaking down into pieces. When he looks at Avert's eyes, he couldn't manage his legs to increase the steps and hold him. But he didn't go. He stays silent. Though his mind was burning, but there was no smell, no fog. Just him with one he loves the most. He couldn't say more words cause his tears came. But he felt Eiden Avert didn't want to listen either. He takes his move.
"Don't you think I love you too?" When he says that Cummins was thinking about someone to wake him up, he even doesn't want to dream it- nightmares. "I don't know." Rather he answered it. He doesn't know anything about him anymore. He loved him, not loves him. But Cummins feels so much pain when Avert said, "I can't feel it." Cummins looked at him shockingly. Seemed like, he just heard earth is finishing!
Years ago,
- I thought he can't see any of my emotions.
- Who has eyes can see everything. But didn't let anyone to show.
- It's not show off. Its kind of ac-
- No. Its not. Its more than sorrow, less than harm.
- I couldn't understand
Richardson leans off the chair and crossed his arm over the table. Takes a deep breath.
- Cummins. You know his parents left him when he was 14. Since then he didn't guess who he is, who he's become. He is now bigger. He has sense off around. Not he, himself- didn't recognise him on the mirror.
- [Tears]
- People just watch my brother's success. He deeply inside he's dying, needing breath, you know what, it's not Oxygen. It's kind of support, mental support. [Wiped his tears] I don't know who can give it.
- I know but-
- I hope you can. I see the passion in you, Cummins. He doesn't feel him. He doesn't know what Feel feels like. I'm sorry for him. So sorry.
- Hey don't cry. I can fix it as permanent, I promise.
- I trust you Cummins. But he's taugh, so taugh to understand. He's introvert. He WASN'T introvert. He has become. It hurts to even look at.
- His name is Avert, I've lots of prevents ahead. Why he's become my AVERT? He's no right. He suits with his name.
- [laughs] don't mock my brother.
'He doesn't know what Feel feels like.' This line has become a challenge for Cummins. Its more than responsibility. He cares about what he been through. But he somehow is ready to change the sequence, change for the rest. How a person become emotionless! He watched him crying for another whenever he's busy working with NGOs. But for himself? He can't even imagine. He never seen his smile. What? He is imagining- how he looks like when he Smiles? No, no thoughts, no flash comes. He looks at the mirror, he realised Eiden Avert is standing beside him, holding him, crying. No, he can't see him crying. He wants him smiling apart. But it vanished certainly.
_______________________
Cummins is looking at him. He can't see him clearly cause his tears are disturbing him. But realised how innocent he becomes before Cummins. I can't feel! Has become a curse. A permanent curse! He doesn't know for how long he was looking at him silently, sadly, detachingly. He doesn't care. He slightly remembers, Eiden Avert told him- "Don't cry." He didn't care of it either. He sighs when he heard it. He wipes his tears. He takes a deep breath. "Can you give me a chance?" He finally says it. And Richardson was sitting another direction of the restaurant- he filled with joy when he heard it- he's listening everything. Eiden Avert looks aside. He's taugh, so taugh to understand- Cummins thought that line. But he even thought its not truth. He is not taugh. People made it taugh. He can read him so easily. Looking aside, thinking how could he say it. Cummins reads it too. "Please?" Cummins requests again. Avert turned his face and looks at him. Cummins saw some tears, he's holding in his eyes, clenched his jaw, his cheeks are vibrating with pain. He slowly nodes his face as- YES. Cummins's tears falls now, he didn't want to. He just stands up and goes to him. Eiden Avert got off also and holds him before he does. Cummins takes him between his hand, he didn't touch him first. He feels his hand is shaking. That AVERT- he faced each times. But this time, he holds him slightly, but did. Gave a hug and feels he is not crying either, just takes a breath. He closed his eyes and promised hidely- I swear it'll be the Last breath you've just taken with Oxygen. The hugs lasts just for seconds. Yeah, Cummins is soo uncomfortable before his Cheif Manager, even making an eye contact. He just kneeled down and slips a box from his right pocket. A Titanium black diamond ring for him, what he twisted in his ring finger. Eiden Avert didn't say anything. He wipes his eyes a bit with tissue. Watched how Cummins's lips are spreading with smiles. He feels happy too for him. He didn't look at the ring, he didn't want to. When Cummins gets up, he decreased the distance and kissed him. He knows somehow, Cummins feels uncomfortable and believes he can help Cummins all the way he wants. He loves him. Cummins kissed him also. Seconds later, they hugged. Eiden Avert closed his eyes and holds him a little tighter. Cummins felt it too.
For how long you've hidden the feelings?
For how long you're in love with me?
He wanted to ask those questions, but he embraces the journey with Eiden Avert with much glory and dignity. He can ask everything later.
Days down,
Though Cummins's uncomfortable feeling is decreasing hid steps and tries to Eiden Avert, Richardson told him to close with him as soon as possible. He takes it too.
At the time of intimate, he feels each of his pain easily. Physical even Mental. Each things. How he was holding
him, needing him. How silently he's seeking for him. He felt each of emotions. Maybe Eiden Avert didn't deserve those tortures. Didn't deserve that painful night with Cummins. He sweared again- It will be the last. That night, Cummins didn't feel him or his body. He felt how trillion pains Eiden Avert hides under his cells. How he wants to breath out those, but couldn't. For him, it was just a drop of water on his Volcano. He needs to be more. He felt when Eiden Avert decreased the distance and kissed him, he started helping him since then. Yeah, he can assume it now. He Smiles to think- the way Eiden Avert loves him- a hidden way, he loves too.
He faced it again on the second time. When Eiden Avert extends his hand to wink a movement, while Cummins was feeling uncomfortable a bit, he saw the love on his eyes, for the first time he looks at him directly. He felt, how he wants Cummins to earse his all Sorrows at once. Cummins laid down on him and given love all the way he needs. That time they didn't feel the hidden emotion. They felt each-other. They felt how they should be. A perfect- more than perfect.
The pain started to go since then. The uncomfortable started to go since then. What now, JUST THEM having themselves with no barriers, no AVERTS.
After having some hours, Cummins kissed his temple, looks Eiden Avert is closing his eyes, tried to breath down. He holds him tightly, he slowly says, "Feel me?" Eiden Avert instantly opens his eyes on the other direction. He feels crying but tears didn't come. "I do." He says, sighs a bit. Cummins feels emotional and holds him tightly the way Eiden Abert likes. Cummins closed his eyes and thinks- he loves him years go, couldn't feel it. Maybe Cummins should've taken a step but he also couldn't. It was okay. It is okay to realise the mistakes. He can't spoil present. He looks at Eiden Avert the same time, he did. Their eye attached. "I love you, Cummins." Eiden Avert says sadly, tears are flashes from his eyes. "Hey, I love you too. Don't cry. Promise me you'll never cry when it's not a time. Please?" Eiden Avert laughs. How Cummis is being a kid. And Cummins paused- SMILE? HE SMILED! He looks widely at him. A Little Smile! Finally he saw what he ever wished for. He gets? He can't believe. Richardson told him- he didn't smile for decades? That's how easy to make one Smile? But that person didn't get someone! How sorrowful! Cummins stopped his thinking, just paused in his smile until he breaks it. But Eiden Avert hugs him. And Cummins takes him between his hands and closed his eyes. Thought-
Finslly a change, a permanent change not for decades, for permanency.
....